Scribblings

Lost: Sneak Peek

Go ahead and look...it's a really cool clip that with just one tiny little bitty spoiler! You know you want to ....

Lost Sneak Peeks!

These are from tomorrow Wednesday's episode, "Catch-22"!

Lost Sneak Peeks!

If you don't want to be spoiled, don't watch!!!!!

It Just Gets Better & Better

The most recent episode of Lost was just awesome, with great acting all around! One of my favorite characters used to be in the Republican National Guard (yes, he's an Iraqi) and not only that, he was an "interrogator"--read torturer. In Sayid's flashback, his past catches up to him as he is confronted by a former victim--or was she? Anyway, in a very emotional scene, the woman forgives Sayid for what he did to her. And did Sayid really torture her or was this a way to cleanse himself of the sins of all the other harm he caused to people?

And we are further along in understanding the mystery of the island...or are we?

No, this clip is not from the previous episode nor is it from coming episodes. I did see a pretty amazing spoiler type clip, though, and if you'd like to see it too, go here. Thanks, Doc Artzt!

The Road to Shambala

Blast from my past when I watched Lost on Thursday! One of my favorite bands when I was in high school was Three Dog Night. I learned how to play many of their songs on my guitar. One of my favorite songs--but one I never learned to play because I just couldn't sing it "right"--was "Shambala." And what song was prominent on last night's episode? That very song!

The idea behind this episode was that you have to have hope and you have to believe you can change your luck -- or your fate or destiny. Hurley is one of my favorite characters on the show. He is the sensitive fat guy who win a million dollars or more playing a series of numbers he believes now are cursed: 4 8 15 16 23 and 42. These numbers won him a lot of money but have brought nothing but misery since. Death seems to surround him and bad things happen to people he cares for.

Can he ever escape this miserable fate? Maybe ... he finds an abandoned VW van (well, it has a Dharma symbol on it so it obviously belonged to the Others at one time) and convinces a couple of the guys to help him try and get it started. One is Charlie, who is living under the sword of Damocles ever since his death was predicted by the island's new prophet. Well, I won't get into the whole plot line here except to say that maybe you can change your fate by the choices you make. We'll see.

It's interesting that the writers chose "Shambala". It came out in 1970 or 71, I think, and that would have been long before the character Hurley was even born. So I think it was picked because of the location and the meaning behind it.

From Wikipedia:

In Tibetan Buddhist tradition, Shambhala (also spelled Shambala or Shamballa) is a mystical kingdom hidden somewhere beyond the snowpeaks of the Himalayas. ...

Shambhala (Tib. bde 'byung) is a Sanskrit term meaning "place of peace/tranquility/happiness". ...the idea of Shambhala is said to have an "outer," "inner,' and "alternative" meaning. The outer meaning understands Shambhala to exist as a physical place, although only individuals with the appropriate karma can reach it and experience it as such. ...

There are various ideas about where this society is located, but it is often placed in central Asia, north or west of Tibet. The inner and alternative meanings refer to more subtle understandings of what Shambhala represents in terms of one's own body and mind (inner), and the meditation practice (alternative). ...

There are several groups of "Others" on Lost Island, at least one of which was or is connected to the Dharma Initiative. It was founded by a group of scientists, if I remember correctly, who wanted to form a better society -- a form of Shambhala. This song could be their theme song at the very least.

But it could also apply to the Losties in another way. They all led troubled lives. Here, on this Island, they can have their own Shambhala. They all can start over again and leave their pasts behind. These lyrics from the song are meaningful to the Losties:

That island, monster and all, really isn't a bad place to be compared to some of the lives these folks have led.

Lost Is NOT Losing It!

Well, I don't care what some of the fans and critics say about Lost ... it's still got it! I just stole this from The Tail Section and I am so looking forward to this episode!

"Why Would We Kill You?"

I nicked this from The Tail Section which always has some great tidbits and articles. If you're not a fan of Lost yet, maybe you'll feel intrigued enough to check it out. If not, skip this post. It's about the show.

Stuff I learned:

The Others (the self-proclaimed "good" guys but are they really? They really did everything Jack said) have some system of justice in their camp. They have a "sheriff", a spooky older woman with creepy eyes and a knowing, chilling attitude. Still, one character--Ben--has the power to override her. Is he the ultimate head-of-Other-state? He seems to be ... but there's this unseen Jacob who's been referred to several times now. The Others retreated to an Alcatraz-like island but "going home" again seems to refer to returning to the main Lost Island.

