Scribblings

Saturday Memes

Yeah, four posts today, I'm amazed too!

The Saturday Special Meme

Book Value

1. Favorite Book You've Read?: Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
2. Favorite Book Character?: Claire Fraser from the above titled book
3. Favorite Book Genre?: It's hard to pick just one
4. Hardcover or Paper Back?: Paperback because it's getting too hard to hold a hard back in my hands anymore

Patrick's Weekender

Saturday Six

1. Rating them on a scale of one to ten, which of the following aspects of your life would you think rates the highest: mind, body or spirit? Spirit

2. Rating them on a scale of one to ten, which of the following aspects of your life would you think rates the lowest: friends/family, love or finance? Finance

3. Considering all six categories, which do you think would rank closest to the middle, a "5"? Mind

4. Take the quiz: How does your life rate?

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.3
Mind:	5.6
Body:	3.3
Spirit:	8
Friends/Family:	6.6
Love:	7.3
Finance:	6.6
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

5. Of the first three questions, how many of your responses match the responses of the quiz?

I matched exactly with the first question and just about matched on the third one. I kind of matched with the second.

6. Which of the test's responses do you disagree the most with and why? Here is what the analysis said:

Your Life Analysis:

Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score leaves room for improvement. You can make changes to improve your trouble areas, and this will bring you greater satisfaction. Focus on your weakest points and set about to change them. Do not delay your happiness and success.

Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is not bad, but could be improved upon. Your mental health is not weak, but you are not achieving full mental clarity and function. Learn how to unclutter your mind. Keep learning, keep improving, continue moving forward.

Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. You have a rather low body score, which means that your physical health is not in a good condition. You must put a higher priority on your body, focusing on nutrition, exercise, and stress reduction. Proper focus will lead to great improvement, leaving you feeling energetic and happy.

Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score is relatively high, which means you are rewarded by your beliefs. Spirituality is clearly important to do. Never let it slip, and continue to learn and grow.

Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score is not bad but can be improved. Maintain your current social net, while you try to expand it. Try new things and form new friendships. You will be rewarded greatly.

Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is in good shape, meaning that things are going well. Do all you can to maintain it, and continue to grow and move ahead.

Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. Your finances are somewhat in the middle, neither bad or exceptional. Keep doing what works for you, and improve what doesn't. Focus on long-term financial stability as your goal.

Well, I don't see much to disagree with -- this quiz was pretty right-on!

Fog of Confusion 2

One reason I had to make another entry was to get rid of that second explorer page. I was having too much trouble trying to go back and forth. I have only just figured out moving from tab to tab on a single page--which I really like now. Anyway, the other article on fibro fog was on the Arthritis Foundation website and I found it to be helpful and hopeful.

Clearing the Fog

Excerpted from Good Living with Fibromyalgia Workbook.

Many people with fibromyalgia experience unclear thinking or cognitive dysfunction. They become forgetful, lose their train of thought, forget words or mix them up. This is what is popularly called fibro fog. There's no known cause for it, and the only treatment for it is following some basic memory and communication tips.

Below are some common-sense pointers that can help you clear the fog.

Repeat yourself. Repeat things to yourself over and over again. Repetition will keep thoughts fresh in your mind.

Write it down. Whether you write in a calendar, in a notebook or on sticky notes, if you're afraid you won't remember something, putting pen to paper can help.

Pick your best time. If there is something you need to do that requires concentration and memory, such as balancing your checkbook or following a recipe, pick your best time to do it. Many people with fibromyalgia say they perform best early in the day.

Get treated. Depression, pain and sleep deprivation can influence your ability to concentrate and remember. Getting your medical problems treated may indirectly help your memory.

Engage yourself. Reading a book, seeing a play, or working a complex crossword or jigsaw puzzle can stimulate your brain and your memory.

Stay active. Physical activity, in moderation, can increase your energy and help lift your fibro fog. Speak to your doctor or physical therapist about an exercise program that is right for you.

Explain yourself. Explain your memory difficulties to family members and close friends. Memory problems often result from stress. Getting a little understanding from the ones you love may help.

Keep it quiet. A radio blasting from the next room, a TV competing for your attention, or background conversation can distract your attention from the task at hand. If possible, move to a quiet place and minimize distractions when you are trying to remember.

Go slowly. Sometimes memory problems can result from trying to do too much in too short a period of time. Break up tasks, and don't take on more than you can handle at once. Stress and fatigue will only make the situation worse.

Some of these I do already--I know I focus better in the mornings. I read and do puzzles. Other things I need to start doing.

And here's the lyrics for "Ball of Confusion" while I'm at it. I always did like this song.

Fog of Confusion: That's What My Mind Is Today

My title is a take-off of the Temptations song "Ball of Confusion" but that's not what the post is about. I was looking for information on the ball of confusion from an episode of Sponge Bob. You flip the switch on and immediately all intelligence is vacuumed out of your brain and you stand with with a vacant expression, drooling all over yourself. I feel like that many days, like everything's drained out and I can't put two thoughts together, can't seem to do the simplest task (like heat up an already cooked pork roast), and just generally feel like a sack of jello. Most of the time I get really mad at myself when this happens, which does absolutely nothing to help.

