Scribblings

Saturday Memes

Yeah, four posts today, I'm amazed too!

The Saturday Special Meme

Book Value

1. Favorite Book You've Read?: Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
2. Favorite Book Character?: Claire Fraser from the above titled book
3. Favorite Book Genre?: It's hard to pick just one
4. Hardcover or Paper Back?: Paperback because it's getting too hard to hold a hard back in my hands anymore

Patrick's Weekender

Saturday Six

1. Rating them on a scale of one to ten, which of the following aspects of your life would you think rates the highest: mind, body or spirit? Spirit

2. Rating them on a scale of one to ten, which of the following aspects of your life would you think rates the lowest: friends/family, love or finance? Finance

3. Considering all six categories, which do you think would rank closest to the middle, a "5"? Mind

4. Take the quiz: How does your life rate?

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.3
Mind:	5.6
Body:	3.3
Spirit:	8
Friends/Family:	6.6
Love:	7.3
Finance:	6.6
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

5. Of the first three questions, how many of your responses match the responses of the quiz?

I matched exactly with the first question and just about matched on the third one. I kind of matched with the second.

6. Which of the test's responses do you disagree the most with and why? Here is what the analysis said:

Your Life Analysis:

Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score leaves room for improvement. You can make changes to improve your trouble areas, and this will bring you greater satisfaction. Focus on your weakest points and set about to change them. Do not delay your happiness and success.

Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is not bad, but could be improved upon. Your mental health is not weak, but you are not achieving full mental clarity and function. Learn how to unclutter your mind. Keep learning, keep improving, continue moving forward.

Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. You have a rather low body score, which means that your physical health is not in a good condition. You must put a higher priority on your body, focusing on nutrition, exercise, and stress reduction. Proper focus will lead to great improvement, leaving you feeling energetic and happy.

Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score is relatively high, which means you are rewarded by your beliefs. Spirituality is clearly important to do. Never let it slip, and continue to learn and grow.

Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score is not bad but can be improved. Maintain your current social net, while you try to expand it. Try new things and form new friendships. You will be rewarded greatly.

Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is in good shape, meaning that things are going well. Do all you can to maintain it, and continue to grow and move ahead.

Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. Your finances are somewhat in the middle, neither bad or exceptional. Keep doing what works for you, and improve what doesn't. Focus on long-term financial stability as your goal.

Well, I don't see much to disagree with -- this quiz was pretty right-on!

Fog of Confusion 2

One reason I had to make another entry was to get rid of that second explorer page. I was having too much trouble trying to go back and forth. I have only just figured out moving from tab to tab on a single page--which I really like now. Anyway, the other article on fibro fog was on the Arthritis Foundation website and I found it to be helpful and hopeful.

Clearing the Fog

Excerpted from Good Living with Fibromyalgia Workbook.

Many people with fibromyalgia experience unclear thinking or cognitive dysfunction. They become forgetful, lose their train of thought, forget words or mix them up. This is what is popularly called fibro fog. There's no known cause for it, and the only treatment for it is following some basic memory and communication tips.

Below are some common-sense pointers that can help you clear the fog.

Repeat yourself. Repeat things to yourself over and over again. Repetition will keep thoughts fresh in your mind.

Write it down. Whether you write in a calendar, in a notebook or on sticky notes, if you're afraid you won't remember something, putting pen to paper can help.

Pick your best time. If there is something you need to do that requires concentration and memory, such as balancing your checkbook or following a recipe, pick your best time to do it. Many people with fibromyalgia say they perform best early in the day.

Get treated. Depression, pain and sleep deprivation can influence your ability to concentrate and remember. Getting your medical problems treated may indirectly help your memory.

Engage yourself. Reading a book, seeing a play, or working a complex crossword or jigsaw puzzle can stimulate your brain and your memory.

Stay active. Physical activity, in moderation, can increase your energy and help lift your fibro fog. Speak to your doctor or physical therapist about an exercise program that is right for you.

Explain yourself. Explain your memory difficulties to family members and close friends. Memory problems often result from stress. Getting a little understanding from the ones you love may help.

Keep it quiet. A radio blasting from the next room, a TV competing for your attention, or background conversation can distract your attention from the task at hand. If possible, move to a quiet place and minimize distractions when you are trying to remember.

Go slowly. Sometimes memory problems can result from trying to do too much in too short a period of time. Break up tasks, and don't take on more than you can handle at once. Stress and fatigue will only make the situation worse.

Some of these I do already--I know I focus better in the mornings. I read and do puzzles. Other things I need to start doing.

And here's the lyrics for "Ball of Confusion" while I'm at it. I always did like this song.

Fog of Confusion: That's What My Mind Is Today

My title is a take-off of the Temptations song "Ball of Confusion" but that's not what the post is about. I was looking for information on the ball of confusion from an episode of Sponge Bob. You flip the switch on and immediately all intelligence is vacuumed out of your brain and you stand with with a vacant expression, drooling all over yourself. I feel like that many days, like everything's drained out and I can't put two thoughts together, can't seem to do the simplest task (like heat up an already cooked pork roast), and just generally feel like a sack of jello. Most of the time I get really mad at myself when this happens, which does absolutely nothing to help.

What did help was doing a google search of brain fog, all in fun, and coming up with some useful information. Now, here is the problem I'm confronting at this very moment in time: where did I put all that information? I installed Explorer 7 not long ago and it's great because of the tabbing ... except ... if I click on one of my toolbar icons, a whole nex Explorer page opens up. That's what my problem is right now. I have two explorer pages open and trying to process and find all the information I want for this post is sizzling my brain.

On one explorer page, I have tabs for Stumbleupon.com (which looks really interesting!), the lyrics to the Temps' song, my entry and an article called "FIBROMYALGIA AND BRAIN FOG OR FIBRO FOG". However, I remembered also finding an article from the arthritis foundation about fibromyalgia fog. Where did it go? No tabs...had I closed it by accident? And then I realize there is yet another explorer page open. That page opened because I clicked an icon for our photo gallery. And on that page is the tab for the other article.

I am totally blown away. I sit staring at the screen wondering what to do next. I feel a vacuous expression coming over my face. Next I'll start drooling. But wait! This second page has some really helpful information so that I can try to cope with what's happening.

Here is the first article:

Fibromyalgia & Brain Fog or Fibro Fog

Brain fog aka fibro fog is a commonly reported symptom of fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia patients often describe multiple sensations of fatigue and listlessness combined with transitory states of confusion, poor attention and concentration, and short-term memory loss. This fibro fog tends to exacerbate the deficits in daily functioning that a fibromyalgia sufferer must deal with.

What causes fibro fog? There's no conclusive origin for this symptom of FMS, nor an explanation as to why it exists in varying degrees for different fibromyalgia patients. Sleep deprivation and significant difficulty in achieving and/or maintaining deep level sleep, however, may very well point to the answer.

It is at the deeper levels of sleep (delta wave sleep) that a person's mind conducts its internal "housekeeping". During this phase of sleep, newly acquired information is assimilated and integrated. The inability to get enough restorative deep-level sleep may have an impairing effect on an individual's ability to recall information or operate at a normal level of mental efficiency.

The thing about sleep makes a lot of sense. I didn't sleep well last night and was up really early so that Heidi could go on a field trip to Mt. Laurel. She still has a driver's permit and so I needed to go with her on the drive. Anyway, after I got back home I felt increasingly sleepy so I took a long nap. Instead of feeling refreshed when I woke up, I felt drugged and confused. Then the fog descended.

Next article: Dealing with fog

Feliine Friday On Saturday: Special Guest

My friend in the Netherlands sent new pictures of family and her little kitten, Luka, a while back. Isn't he adorable?

What dreamy eyes!

I realize that Luka is the type of kitty TB would like to have some day. He wants an orange tabby that he can name Hobbes ... the stuffed tiger pal of little Calvin from that wonderful and much missed comic strip, Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson.

"Why Would We Kill You?"

I nicked this from The Tail Section which always has some great tidbits and articles. If you're not a fan of Lost yet, maybe you'll feel intrigued enough to check it out. If not, skip this post. It's about the show.

Stuff I learned:

The Others (the self-proclaimed "good" guys but are they really? They really did everything Jack said) have some system of justice in their camp. They have a "sheriff", a spooky older woman with creepy eyes and a knowing, chilling attitude. Still, one character--Ben--has the power to override her. Is he the ultimate head-of-Other-state? He seems to be ... but there's this unseen Jacob who's been referred to several times now. The Others retreated to an Alcatraz-like island but "going home" again seems to refer to returning to the main Lost Island.

The kidnapped children Jack mentioned were taken to give them "a better life". Better than what? Better than that of the castaways, or so the Others claim, but I think there's an ulterior motive. One of the Others is a fertility doctor and they seem to have a weird interest in children and pregnant ladies. I agree with fans who think the female Others are sterile...and maybe the males are too.

Jack has some obvious tattoos that you wouldn't normally see on a spinal surgeon. The episode sort of explained how he came by them and what they mean. I say "sort of" because a lot was left unexplained. Achara (I think that's how you spell her name), the artist who put the tattoos on Jack, apparently has some gift to see into a person's soul. Then she puts that information into the tattoo. But did she? She told Jack that he was a leader but that he was also very lonely. She seemed really afraid to put the tattoos on and a bunch of guys on the beach beat the heck out of Jack afterward. Why?

The sheriff told Jack his tattoo means "He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us." And Jack replied that's what it says but it's not what it means. Okay, that line has nothing to do with lonely leaders so what is that? This wasn't one of my favorite episodes but I was happy with it.

All Quiet on the Western Front

This is one of the best anti-war classics I've ever read. I know that it's not the first one and definitely not the last but the story was told in such a way that it got under my skin. There weren't gory descriptions of wounds but still Erich Marie Remarque told me all about the horrors of war and what it does to a soldier.