The kidnapped children Jack mentioned were taken to give them "a better life". Better than what? Better than that of the castaways, or so the Others claim, but I think there's an ulterior motive. One of the Others is a fertility doctor and they seem to have a weird interest in children and pregnant ladies. I agree with fans who think the female Others are sterile...and maybe the males are too.

Jack has some obvious tattoos that you wouldn't normally see on a spinal surgeon. The episode sort of explained how he came by them and what they mean. I say "sort of" because a lot was left unexplained. Achara (I think that's how you spell her name), the artist who put the tattoos on Jack, apparently has some gift to see into a person's soul. Then she puts that information into the tattoo. But did she? She told Jack that he was a leader but that he was also very lonely. She seemed really afraid to put the tattoos on and a bunch of guys on the beach beat the heck out of Jack afterward. Why?

The sheriff told Jack his tattoo means "He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us." And Jack replied that's what it says but it's not what it means. Okay, that line has nothing to do with lonely leaders so what is that? This wasn't one of my favorite episodes but I was happy with it.

Meant to be 2

I can't explain what it's like to be a widow other than to say it's like half of your heart is amputated and the wound is left open and raw. Well, in order to survive a trauma like that your body puts itself into a state of shock. I remember for the first three months after Rich died, I was almost always completely and totally numb. People would say to me, "wow, you're doing so well!" and they'd just have no clue. You might have some inkling, some glimpse of what it is to be widowed but unless it's happened to you, you just don't know.

After about 3 months, ready or not, the anesthesia wears off and you deal with the pain the best way you can. One of the things I did to cope was haunt chat rooms with psychics. I couldn't let go of Rich and there were several manifestations that let me know he was close by. I really believe this part: I think when someone dies unexpectedly (even if they've been very sick), they're sort of in "shock" too and hang around their loved ones much the same way the Patrick Swayze character did in Ghost. After awhile, though, it's time to move on but they can be "stuck" if their loved ones can't let go. Looking back, I can almost see Rich wanting me to be okay but unable to get about his heavenly business because I was totally falling apart. And so I think he began gently prodding me to get out of the chat rooms with people who talk to the dead and into rooms where people talk to the living.

I remember there came a point where I was so lonely for a man's company. I have very supportive friends then and now--most are female. Now let's see if I can say this right .... sometimes I just wanted the sound of a man's voice, a guy's opinions, the sight of hairy hands or a beard. I joined email lists for widows and widowers and began some friendships with both. All the friendships with widowers were what's called "LD" (long distance) ... and that's what felt safe for me.

Around the holidays, I began to feel like I wanted to out with guys but I felt vulnerable and guilty. I told myself, after all, this is what Rich wanted and yet I felt like I was betraying him. And vulnerable? Hey, it's one thing to be 25 and sexy...at that point I was 46 and fat. One friend mentioned Parents Without Partners and I just could not deal with a face-to-face.

So I checked out match.com and signed up for a 3 month trial. What a trip that was for the most part! I still wanted to move slowly so I was looking for widowers around my age who lived out of state, didn't smoke or drink, liked cats and kids, reading...well, basically the same stuff I liked. Most of the profiles I received were guys looking for women 20 years younger than me. There was one profile, though, that came through just before I went to PA for the holidays with the kids.

The profile showed a smiling, genial looking guy who lived in NJ, didn't smoke, didn't drink, liked cats, had adult children and didn't want to start a new family but liked kids, liked going for walks, reading, photography ... hey, this guy sounds like a winner! One thing practically made my hair stand on end: this man had a Van Dyke beard and blue eyes...oh, no, so he looked like Rich! I hit the delete button and went to Pennsylvania.

I started to really crash after the New Year. I started ducking my friends and finding reasons not to go out of the house. What for? My life was over. My mailbox was loaded either with loser profiles or posts from guys looking to hook up for a one nighter. Ugh! I emailed match.com and cancelled my membership. They posted back and said they were sorry to see me go but I still had several weeks on the free trial and that I could continue to use it until it expired.

No way, I thought, and just kept hitting the delete button. And then one morning, I realized I was looking at a familiar face just a second before I hit the delete button. And it was like I heard a voice in my ear saying again, "Give him a chance." So I looked at the profile again and thought, what the heck, what have I got to lose? What I have to gain is the friendship of what seems to be a very nice guy. And so I sent off a post. He responded almost right away and I was taken with his good humor and charm--I totally loved the gifs in his email to me. I answered him back and we began an email friendship.