What did help was doing a google search of brain fog, all in fun, and coming up with some useful information. Now, here is the problem I'm confronting at this very moment in time: where did I put all that information? I installed Explorer 7 not long ago and it's great because of the tabbing ... except ... if I click on one of my toolbar icons, a whole nex Explorer page opens up. That's what my problem is right now. I have two explorer pages open and trying to process and find all the information I want for this post is sizzling my brain.

On one explorer page, I have tabs for Stumbleupon.com (which looks really interesting!), the lyrics to the Temps' song, my entry and an article called "FIBROMYALGIA AND BRAIN FOG OR FIBRO FOG". However, I remembered also finding an article from the arthritis foundation about fibromyalgia fog. Where did it go? No tabs...had I closed it by accident? And then I realize there is yet another explorer page open. That page opened because I clicked an icon for our photo gallery. And on that page is the tab for the other article.

I am totally blown away. I sit staring at the screen wondering what to do next. I feel a vacuous expression coming over my face. Next I'll start drooling. But wait! This second page has some really helpful information so that I can try to cope with what's happening.

Here is the first article:

Fibromyalgia & Brain Fog or Fibro Fog

Brain fog aka fibro fog is a commonly reported symptom of fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia patients often describe multiple sensations of fatigue and listlessness combined with transitory states of confusion, poor attention and concentration, and short-term memory loss. This fibro fog tends to exacerbate the deficits in daily functioning that a fibromyalgia sufferer must deal with.

What causes fibro fog? There's no conclusive origin for this symptom of FMS, nor an explanation as to why it exists in varying degrees for different fibromyalgia patients. Sleep deprivation and significant difficulty in achieving and/or maintaining deep level sleep, however, may very well point to the answer.

It is at the deeper levels of sleep (delta wave sleep) that a person's mind conducts its internal "housekeeping". During this phase of sleep, newly acquired information is assimilated and integrated. The inability to get enough restorative deep-level sleep may have an impairing effect on an individual's ability to recall information or operate at a normal level of mental efficiency.

The thing about sleep makes a lot of sense. I didn't sleep well last night and was up really early so that Heidi could go on a field trip to Mt. Laurel. She still has a driver's permit and so I needed to go with her on the drive. Anyway, after I got back home I felt increasingly sleepy so I took a long nap. Instead of feeling refreshed when I woke up, I felt drugged and confused. Then the fog descended.

Next article: Dealing with fog

Feliine Friday On Saturday: Special Guest

My friend in the Netherlands sent new pictures of family and her little kitten, Luka, a while back. Isn't he adorable?

What dreamy eyes!

I realize that Luka is the type of kitty TB would like to have some day. He wants an orange tabby that he can name Hobbes ... the stuffed tiger pal of little Calvin from that wonderful and much missed comic strip, Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson.

"Why Would We Kill You?"

I nicked this from The Tail Section which always has some great tidbits and articles. If you're not a fan of Lost yet, maybe you'll feel intrigued enough to check it out. If not, skip this post. It's about the show.

Stuff I learned:

The Others (the self-proclaimed "good" guys but are they really? They really did everything Jack said) have some system of justice in their camp. They have a "sheriff", a spooky older woman with creepy eyes and a knowing, chilling attitude. Still, one character--Ben--has the power to override her. Is he the ultimate head-of-Other-state? He seems to be ... but there's this unseen Jacob who's been referred to several times now. The Others retreated to an Alcatraz-like island but "going home" again seems to refer to returning to the main Lost Island.

The kidnapped children Jack mentioned were taken to give them "a better life". Better than what? Better than that of the castaways, or so the Others claim, but I think there's an ulterior motive. One of the Others is a fertility doctor and they seem to have a weird interest in children and pregnant ladies. I agree with fans who think the female Others are sterile...and maybe the males are too.

Jack has some obvious tattoos that you wouldn't normally see on a spinal surgeon. The episode sort of explained how he came by them and what they mean. I say "sort of" because a lot was left unexplained. Achara (I think that's how you spell her name), the artist who put the tattoos on Jack, apparently has some gift to see into a person's soul. Then she puts that information into the tattoo. But did she? She told Jack that he was a leader but that he was also very lonely. She seemed really afraid to put the tattoos on and a bunch of guys on the beach beat the heck out of Jack afterward. Why?

The sheriff told Jack his tattoo means "He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us." And Jack replied that's what it says but it's not what it means. Okay, that line has nothing to do with lonely leaders so what is that? This wasn't one of my favorite episodes but I was happy with it.

All Quiet on the Western Front

This is one of the best anti-war classics I've ever read. I know that it's not the first one and definitely not the last but the story was told in such a way that it got under my skin. There weren't gory descriptions of wounds but still Erich Marie Remarque told me all about the horrors of war and what it does to a soldier.

When I was a little girl, there was a comic series called Classics Illustrated. I think over time I got almost every issue and read through them before I was 10. I remember All Quiet on the Western Front--it scared me. I remembered the panels in which the main character and hero, Paul, visited his dying wounded friend in the hospital and that another comrade wanted the poor guy's boots. I remember a panel in which a teacher strongly encouraged young men of 17 and 18 to go to war--it was their patriotic duty. That was one of the few comics I could not bring myself to read.

After being able to sit through most of Saving Private Ryan, I thought I should be able to read this book.