When I was a little girl, there was a comic series called Classics Illustrated. I think over time I got almost every issue and read through them before I was 10. I remember All Quiet on the Western Front--it scared me. I remembered the panels in which the main character and hero, Paul, visited his dying wounded friend in the hospital and that another comrade wanted the poor guy's boots. I remember a panel in which a teacher strongly encouraged young men of 17 and 18 to go to war--it was their patriotic duty. That was one of the few comics I could not bring myself to read.

After being able to sit through most of Saving Private Ryan, I thought I should be able to read this book.

Paul Bremer is the narrator and hero of this book. While he and his friends were still students in school, their teacher practically strong armed them into joining the army. Once they are sent to France, they are sent to "the front" every day in trucks. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to endure daily bombardments and danger from poisonous gases, huddled in a ditch sometimes with dead bodies and/or water. I think I would lose my mind and try to make a run for it as some of the young recruits did.

Paul describes how he had to kill a man in self defense and then, sickened, had to huddle in that trench and watch the man die a slow, painful death. He tries to ease the other man's suffering by giving him water. He makes all kinds of promises in his head to write the man's family, to support the bereaved family and so on and so on and realizes he won't do any of it.

He describes foraging for food with his friends and the miserable conditions for those who are wounded.

Normally when a story is told in the first person, you sort of "get" that the person isn't going to die. However, after losing all of his friends to the war and realizing he will never feel at home again even when peace comes, Paul stands up one day when "all is quiet on the western front" and is shot down and killed. Surprise!

There is a reason this book is a classic. I had no idea that Erich Marie Remarque also wrote Bobby Deerfield and so I will have to go look for it.

If you haven't read this book yet, give it a try.

Catch Up & Wednesday Mind Hump

Finally I am starting to feel better and finally my sugar is coming down.

What else?

Linda got fired -- took too many days off, they say. She's already got some interviews lined up.

Billy got an infection in his toe from a blister that went bad. He went to the doctor right away, thank goodness, got an antibiotic and his toe is much better already. He seems to be having a good semester this time around, no engineering classes to fight with. He is going to major in physics which is about as indecipherable to me as engineering but more power to him!

Heidi hasn't gotten to practice drive too much the last week because I've been so sick but she's doing well behind the wheel and enjoys it. Yay!

And Kristin's having some trouble with her jaw still...I'm hoping that she won't have to have surgery to correct it but I guess we'll see what the doctor has to say.

Catch-up pictures on the way...

Wednesday Mind Hump

1. What is your favorite place for delivered pizza?

Soprano's ... yes, it's in New Jersey and that's really the name

2. How often do you have pizza delivered at your house?

More than once a week, there's usually someone in the house ordering pizza

3. What toppings do you want on that pizza?

Extra cheese, maybe sausage or meatballs

4. Thick crust or thin?

Thick!

"Jersey scientists find a possible key to autism"

TB shared this article from The Star Ledger with Linda and me. Wouldn't this be something if this turns out to be a big break through? Thank God for dedicated scientists who research!

Jersey scientists find a possible key to autism
Sunday, February 18, 2007
BY PEGGY O'CROWLEY
Star-Ledger Staff

A team of New Jersey scientists believes it has found ways to detect biological risk factors for autism through simple urine and blood tests, a discovery that could lead to groundbreaking medical treatment for the neurological disorder.

The team of 16 scientists, mostly drawn from the campuses of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey, say their findings, the result of more than two years of study on how the body breaks down fatty acids, could be a breakthrough for what is the fastest-growing developmental disorder in the nation, with no known cause or cure.

The UMDNJ researchers say they have found that children with autism are unable to metabolize key fatty acids that help the body fight inflammation that causes damage to the brain and other organs.

"It's an exciting story that's unfolding," said George Lambert, coordinator of the 15-member research team.

The potential treatment, members of the team say, is a kind of "therapeutic cocktail" tailored to each child, which would give them a dose of a "good" fatty acid that they are not able to make on their own. Team member Bernd Spur of UMDNJ-Stratford created the chemical process to replicate one of those good fatty acids.

"The pathway doesn't work (in the body), so we circumvent it," said Spur, a chemist.

Currently, the only way to diagnose autism is by a clinical assessment of symptoms, which include difficulty with communication and social interaction, as well as obsessive behaviors and interests. New Jersey has a high incidence of the disorder, affecting 1 in 94 children in the state, compared with 1 in 150 in the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Researchers say that in the future a person's risk for autism could be measured with a simple urine test that would look for high levels of "bad" fat molecules, or a blood test that could reveal genetic problems, including the absence of a key gene, called GSTM1, which is responsible for metabolizing good fats. Many people with autism do not have this gene.

Xue Ming, a neuroscientist and a founding director of the Autism Center at UMNDJ-Newark, discovered that children with autism have higher levels of bad fat molecules in their urine than typical children.

No one understands yet why it is that so many children with autism have such metabolic differences, but Ming suggested it might be caused by an interaction between genes and the environment. It may be that having less of these key fats reduces the body's ability to deal with environmental and metabolic stress.

Since the 1990s, scientists have known about the potential for good fatty acids to treat inflammatory diseases such as Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, even asthma and Alzheimer's.

That potential has spurred a frenzy of research into lipids, the fatty compounds that include fatty acids. Studies at the University of Pennsylvania and Vanderbilt University have confirmed the New Jersey group's findings, said Spur.

At Harvard University, researchers are working on treatments for asthma and periodontal disease, while researchers at Louisiana State University are focusing on stroke.

Team members have been meeting every week for more than two years to discuss the results of their experiments. They include Lambert, a pediatric toxicologist who looks at the impact of the environment on children; Spur, the chemist who replicated the fatty acid in the lab; neurologist William Johnson, who associated the missing gene with autism; and Ming, a neuroscientist who tested for the presence of bad lipids in children.

So far, the scientists have obtained six patents for their research, Lambert said. They soon will meet with the Food and Drug Administration to discuss the requirements for producing and testing their substances, he added.

"Metabolic issues in autism are entirely understudied," said Sophia Colamarino, science director for Cure Autism Now, a major advocacy and research group in Los Angeles. "It's a very exciting area. There is accumulating evidence that would clearly tell me this is where I should look."

The New Jersey scientists are cautious, however, about their preliminary results, and warn families not to expect a miracle cure. Testing on humans, they say, could take a few years.

Meanwhile, the researchers are preparing a preliminary study to begin in September. Lambert hopes to work with 5- to 7-year-olds at the Douglass Developmental Disabilities Center in New Brunswick, a school for children with autism run by Rutgers.

Lambert will be giving the children doses of a good fatty acids to see if they have any noticeable effect on the children's cognitive, social and behavioral states. The study will use a control group of similar students.

"New Jersey is the perfect place to do this," said Lambert, director of the EPA-funded Center for Neurotoxicology. "We have a high incidence (of autism), a long history of activism and a strong community."

Peggy O'Crowley may be reached at pocrowley@starledger.com or 973-392-5810

© 2007 The Star Ledger
© 2007 NJ.com All Rights Reserved.

Posted by Cassie at 12:10 PM | TrackBack

Ten on Tuesday

Ten on Tuesday

10 Foods You Hate

1. Liver
2. Shark
3. Swordfish
4. any other fish except salmon...this is psychological because when I was really little I saw my mom choking on a fish bone and it took so long to dislodge it. Now anytime I try to eat most fish (except salmon) I'm fighting a gag reflex
5. Brussels sprouts
6. Buttermilk straight from the carton
7. Sushi--can't get my mind around eating squid, octopus ... etc.
8. Seaweed
9. Sharkfin soup
10. raw clams or oysters

Meant to be 2

I can't explain what it's like to be a widow other than to say it's like half of your heart is amputated and the wound is left open and raw. Well, in order to survive a trauma like that your body puts itself into a state of shock. I remember for the first three months after Rich died, I was almost always completely and totally numb. People would say to me, "wow, you're doing so well!" and they'd just have no clue. You might have some inkling, some glimpse of what it is to be widowed but unless it's happened to you, you just don't know.

After about 3 months, ready or not, the anesthesia wears off and you deal with the pain the best way you can. One of the things I did to cope was haunt chat rooms with psychics. I couldn't let go of Rich and there were several manifestations that let me know he was close by. I really believe this part: I think when someone dies unexpectedly (even if they've been very sick), they're sort of in "shock" too and hang around their loved ones much the same way the Patrick Swayze character did in Ghost. After awhile, though, it's time to move on but they can be "stuck" if their loved ones can't let go. Looking back, I can almost see Rich wanting me to be okay but unable to get about his heavenly business because I was totally falling apart. And so I think he began gently prodding me to get out of the chat rooms with people who talk to the dead and into rooms where people talk to the living.

I remember there came a point where I was so lonely for a man's company. I have very supportive friends then and now--most are female. Now let's see if I can say this right .... sometimes I just wanted the sound of a man's voice, a guy's opinions, the sight of hairy hands or a beard. I joined email lists for widows and widowers and began some friendships with both. All the friendships with widowers were what's called "LD" (long distance) ... and that's what felt safe for me.

Around the holidays, I began to feel like I wanted to out with guys but I felt vulnerable and guilty. I told myself, after all, this is what Rich wanted and yet I felt like I was betraying him. And vulnerable? Hey, it's one thing to be 25 and sexy...at that point I was 46 and fat. One friend mentioned Parents Without Partners and I just could not deal with a face-to-face.

So I checked out match.com and signed up for a 3 month trial. What a trip that was for the most part! I still wanted to move slowly so I was looking for widowers around my age who lived out of state, didn't smoke or drink, liked cats and kids, reading...well, basically the same stuff I liked. Most of the profiles I received were guys looking for women 20 years younger than me. There was one profile, though, that came through just before I went to PA for the holidays with the kids.

The profile showed a smiling, genial looking guy who lived in NJ, didn't smoke, didn't drink, liked cats, had adult children and didn't want to start a new family but liked kids, liked going for walks, reading, photography ... hey, this guy sounds like a winner! One thing practically made my hair stand on end: this man had a Van Dyke beard and blue eyes...oh, no, so he looked like Rich! I hit the delete button and went to Pennsylvania.