It happened that I got a call from one of those time share places that offer free weekends for sitting through one of their lousy promotions. This was for Orlando Florida and my little voice said, go, you & the kids need this! My new friend lived in NJ and I thought, well, why don't we meet? Boy, I was SO nervous! I know he was too. We'd agreed to meet at a McDonald's just off the NJ Turnpike.

I think as soon as I saw him, I knew that it was possible to love and live again and to feel like I had a whole heart again. I could see that he was nervous even as he gave me the most adorable angel bear to watch over us on our trip south and so I took his hand and we all walked into the restaurant. We talked for a couple of hours, but it sure didn't seem like it!

The guy, of course, is TB.

While on vacation, I called TB several times and we'd just talk and talk. Now that we met and realized we had so much in common, I wasn't afraid to go out with him. I didn't feel vulnerable. I could feel love growing.

We both believe that Rich and Audrey (TB's first wife who also passed suddenly after a severe illness) got their heavenly heads together and brought us together. They could move on now, knowing that TB and I love each other and will be okay.

And so ... like Abel said, maybe some things are just meant to be? And maybe more than once, too.

Meant to be

One of the recurring themes running throughout my favorite show Lost is the question of fate vs. free will. I read Abel Keough's blog regularly. I sort of stumbled across his blog in 2002 or 2003, not long after TB and I got married. At that time, Abel's Blog was at a different URL and was called "A Young Widower's Tale". Happily, he met, married and now has a family with his second wife, Marathon Girl. Anyway, after the most recent episode of Lost Abel wrote "I don't believe in fate" but then went on to say "... it seemed like some invisible hand kept pushing Marathon Girl and I together no matter how many mistakes and dumb decisions we made."

I've been thinking a lot about the episode and about Abel's post. I know that God gave us free will. Sometimes when you choice a certain path, you can pretty much predict what the outcome will be good or bad. Was it fated to happen? I mean, even though we have free will are we programmed to make certain choices so that there is a particular outcome? I don't know.

I do have a couple of "meant to be" type stories though. Way back in 1983, I was in a disintegrating relationship with a jerk. I wasn't ready to let him go because I was in love with him. I was a freelance interpreter then and had met him almost 2 years earlier at one of my assignments. I remember it was June or July of 1983 and I'd just started a summer job for a market research firm. Interpreting assignments were very hard to come by in the summers. I worked from 4 p.m. to 1 a.m. at this part time job several nights a week. When I wasn't working, I'd often listen to a call in radio talk show.

Well, this one particular night the host had a psychic (stop rolling your eyes!) as his guest. The psychic was going to answer any question you wanted. The only information he needed was your birthday and that of your significant other. I'd heard psychics on other talk shows before and it never meant anything to me but this evening I felt like I had to get through and talk to the guy. I wanted to know if my relationship was going anywhere or should I move on? Of course, the line was busy all night but I kept trying.

Finally, five minutes before the show ended, I got through. The host put me on hold right away and I ground my teeth in frustration. I was just about in tears when I heard the music for the show signing off. But then the host came on and said that the psychic was going to talk to me, even though the show was now off the air. Wow! Nervously, I gave the psychic my birthdate and that of my then boyfriend.

I really wasn't very surprised when the psychic said this relationship was going nowhere and that the boyfriend didn't treat me nearly as well as I deserved. He then predicted that by fall--October or November--I would be in a new relationship, one with a man that I wouldn't be attracted to. I scoffed and the psychic said, listen, the men who are "your type" are no good for you--they will never give you the love and respect you deserve. The psychic said, give this man a chance because he is the one for you. Right.

The rest of the summer, I weaned myself off the boyfriend. It was depressing and very discouraging but luckily my friends and famiily were supportive. I made new friends at this part time job and since they didn't know my history, I could relax and just laugh at jokes, forgetting my pain for a while. I had 3 or 4 of these new buds.

In September, interpreting assignments began to come in but I decided I'd keep working weekends at this market research place. I could use the extra money.

One night toward the end of that month, I was one of the last to leave the building. I'd gotten a survey at the last minute and it went on beyond 1 a.m. All the interviewers already left and only the supervisor was left. I went quickly into the parking lot, eager to get out of there and was startled to find one of the editors leaning up against his car. He was one of my new buddies, a very tall, blonde blue-eyed guy with very thick glasses--someone fun to be with but definitely not my "type". I was attracted to guys who looked like pirates--like Clark Gable. Tall dark and handsome.

