Scribblings

Hurry Up & Wait

We took out a new mortgage on the house and are getting rid of our car payments and some other bills. The check is supposed to come "overnight mail" Monday or Tuesday. It didn't come yesterday and it's not here so far on Wednesday. . Patience has never been one of my greatest virtues but I guess I've got to work on it.

Today's Ten On Tuesday is very timely: 10 Lessons You Want To Teach Your Kids.

I may not be so eloquent with words and so I'm also going to put in some quotes that I think work really well. These are things that I believe and I have often put it to my kids in other ways. I think it helps that someone else other than Mom said them.

1. "Be who you are and say what you feelbecause those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter." Dr. Seuss
2. "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Ralph Waldo Emerson
3. "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth will leave the whole world blind and toothless." Mahatma Mohandas Gandhi
4. "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." Helen Keller
5. "In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
6. "The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." Ann Landers
7. "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." John Lennon
8. "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." Mark Twain
9. "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt
10. "What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?" Henry David Thoreau

What I would like my kids to learn to do: live by the golden rule, be responsible, and be proactive (i.e. the environment and taking care of our earth).

It doesn't stop

One of my favorite movies is Parenthood. In it, Jason Robards plays the elder, father to grown children and grandfather of several. There is one scene where he says to his adult son that worrying about your kids never stops -- not even after they are grown up. In his case, he was worried because some gangsters were after his deadbeat younger son.

TB was talking to Michele today and we were dismayed to learn the extent of drug use in the community in which they live. Michele says they've been approached for prescription medicine. David takes hydrocodone for the pain he suffers from muscular dystrophy and they've been offered $5 a pill! Anyway, they'd just filled a prescription and a neighbor came over to visit. Now the medicine is gone.

It isn't just that David is out his pain medication and had to call the police and now has to get the doctor to write him another one. That is bad enough. Now we are worried about the environment they're all in -- especially the kids. I was thinking about grandson Brandon who is only 11. I wouldn't be surprised to hear he'd been approached.

You really never stop worrying about your kids. I worry about Billy. I try not to but I do. I worry about why he hasn't returned my call yet and if his roommates are going to hassle him because he needs to get up early in the morning.

One of the reasons I like Parenthood so much is because it is so full of truisms.

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... and you think ...

1. Girlfriends:: support
2. Here to stay:: permanent
3. Call me:: when you need a friend
4. Frustrated:: stymied
5. Public school:: crapshoot
6. Glitch:: mistake
7. Cheese:: cheddar
8. Director:: Steven Spielberg
9. Pivotal:: turning point
10. Exclusive:: nothing else

Feline Friday: Hide & Seek

I've found the perfect place to hide!

Mommy will never find me in all this mess!

She goes that way and doesn't see me.

Then she goes the other way and still doesn't see me.

Uh-oh, she's looking right at me but...I still have my invisibility cloak on!

Rats! I've been found!

Now I'm going to go pout. Maybe I'll turn invisible again!

In Other News...

Billy called yesterday afternoon. I wasn't sure how long he was going to be on the overnight camping trip that started Sunday morning. He got back around 2 in the afternoon and was just about to head over for a barbecue. The rest of the students were all arriving that day and so the barbecue was one of those "getting to know you" events. Today he's off doing some other camp trip and then tomorrow he's going on his bike road trip. Busy busy busy! Classes start for him on the 29th.

I didn't tell him what happened at the mediation. I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday afternoon and had vented a lot of my feelings to her. I think I tend to be a Pollyanna when it comes to people because I really thought we'd be able to work something out in the hearing. I thought that Kennan and Linda would be able to set their personal feelings for us aside to work for the best interest of Tomas. As I talked to the therapist about what happened, she finally said: "I can't believe you thought any good was going to come of the hearing."

I stopped and really thought about it. I thought about Linda's behavior over the year she lived with us. I thought about the way Kennan was behaving. I hadn't really seen that before and I was actually thinking he was a good guy, misjudged and a whole lot of other baloney. Michele kept trying to tell me I hadn't seen him the way he really is. Well, I sure have now.

Now, hopefully, I will have finally gotten it into my head that there is no way we are ever going to be able to talk to Kennan and Linda -- it would be like having a conversation with a brick wall. Going to court is a waste of the tax payers' money and a waste of the judge's time but the mediator was right...trying to settle things amicably will never work.