Paul Bremer is the narrator and hero of this book. While he and his friends were still students in school, their teacher practically strong armed them into joining the army. Once they are sent to France, they are sent to "the front" every day in trucks. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to endure daily bombardments and danger from poisonous gases, huddled in a ditch sometimes with dead bodies and/or water. I think I would lose my mind and try to make a run for it as some of the young recruits did.

Paul describes how he had to kill a man in self defense and then, sickened, had to huddle in that trench and watch the man die a slow, painful death. He tries to ease the other man's suffering by giving him water. He makes all kinds of promises in his head to write the man's family, to support the bereaved family and so on and so on and realizes he won't do any of it.

He describes foraging for food with his friends and the miserable conditions for those who are wounded.

Normally when a story is told in the first person, you sort of "get" that the person isn't going to die. However, after losing all of his friends to the war and realizing he will never feel at home again even when peace comes, Paul stands up one day when "all is quiet on the western front" and is shot down and killed. Surprise!

There is a reason this book is a classic. I had no idea that Erich Marie Remarque also wrote Bobby Deerfield and so I will have to go look for it.

If you haven't read this book yet, give it a try.

Catch Up & Wednesday Mind Hump

Finally I am starting to feel better and finally my sugar is coming down.

What else?

Linda got fired -- took too many days off, they say. She's already got some interviews lined up.

Billy got an infection in his toe from a blister that went bad. He went to the doctor right away, thank goodness, got an antibiotic and his toe is much better already. He seems to be having a good semester this time around, no engineering classes to fight with. He is going to major in physics which is about as indecipherable to me as engineering but more power to him!

Heidi hasn't gotten to practice drive too much the last week because I've been so sick but she's doing well behind the wheel and enjoys it. Yay!

And Kristin's having some trouble with her jaw still...I'm hoping that she won't have to have surgery to correct it but I guess we'll see what the doctor has to say.

Catch-up pictures on the way...

Wednesday Mind Hump

1. What is your favorite place for delivered pizza?

Soprano's ... yes, it's in New Jersey and that's really the name

2. How often do you have pizza delivered at your house?

More than once a week, there's usually someone in the house ordering pizza

3. What toppings do you want on that pizza?

Extra cheese, maybe sausage or meatballs

4. Thick crust or thin?

Thick!

"Jersey scientists find a possible key to autism"

TB shared this article from The Star Ledger with Linda and me. Wouldn't this be something if this turns out to be a big break through? Thank God for dedicated scientists who research!

Jersey scientists find a possible key to autism
Sunday, February 18, 2007
BY PEGGY O'CROWLEY
Star-Ledger Staff

A team of New Jersey scientists believes it has found ways to detect biological risk factors for autism through simple urine and blood tests, a discovery that could lead to groundbreaking medical treatment for the neurological disorder.

The team of 16 scientists, mostly drawn from the campuses of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey, say their findings, the result of more than two years of study on how the body breaks down fatty acids, could be a breakthrough for what is the fastest-growing developmental disorder in the nation, with no known cause or cure.

The UMDNJ researchers say they have found that children with autism are unable to metabolize key fatty acids that help the body fight inflammation that causes damage to the brain and other organs.

"It's an exciting story that's unfolding," said George Lambert, coordinator of the 15-member research team.

The potential treatment, members of the team say, is a kind of "therapeutic cocktail" tailored to each child, which would give them a dose of a "good" fatty acid that they are not able to make on their own. Team member Bernd Spur of UMDNJ-Stratford created the chemical process to replicate one of those good fatty acids.

"The pathway doesn't work (in the body), so we circumvent it," said Spur, a chemist.

Currently, the only way to diagnose autism is by a clinical assessment of symptoms, which include difficulty with communication and social interaction, as well as obsessive behaviors and interests. New Jersey has a high incidence of the disorder, affecting 1 in 94 children in the state, compared with 1 in 150 in the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Researchers say that in the future a person's risk for autism could be measured with a simple urine test that would look for high levels of "bad" fat molecules, or a blood test that could reveal genetic problems, including the absence of a key gene, called GSTM1, which is responsible for metabolizing good fats. Many people with autism do not have this gene.

Xue Ming, a neuroscientist and a founding director of the Autism Center at UMNDJ-Newark, discovered that children with autism have higher levels of bad fat molecules in their urine than typical children.

No one understands yet why it is that so many children with autism have such metabolic differences, but Ming suggested it might be caused by an interaction between genes and the environment. It may be that having less of these key fats reduces the body's ability to deal with environmental and metabolic stress.

Since the 1990s, scientists have known about the potential for good fatty acids to treat inflammatory diseases such as Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, even asthma and Alzheimer's.

That potential has spurred a frenzy of research into lipids, the fatty compounds that include fatty acids. Studies at the University of Pennsylvania and Vanderbilt University have confirmed the New Jersey group's findings, said Spur.

At Harvard University, researchers are working on treatments for asthma and periodontal disease, while researchers at Louisiana State University are focusing on stroke.

Team members have been meeting every week for more than two years to discuss the results of their experiments. They include Lambert, a pediatric toxicologist who looks at the impact of the environment on children; Spur, the chemist who replicated the fatty acid in the lab; neurologist William Johnson, who associated the missing gene with autism; and Ming, a neuroscientist who tested for the presence of bad lipids in children.

So far, the scientists have obtained six patents for their research, Lambert said. They soon will meet with the Food and Drug Administration to discuss the requirements for producing and testing their substances, he added.