I started to really crash after the New Year. I started ducking my friends and finding reasons not to go out of the house. What for? My life was over. My mailbox was loaded either with loser profiles or posts from guys looking to hook up for a one nighter. Ugh! I emailed match.com and cancelled my membership. They posted back and said they were sorry to see me go but I still had several weeks on the free trial and that I could continue to use it until it expired.

No way, I thought, and just kept hitting the delete button. And then one morning, I realized I was looking at a familiar face just a second before I hit the delete button. And it was like I heard a voice in my ear saying again, "Give him a chance." So I looked at the profile again and thought, what the heck, what have I got to lose? What I have to gain is the friendship of what seems to be a very nice guy. And so I sent off a post. He responded almost right away and I was taken with his good humor and charm--I totally loved the gifs in his email to me. I answered him back and we began an email friendship.

It happened that I got a call from one of those time share places that offer free weekends for sitting through one of their lousy promotions. This was for Orlando Florida and my little voice said, go, you & the kids need this! My new friend lived in NJ and I thought, well, why don't we meet? Boy, I was SO nervous! I know he was too. We'd agreed to meet at a McDonald's just off the NJ Turnpike.

I think as soon as I saw him, I knew that it was possible to love and live again and to feel like I had a whole heart again. I could see that he was nervous even as he gave me the most adorable angel bear to watch over us on our trip south and so I took his hand and we all walked into the restaurant. We talked for a couple of hours, but it sure didn't seem like it!

The guy, of course, is TB.

While on vacation, I called TB several times and we'd just talk and talk. Now that we met and realized we had so much in common, I wasn't afraid to go out with him. I didn't feel vulnerable. I could feel love growing.

We both believe that Rich and Audrey (TB's first wife who also passed suddenly after a severe illness) got their heavenly heads together and brought us together. They could move on now, knowing that TB and I love each other and will be okay.

And so ... like Abel said, maybe some things are just meant to be? And maybe more than once, too.

Meant to be

One of the recurring themes running throughout my favorite show Lost is the question of fate vs. free will. I read Abel Keough's blog regularly. I sort of stumbled across his blog in 2002 or 2003, not long after TB and I got married. At that time, Abel's Blog was at a different URL and was called "A Young Widower's Tale". Happily, he met, married and now has a family with his second wife, Marathon Girl. Anyway, after the most recent episode of Lost Abel wrote "I don't believe in fate" but then went on to say "... it seemed like some invisible hand kept pushing Marathon Girl and I together no matter how many mistakes and dumb decisions we made."

I've been thinking a lot about the episode and about Abel's post. I know that God gave us free will. Sometimes when you choice a certain path, you can pretty much predict what the outcome will be good or bad. Was it fated to happen? I mean, even though we have free will are we programmed to make certain choices so that there is a particular outcome? I don't know.

I do have a couple of "meant to be" type stories though. Way back in 1983, I was in a disintegrating relationship with a jerk. I wasn't ready to let him go because I was in love with him. I was a freelance interpreter then and had met him almost 2 years earlier at one of my assignments. I remember it was June or July of 1983 and I'd just started a summer job for a market research firm. Interpreting assignments were very hard to come by in the summers. I worked from 4 p.m. to 1 a.m. at this part time job several nights a week. When I wasn't working, I'd often listen to a call in radio talk show.

Well, this one particular night the host had a psychic (stop rolling your eyes!) as his guest. The psychic was going to answer any question you wanted. The only information he needed was your birthday and that of your significant other. I'd heard psychics on other talk shows before and it never meant anything to me but this evening I felt like I had to get through and talk to the guy. I wanted to know if my relationship was going anywhere or should I move on? Of course, the line was busy all night but I kept trying.

Finally, five minutes before the show ended, I got through. The host put me on hold right away and I ground my teeth in frustration. I was just about in tears when I heard the music for the show signing off. But then the host came on and said that the psychic was going to talk to me, even though the show was now off the air. Wow! Nervously, I gave the psychic my birthdate and that of my then boyfriend.

I really wasn't very surprised when the psychic said this relationship was going nowhere and that the boyfriend didn't treat me nearly as well as I deserved. He then predicted that by fall--October or November--I would be in a new relationship, one with a man that I wouldn't be attracted to. I scoffed and the psychic said, listen, the men who are "your type" are no good for you--they will never give you the love and respect you deserve. The psychic said, give this man a chance because he is the one for you. Right.

The rest of the summer, I weaned myself off the boyfriend. It was depressing and very discouraging but luckily my friends and famiily were supportive. I made new friends at this part time job and since they didn't know my history, I could relax and just laugh at jokes, forgetting my pain for a while. I had 3 or 4 of these new buds.

In September, interpreting assignments began to come in but I decided I'd keep working weekends at this market research place. I could use the extra money.

One night toward the end of that month, I was one of the last to leave the building. I'd gotten a survey at the last minute and it went on beyond 1 a.m. All the interviewers already left and only the supervisor was left. I went quickly into the parking lot, eager to get out of there and was startled to find one of the editors leaning up against his car. He was one of my new buddies, a very tall, blonde blue-eyed guy with very thick glasses--someone fun to be with but definitely not my "type". I was attracted to guys who looked like pirates--like Clark Gable. Tall dark and handsome.

After I recovered my voice, I greeted my friend and asked what he was doing. And he replied, "I was waiting for you. I was wondering...do you want to go out?"

And as I was about to say no thanks, a little voice whispered: give the guy a chance.

Okay, so what was the harm? It's just a date, no big deal.

Of course, this shy friend who'd waited and waited for me to come out that night was Rich.

Meant to be?

But then why did he die?

And why did the next "meant to be" happen?

Once we knew how sick Rich was, he said "If anything ever happens to me, I'd want you to move on and love someone else and be happy again."

No no no, I said. No way! The very idea was repugnant. And after Rich passed, I felt I'd been blessed to have him in my life and a love like that only happens once in a lifetime. But then it happened again...and that story is coming up.

Sugar's gone whacko

I feel like I've been sick since Christmas. Anyway, TB and I were at the doctor's again about 10 days ago for more antibiotics. I was starting to feel better until Friday or Saturday and now it's like it's all starting over again. My sugar's been really high, in the mid 200s which is worrying me some. Now I have to go back to the doctor again and see what next. I'm taking metformin but it's the lowest dose (I think) so I suppose the doctor will tell me to take more of it. I'm curious to learn more about byetta. TB takes it along with his other meds. It has to be injected but I won't mind if it'll help.

The doctor wants my cousin to use it. She has a pre-diabetes condition. She's reluctant to use it because of the needle. Frankly, if my doctor suggested to me before I became diabetic I would have used it no problem. I guess I'm more inured to the sight of a needle from watching TB inject himself several times a day every day.

Diagnosis: Autism II

When Tomas first began to visit us on weekends, TB and I were alarmed by behaviors described in the previous article. Like the little boy Christian, Tomas would have long, violent tantrums because we couldn't communicate with each other. We didn't have to bolt things down but little T would throw himself against the wall and onto the floor and it was frightening. It was also terrible because we knew he wanted or needed something we just didn't know what. He had no words. He didn't point at what he wanted. And like Christian, Tomas didn't have any real play skills.

It's all so different now thanks to the early intervention program which taught us skills to help Tomas communicate.

I knew from playing with my 3 kids that it's important to get down on the floor with the child. It's more meaningful that way. So right from the beginning I was always getting on the floor to play with Tomas. In many ways, his responses were sort of inconsistent like Haydn's in the previous article. Sometimes he'd turn and look when I said his name. Most of the time it was like he didn't hear. Yet, he would consistenly make eye contact...not looking at my mouth or away, but directly into my eyes. He laughs. He enjoys praise. I suppose that this is why he has the "not otherwise specified" diagnosis. He's not "typical".

Other changes and strides Tomas has made since moving in:

He points at what he wants
He says a few words
He signs "more"
His play is much more imaginative than it ever was before
He enjoys interacting with us
He will interact with strangers--he's shaken hands with Heidi's DVR counselor, given a doctor a hug, given the new teachers hugs
He's able to do more things independently--now he can put on his shoes, socks, pants (with help), shirt (with help) and is trying very hard to master snaps and zippers

With all the intervention, Tomas has new connections in his brain and it's very encouraging!

There's no cure for autism but the encouraging thing is that some behaviors can be reduced to the point that they're not noticeable anymore.

It sounds almost like the diabetes I've got--I'll always have it but with intervention I can get it to the point where it's about unnoticeable.

Diagnosis: Autism

This segment appeared on Sixty Minutes and I'm so sorry I missed it.

Diagnosis: Autism

Feb. 18, 2007 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (CBS) The government recently announced that autism now occurs in about one of every 150 American children—a new number that is adding to what was already a raging controversy: with parents groups arguing with scientists over what causes autism, and with politicians over funding for research.

In the meantime, behavioral scientists are trying to identify the early symptoms so that a diagnosis can be made by the age of one. As correspondent Lesley Stahl reports, today most children are left undiagnosed until they’re five years old.

Researchers at the M.I.N.D. Institute at the University of California in Davis believe, if they can catch it early, they can change the way a child’s brain develops. They have started testing their theory in toddlers like Christian Heavin.

Psychologist Sally Rogers, a pioneer in the field of autism treatment, started giving three-year-old Christian intensive therapy about a year ago, hoping to alter the course of his autistic behavior.

Asked what his behavior was like before she met him, Rogers says, "Well, when we first met Christian he didn't have any words."

"He didn't really have any play skills. He mostly threw things on the floor," she adds.

And she says he would throw 20-minute temper tantrums because he couldn’t communicate. "He was really out of control," Rogers says. "They had to bolt the furniture to the walls because this two year old was in danger of pulling furniture down on himself."

Dr. Rogers worked with Christian one on one—on her hands and knees, in his face, teaching him new words and forcing him to interact with her.

She believes that if treatment can begin this early, while a child’s brain is still malleable, the results can be dramatic.

"Do you think that you're actually re-wiring the brain? Do you think you're setting up new wires that wouldn't be there?" Stahl asks.