So it goes.

No Tomas

I am so upset about today's mediation hearing--or lack thereof, since Linda ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I am too upset to write much coherently except that Linda is still playing the victim. She has absolutely no concept of responsibility, I guess. She screamed, "You threw us out!" -- like there were no mitigating circumstances? We just decided to be cruel one day and toss her out of the house? As TB said, all of this has come up and out before. I'll stop here because I am about to rant and rave and I don't think that would serve any good purpose.

Ten on Tuesday

10 Things You Love About Your City

1. It's not a city
2. There are really pretty lakes in the town
3. There are lots and lots of trees
4. It's quiet
5. There's no smog
6. There's not a lot of traffic in town
7. There are lots of fresh farm produce stands around
8. There's lots of wildlife -- deer, possums, raccoons, foxes, groundhogs, etc.
9. There's a blueberry bog/farm nearby
10. You can see the stars clearly at night

What A Day!

Who'd'a thunk I'd been able to get up at 5:30 a.m., sit in a car for like 12 hours, separate from my oldest for at least a few weeks and still be able to smile, much less keep my eyes open until 10:30 p.m.! I have to say I wouldn't have been able to survive the trip or do it at all without TB! He gives a good account in his entry today and posted the pictures we took of Billy's room and the area surrounding his dorm.

I don't know why the schools don't give you a floor plan or tell you flat out what the dimensions are of the assigned room. On the tour, they show everyone a "sample" dorm room but I have a feeling it's one of the larger ones so no one freaks out or panic. No, it's better for them to wait and have your money and have you show up with a van full of stuff only to suffer a very huge surprise! As TB writes, we were fortunate enough to realize that the room would be small and so we had Billy leave half the stuff he originally planned to take.

One of the boys across the way wasn't so lucky. I'd call it a "way" because it's not a hall that separates the only 2 dorm rooms in the basement. It's like the floor length that separates a room from a bathroom or something. Well anyway, the other boy who was moving in apparently had brought all this furniture and other stuff. His parents brought both their cars. It didn't take but five minutes to realize they'd be hauling nearly all of it back home!

The dorm room is smaller than Billy's bedroom at home, a nice size for one kid. It's a little tight for two but do-able but there are 3 young men crammed in there! There is barely room to turn around and all the doors (closets and bathroom) are right in your face no matter where you are in the room. Luckily, each closet is of a decent size--like maybe half a walk-in. If it wasn't for the closets there's no way we'd have been able to squeeze in all the stuff Billy brought.

He brought all his bedroom lamps! I have no idea where he plans to put them or plug them in but these boys will have the brightest room in the building! There was other stuff that Billy brought that probably could have come back home with us but he was so ornery and frustrated and tired I didn't want to push the issue. It was hard enough to convince him to take the loft bunk ... I don't think he gets the "first come, first served" concept and I was really worried he'd take the teeniest cramped living space.

It turns out the boys moved all the furniture around so I'm hoping they have more room to walk around!

Billy was eager to unpack and had this air of "get out" about him. I know he didn't mean it that way but he's a young man now and eager to get going in his new life. I understand it. TB and I got out and left him to it. He met his new roommates, had a meeting about the camping trip and that's where he is today...having fun, I hope & pray!

As for us, we are recovering from all the excitement. The heat is back and it's brutal. Our circuits keep turning the power off. Where are you, Autumn?

Unconscious Mutterings:

1. Fan:: ineffective today
2. Scum:: loser
3. Lily:: flower
4. Humid:: too freaking hot
5. Ghetto:: poor & segregated
6. Remember me?:: Who are you?
7. Polished:: shiny
8. Compose:: write
9. Squish:: squash
10. Future:: uncertain

Everything is happening too fast

Sometimes I feel like I'm on a speeding train.

This Saturday, TB and I are driving Billy up to RPI. I am still sort of in denial about that although I've begun worrying already about little stupid things, like Billy getting left behind on the biking road trip. TB said there would be adults there to make sure that doesn't happen and I already knew that but my worry hormone is kicked into overdrive.

On Tuesday, we have a mediation hearing to try and work out visitation with Tomas. I worry about that too. I worry that everyone will be too acrimonious to have a decent conversation and we'll end up in court.