"Metabolic issues in autism are entirely understudied," said Sophia Colamarino, science director for Cure Autism Now, a major advocacy and research group in Los Angeles. "It's a very exciting area. There is accumulating evidence that would clearly tell me this is where I should look."

The New Jersey scientists are cautious, however, about their preliminary results, and warn families not to expect a miracle cure. Testing on humans, they say, could take a few years.

Meanwhile, the researchers are preparing a preliminary study to begin in September. Lambert hopes to work with 5- to 7-year-olds at the Douglass Developmental Disabilities Center in New Brunswick, a school for children with autism run by Rutgers.

Lambert will be giving the children doses of a good fatty acids to see if they have any noticeable effect on the children's cognitive, social and behavioral states. The study will use a control group of similar students.

"New Jersey is the perfect place to do this," said Lambert, director of the EPA-funded Center for Neurotoxicology. "We have a high incidence (of autism), a long history of activism and a strong community."

Peggy O'Crowley may be reached at pocrowley@starledger.com or 973-392-5810

© 2007 The Star Ledger
© 2007 NJ.com All Rights Reserved.

Posted by Cassie at 12:10 PM | TrackBack

Ten on Tuesday

Ten on Tuesday

10 Foods You Hate

1. Liver
2. Shark
3. Swordfish
4. any other fish except salmon...this is psychological because when I was really little I saw my mom choking on a fish bone and it took so long to dislodge it. Now anytime I try to eat most fish (except salmon) I'm fighting a gag reflex
5. Brussels sprouts
6. Buttermilk straight from the carton
7. Sushi--can't get my mind around eating squid, octopus ... etc.
8. Seaweed
9. Sharkfin soup
10. raw clams or oysters

Meant to be 2

I can't explain what it's like to be a widow other than to say it's like half of your heart is amputated and the wound is left open and raw. Well, in order to survive a trauma like that your body puts itself into a state of shock. I remember for the first three months after Rich died, I was almost always completely and totally numb. People would say to me, "wow, you're doing so well!" and they'd just have no clue. You might have some inkling, some glimpse of what it is to be widowed but unless it's happened to you, you just don't know.

After about 3 months, ready or not, the anesthesia wears off and you deal with the pain the best way you can. One of the things I did to cope was haunt chat rooms with psychics. I couldn't let go of Rich and there were several manifestations that let me know he was close by. I really believe this part: I think when someone dies unexpectedly (even if they've been very sick), they're sort of in "shock" too and hang around their loved ones much the same way the Patrick Swayze character did in Ghost. After awhile, though, it's time to move on but they can be "stuck" if their loved ones can't let go. Looking back, I can almost see Rich wanting me to be okay but unable to get about his heavenly business because I was totally falling apart. And so I think he began gently prodding me to get out of the chat rooms with people who talk to the dead and into rooms where people talk to the living.

I remember there came a point where I was so lonely for a man's company. I have very supportive friends then and now--most are female. Now let's see if I can say this right .... sometimes I just wanted the sound of a man's voice, a guy's opinions, the sight of hairy hands or a beard. I joined email lists for widows and widowers and began some friendships with both. All the friendships with widowers were what's called "LD" (long distance) ... and that's what felt safe for me.

Around the holidays, I began to feel like I wanted to out with guys but I felt vulnerable and guilty. I told myself, after all, this is what Rich wanted and yet I felt like I was betraying him. And vulnerable? Hey, it's one thing to be 25 and sexy...at that point I was 46 and fat. One friend mentioned Parents Without Partners and I just could not deal with a face-to-face.

So I checked out match.com and signed up for a 3 month trial. What a trip that was for the most part! I still wanted to move slowly so I was looking for widowers around my age who lived out of state, didn't smoke or drink, liked cats and kids, reading...well, basically the same stuff I liked. Most of the profiles I received were guys looking for women 20 years younger than me. There was one profile, though, that came through just before I went to PA for the holidays with the kids.

The profile showed a smiling, genial looking guy who lived in NJ, didn't smoke, didn't drink, liked cats, had adult children and didn't want to start a new family but liked kids, liked going for walks, reading, photography ... hey, this guy sounds like a winner! One thing practically made my hair stand on end: this man had a Van Dyke beard and blue eyes...oh, no, so he looked like Rich! I hit the delete button and went to Pennsylvania.

I started to really crash after the New Year. I started ducking my friends and finding reasons not to go out of the house. What for? My life was over. My mailbox was loaded either with loser profiles or posts from guys looking to hook up for a one nighter. Ugh! I emailed match.com and cancelled my membership. They posted back and said they were sorry to see me go but I still had several weeks on the free trial and that I could continue to use it until it expired.

No way, I thought, and just kept hitting the delete button. And then one morning, I realized I was looking at a familiar face just a second before I hit the delete button. And it was like I heard a voice in my ear saying again, "Give him a chance." So I looked at the profile again and thought, what the heck, what have I got to lose? What I have to gain is the friendship of what seems to be a very nice guy. And so I sent off a post. He responded almost right away and I was taken with his good humor and charm--I totally loved the gifs in his email to me. I answered him back and we began an email friendship.

It happened that I got a call from one of those time share places that offer free weekends for sitting through one of their lousy promotions. This was for Orlando Florida and my little voice said, go, you & the kids need this! My new friend lived in NJ and I thought, well, why don't we meet? Boy, I was SO nervous! I know he was too. We'd agreed to meet at a McDonald's just off the NJ Turnpike.