"I think we certainly are creating new connections in the brain. That's what learning is," Rogers explains.

Asked if she is suggesting that autism can be cured, Rogers says, "We don't know how to touch the biology of autism. But I do think that the behaviors that are associated with autism can be reduced to the point where they're not obvious anymore."

"Now, you can’t make that promise to everybody, can you?" Stahl asks.

"No, you sure can’t. There’s a huge range of severity in autism. There’s a huge range of reactions to treatments," Rogers acknowledges.

Christian is now able to talk with his mother Jennifer, and even a stranger like Stahl, in multiple word sentences.

Valerie Arias often wonders what her 13-year-old son Teddy’s life would be like if his autism had been treated earlier.

"When Teddy was about six months old, I had him in his car seat, and he just kept flailing his arm over his head," she remembers. "My mother looked at him and she was like, 'Val, I think Teddy has autism.' At six months old, my mother told me that my son had autism. And I said, 'No, he doesn't. There's nothing wrong with my baby.'"

"I was very angry at my mother," she adds. "I didn’t speak to her probably for about a year."

What her mother saw was that Teddy never babbled as a baby—he just screamed and grew increasingly violent.

Valerie may have been in denial, but even doctors didn’t diagnose Teddy's autism until he was four years old.

By that time, Michael, who is now nine, had been born. In all, she and her husband Aaron have four children, including Paige, 14, and one-year-old Haydn.

Right after Haydn was born, Valerie heard about a study at the M.I.N.D. Institute on early detection of autism. It was focusing on so-called "baby sibs," children like Haydn with an older autistic sibling. So she signed him up.

"Did you know at that point that autism did run in families, does run in families?" Stahl asks.

"I knew that the chances of having another child with autism were greater," Valerie tells Stahl. "But, I figured since Michael didn't have it that everything was okay."
When psychologist Sally Ozonoff, vice chairman of research at the M.I.N.D. Institute, started the study three years ago, she was hoping to drastically lower the age of diagnosis.

She says she is aiming for a diagnosis age of 12 months. Ozonoff is tracking 200 babies from birth, like Gabe, a normal 12-month-old, being tested for his reactions to a new toy.

"He's very interested in it. And he communicates that to her with that great look, big eyebrows raising, smile. And then he asks for it without language—he’s 'Ah, I want that,'" Ozonoff observes.

This behavior, Ozonoff says, is typical of a healthy one-year-old.

But when a boy named Jacob is shown the same toy, he stares at it in silence, never reaching for it, never looking up at the examiner.

"There's no communication at all with the woman," Stahl remarks.

"That’s right. It's as if she isn't there. Like she’s an object-handing machine," Ozonoff says.

Jacob was later diagnosed with autism.

Ozonoff also uses high tech methods, like eye tracking. A normal baby looks right in mom’s eyes when she talks to him. But children who are autistic avoid eye contact, looking more at the mouth.

Like most autism researchers, Ozonoff believes children are born with the disorder. She went into her study convinced she would spot the symptoms as early as six months.

But so far, researchers have not been able to see the symptoms at such an early age.

Diagnosing one year olds has proved just as perplexing. Repetitive behavior, like the way Jacob plays with a lid for example, looks like a clear symptom.

"All he's doing is the picking up and watching it wobble, over and over again," Ozonoff observes.

But Ozonoff has found that not all one year olds who do this end up with autism. Her "most reliable" test so far is surprisingly simple.

"Starting about six months maybe even a bit earlier, if you say a child's name, they quickly turn and look at you. And you’ll see this with Gabe," Ozonoff explains. "Say his name, his head whips around…makes eye contact and smiles."

When the same experiment was done with Jacob, the result was different.

"The experimenter's gonna walk behind him. Call his name three times at normal volume," Ozonoff explains.

Jacob didn't respond to his name.

But even with this test, only half the children who fail it end up having autism. Haydn was six months old when he was first evaluated and, to Valerie's relief, he tested on par with children his age.

On one of her visits last year, Ozonoff gave Valerie a copy of her book on Asperger’s syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism.

"So I was reading this book. And through the whole book I just cried because I felt like I was reading this book about Michael," Valerie remembers.

Michael is her nine-year-old. Through years of speech and occupational therapy, no one had ever suggested that his problems, including his struggle to make and keep friends, could be Asperger's, until Valerie began asking questions.

"So now you're basically told you have two sons with autism," Stahl remarks.

Valerie admits she was reeling. "I was. You feel like you should, you should have pulled your genes out of the gene pool a little sooner you know, at that point," she says.

And there was still the question of Haydn: his 12-month visit a half-year later was distressing. He wasn’t smiling anymore and he seemed to be regressing into his own world. And then, he stopped responding to his name.

"I knew my son wasn’t hearing me. Everyone around me was saying, 'Oh, he’s just stubborn. He doesn’t want to listen to you.' But I knew that wasn’t it," Valerie recalls. She says she knew it wasn't a hearing issue.

Despite Haydn's symptoms, Ozonoff felt it was still too early to tell.

"I would hate to cause the pain…and anguish of having another child diagnosed on the spectrum and then be completely wrong," she explains.
More and more parents are worried about the chances of having an autistic child, with some autism groups saying there's an "epidemic," claiming a 60-fold increase since the 1970s.

Dr. Stephen Goodman, an epidemiologist at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, has reviewed autism statistics for the past 30 years. He says, "The explosive increase that has been claimed is almost certainly not true."

"The numbers, if they're rising, are not rising very quickly, if it's going up at all," he says.

There’s no question more children are being diagnosed with autism than ever before. But Goodman, other respected epidemiologists and autism researchers says that’s because of something that happened in 1994, when the definition of autism was greatly widened. Since then, Asperger’s syndrome and other brain disorders that were not included before have become part of the autism spectrum. On top of that, Goodman says there are no reliable numbers from the past to support claims of an exponential rise.

"Have you ever seen a 60-fold increase in any disease?" Stahl asks Goodman.

"Not that didn't have a recognizable agent, like an infectious disease…like AIDS," Goodman says.

Asked if there could be a hidden source, that has yet to be identified, Goodman tells Stahl, "Many people have looked very hard, and they haven't found one."

One hypothesis has been that the mercury in childhood vaccines causes autism, but Goodman himself served on a national medical panel that found no evidence of that, though more research is being done.

For researchers, like the M.I.N.D. Institute’s Sally Rogers, autism remains a daunting adversary.

Despite Christian's gains from early treatment, children with more severe forms of the disorder often don’t make the same kinds of strides.

And Sally Ozonoff is not yet able to identify definitive, unmistakable early symptoms, although she still has 18 months to go in her study.

When Valerie brought her son Haydn back for another exam at age 14 months, Dr. Ozonoff and Stahl watched through a one-way mirror. After testing normal at six months, and showing symptoms at 12 months, Haydn had changed again.

He was making more eye contact and interacting with the examiner and he was laughing.

"This is very reassuring," says Ozonoff.

But not entirely: it took three tries to get Haydn to respond to his name. And he became fixated on a lid, the kind of repetitive behavior that sets off alarm bells in Ozonoff.

With such a mixed picture, Ozonoff told Valerie it was too soon to call it.

"There are some encouraging signs, but there are some mildly concerning signs and what we really want to do is join with you to keep monitoring him as closely as we can," Ozonoff says.

Asked how she is feeling, Valerie tells Stahl, "Well, I'm still leaning for optimism because, you know, he's such a good boy. He's a good kid."

Valerie had hoped to know by now if she has a third son with autism. But Dr. Ozonoff says she probably won’t be able to tell her until Haydn turns two next October.

My reaction in the next post.

Posted by Cassie at 10:26 AM | TrackBack

Sunday Fun

Patrick's Weekender

Sunday Seven

Name your top seven favorite soft drink flavors or varieties.

1. Diet decaffeinated Coke
2. Diet decaffeinated Pepsi
3. Diet cherry Coke
4. Diet cherry Pepsi
5. Diet vanilla Pepsi
6. Diet black cherry vanilla Pepsi
7. Diet root beer

No more regular soda for me, I'm afraid, especially not with the way my sugar has been running this week.

U.S. Presidents Quiz

Your ScoreYou got 4 correct out of 10 (40%)

Of the 5561 times this quiz has been taken:

Average Score: 3.4 / 10 = 34%
High Score: 10 / 10 = 100%

OOOPS!

History & Quotes

Your ScoreYou got 7 correct out of 10 (70%)

Of the 7611 times this quiz has been taken:

Average Score: 5.4 / 10 = 54%
High Score: 10 / 10 = 100%

American History Quiz

So what's the difference between American and U.S. history?

Your ScoreYou got 9 correct out of 10 (90%)

Of the 6758 times this quiz has been taken:

Average Score: 7.1 / 10 = 71%
High Score: 10 / 10 = 100%

Unexpected

You Are Pretty Logical

You're a bit of a wizard when it comes to logic While you don't have perfect logic, you logic is pretty darn good Keep at it - you've got a lot of natural talent in this area!

A Good Laugh

That's exactly what I did not have when I first read this article a couple of days ago. What I thought was something along the lines of us being doomed or destined or fated for total disaster--no freedom of choice for me here, I didn't vote for this man and we'll be at war again before we can get him out.

By the way, I'll probably be posting a few times about fate, destiny and free will for what will become obvious reasons.

Anyway, today I go to read a fave of mine, Genuine Blog and he's quoting from a friend's blog and I got a real laugh out of it! The friend's blog is called "a href="http://thezeroboss.com/2007/02/14/cmon-baby-finish-killing-what-you-started/" target="_blank">The Zero Boss. I'm going to do the same thing Genuine did and nick the post:

C’mon, Baby, Finish Killing What You Started Posted by The Zero Boss - February 14, 2007 @ 6:51 pm

Um…have we all forgotten what happened the last time we let this man interpret intelligence data? Forget the Federal Marriage Amendment - there oughtta be an amendment specifying that, before starting a new war, the Commander in Chief should finish the previous one. You know, kind of like not being able to eat your pudding until you’ve eaten all your meat.