After I recovered my voice, I greeted my friend and asked what he was doing. And he replied, "I was waiting for you. I was wondering...do you want to go out?"

And as I was about to say no thanks, a little voice whispered: give the guy a chance.

Okay, so what was the harm? It's just a date, no big deal.

Of course, this shy friend who'd waited and waited for me to come out that night was Rich.

Meant to be?

But then why did he die?

And why did the next "meant to be" happen?

Once we knew how sick Rich was, he said "If anything ever happens to me, I'd want you to move on and love someone else and be happy again."

No no no, I said. No way! The very idea was repugnant. And after Rich passed, I felt I'd been blessed to have him in my life and a love like that only happens once in a lifetime. But then it happened again...and that story is coming up.

Lostaholic

Without a doubt, my most favorite show on TV is Lost. I wasn't in on the first season but was intrigued with all the commercials I saw for the second season. I thought I'd give it a try and, by the end of the season opener, I was hooked. I bought the first season on dvd to catch up on what I'd missed from the year before, joined some fan email lists and got TB hooked on the show as well.

Check this out! It basically describes how I feel about Lost! This is a commercial from ABC that appeared during last year's Super Bowl.

I think what I like best about the show is that the characters are "lost" in more ways than one. For those few out there that haven't heard of the show, the basic idea is that a plane carrying passengers from Australia to Los Angeles goes off course and crashes onto some unknown island in the south Pacific...maybe. In that way, the survivors of the crash are "lost"--they don't know where they are. They are also "lost" because this is not your typical island. Magnetic north is off kilter, there are polar bears on this tropical paradise, monsters in the jungle, and "other" groups of people up to no good. The characters themselves are "lost" in their lives--they are at crucial turning points or are in need of redemption.

Another thing I really like is that the producer and the writers pay attention to what the fans say. Of course, this is not necessarily a good thing. When it worked well, the writers would "shout out" to the fans. Fans who are really into the show watch the episodes over and over, looking for clues and more details. So in the opening episode of the second season, two of the main characters find and watch a very important video. One says to the other, "We have to watch this again." Or the VIPs would take note of questions the fans had about something on the show and they'd have an episode that srt of answered the question.

The downside to all this of course, is that old cliche "if you give them an inch, they want a mile." Fans began to be more critical and demanding, wanting to know the answers to everything right now instead of being patient and letting things play out. Fans complained about the number of repeats last season and I was with them. The network has a stupid policy of beginning the season late (October) and then running repeats because of the World Series, the Christmas season, March madness and all kinds of ridiculous reasons. Who wants to watch 3 new episodes followed by 4 repeats, some of which aren't even from that season? This season, the Lost VIPs convinced ABC to let them do a "mini-season" of 6 episodes, followed by 14 long weeks of nothing, and then a full season starting last Wednesday and running for the next 15 weeks--with NO repeats.

You'd think the fans would be grateful but no, they bitched and moaned about the hiatus too. There is just no pleasing some people.

As for me, I was riveted to the seat by the opening of the "new" season. I thought it was one of the best episodes ever, with a marvellous cast well thought out plot and lots of action!

My theory about where the castaways are: I think it's an alternate reality, a totally different place that they got to via a wormhole or something. As for "the Others", I think there are several groups of inhabitants. The castaways found an old slaver abandoned in the middle of the island. I think one group is descended from that ship. There's another group, scientists, who are affiliated with "The Dharma Initiative" which was a seemingly benevolent bunch of researchers studying behavior, magnetism, zoology and lots of other stuff.

Recently, there's been a new introduction of another group that may or may not be related to Dharma, called the Mitelos Institute. They are more openly sinister (committing murder to recruit a fertility specialist) and may be into the grimmer aspects of the Others' behavior. Maybe they're behind the brain washing and other acts of violence. At least one group of Others is obsessed with chlidren and babies. Maybe their women can't have children and that's why they need fertility specialist Juliet Burke.

Maybe there's yet another bunch of others that have broken off from either this group or the Dharma initiative.

Then there is a lone other: Danielle. She was part of a team that crashed or somehow became "lost" 16 years ago. Her teammates all got some kind of sickness and she ended up killing them. She had a baby girl, Alex, who was baby-napped by the Mittelos Others.

It's going to be fun, these next 15 weeks, watching how things fit together. As one question is answered, another one comes up. That's all part of the fun and intrigue of the show too. I love it!