I think as soon as I saw him, I knew that it was possible to love and live again and to feel like I had a whole heart again. I could see that he was nervous even as he gave me the most adorable angel bear to watch over us on our trip south and so I took his hand and we all walked into the restaurant. We talked for a couple of hours, but it sure didn't seem like it!

The guy, of course, is TB.

While on vacation, I called TB several times and we'd just talk and talk. Now that we met and realized we had so much in common, I wasn't afraid to go out with him. I didn't feel vulnerable. I could feel love growing.

We both believe that Rich and Audrey (TB's first wife who also passed suddenly after a severe illness) got their heavenly heads together and brought us together. They could move on now, knowing that TB and I love each other and will be okay.

And so ... like Abel said, maybe some things are just meant to be? And maybe more than once, too.

Meant to be

One of the recurring themes running throughout my favorite show Lost is the question of fate vs. free will. I read Abel Keough's blog regularly. I sort of stumbled across his blog in 2002 or 2003, not long after TB and I got married. At that time, Abel's Blog was at a different URL and was called "A Young Widower's Tale". Happily, he met, married and now has a family with his second wife, Marathon Girl. Anyway, after the most recent episode of Lost Abel wrote "I don't believe in fate" but then went on to say "... it seemed like some invisible hand kept pushing Marathon Girl and I together no matter how many mistakes and dumb decisions we made."

I've been thinking a lot about the episode and about Abel's post. I know that God gave us free will. Sometimes when you choice a certain path, you can pretty much predict what the outcome will be good or bad. Was it fated to happen? I mean, even though we have free will are we programmed to make certain choices so that there is a particular outcome? I don't know.

I do have a couple of "meant to be" type stories though. Way back in 1983, I was in a disintegrating relationship with a jerk. I wasn't ready to let him go because I was in love with him. I was a freelance interpreter then and had met him almost 2 years earlier at one of my assignments. I remember it was June or July of 1983 and I'd just started a summer job for a market research firm. Interpreting assignments were very hard to come by in the summers. I worked from 4 p.m. to 1 a.m. at this part time job several nights a week. When I wasn't working, I'd often listen to a call in radio talk show.

Well, this one particular night the host had a psychic (stop rolling your eyes!) as his guest. The psychic was going to answer any question you wanted. The only information he needed was your birthday and that of your significant other. I'd heard psychics on other talk shows before and it never meant anything to me but this evening I felt like I had to get through and talk to the guy. I wanted to know if my relationship was going anywhere or should I move on? Of course, the line was busy all night but I kept trying.

Finally, five minutes before the show ended, I got through. The host put me on hold right away and I ground my teeth in frustration. I was just about in tears when I heard the music for the show signing off. But then the host came on and said that the psychic was going to talk to me, even though the show was now off the air. Wow! Nervously, I gave the psychic my birthdate and that of my then boyfriend.

I really wasn't very surprised when the psychic said this relationship was going nowhere and that the boyfriend didn't treat me nearly as well as I deserved. He then predicted that by fall--October or November--I would be in a new relationship, one with a man that I wouldn't be attracted to. I scoffed and the psychic said, listen, the men who are "your type" are no good for you--they will never give you the love and respect you deserve. The psychic said, give this man a chance because he is the one for you. Right.

The rest of the summer, I weaned myself off the boyfriend. It was depressing and very discouraging but luckily my friends and famiily were supportive. I made new friends at this part time job and since they didn't know my history, I could relax and just laugh at jokes, forgetting my pain for a while. I had 3 or 4 of these new buds.

In September, interpreting assignments began to come in but I decided I'd keep working weekends at this market research place. I could use the extra money.

One night toward the end of that month, I was one of the last to leave the building. I'd gotten a survey at the last minute and it went on beyond 1 a.m. All the interviewers already left and only the supervisor was left. I went quickly into the parking lot, eager to get out of there and was startled to find one of the editors leaning up against his car. He was one of my new buddies, a very tall, blonde blue-eyed guy with very thick glasses--someone fun to be with but definitely not my "type". I was attracted to guys who looked like pirates--like Clark Gable. Tall dark and handsome.

After I recovered my voice, I greeted my friend and asked what he was doing. And he replied, "I was waiting for you. I was wondering...do you want to go out?"

And as I was about to say no thanks, a little voice whispered: give the guy a chance.

Okay, so what was the harm? It's just a date, no big deal.

Of course, this shy friend who'd waited and waited for me to come out that night was Rich.

Meant to be?

But then why did he die?

And why did the next "meant to be" happen?

Once we knew how sick Rich was, he said "If anything ever happens to me, I'd want you to move on and love someone else and be happy again."

No no no, I said. No way! The very idea was repugnant. And after Rich passed, I felt I'd been blessed to have him in my life and a love like that only happens once in a lifetime. But then it happened again...and that story is coming up.

Sugar's gone whacko

I feel like I've been sick since Christmas. Anyway, TB and I were at the doctor's again about 10 days ago for more antibiotics. I was starting to feel better until Friday or Saturday and now it's like it's all starting over again. My sugar's been really high, in the mid 200s which is worrying me some. Now I have to go back to the doctor again and see what next. I'm taking metformin but it's the lowest dose (I think) so I suppose the doctor will tell me to take more of it. I'm curious to learn more about byetta. TB takes it along with his other meds. It has to be injected but I won't mind if it'll help.