Mr. Bush already made that mistake once--setting Osama aside to invade Iraq. Now that's the ticket! No starting new battles before the old ones are finished!

Feline Friday on Saturday: Claim Jumping

Hmmm, this is interesting. Wonder what it is?

Wonder who belongs to it?

Oh well, doesn't matter ... whatever it is, it's mine now!

Want more cat blogging? Be sure to check out Carnival of the Cats, the Friday Ark and any of the kitty links on my side bar. The next carnival (Sunday) will be hosted at Pet's Garden Blog. The following week, February 25, the carnival will be right here!

What Color Is Your Brain?

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

Room Nana & Other Stuff

Schools reopened for the first time since our ice storm of a couple of days ago. Tomas's class was supposed to have a Valentine's Day party Wednesday. I volunteered to be the room "nana" and was planning to bring in paper products and goodies for the parties. I wondered if the party would still go on and in elementary school, kids still come first! We all had a great time!

Of course, Tomas had a total meltdown. I wasn't too surprised having been through the preschool years 3 times already but Heidi (who didn't have any class and wanted to come along) was shocked. At first, T was very delighted to see us but his mood began to go south when he realized we weren't going home. Setting up for the party totally threw him. He didn't want to sit down at the table with everyone and Heidi was whispering, "What's wrong with him? Why is he in such a bad mood?" I said it's because his routine is different: we are there, they aren't doing what they usually do, and he can't handle it all. Heidi worried that somehow she'd set the little guy off but all the teachers reassured her that this is what kids do under these circumstances and it's perfectly normal.

Tomas didn't want to do the craft, either, and threw the picture frame on the floor. We spent about 10 minutes trying to get him to pick it up but he steadfastly refused. He wanted me to pick him up and hold him and I kept saying I would after he picked up the frame. Then I felt him falling asleep and scooped him up. It's okay, said the teacher. He didn't have a nap before and was tuckered out.

I learned that this the teacher's first job and that is cool. She is very motivated and has lots of good ideas to stimulate the kids.

Tomas is going through some other changes which are kinda normal but yet not. What I mean is, he wants to dress himself independently and I remember my kids' early attempts. The difference is that T will get upset about something and we don't always know what it is. Then he refuses to let anyone put a new diaper on him or he refuses to wear pants or a shirt ... Trial and error, I figure out that there are three different patterns on the diapers and he prefers one over the other two. He wants pants that snap and zip, not track pants or pants with elastic waistbands. Shirts cannot have buttons down the front or turtle necks.

The communication issue makes it very difficult. I didn't envy Linda the last couple of days. Since school was closed, it didn't matter how long it took for T to get dressed but boy! It sure was frustrating! The socks have to be just so on his feet, have to match, and cannot be colored. The velcro straps on his shoes have to be aligned just so.

As I watch all this happen or experience it for myself, I wonder to myself how much of this is typical 3 year old stuff and how much of it is PDD-related?

I'm really glad I posted about that useless book I read because I got a comment from someone with another title to try:
Pervasive Developmental Disorder: An Altered Perspective by Barbara Quinn and Anthony Malone. This is the next book I'm going to read.

Late Talking Preschool Children

One reason it's taking me so long to read All Quiet on the Western Front is because I've been reading relevant non-fiction at the same time.

I ordered Late Talking Preschool Children from Amazon because I wanted more information about PDD and how to deal with it. I was hoping I'd get some good information from this book. It certainly was expensive enough, almost $30.00. What I got was a cheaply bound thing similar to what you might get at a conference or something. As if that wasn't annoying enough, more than half the book was devoted to teaching reading readiness. If I'd known that was going to be the bulk of the book, I would have skipped on buying it.

Here are a couple of lines from the opening chapter:

Children who don't seem ready to talk when their peers talk are often a challenge.

No! Ya think?

It is our experience that these children have very worried parents.

And worried grandparents--but there's good reason to be worrying, right? So far I'm learning nothing here.

Finally, something new:

Most of the late talking children we see have a characteristic in common. It is our experience that the late talking or PDD children...are risk avoidant. They fail on purpose, even when it is apparent they can do the challenges presented to them...

I remember thinking that some of the tasks Tomas was given to do during his psychological evaluations should have been easy because I'd seen him do them before. Yet he not only refused to try, he wouldn't even look at whatever it was. The book says labels like PD, autistic, and retarded are applied "when the child in a new situation (the testing situation) refused to do much of anything, pretending to be totally inept."

Interesting.

There was a good suggestion for how to deal with a risk avoidant child. The author recommended that the child be given 9 tasks he or she can succeed at for every challenging one. That makes sense--if the child can complete a task easily then he or she is more willing to take on more challenges. This short chapter was followed by a huge chapter about flash cards and reading readiness.

At the very end, there was a redeeming chapter that provided some more insight into what Tomas might be thinking or feeling. For example, the author described children who have a hard time separating from their parents--i.e. to go to school. She gave an analogy that made plenty of sense to me:

Imagine how easy it would be for you to attend an obligatory cocktail party (or more exactly, months of cocktail parties) where no one but one friend was speaking the language you speak, and then your friend decided to leave. You would not want your friend to leave. This may help you to empathize with the young child who cannot unscramble the words of all the unfamiliar people...

A new situation would mean something like--a new place, new people, and demands for new behaviors. The author recommends that a child be exposed to not more than two of the 3 situations. How to do that? Well, in Tomas's case, we visited his class before he started school and met his teacher and classmates. Before he rode the bus for the first time, he met the driver. Yes, he still had meltdowns afterwards but I sort of suspect if he'd had more opportunities to visit and maybe a trial run on the bus with his mom or me present, it would have gone a little easier for him.

So the book wasn't a total loss. But there have to be much better ones out there so I'll keep looking.

Happy Valentine's Day

Great start to the day: I got to sleep in! We had a major storm move through. We got mostly sleet and ice and enough of it to close the schools. TB tried to go to work but gave it up and came back home after spinning out a couple of times. The van drives great in the snow but I don't think any vehicle does very well on the ice. It was nice to have him home on Valentine's Day. In addition to beautiful roses, he'd also gotten me a personalized hoody with a shamrock on it and a nice warm 4-in-1 (poncho, blanket, bag, pillow/cushion).

Linda felt compelled to go to work but was totally frazzled by the experience.

Personally, I've never understood employers that pressure employees to come in during bad weather. Is it because they don't have to pay out on life insurance premiums?

It was a very laid back day. Tomas watched TV and played with us. He has a new thing now where he likes to launch himself across the sofa at TB...and now me. Grandparents are indestructible, I guess, and definitely not as strict about rules like no jumping on the furniture. Heh.

Billy called. Troy is having a blizzard and Billy, even though there was 2 feet of snow on the ground, decided to try and get to class. There is some obscure place on the college website that says whether school is open or not. I don't know why he didn't try to call the school. Anyway, he takes the bus there (technically, he could easily walk on a nice day--and thank God he didn't today) and discovers the first class is cancelled. He has another class with a test scheduled and hangs out to see if anyone will show. By the time he leaves, there are white out conditions. Thankfully someone from pubic safety drove him and several other stranded students home.

He was home and safe so I didn't have complete heart failure but I did say to him--if there is that much snow on the ground to begin with and it's still snowing STAY HOME. Tests can be made up.

I have no idea what the situation will be tomorrow. I am the room nana for Tomas's class and we were supposed to have a Valentine's party. Will we have it tomorrow if there is school? I'll call the teacher and find out ... if schools are open.

Ten on Tuesday

Ten on Tuesday

10 Things You Worry About

1. My health: weight, diabetes, blood pressure
2. My kids & grandkids
3. money
4. President Bush getting us blown up
5. Why is the school bus late? (i.e. lock down? accident? etc etc)
6. Icy roads
7. gang activity increasing around here
8. the vet is going to yell because my cats have all gained weight
9. my husband climbing around in dangerous places tryng to measure stuff
10. my body betraying me at the worst times -- like when I was trying to help buckle Tomas into the car seat my thumbs went all spazzy on me from the arthritis

First ride on the school bus!

Today was another special morning for Tomas! Yesterday he met his school bus driver and we talked about how he'd start going to and from school on the bus. He seemed really excited about it yesterday.

This morning, right on time, here comes the bus.

Tomas was totally delighted. I started taking pictures.

Linda was working a later shift today and so she was able to walk T to the bus. It worked out great because this way I could take pictures!

That came to an end when T realized he was actually supposed to get on the bus today. "Uh uh," he said. I helped Linda get Tomas buckled into his seat. He was NOT a happy little guy anymore but I'm happy to say that his bus driver called and said as soon as we were out of sight, he was fine. Also, his teacher called and let Linda know that he was all smiles when he got off the bus. Whew!!!!!

A Tsunami of Aging Boomers

Well, this article isn't too encouraging! What, America is not ready for all us aging boomers? Tsk, tsk ... I think if government doesn't start talking about this, all us boomers will definitely be like a tsunami and totally decimate the economy! The fact is, there just weren't enough kids born after us (not even in the baby boomlet) to support Social Security. Those who are not skating the edge of disaster have tried to do our part by setting up retirement funds but, hey, we're still looking for that social security income! The first wave of us has just turned 60 with 5-7 years to retirement. There's a huge number of us approaching 60. I guess the youngest of us is maybe 46-47? Watch out, America, here we come, ready or not!

And market researchers and other demographers, take note: that treasured 18-49 category is going to be much smaller and so you guys ought to make sure you are polling enough of the 50+ folk. Our voices will be heard!

America not ready for aging boomers MICHAEL STOTHARD, UPI Correspondent WASHINGTON (UPI) -- Fewer than half of American communities are ready to provide health and lifestyle services for the aging population, according to a national study released Wednesday.

The study, "The Maturing of America -- Getting Communities on Track for an Aging Population," surveyed 10,000 local U.S. governments to determine their "aging readiness." The report also provided recommendations for communities on how best to provide for an elderly population.