September 2 is coming up really fast--2 weeks, I think? That's when I have my surgery. I've always been afraid of anesthesia, always worrying I'm going to go into a coma and die or something.

Is there anyway to slow this train down so I can think?

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Chili-- Okay, chili with beans or chili without beans? ...and how hot? ...and do you make your own? (recipes are accepted )

My chili's got to have beans. I make my own and have a recipe here. How hot? I can't tolerate real hot but it seems to satisfy TB and Billy so it's spicy enough.

Twosome: Cheese-- ...and with cheese on top? ..or is that an abomination? ...and while we're at it: hamburgers or cheese burgers? Oh, I could go on and on and on...

We all love cheese! Cheese is a great topper!

Threesome: Nachos-- Now the serious one for the southwesterners (and others of distinction ): What's on your nachos? Cheese? Seven layers of fun stuff? What's a nacho? Hmmm... We're going to have to do recipes for sure this Winter!

Well, I'm not from the southwest but I really like the seven layer dip for my nachos.

Ten on Tuesday::

There are a lot of beautiful actors/actresses out there that provide a lot of eye candy, but who do you think are at the top of their art? Who are the best ones out there?

1) Tom Hanks
2) Dakota Fanning
3) Ewan McGregor
4) Orlando Bloom
5) William H. Macy
6) Cate Blanchett
7) Johnny Depp
8) Renee Zellweger
9) Sean Penn
10) Russel Crowe

My Baker's Dozen Weekend

1. Friday was notspent at the hospital emergency room, thank heavens!
2. As the most recent heat wave progressed, it seemed like our air conditioners were increasingly unable to keep up. I couldn't stay cool!
3. TB's car needed to be fixed and it was expensive!
4. I daydreamed a lot about Alaska, the frozen north, and the beach
5. Daydreaming didn't cool me off
6. Air conditioners everywhere were dying! TB & Billy helped Gram find and install a new one for her bedroom
7. TB and I helped Billy weed through all his stuff...next weekend is the big weekend!
8. Billy sure likes to read -- 3 boxes worth. We convinced him the books would be safe in the attic.
9. Everytime I think I'm going into menopause I find out I'm not. :P
10. We really miss Michele, David & the kids
11. And Tomas
12. I love Paperback Swap...it's a great way to get new books free and heaven only knows, I shouldn't be buying any new books now!

Scary Week

I am finally able to sit down and catch my breath!

TB is out of the hospital, thank God. He was discharged on Sunday morning, looking and feeling much better. I am so glad that we went to the ER when we did because I really think the infection was on the verge of becoming gangrous. The doctors and nurses took pretty good care of my TB although he really didn't get much rest. Once we got home, he slept for like 4 hours.

I am disappointed and sad that Linda never bothered to call her dad to see how he was doing. When asked about it, she said she "hadn't gotten around to it." That infection was life threatening and that's why TB had to stay in the hospital. I wonder if she'd have gotten around to coming to his funeral, God forbid?

The week was just jam packed with activities. TB stayed home to rest on Monday and I went out running errands and taking Kristin to the orthodontist.

On Tuesday, Heidi's senior picture was supposed to be taken and so we went to the hair stylist in the morning, went to a couple more doctor appointments and then showed up to have the picture taken -- and the road to the school was blocked off on both ends! Finally, though, I just drove around one of the signs and got to the school only to find that the power was out and Heidi would have to come back the next day.

Wednesday was hectic again. We had Dr. R in the morning, the allergist, and then stopped again to try and have Heidi's picture taken. This time it went off without a hitch and I'm sure the pictures will come out beautiful!

I'd been worried about TB going back to work because I was afraid he'd have to walk around too much and be on his feet. Luckily, the employers were understanding about it and it hasn't happened.

We heard back from the lady whose car Billy scraped in the parking lot. She had so many good things to tell us about what a nice, honest kid Billy is (all great to hear) but that the damage is going to cost over $1000 to fix...so we are reporting it to the insurance company.

So it goes.

I'm hoping for a very very quiet weekend!

My TB Hospitalized

When TB and I left for the ER this evening, I knew we'd be there for a while but I never thought I'd have to leave him in the hospital. I am praying hard for him and it is so weird to be here at 10:30 at night and he isn't here.