The doctor wants my cousin to use it. She has a pre-diabetes condition. She's reluctant to use it because of the needle. Frankly, if my doctor suggested to me before I became diabetic I would have used it no problem. I guess I'm more inured to the sight of a needle from watching TB inject himself several times a day every day.

Diagnosis: Autism II

When Tomas first began to visit us on weekends, TB and I were alarmed by behaviors described in the previous article. Like the little boy Christian, Tomas would have long, violent tantrums because we couldn't communicate with each other. We didn't have to bolt things down but little T would throw himself against the wall and onto the floor and it was frightening. It was also terrible because we knew he wanted or needed something we just didn't know what. He had no words. He didn't point at what he wanted. And like Christian, Tomas didn't have any real play skills.

It's all so different now thanks to the early intervention program which taught us skills to help Tomas communicate.

I knew from playing with my 3 kids that it's important to get down on the floor with the child. It's more meaningful that way. So right from the beginning I was always getting on the floor to play with Tomas. In many ways, his responses were sort of inconsistent like Haydn's in the previous article. Sometimes he'd turn and look when I said his name. Most of the time it was like he didn't hear. Yet, he would consistenly make eye contact...not looking at my mouth or away, but directly into my eyes. He laughs. He enjoys praise. I suppose that this is why he has the "not otherwise specified" diagnosis. He's not "typical".

Other changes and strides Tomas has made since moving in:

He points at what he wants
He says a few words
He signs "more"
His play is much more imaginative than it ever was before
He enjoys interacting with us
He will interact with strangers--he's shaken hands with Heidi's DVR counselor, given a doctor a hug, given the new teachers hugs
He's able to do more things independently--now he can put on his shoes, socks, pants (with help), shirt (with help) and is trying very hard to master snaps and zippers

With all the intervention, Tomas has new connections in his brain and it's very encouraging!

There's no cure for autism but the encouraging thing is that some behaviors can be reduced to the point that they're not noticeable anymore.

It sounds almost like the diabetes I've got--I'll always have it but with intervention I can get it to the point where it's about unnoticeable.

Diagnosis: Autism

This segment appeared on Sixty Minutes and I'm so sorry I missed it.

Diagnosis: Autism

Feb. 18, 2007 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (CBS) The government recently announced that autism now occurs in about one of every 150 American children—a new number that is adding to what was already a raging controversy: with parents groups arguing with scientists over what causes autism, and with politicians over funding for research.

In the meantime, behavioral scientists are trying to identify the early symptoms so that a diagnosis can be made by the age of one. As correspondent Lesley Stahl reports, today most children are left undiagnosed until they’re five years old.

Researchers at the M.I.N.D. Institute at the University of California in Davis believe, if they can catch it early, they can change the way a child’s brain develops. They have started testing their theory in toddlers like Christian Heavin.

Psychologist Sally Rogers, a pioneer in the field of autism treatment, started giving three-year-old Christian intensive therapy about a year ago, hoping to alter the course of his autistic behavior.

Asked what his behavior was like before she met him, Rogers says, "Well, when we first met Christian he didn't have any words."

"He didn't really have any play skills. He mostly threw things on the floor," she adds.

And she says he would throw 20-minute temper tantrums because he couldn’t communicate. "He was really out of control," Rogers says. "They had to bolt the furniture to the walls because this two year old was in danger of pulling furniture down on himself."

Dr. Rogers worked with Christian one on one—on her hands and knees, in his face, teaching him new words and forcing him to interact with her.

She believes that if treatment can begin this early, while a child’s brain is still malleable, the results can be dramatic.

"Do you think that you're actually re-wiring the brain? Do you think you're setting up new wires that wouldn't be there?" Stahl asks.

"I think we certainly are creating new connections in the brain. That's what learning is," Rogers explains.

Asked if she is suggesting that autism can be cured, Rogers says, "We don't know how to touch the biology of autism. But I do think that the behaviors that are associated with autism can be reduced to the point where they're not obvious anymore."

"Now, you can’t make that promise to everybody, can you?" Stahl asks.

"No, you sure can’t. There’s a huge range of severity in autism. There’s a huge range of reactions to treatments," Rogers acknowledges.

Christian is now able to talk with his mother Jennifer, and even a stranger like Stahl, in multiple word sentences.

Valerie Arias often wonders what her 13-year-old son Teddy’s life would be like if his autism had been treated earlier.

"When Teddy was about six months old, I had him in his car seat, and he just kept flailing his arm over his head," she remembers. "My mother looked at him and she was like, 'Val, I think Teddy has autism.' At six months old, my mother told me that my son had autism. And I said, 'No, he doesn't. There's nothing wrong with my baby.'"

"I was very angry at my mother," she adds. "I didn’t speak to her probably for about a year."

What her mother saw was that Teddy never babbled as a baby—he just screamed and grew increasingly violent.

Valerie may have been in denial, but even doctors didn’t diagnose Teddy's autism until he was four years old.

By that time, Michael, who is now nine, had been born. In all, she and her husband Aaron have four children, including Paige, 14, and one-year-old Haydn.