The baby boom generation -- born between 1946 and 1964 -- is reaching retirement age. The demographic event has been dubbed the "silver tsunami" by some commentators.

In 2000 there were 35 million Americans over the age of 65. By 2030 it is predicted that this figure will have doubled. One in five Americans will be senior citizens.

"Given that the first of the baby boomers turned 60 this year, now is really the time for the nation and its communities to ensure that they are age-ready," said Sibyl Jacobson, president and chief executive officer of MetLife Foundation, at a news conference Wednesday.

Some communities are well-prepared, such as Fairfax County, Va. But the report found the majority are not ready.

In general, local governments are prepared to offer basic health and nutritional programs for an increasingly elderly population. However, communities fell short in their ability to implement policies to promote a better quality of life for elder adults, such as transportation options for the elderly who are no longer able to drive, and re-training for older adults who want to -- or need to -- remain in the workforce.

Only 6 percent of local governments reported that they provide job-retraining programs for the elderly.

Some of the recommendations to promote a better quality of life for seniors are as simple as making road signs bigger and easier to read and increasing the allocated crossing time on roads for pedestrians.

Other recommendations were providing wheelchair-friendly housing, tax assistance and better healthcare in terms of access and availability.

Representatives from the five organizations that shaped the report emphasized their recommendations were designed to assist entire communities, not just the elderly.

For example, more time to cross roads could help mothers with small children as well. And since healthcare access is a universal issue, improving it would help the whole community.

"Local government leaders see that strategies good for society as a whole are particularly important for the aging population," said Elizabeth Kellar, deputy executive director of the International City/County Management Association.

Sandy Markwood, CEO of the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging, told United Press International the main barrier to the widespread implementation of "The Maturing America" policies were often financial. However, preparing for the aging boom does not need to be expensive.

Some of the policy recommendations are no cost, some of them are low cost, and some of them can be implemented as part of a community's regular maintenance of their roads, sidewalks and parks, Markwood said.

"So not having a new pot of resources shouldn't be a stumbling block, and we're hoping that communities won't see it that way," she said.

The panel stressed they're trying to learn from past mistakes.

For instance, local governments weren't ready when the baby boom hit the school systems in the late 50s early 60s. The panel said they were trying to avoid repeating that when it comes to the same demographic hitting senior status.

Heh. I hope so. I remember that whole disaster of a new school being built every year. Between 1960 and 1963, I went to three different elementary schools in close distance to each other. It was hard enough to adjust then, I'm not going to be a happy senior being shuttled from one retirement community to another.

Yeesh...I still need to get my mind around that. My mind is not ready to be a senior, it thinks I am still 35!

Since June Part III

Once we had a diagnosis for Tomas, we could get him registered into a full day preschool program through the school district. That seems a lot, doesn't it, for such a little guy? Well, the thing is that T needs constant stimulation speechwise and the school has the professionals to do it. During the day, he'd be interacting not only with his teachers but also with his classmates and he'd have speech therapy and occupational therapy too.

Meanwhile, Nancy was coming to our house twice a week throughout December and into the first or second week of January. A speech therapist was coming twice a month too. I enjoyed their visits about as much as Tomas did, I think, because I picked up a lot of good tips and advice. My throat was so dry at the end of a day of talking I'd want to practically guzzle a gallon of water.

In December, Kennan came back into Tomas's life. TB and I learned, to our great shame, that we weren't given the entire truth and that Kennan really wasn't the bad guy he was made out to be. I'm not saying he is perfect, no one is, but a lot of the stuff we were told just weren't true. I was really happy when Kennan and his mom came to the house to pick up Tomas. I was able to sit down and talk with them like I hadn't before but always wanted to. Since then, Kennan's been a frequent presence--especially when the teachers were here. He was also very helpful to us getting Tomas registered in time for his 3rd birthday.

Now Tomas is in a preschool about 10 minutes from our house. He started going on his birthday, February 1, and is adjusting to it just great. The teachers there are wonderful and there are five other children. He seems to be getting along with them very well. Although the kids don’t seem to speak to each other much, all five of these children talk to the adults and they speak quite well. When I went to visit, it was like being in a regular preschool room during circle time. Tomas will get individualized attention, speech therapy 2 times a week, occupational therapy and whatever else he needs.

When he started school, he was saying “yeah”, “hey”, “ha”, “aha”, “oho” and a variation of Heidi’s name. He was also making syllabic sounds in a rhythmic pattern, as if speaking in a conversation. I notice he’s been using his voice more and more. I am so happy!

There were some days when I didn’t know how I’d get through an entire day; I would be so exhausted from talking, crawling around on the floor, and playing with the little guy. I would go from 8:30 in the morning (around when his mom would leave for work) until 2:30 almost non-stop. By then Heidi or Kristin would be around to help and I would virtually collapse for an hour. Sometimes the little guy would sleep and that would be a big help so I could catch a breather. If he didn’t, though, the hours between 4 and 7:30 (when his mom would get home) would stretch out like a long road of dry highway. My throat would be dry and sore and my joints would ache. I’d wonder how long I could keep this up.

I look back now and you know what? It’s almost like a distant memory. It was worth it, every ache, every stab of pain in a muscle or joint, every rasping dry throat from all the talking. The little guy is doing great, he’s going to do so much better and it was worth every single moment!!!!

Carnival Is Up!

Kitten and cat lovers, the 151st Carnival is up at one of my favorite blogs, When Cats Attack!!

Unconscious Mutterings:

I say... and you think ...

1. The best thing :: love
2. Hold :: keep
3. Rapture :: bliss
4. Cover :: hide
5. Restrictive :: least
6. Baker :: cake
7. Author :: book
8. Pill :: medicine
9. Months :: year
10. Valentine’s Day :: flowers & candy

Lostaholic

Without a doubt, my most favorite show on TV is Lost. I wasn't in on the first season but was intrigued with all the commercials I saw for the second season. I thought I'd give it a try and, by the end of the season opener, I was hooked. I bought the first season on dvd to catch up on what I'd missed from the year before, joined some fan email lists and got TB hooked on the show as well.

Check this out! It basically describes how I feel about Lost! This is a commercial from ABC that appeared during last year's Super Bowl.

I think what I like best about the show is that the characters are "lost" in more ways than one. For those few out there that haven't heard of the show, the basic idea is that a plane carrying passengers from Australia to Los Angeles goes off course and crashes onto some unknown island in the south Pacific...maybe. In that way, the survivors of the crash are "lost"--they don't know where they are. They are also "lost" because this is not your typical island. Magnetic north is off kilter, there are polar bears on this tropical paradise, monsters in the jungle, and "other" groups of people up to no good. The characters themselves are "lost" in their lives--they are at crucial turning points or are in need of redemption.

Another thing I really like is that the producer and the writers pay attention to what the fans say. Of course, this is not necessarily a good thing. When it worked well, the writers would "shout out" to the fans. Fans who are really into the show watch the episodes over and over, looking for clues and more details. So in the opening episode of the second season, two of the main characters find and watch a very important video. One says to the other, "We have to watch this again." Or the VIPs would take note of questions the fans had about something on the show and they'd have an episode that srt of answered the question.

The downside to all this of course, is that old cliche "if you give them an inch, they want a mile." Fans began to be more critical and demanding, wanting to know the answers to everything right now instead of being patient and letting things play out. Fans complained about the number of repeats last season and I was with them. The network has a stupid policy of beginning the season late (October) and then running repeats because of the World Series, the Christmas season, March madness and all kinds of ridiculous reasons. Who wants to watch 3 new episodes followed by 4 repeats, some of which aren't even from that season? This season, the Lost VIPs convinced ABC to let them do a "mini-season" of 6 episodes, followed by 14 long weeks of nothing, and then a full season starting last Wednesday and running for the next 15 weeks--with NO repeats.

You'd think the fans would be grateful but no, they bitched and moaned about the hiatus too. There is just no pleasing some people.

As for me, I was riveted to the seat by the opening of the "new" season. I thought it was one of the best episodes ever, with a marvellous cast well thought out plot and lots of action!

My theory about where the castaways are: I think it's an alternate reality, a totally different place that they got to via a wormhole or something. As for "the Others", I think there are several groups of inhabitants. The castaways found an old slaver abandoned in the middle of the island. I think one group is descended from that ship. There's another group, scientists, who are affiliated with "The Dharma Initiative" which was a seemingly benevolent bunch of researchers studying behavior, magnetism, zoology and lots of other stuff.

Recently, there's been a new introduction of another group that may or may not be related to Dharma, called the Mitelos Institute. They are more openly sinister (committing murder to recruit a fertility specialist) and may be into the grimmer aspects of the Others' behavior. Maybe they're behind the brain washing and other acts of violence. At least one group of Others is obsessed with chlidren and babies. Maybe their women can't have children and that's why they need fertility specialist Juliet Burke.

Maybe there's yet another bunch of others that have broken off from either this group or the Dharma initiative.

Then there is a lone other: Danielle. She was part of a team that crashed or somehow became "lost" 16 years ago. Her teammates all got some kind of sickness and she ended up killing them. She had a baby girl, Alex, who was baby-napped by the Mittelos Others.

It's going to be fun, these next 15 weeks, watching how things fit together. As one question is answered, another one comes up. That's all part of the fun and intrigue of the show too. I love it!

Saturday Memes

Saturday Six

1. A friend arrives from out of town and wants to go to dinner at a nice locally-owned restaurant: where would you take her?

Anapa's on Rt. 38 in Browns Mills

2. Your friend then says he wants to learn something about the history of your city: where would you take him first?

Hmmm...well, I guess to the Browns Mills Railroad Station. There's a museum there now.

3. Does your current hometown have any specific kind of weather threats (i.e., tornado alley, etc.) or natural disaster threats (i.e., earthquake faults, volcanic activity) that concerns you?

There's a near-terminal lack of things to do which concerns me

4. Take the quiz: What city shares your personality?

You scored as Killarney. You are Killarney, Ireland! You are probably somewhat quiet and thoughtful. You don't mind frequenting the city pubs with your friends, but you also enjoy peaceful time alone. Killarney 95% Boston 55% Rio de Janeiro 45% Paris 45% Provo 25% Which city shares your personality? created with QuizFarm.com

Cool!!!!