He hurt his toe...we're not exactly sure how. His feet bothered him yesterday after he'd been walking all around a building taking measurements but figured it was his arthritis. He says he was fine after his shower this morning and didn't notice anything amiss, went to work, came home and grilled some sausages and other usual things. Around 7 he went in to watch TV and I guess that's when he noticed that just his big toe was hurting so he took off his shoe and sock.

He came back into our bedroom where I was just finishing up some email and asked me to look at his toe. I took one look and we headed for the emergency room. We both knew his toe was infected. The nail was coming up and his toe was swollen, red and a little blue. I thought the doctors would treat him and send him home on an antibiotic.

That was their original plan too. However, when the doctor got down to working on the toe he said no, the infection was deeper than he thought and TB would need to be on an IV antibiotic. TB was upset although he was outwardly calm and joking. He hates hospitals, especially since his first wife Audrey passed away after what should have been a somewhat routine procedure.

The doctor said he'd need to be in the hospital 2 days. I feel like I'm walking around in the twilight zone and I can't begin to imagine how scary this is for TB. Because he has diabetes, it's harder to treat infections and all sorts of complications can set in.

So I am praying hard that the doctors can stop the infection quickly and without complications.

Feline Friday

What is it about cats and paper? Is it the crackle crackle when they sit or walk on it? It can't be the texture!

It's much more comfortable here and the texture is nicer too. Hey, why can't I be the featured star this week? It's all been her the last couple of weeks! My turn!

I'll think of something to do in a minute, something cute and adorable and it won't be whoring for food either.

zzzzzzzzzz, I'll get back to you later....

First Scrape

It was inevitable: Billy had his first bumper-to-bumper contact with another car but thank God it was just parking lot stupidity, no one was hurt and hopefully there's no damage. I sent him to the grocery store for kitty litter and after a long period of time, he called to say he'd scraped someone's bumper and the police were coming.

The police! For scraping a bumper?

What happened? Billy chose to park in a spot where a parked SUV was already encroaching into the slot. Why he kept trying to park is probably due to miscalculation or carelessness or something. Anyway, he scrapes the side of the SUV. Some people passing by claimed to be the owners of the car and said if he'd give them $100, they'd forget the whole thing. He claims he wasn't taken in by that but went into the store to get the money anyway.

Thankfully, in the meantime, the real owner showed up and called the police. She told Billy later she'd done it because she wasn't sure if she was going to have a hard time dealing with him. Whatever.

The moral of this story is: don't park where someone is already encroaching and certainly don't park next to a new car!

I don't know what will happen next. The woman is out getting estimates.

To his credit, Billy thought to take pictures of the damage with his PDA. Now he needs to applying his thinking and good judgement to before the fact!

Major whines of the day:

There is too much freaking spam to delete! I hate spam, it wastes my time having to get rid of all the crapola! Why do I only have this problem with MT? Grrrrrr!

It's too freaking hot! I am so done with summer!

Three For Thursday:

Onesome: Under-- Water? Have you ever gone scuba diving? Any interest?...or does that sort of thing just not work for you?

I've never gone scuba diving and I might be interested but I'd have to know how much the oxygen tank weighs. I can't carry weight on my back or shoulders anymore. Maybe I'd be better off snorkeling.

Twosome: my-- gosh, it seems to have been hot since forever! How are you doing with the weather this Summer?

See my major whine today.

Threesome: skin-- Do you 'skin' your site? What styles do you prefer when you have the option at someone's place? Simple? ...or loaded with graphics?

I don't 'skin' my site and I sort of prefer a simple look when I'm reading other blogs.

SS Doctors

I don't mean SS as in the Nazi secret terroristic police force...I mean, social security doctors -- and sometimes I wonder how different they are.

To be fair, the doctors are being paid by the social security administration to run evaluations so they are not supposed to be your friendly neighborhood practioner. The doctor I saw today took a lot of time and trouble to explain to me that he couldn't give me advice, couldn't show me compassion and if I got sick or what-have-you I'd need to go to my own doctor. Yeah, thanks, for the warning, doc. He sort of reminded me of TB's infamous Dr. Roboto. He wanted to test and measure how well I could move my neck, arms, legs and back. He kept saying he was just repeating tests my rheumatologist had already done.

Well, I hadn't been fussing at him just telling him where the pain was. So now I just looked at him and said, "I didn't like it then, either." Did this guy expect me to smile and jig or something? Yeesh.