Right after Haydn was born, Valerie heard about a study at the M.I.N.D. Institute on early detection of autism. It was focusing on so-called "baby sibs," children like Haydn with an older autistic sibling. So she signed him up.

"Did you know at that point that autism did run in families, does run in families?" Stahl asks.

"I knew that the chances of having another child with autism were greater," Valerie tells Stahl. "But, I figured since Michael didn't have it that everything was okay."
When psychologist Sally Ozonoff, vice chairman of research at the M.I.N.D. Institute, started the study three years ago, she was hoping to drastically lower the age of diagnosis.

She says she is aiming for a diagnosis age of 12 months. Ozonoff is tracking 200 babies from birth, like Gabe, a normal 12-month-old, being tested for his reactions to a new toy.

"He's very interested in it. And he communicates that to her with that great look, big eyebrows raising, smile. And then he asks for it without language—he’s 'Ah, I want that,'" Ozonoff observes.

This behavior, Ozonoff says, is typical of a healthy one-year-old.

But when a boy named Jacob is shown the same toy, he stares at it in silence, never reaching for it, never looking up at the examiner.

"There's no communication at all with the woman," Stahl remarks.

"That’s right. It's as if she isn't there. Like she’s an object-handing machine," Ozonoff says.

Jacob was later diagnosed with autism.

Ozonoff also uses high tech methods, like eye tracking. A normal baby looks right in mom’s eyes when she talks to him. But children who are autistic avoid eye contact, looking more at the mouth.

Like most autism researchers, Ozonoff believes children are born with the disorder. She went into her study convinced she would spot the symptoms as early as six months.

But so far, researchers have not been able to see the symptoms at such an early age.

Diagnosing one year olds has proved just as perplexing. Repetitive behavior, like the way Jacob plays with a lid for example, looks like a clear symptom.

"All he's doing is the picking up and watching it wobble, over and over again," Ozonoff observes.

But Ozonoff has found that not all one year olds who do this end up with autism. Her "most reliable" test so far is surprisingly simple.

"Starting about six months maybe even a bit earlier, if you say a child's name, they quickly turn and look at you. And you’ll see this with Gabe," Ozonoff explains. "Say his name, his head whips around…makes eye contact and smiles."

When the same experiment was done with Jacob, the result was different.

"The experimenter's gonna walk behind him. Call his name three times at normal volume," Ozonoff explains.

Jacob didn't respond to his name.

But even with this test, only half the children who fail it end up having autism. Haydn was six months old when he was first evaluated and, to Valerie's relief, he tested on par with children his age.

On one of her visits last year, Ozonoff gave Valerie a copy of her book on Asperger’s syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism.

"So I was reading this book. And through the whole book I just cried because I felt like I was reading this book about Michael," Valerie remembers.

Michael is her nine-year-old. Through years of speech and occupational therapy, no one had ever suggested that his problems, including his struggle to make and keep friends, could be Asperger's, until Valerie began asking questions.

"So now you're basically told you have two sons with autism," Stahl remarks.

Valerie admits she was reeling. "I was. You feel like you should, you should have pulled your genes out of the gene pool a little sooner you know, at that point," she says.

And there was still the question of Haydn: his 12-month visit a half-year later was distressing. He wasn’t smiling anymore and he seemed to be regressing into his own world. And then, he stopped responding to his name.

"I knew my son wasn’t hearing me. Everyone around me was saying, 'Oh, he’s just stubborn. He doesn’t want to listen to you.' But I knew that wasn’t it," Valerie recalls. She says she knew it wasn't a hearing issue.

Despite Haydn's symptoms, Ozonoff felt it was still too early to tell.

"I would hate to cause the pain…and anguish of having another child diagnosed on the spectrum and then be completely wrong," she explains.
More and more parents are worried about the chances of having an autistic child, with some autism groups saying there's an "epidemic," claiming a 60-fold increase since the 1970s.

Dr. Stephen Goodman, an epidemiologist at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, has reviewed autism statistics for the past 30 years. He says, "The explosive increase that has been claimed is almost certainly not true."

"The numbers, if they're rising, are not rising very quickly, if it's going up at all," he says.

There’s no question more children are being diagnosed with autism than ever before. But Goodman, other respected epidemiologists and autism researchers says that’s because of something that happened in 1994, when the definition of autism was greatly widened. Since then, Asperger’s syndrome and other brain disorders that were not included before have become part of the autism spectrum. On top of that, Goodman says there are no reliable numbers from the past to support claims of an exponential rise.

"Have you ever seen a 60-fold increase in any disease?" Stahl asks Goodman.

"Not that didn't have a recognizable agent, like an infectious disease…like AIDS," Goodman says.

Asked if there could be a hidden source, that has yet to be identified, Goodman tells Stahl, "Many people have looked very hard, and they haven't found one."

One hypothesis has been that the mercury in childhood vaccines causes autism, but Goodman himself served on a national medical panel that found no evidence of that, though more research is being done.

For researchers, like the M.I.N.D. Institute’s Sally Rogers, autism remains a daunting adversary.

Despite Christian's gains from early treatment, children with more severe forms of the disorder often don’t make the same kinds of strides.

And Sally Ozonoff is not yet able to identify definitive, unmistakable early symptoms, although she still has 18 months to go in her study.