5. Have you ever visited this city or lived there before?

No but I want to visit. I have Irish relatives in County Sligo.

6. Based on what you know about that city, either firsthand or from others, do you think it would be a good fit for you? Do you think it would be a better fit than the city in which you now live?

Yes and yes

Saturday 8

a weighty sat-8.

1. are you over- or under-weight, or "just right"?

Way over

2. what do you consider a "healthy weight" for yourself?

A hundred pounds lighter than I am

3. in your past, have you struggled with weight issues?

Oh yes, even when I was at a healthy weight it was still a struggle to keep the pounds off

4. give us an example of a comfort food for you.

crunchy cheese doodles!

5. aside from eating when hungry, are you a 'snacker' when you are bored, stressed, or emotionally upset?

Not any more.

6. on nightline last night, the host was talking about models at fashion week being on "the nicotine diet." i've seen people GAIN weight from stopping smoking, but not smoking to lose. have you every smoked to keep thin, or known anyone who has?

Not per se but I have known people who wouldn't quit because they'd gain weight. For a long time, that was my reasoning, too.

7. i've never been a dessert person, and rarely eat desserts; all of my girlfriends are the same way. do you regularly eat dessert when you go out to a restaurant or eat at home?

Used to have dessert regularly, now only if I'm hungry

8. if someone close to you asked your advice on the best way to lose weight, what would you tell them?

Stay away from fad diets, they don't work. Make small permanent changes you can live with and exercise!

How Misanthropic Are You?

You Are 36% Misanthropic

You're a little misanthropic - but who isn't? Your reactions to other people are pretty normal. You enjoy being friendly with people you encounter, but if you're having a rough day, watch out!

All Those Tests & Procedures...

When the team came from the early intervention program, they guessed that one reason Tomas wasn't talking was because he'd had so many ear infections he probably hadn't heard speech normally in a long time. That seemed plausible and that's what I suspected at first. I also thought that all the trauma of his early months might be having an affect on him.

I don't want to get into issues that will cause more hard feelings so I'm going to leave out the whys of some stuff and just say that T didn't get to his post-op appointment when it was originally scheduled. TB and I made an appointment with the surgeon in August. Poor Tomas--as soon as we got in the door, he put his hands over his ears and was very anxious. I can understand why! Lots of times he'd go to the doctor with an ear infection and he'd be in pain so that couldn't be fun! Also, his eardrum ruptured in May because of an infection and the doctor at the ER had to cauterize it--that must have been an awful experience too.

Happily, the surgeon looked at Tomas's ears and said they were fine, the tubes were still in place and there was no fluid. When we explained that Tomas wasn't talking, he thought it would be best to test the little guy's hearing. We scheduled another appointment but it didn't work out. Tomas didn't want to have anything to do with the booth and hadn't begun pointing to body parts (like eyes, ears, nose, mouth) yet and so the doctor said we'd have to take him to a pediatric audiologist.

TB and I took him twice. The first time, the audiologist was able to determine through a tympanic test that everything seemed to be working in the outer ear and we were happy to hear that. When we went into the booth, though, Tomas became very anxious. He cried and fought to get out, calming down when the audiologist brought in toys. The thing was, the little guy put on his blinders again and wouldn't respond to sounds. He'd look around sometimes when the audiologist talked to him. Then he began to hide his face. The audiologist suggested we wait 2 weeks and try again. Sometimes, he explained, the child's anxiety level goes down when he knows what to expect and then they're more successful...

Except that they weren't. If anything, the audiologist got less information from Tomas than before. His gut feeling, he told us, is that Tomas could hear but he couldn't document that based on the inconsistent responses. What's next? I asked. The audiologist said the only thing left would be an automatic brain stem response. Tomas would have to be anesthesized, there would be an IV involved...and I just shuddered. No way, I thought. I was convinced that Tomas could hear, too, but I didn't think he should be subjected to trauma like that.

After that second test, I called the early intervention program back and told the director what happened. I expressed my worry that Tomas had some autistic characteristics. She was a little taken aback by that but she said it was possible and the next step should be to have him evaluated by a pediatric psychologist or neurologist. She gave me a list of names and numbers.

Every single hospital program I called had a long waiting list for an initial appointment. The shortest was 7 months and the longest 18. I couldn't believe it! I called the audiologist and he gave me the name of a psychologist who'd been affiliated with Children's Hospital in Philadelphia (CHOP) but was now in private practive. Ah, much better luck there! I got an appointment for November. The one down side was that the practice did not accept any insurance. We'd have to pay $1200 in cash up front and hope to be reimbursed later. Linda had just started a new job and couldn't take time off and so Heidi and I drove T to Pennsylvania for the appointment.

Wow, was that ever an experience! Tomas was a happy little guy on the trip, had no problem going into the office and began playing with toys. The psychologist, a very kind and knowledgeable woman, talked to me for about a half hour and then I brought Tomas in. He carried in a little playhouse and readily sat down at the little table across from the doctor. He even smiled at her and made eye contact. Things went well until she took the house away and put the first test task (a picture book) on the table. He had a total meltdown and threw the book across the room. I got him calmed down and he did come back to the table but he absolutely refused to do any language tasks. Anytime the psychologist showed him a picture or tried to use the flip book, he pitched a gigantic fit! Puzzles were a different matter. He loves puzzles and did them quite readily. He even strung beads on a string, something I'd not seen him try before.

The psychologist said to me, I don't think he's autistic. He makes good eye contact, interacts with us, and seeks out our approval for tasks completed. Her theory was that something was wrong with his hearing. I told her about the failed audiological exams and she strongly urged me to get him scheduled for that automatic brain stem response. She didn't feel comfortable making a diagnosis until she knew the results of that test because the services he qualified for would be approached in such a different manner if he was hard of hearing. I asked, what if his hearing is normal? She said she didn't think that would be the case but if so, T's delays might be emotionally based.

We got an appointment for this ABR test at CHOP for the day before Thanksgiving! That was a total nightmare. This time, Linda took the day off to come with us because the procedure was so much more complicated and involved anesthesia. You would think that being a hospital specifically for children would mean that the place would be warm, friendly and comforting. It was, sort of, except from the child-friendly waiting area we had to go to 3 different areas for one test after the other. Tomas was tired and frustratred by the time we were led back to the outpatient surgical unit. We were assigned a stark, cold room. Although Tomas was given a sedative to help calm him, when the folks came in to hook up the IV and administer the anesthesia, he began to fight like a small tiger. With six people holding him down, it took 3 big doses of anesthesia to get him under completely.

The audiologist came in after he'd fallen asleep and did the test. His hearing is perfectly fine and in the normal range.

Afterwards, the staff seemed in a hurry to get us out of there. As heavily doped up as Tomas was, they wanted him waking up after an hour--and they didn't want to take out the IV. Well, the little guy sat up abruptly, didn't recognize Heidi or me (Linda had gone out for a smoke, the first time she'd left the room since the ordeal began) and began trying to tear the IV out of his hand.

Clearly, Tomas wasn't able to walk and whenever Linda tried to carry him, he'd begin fighting and thrashing. A nurse said, this is normal, it's the anesthesia wearing off. She wanted to show Linda how to restrain Tomas and carry him out--but we thought it would be better if Tomas rested longer. I guess the insurance company must have a limit or something on how long you can stay in the room because the nurses were just determined we should go.

Tomas screamed for 20 minutes and then fell back asleep. It was one of the worst experiences I've had. The only good to come out of it was that we knew for sure that Tomas's hearing was fine.

But now what?

The school district preschool team came to the house to evaluate Tomas the end of November. I gave their psychologist a copy of the doctor's report (from PA) and she took it. Still, they tried to evaluate Tomas on the same things...and had the same results. He'd do the puzzles and toss the ball but anytime they tried to get him to get him to do a language task he'd pitch a fit. That team told me candidly that they felt T was, indeed, on the autistic spectrum and that he'd be placed in a preschool classroom with other children who have pervasive developmental disorder.

Ah well. I'd been suspecting so for a long time.

There was one more test after that, in January, and this time with a pediatrician specializing in developmental disorders and other special needs. He barely looked at Tomas, just going with the answers he got from parents Linda and Kennan. He diagnosed Tomas with pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified.

More later.

Feline Friday: Kosmo, the feline king

Doesn't Kosmo have a look of royalty about him?

He is a very sweet natured, patient guy--around us two legged critters anyway. I got a new camera for Christmas and took what seemed like hundreds of pictures of him. I thought he'd get sick of the flashes going off but I guess the paparazzi wouldn't faze him one little bit!

I uploaded the nicest of the the pictures and cropped some of them to see how they'd come out. Click on the pic if you want to see more!

Want more Cat Friday stuff? Visit Friday Ark,Carnival of the Cats, and the cat blogs on my side bar. Have a great Friday, everyone!

Since June...Part II

Once Linda gave her permission, a team from the early childhood intervention program at the hospital was able to come out and evaluate Tomas. They made observations mostly although they did ask Tomas to do some tasks. I noticed that he mostly ignored them at first. It was as if he put on blinders and turned his hearing off. At that point, it was hard to know if he was having residual hearing problems or not. When he did engage, he was so sweet and made lots of eye contact.

The team found Tomas eligible for services based on the fact that he wasn’t speaking. They also found delays in socialization skills and cognitive skills, especially since he was stuck on one type of play. He could use any toy to play this way, blocks, cars, it didn’t matter. What he would do is slide two objects open and closed and have a third pass between. After a while, TB figured out that he was mimicking automatic doors, like those at the grocery store. Those doors were a big issue—we’d go shopping and the little guy would get “stuck” at those doors. He wouldn’t want to leave them and he’d pitch a screaming tantrum when we had to move him. He would also actively resist us, TB and me, whenever we'd try to change the game. I'd build with blocks and he would scream and knock them down. He didn't want to build, he wanted to play the doors game.