When Valerie brought her son Haydn back for another exam at age 14 months, Dr. Ozonoff and Stahl watched through a one-way mirror. After testing normal at six months, and showing symptoms at 12 months, Haydn had changed again.

He was making more eye contact and interacting with the examiner and he was laughing.

"This is very reassuring," says Ozonoff.

But not entirely: it took three tries to get Haydn to respond to his name. And he became fixated on a lid, the kind of repetitive behavior that sets off alarm bells in Ozonoff.

With such a mixed picture, Ozonoff told Valerie it was too soon to call it.

"There are some encouraging signs, but there are some mildly concerning signs and what we really want to do is join with you to keep monitoring him as closely as we can," Ozonoff says.

Asked how she is feeling, Valerie tells Stahl, "Well, I'm still leaning for optimism because, you know, he's such a good boy. He's a good kid."

Valerie had hoped to know by now if she has a third son with autism. But Dr. Ozonoff says she probably won’t be able to tell her until Haydn turns two next October.

My reaction in the next post.

Posted by Cassie at 10:26 AM | TrackBack

Sunday Fun

Patrick's Weekender

Sunday Seven

Name your top seven favorite soft drink flavors or varieties.

1. Diet decaffeinated Coke
2. Diet decaffeinated Pepsi
3. Diet cherry Coke
4. Diet cherry Pepsi
5. Diet vanilla Pepsi
6. Diet black cherry vanilla Pepsi
7. Diet root beer

No more regular soda for me, I'm afraid, especially not with the way my sugar has been running this week.

U.S. Presidents Quiz

Your ScoreYou got 4 correct out of 10 (40%)

Of the 5561 times this quiz has been taken:

Average Score: 3.4 / 10 = 34%
High Score: 10 / 10 = 100%

OOOPS!

History & Quotes

Your ScoreYou got 7 correct out of 10 (70%)

Of the 7611 times this quiz has been taken:

Average Score: 5.4 / 10 = 54%
High Score: 10 / 10 = 100%

American History Quiz

So what's the difference between American and U.S. history?

Your ScoreYou got 9 correct out of 10 (90%)

Of the 6758 times this quiz has been taken:

Average Score: 7.1 / 10 = 71%
High Score: 10 / 10 = 100%

Unexpected

You Are Pretty Logical

You're a bit of a wizard when it comes to logic While you don't have perfect logic, you logic is pretty darn good Keep at it - you've got a lot of natural talent in this area!

A Good Laugh

That's exactly what I did not have when I first read this article a couple of days ago. What I thought was something along the lines of us being doomed or destined or fated for total disaster--no freedom of choice for me here, I didn't vote for this man and we'll be at war again before we can get him out.

By the way, I'll probably be posting a few times about fate, destiny and free will for what will become obvious reasons.

Anyway, today I go to read a fave of mine, Genuine Blog and he's quoting from a friend's blog and I got a real laugh out of it! The friend's blog is called "a href="http://thezeroboss.com/2007/02/14/cmon-baby-finish-killing-what-you-started/" target="_blank">The Zero Boss. I'm going to do the same thing Genuine did and nick the post:

C’mon, Baby, Finish Killing What You Started Posted by The Zero Boss - February 14, 2007 @ 6:51 pm

Um…have we all forgotten what happened the last time we let this man interpret intelligence data? Forget the Federal Marriage Amendment - there oughtta be an amendment specifying that, before starting a new war, the Commander in Chief should finish the previous one. You know, kind of like not being able to eat your pudding until you’ve eaten all your meat.

Mr. Bush already made that mistake once--setting Osama aside to invade Iraq. Now that's the ticket! No starting new battles before the old ones are finished!

Feline Friday on Saturday: Claim Jumping

Hmmm, this is interesting. Wonder what it is?

Wonder who belongs to it?

Oh well, doesn't matter ... whatever it is, it's mine now!

Want more cat blogging? Be sure to check out Carnival of the Cats, the Friday Ark and any of the kitty links on my side bar. The next carnival (Sunday) will be hosted at Pet's Garden Blog. The following week, February 25, the carnival will be right here!

What Color Is Your Brain?

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

Room Nana & Other Stuff

Schools reopened for the first time since our ice storm of a couple of days ago. Tomas's class was supposed to have a Valentine's Day party Wednesday. I volunteered to be the room "nana" and was planning to bring in paper products and goodies for the parties. I wondered if the party would still go on and in elementary school, kids still come first! We all had a great time!

Of course, Tomas had a total meltdown. I wasn't too surprised having been through the preschool years 3 times already but Heidi (who didn't have any class and wanted to come along) was shocked. At first, T was very delighted to see us but his mood began to go south when he realized we weren't going home. Setting up for the party totally threw him. He didn't want to sit down at the table with everyone and Heidi was whispering, "What's wrong with him? Why is he in such a bad mood?" I said it's because his routine is different: we are there, they aren't doing what they usually do, and he can't handle it all. Heidi worried that somehow she'd set the little guy off but all the teachers reassured her that this is what kids do under these circumstances and it's perfectly normal.

Tomas didn't want to do the craft, either, and threw the picture frame on the floor. We spent about 10 minutes trying to get him to pick it up but he steadfastly refused. He wanted me to pick him up and hold him and I kept saying I would after he picked up the frame. Then I felt him falling asleep and scooped him up. It's okay, said the teacher. He didn't have a nap before