The team explained what would happen next. The family would meet with members of the early intervention program and we'd come up with an individualized family service plan (IFSP). I was an interpreter in a school district for many years and so I knew this was the precursor to the individualized education plan (IEP) used for school age children to determine their needs, how to meet them, and to set goals so they could achieve. The nice thing about the infant-3 program was that the providers would come right to our house. Also the providers would be able to work with all of us and teach us how to best help Tomas. We also learned that as soon as Tomas turned 3, he'd no longer be eligible but could get into a preschool program with the school district. At the meeting, the team decided to send a teacher for Tomas twice a week and a speech therapist once every 2 weeks.

I would have preferred he get more services but hey, we'd take what we could get.

The team evaluators came in August, the meeting was in September, and services began in October.

Meanwhile, I'd done some reading up on autism and although I didn't think that was what was happening with Tomas, I had a nagging feeling that was part of it. I was signing with him but he wasn't responding. When we'd watch a TV program together, it would be "Go Diego Go" or "Dora the Explorer" or "Blue's Clues" which is interactive. And I would participate. Sometimes he didn't mind but other times he'd yell at me.

Our grandchildren from Tennessee came to visit and we were taking them places. Right away I could see that Tomas disliked Chuck E. Cheese and all the noise and commotion. He refused to try any of the rides and the only thing he seemed to enjoy was a slide in the infant section. If we went to the playground, Tomas didn't want to go on any of the equipment. He had a sort of parade route he wanted you to follow. He didn't want to get in the kiddie pool with his cousins and didn't want to go into the sandbox. He did enjoy playing with his cousin Taylor--our granddaughter is the closest to him in age.

What a dramatic improvement once the teacher began coming to the house! Nancy is a retired preschool teacher and she started out coming once a week while the program tried to find a second teacher. Nancy was scheduled the rest of the time with other kids but when December rolled around and there still wasn't a second teacher, I asked if she could come twice a week once one of her other kids "aged out". At first Tomas ignored Nancy but after a couple of sessions, he began to warm up to her.

By the time the holidays rolled around, Tomas was pointing at objects, was moving to music, somewhat interacting with “Go, Diego, Go” (the shows have the child get up and point at objects on the TV, etc) and was making some sounds that could be "yeah" and "hey". I was doing a lot of the modeling for that behavior because Linda and TB were at work and the kids were in school. Tomas would copy things if I did them first and he’d make eye contact and clap for himself. Nancy was very happy with all that and so were we!

Next: More tests for Tomas to determine a more accurate diagnosis

Since June...Part 1

Now I finally feel I can talk about what’s been going on all these months.

When we first began to visit with Tomas again over a year ago, we were kind of concerned that he wasn’t talking. He also was very reserved with us but I thought that was from the long separation. After all, he’d been through a lot emotionally and although I was hurt that he didn’t seem to remember our closeness from before I tried to understand.

The talking thing…that’s something else. Tomas had frequent ear infections during the time he lived away from us. Linda told us the doctor said his ears were filled with fluid and that’s why he couldn’t talk…because he couldn’t hear. Well, I have a nephew who had a lot of ear infections like that as a toddler and it’s true the hearing becomes impaired. Sean had tubes placed into his ears—what about tubes for Tomas? I guess they couldn’t do that until the infections cleared up and this just dragged on and on and on throughout the winter and into the spring.

Now T was over 2 years old and could not communicate with us. He would look at what he wanted and we’d try and guess what it was. If we didn’t guess right he’d become frustrated and start to tantrum. He would have some mighty tantrums, too, throwing himself against the wall and onto the floor. Now, I would have thought he would try to gesture or point to what he wanted or grab our hands but he seemed to avoid any other attempt to communicate with him. Meantime we were hearing some horror stories about what might be happening at the dad’s house and we were very worried about that.

By the time Linda brought T to live with us, he’d had tubes placed into his ears and the fluid drained away. Still…no words forthcoming, no attempts to communicate and although he could be very loving and affectionate he was also very withdrawn, rigid in his play and routines, and seemingly distrustful. I began to think, if it’s not his hearing that is keeping him from speaking obviously there’s something else going on. Could it be autism?

During this time, there was no contact with the dad. I wanted to call him but was nervous about it because of the way Linda had described him…that he hated us and wanted nothing to do with us. She said he never called her to see how his son was doing and so I wondered if he cared what was going on? Still, I often wondered what he thought about his son’s reluctance to communicate.

Over the summer, as Tomas became more used to us he became more outwardly friendly although he was still very reserved and sometimes unemotional. It was like he was wearing blinders sometimes or deaf/blind to what was going on. Communication wasn’t much better but the intensity of the tantrums decreased...

I contacted early childhood intervention programs and most were unable to act without Linda calling to make the initial request. However, I did finally get in touch with a program at a hospital that could take intake information from me. They still needed Linda to call to send an evaluation team so when she got home from work I gave her the phone and the phone number and she called.

Balancing Act

What Kind of Mom Are You?"

"Kids First Mom"

The results of The Balancing Act indicate that you are a "Kids First Mom." You are the type of mom that chooses to be very involved in your children's life and development. Although you want your children to be independent, you like to have an active role in the decisions and choices your children make. You enjoy planning activities for them to do alone or for you to share. You carefully monitor their choice of TV shows, friends, and extracurricular activities. You are the type of mom that is likely to be homeroom mother, scout leader, Sunday school teacher, or PTA president. You love to be involved all aspects of your children's life, and they love all of the fun you have together! You enjoying running them from practice to practice, fixing their lunches, and being there to welcome them off the bus when they get home from school.

Your children are the most important thing in your life. You are the type of Mom that regardless of whether or not you currently work, you would probably rather be home and a homemaker. You would be happiest being at home, spending all of your time with your children and nurturing your family. You realize that staying home may have some monetary sacrifices attached, but it would be worth it to you.

However, putting your children first can have some negative consequences. If you choose not to work, you may not have the monetary means to provide your children with certain extras like sports, dancing lessons, or scouts. Also if you are the type of mom who becomes so involved in spending so much time with her children, when your child begins to be independent, you may develop the "Who am I?" syndrome. Without your children being the center of your attention, you may have to struggle to regain your identity as a person.

Children of "Kids First" Moms are often very secure and more willing to take risks because they know they have the support of their parents behind them. They often get excellent grades in school because mom is always there to help them study or get their homework done. You really enjoy knowing what they are learning at school. Best of all -- your children are proud you are there and care so much!

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There are many resources geared to Kid's First Moms who have younger children. Younger children love being with you, and doing things with you. Children as young as 20 months can "help" pick up toys, clean cabinets, etc. Simple, educational, and fun activities are plentiful on both the Internet, and in bookstores. Other ideas include: libraries, museums, etc., that often have "story times" providing interaction for your child with other children, and also some adult interaction for you. Once your child reaches 2, there are many "Mother's Day-Out" programs that for one-three days a week for several hours, provide both interaction with other children, and a break for you.

Pre-Schoolers are also interested in being with you. As their world expands, so can the activities that you enjoy together. They can be of even more help to you around the house, Children as young as 4 can make up a bed, help with vacuuming the house, etc. There are also online activities and educational software available from approximately 3 and up. Preschoolers love crafts of all kinds, "making things", etc. Again, libraries, museums, etc., offer many programs geared to pre-schooler age, and are a great source of education and interaction with others.

Early school-aged children, while not at home with you all day any longer, also need your help and support. The habits you help them establish in their early school years will be appreciated throughout all their school years. This age child needs structure. Many kids find a well-established routine after school helpful to them. During summer months, a routine of a different nature is usually necessary and helps to ensure a "happier" summer.

These books were selected for your particular type and for excellent resources in general to help you be a better Mom. You can order them online through Online Psych and Amazon.com with complete security. Click on the title for more information (and often reviews of the book):

All Mothers Work: A Guilt Free Guide for the Stay at Home Mom, by Cindy Ramming

20 Teachable Virtues: Practical Ways to Pass on Lessons of Virtue and Character to Your Children, by Barbara C. Unell, Jerry L. Wyckoff

1001 Things to Do With Your Kids,by Caryl Waller Krueger

1001 More Things to Do With Your Kids, by Caryl Waller Krueger

Parenting A to Z : A Guide to Everything from Conception to College, by Irene M. Franck, David M. Brownstone

Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility, by Jim Fay, Foster W.

Parenting For Dummies-- the manual that we all wish our kids would have come with!, by Sandra Harding Gookin

Mom! He Hit Me: What to Do About Sibling Rivalry, by Elaine K. McEwan

Solving School Problems: Kindergarten Through Middle School by Elaine K. McEwan

Feline Friday: Happiness is a cozy blankie...

Ah, what can be better than snuggling up with a nice cozy blankie on a cold afternoon?

This blankie was specially made for Amber by Nina of Nina's Books 4 Israel. If you are a book lover as well as a cat lover, this is a very worthy cause! Nina will make a cozy for your kitty for a donation which helps her ship books to needy kids in Israel! There is no middleperson here like in other charities. Everyone benefits!

Amber sez I think the blankie goes quite well with my coat, don't you?

Want more Cat Friday stuff? Try Carnival of the Cats,
Friday Ark, and the cat blogs on my sidebar. Have a great weekend!

Busy Day For Tomas!

Today was a very special day for Tomas! Not only was it his birthday, it was also his very first day of preschool! He and I went earlier in the week for a visit and stayed all morning, meeting the teacher, assistant teachers and other classmates. There are five other little ones in the class, a very nice size! Of course, we had to make a new photo album for the big event! Just click on the picture for the rest of the pix!

Linda took the day off for this special occasion and so I stayed home. The teacher told me on the phone that T had a great day today. The only down side was the reason the teacher called...Linda was a half hour late picking the little guy up! I have NO idea what that was all about.

It was such a busy day, the little guy opened just a couple of presents from Linda. He loves the play food set! He went to his daddy's for more presents and ice cream cake and we'll probably be celebrating all weekend because he hasn't opened all his stuff yet!

Oh boy...

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho