Scribblings

Spam

This blog seems to get an overload of spam. I think there had to be over 100 messages this morning and deleting them all was very tedious. :P I am feeling very depressed anyway and didn't sleep well. I missed an appointment with Dr. R because I couldn't get my act together to go. It sounded like it was pouring outside and I just couldn't deal with that. Besides, what kind of doctor sets appointments so darn early in the morning anyway? Mine was for 6:45 AM.

I'd also gotten dismaying news from Dr. R's secretary. The health insurance said that all visits were covered 100% ... as long as they weren't med review appointments. So the secretary is telling me that we owe the office $100 and I about died. She said, in self defense, I guess, that SHE had just found out herself. Well, that doesn't help does it? So she and Dr. R were supposed to discuss what to do about the $100.

And my feeling this morning was ... the hell with all of it.

The dog was barking barking barking in the early morning which didn't help matters. TB got Billy up around 5 to deal with the dog and apparently they got into it. When I finally did get up, Billy was very upset and said TB was giving the dog away as soon as he (Billy) leaves for college, that it didn't matter what I (me) said because he (TB) is the head of the household. Make sense? It made my head ache. It's just one thing more on top of all the other crap.

The truth is, the dog is a PITA and I can't deal with him. I don't think it's fair that Billy gets to go away for 4 years and leave us stuck with this dog no one else wants. Billy says Kristin will take care of the dog, even in the middle of the night, because he is going to pay her.

I think the Prozac must not be working anymore. This stuff shouldn't be significant enough to make me want to crawl under the bed and hide but that's what I want to do.

I have no hope of seeing the baby. Linda is being hard headed and hard hearted. She told her sister she has a job now and the car is running. I'm not sure I even believe it. Anyway, she is "too busy" to make plans for us to see the baby and it's not a good idea right now and all this other garbage. Whatever. She wants to keep the baby away so I'm just going to get used to that idea and I'll be dipped if I will make myself this vulnerable again to kids.

In the Dark Room

I think this is one of Peter Straub's best books! I had trouble putting it down. Although it is a sequel to lost boy lost girl, it's also a stand alone. You don't need to read the earlier book unless you want to. I did read the books in sequence and honestly, that did help in the beginning. I clearly understood some of the settings and the character descriptions. I didn't really get into the book until almost half way through.

I was a little put off in the beginning, wondering why there were two main voices and what they had to do with each other. Maybe they overlapped because they'd both lost loved ones? I figured they had to meet at some point or else why write about them both?

The big twist comes in the middle, at the point where I got hooked. I'm not going to give away any details of the book in case someone would like to read it. What I will say, though, is that Straub did a superb job of messing with my mind and I'm hoping there might be yet another book from the storyline.

In The Dark Room is most definitely on my recommend list!

Ten on Tuesday:

10 stupid things you did as a kid

1) Wanted to see what would happen if I stuck my used gum on my new white Easter gloves ... it wasn't pretty
2) Told a racist joke I overheard (but didn't understand) to a room full of relatives--I was about 8
3) Wanted to see what would happen if I put a paper napkin on an electric burner ... gee, it makes a fire!
4) Walked away from the new school and went home because I wanted to go back to NY
5) If I put my kitty's head in a milk crate, would it get stuck? Uh oh!
6) made crank calls with other coda friends while our parents played cards
7) drove my sled into a telephone pole -- what was I thinking?
8) Rode down the hilly alleyways of Baltimore standing up and on one side of my bicycle ... luckily I never fell off
9) Shaved the hair on my arms
10) hit a kid in art class

My Weekend

As summarized by Baker's Dozen:

Not Much Going On

It's been a pretty uneventful weekend so far.

Heidi brought home a copy of her award winning heart art for me. The original has to stay at Deborah Hospital. TB tried to take some pictures of it so we could show everyone online. It's a beautiful, striking drawing!

All the kids brought home terrific report cards; everyone got all As and Bs. We are so proud of them!

And Michele wrote that she'd like to try paralegal studies when she gets into college. She has a working plan to get her GED and then get into a local college and I think that's great! I think she'd be a terrific paralegal and we support her all the way. You go, Michele!

As for Linda, who knows? I haven't heard from her since a very brief phone call last week in which she evasively and pointedly avoided telling us where she is and when we can see Tomas. Her first excuse was that she had no transportation and when I offered to come over to visit, all of a sudden T still had pink eye. I don't believe it. She hasn't said much of anything that was true so I just don't trust her anymore.

That is what I meant by the first on the list of Unconscious Mutterings. When I saw the word 'detachment', my impulse was to say this is what I'm doing with Linda. I've thrown up a wall to shield myself from the pain inflicted by her lies, plots and evasions. She tells me T has pink eye. My impulse would be to make sure he'd been to a doctor, offer a ride, etc., but I tell myself: nope, she doesn't want me to see Tomas, that's why she's said that in the first place. So I just stuff the feelings or set them aside. She has to go to that court hearing thing in about 2 weeks and I won't let myself wonder what will happen to her. She obviously doesn't care, why should I waste my feelings worrying?

I have better things to do ... like plan Billy's big party! I think June 25th would be a great day, after graduation and hopefully a nice enough day to have an outdoor barbecue for him.

Unconscious Mutterings:

Feline Friday: Purr in the Sunshine

Our cats have been impatiently waiting for the day they can sit in an open window. Window perching has to be their favorite activity after eating and sleeping. In most of the rooms, our ledges aren't wide enough for them to perch if the windows are closed. In the winter time and during inclement (too hot or too cold or too rainy) weather, they are pretty much banned to the family room if they want to look outside.

In the last two weeks, the rain stopped, the sun came out and the air became very mild. We opened all the windows. It's been torture for those of us with allergies -- tree pollen is abundant around here! -- but the cats are in their glory.

Friday Nine:

1. Word assocation--
I say "fluffy"; you say kitty.
I say "pink"; you say pretty in.
I say "train"; you say plane.

2. Which is worse: being trapped in an elevator with ABBA's Greatest Hits on repeat or being stuck on a desert island with Richard Simmons, who's on a permanent caffeine buzz and in the mood to JAZZERCIZE!

I don't think anything could be worse than being stuck with Richard Simmons on a permanent caffeinated jazzercized buzz@

3. Fill in the blanks: except for Oprah, Dr. Phil would be my pick for best talk show host.

4. On a scale of 1 to 10, how tired are you already of this new pope?

LOL! 1

5. Name the last two CDs you've bought; now name the first two.

The last two were Christmas gifts for my daughters; one was by Green Day and the other by Maroon 5. As for the first 2, I have so many there is no way I can remember

6. When's the last time you cut your toenails?

a few days ago

7. What's your favorite sandwich?

corned beef & swiss on rye w/brown mustard and a deli pickle

8. Your dog has been hit by a car, and to save him a $5000 procedure is required, not to mention the resulting medicines and after-care. Do you spend your savings or have him put to sleep?

ARGH, I don't think I have $5000 in savings so I would have to have him put to sleep :'-(

9. Have you ever done drag?

yes, at costume parties

April 15, 2005 at 5:58 PM
1. Word assocation--
I say "Julia Child"; you say French cooking.
I say "narcissist"; you say self-absorbed.
I say "brownie"; you say Girl Scout.

2. Which is worse: being seated in the DMV beside someone who reeks of smoke or having bad breath and not knowing it until a stranger points it out?

I'm allergic to cigarette smoke so it would be worse for me to sit next to someone reeking of it

3. Fill in the blanks: the most embarassing thing is to be seen nose picking while driving.

4. On a scale of 1 to 10, how big of a Martha Stewart fan are you?

1

5. If you have an iPod/mp3 player, name three adjectives that modify it.

what if I don't have one?

6. Do you burn incense? Anna's Incense

Nope

7. Picture it: midnight snack + refrigerator raid--ham, turkey, bologna, or other?

Other ... cheese

8. You win a $50K. How do you divide it up?

$30K for the college fund; $20K to spend for TB and me

9. Uma v. Angelina--who wins?

who wins what? ;-)

Friday Q:

FQ1: Any pets as a kid?

I have always had a cat when I was a kid. We also had a German shepherd mix, Rinty, who lived for 17 years

FQ2: Any pets now?

2 cats and ADD (a dumb dog)

FQ3: Name your favorite famous pet from television or movies.

Morris from the old 9-Lives commercials

FQ BEST FRIEND: If money and legality were not a barrier, what exotic animal would you like as a pet?

Well, I'd have to also factor in my physical safety. I'd like to say koala bear but I don't think they're very tame. I'd like to say monkey but that just leads to all sorts of problems. Maybe a tiger in my backyard...in a nice safe tiger pen

Cyber Stalkers & Bullies

Bullies and stalkers are everywhere and the ones online are getting a lot of attention recently. Mostly you'd think of kids harassing other kids but that isn't necessarily so. I have been stalked by a cyber bully for at least 5 years. Most of the time, I don't respond to the stalker bully because that would only encourage him or her to go on. With a troll (someone who deliberately tries to start a fight), you can ignore it and it will eventually become bored and go away. This cyber bully has been the proverbial bad penny and keeps turning up and I am angry, frustrated and fed-up.

So what do you do about cyber stalker bullies? I found an excellent resource and have been reading through it here. I especially wanted to know how to deal with my cyber stalker bully and when I saw the "don't respond, don't engage" advice I sort of groaned. It didn't make my pest go away. But I did open my eyes to the next bit of advice: keep all the flaming email and posts.

Ohhhh ... I hadn't done that in all the five years. I mean, I did keep the ugly stuff for a short period of time but then I always got rid of it. Why? The pest seemed to slink away for a short period of time and the crap was so hurtful and ugly I didn't want to keep it. I imagine a lot of us would do that ... just flush the dump, right? Well, no more!

I am pretty sure my pest is the same person because the basic accusatory contemptuous tone is about the same. In the beginning, Pest would leave posts on message boards that I'd killed Rich to get his money to spend on Ebay and was just going to fritter it away and other stuff like that. The posts talked about my physical appearance and those of my family members. It was devastating to read that trash and I would become so upset and cry. Why would someone say something so ugly about me? I can't say for sure but I could get some idea reading the Bullyonline site.

Is that low enough yet? No? Well...when I was about to marry TB, the cyber stalker bully showed up in his guest book and warned him about me, that I would try to kill him too. But when that didn't work, TB became an enemy too and this stalker has left vicious messages for him as well in the past few months. We can ban IPs numbers and do but this stalker is particularly adept at finding us on other message boards, etc ... This is a serious psycho stalker. But the stalker bully is also a coward, always leaving "anonymous" and supposedly untraceable messages.

Anyway, one of the reasons I decided to write about this is because of how often people are bullied online, adults and children. So when you get home from a rough day at school or work and you just want to relax online and maybe post at your favorite websites, you need to be cognizant of the fact that bully stalkers will try to get you there too.

The idea is to get some of your power back. Go to Bullyonline and learn, learn, learn. The website is full of information about bully/stalker profiles, about what to look for in terms of provoking behavior, how not to be so vulnerable and, if need be, how to fight back legally.

Go away, fly.

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Domain--Hypothetically, if you could own any domain name you wanted, what would it be and why?

Well, I guess it would be Irishcoda because that was my first ID and I still feel a strong connection to it.
Twosome: Name-- Are you called by something other than your legal name? If not, have you ever had a nickname? Or done something weird with your name, to try and stand out? Like an odd spelling or a slightly different pronunciation? Or just flat out wanted to change your name? To what?

I am called by my nickname, a shortening of my legal name. When I was growing up, my name wasn't common and so I didn't need to do anything weird to it to make it stand out. I have absolutely no desire to change my name.

Threesome: Renewal--Do you have any magazine or other subscription that is an absolute 'must renew' whenever you get the notice?

Not really

lost boy lost girl

I started to read In The Night Room by Peter Straub and realized almost right away it was a sequel so I closed it and got lost boy lost girl instead. I really enjoy Peter Straub's books but sometimes I have a little trouble following the logic of them. He has a couple of recurring characters, Tim Underhill (a writer) and Tom Pasmore (a detective), and for a while I was getting the two of them mixed up. Now I finally have it straight in my head who is who. lost boy lost girl could be classified a mystery, a thriller, horror or as all three. The basic storyline is that Tim has to return to his hometown twice ... once because his sister-in-law killed herself for apparently no reason and in a particularly gruesome way and then again because his nephew disappeared soon after.

There's lots of questions. Why did the mom kill herself? Where did the boy disappear to? What's up with that creepy house that no one ever seemed to notice before?

Some of the questions are answered but it doesn't all seem to fit sometimes. I couldn't put the book down but it left me with a slightly unsatisfied feeling. Well, this next book is a sequel so maybe my questions will be answered -- or maybe not.

Read on, especially you book lovers!

I was reading a journal the other day and the writer talked about Book Crossing a totally cool travelling library type of idea. Basically, you take a book and register it online, write the Book Crossing ID# inside with the URL of the website, you read it, maybe do a review and either give it to someone or "release it in the wild". By that, you just leave the book lying out somewhere so that someone else can find it. Yesterday, I left a book in the doctor's office. It's a neat way to connect with other readers, too, because there is a message board and an email list.

I'll probably release the two Straub books into the wild at some point.

QOTD

What was your father's occupation?

He was a printer for major newspapers in the Baltimore/Washington DC area

What was your mother's occupation?

a key punch operator

Deaf people born in the 1920s and 1930s didn't have much choice in the way of occupations. Men became printers, machinists, or factory workers. Women were key punch operators or seamstresses.

What similarities does your life share with your same sex parent?

Well, on the up side, we both like to read and write and are both warm, loving people
On the down side, we both have arthritis, depression, and self-isolation

Your Irish Name Is...

Aislin O'Conor

Tuesday Trifles

I was so thrilled to see that Scribblings won Favorite Family & Parenting Blog. I am drawn to blogs written by women (gee, surprise!) and I joined Blogs By Women. Why not check it out? If you qualify, consider joining!

Well, Linda is missing telephone calls and telephone appointments. She didn't show up here on Friday so I couldn't give her any messages. I guess she doesn't care to hear from anyone, regardless of whether she is supposed to or not. She's also left a lot of stuff here and I suppose she doesn't really need it or she would have been here. So it goes.

I'm going to drop off several job applications on my way to and from PT this morning. Now that Tomas isn't here, there's no reason for me to hang around and we could use the extra money.

I saw the ankle doctor yesterday finally. My foot was swollen and tingling and throbbing with pain. On the diagnosis, the doctor wrote that I have a ruptured ligament. I am guessing he hasn't brought up fixing it surgically until I lose a lot of weight. I am to be fitted for a leather brace because the inserts aren't working well enough.

Ten on Tuesday

The Man's Side -- my Teddy Bear's blog tops my list
Circle of Friends -- this is a group blog we, our family & friends participate in
A Gag Reflex -- a young woman's search for her real identity, great read!
California Hammonds -- a young widower copes with the loss of his wife
Motoki's Log -- the story of a baby born weighing only 14 oz and how far he's come along since
Deej -- a friend's thoughts & feelings; she, too, is a remarried widow (like me)
No One's Child -- a shocking yet inspiring tale of survival enduring awful child abuse
Scribblings -- oops, I ought to list my own blog!
A Family From Mosul -- The whole family contributes -- father, mother, and two teenage daughters ... gives real insight to life in Iraq!
63 Days -- the horrifying survival tale of a girl, then 15, forcibly placed in one of those "survival boot camps" for wayward teens

QOTD:
QOTD 4/19/05
How are you important and valuable to your family?

Well, I'm the mom figure so I imagine I am very important and valuable, plus also important to TB as his wife and best friend

How has your role within your immediate family changed in the past decade?

Well, I've gone from being just-mom to single-parent-mom (after Rich died) to mom/stepmom/nana. I've also become more physically disabled and more dependent on everyone which is the absolute pits

QOTD 4/18/05

Would you rather be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big ocean?

Even though I prefer the oceans I'd be prey for the big fish so I'd rather be the big fish in a little pond

How do you respond to pressure?

It depends on how much stress I'm taking. Sometimes I do okay with it. Other times I spiral down and get very depressed

Sunday

Scribblings been nominated as a weekly favorite in the Family & Parenting category of Blogs for Women! If you like Scribblings, please vote on the drop-down menu here. Scribblings is second on the list.

It's sad Sunday for me.

Today is Ryan's birthday, which is a good thing for him. He is 9 years old and is out doing something special with his family. TB and I called him on the phone this morning. It's just a reminder that they are so far away and that we wouldn't see them today.

It reminded me how much I miss especially Taylor. Before they moved, Taylor and I began to get closer and it was a joy to have her around. The boys are great, too, don't get me wrong but they're older and were more into playing video games than messing with Nana. But Taylor and I would play together and I bought some dolls & stuff for her to have here when she'd come over. So after they moved I felt very sad ... and then there was Tomas that filled the space.

But now Tomas is gone too and I have no idea when I will see him again. I'd hoped to see him Friday but, no surprise, that didn't happen. I mean, I shouldn't have been surprised and I wasn't but I was really hoping. It's very hard when you're with a child every single day and used to holding him and cuddling him, reading to him, singing to him and so on and then all of a sudden ... nothing.

So I feel very sad today.

Well, I think, the kids are with their real grandmothers now--David's mom is nearby and I'm assuming that Linda is living with Kennan again--and they get to spend time with them and see them and I guess I just ought to get it into my head not to have any expectations of seeing any of them. :(

QOTD:

a) would you get in the spaceship?

Oh dear, I've always been taught not to go anywhere with strangers but ...

b) if you did, where would you ask to travel?

I would love to go to the moon and back!

Do you believe alien life exist in other parts of the universe?

Yes, I do

QOTD 4/16/05
Tell us about an interesting article that you have recently read - online or in print.

There was an online article about the feral cat population in Saginaw County.

If it was online and you have a link, please share it with us.

Wild cats infest Saginaw county

What about it caught your attention?

I was looking for an undate to that crazy proposal in Wisconsin to shoot wild cats

Unconscious Mutterings

I say ... and you think ...

1. Great escape:: vacation
2. Cluster:: group
3. Wrong place, wrong time:: unlucky
4. Guided:: led
5. Forensics:: CSI
6. Pros:: cons
7. Safety deposit box:: secure
8. Quadrant:: section
9. Precisely:: exactly
10. Who are you?:: Who? Who?

Feline Friday

Scribblings been nominated as a weekly favorite in the Family & Parenting category of Blogs for Women! If you like Scribblings, please vote on the drop-down menu here. Scribblings is second on the list.

On Tuesday morning, Linda asked me if I was doing anything today. She said she'd bring the baby over this morning. The morning is almost over and no sign of them yet.

Mouse used to be an outdoor cat before she was given over to the shelter. I once had a cat that was beaten almost to death by a nasty neighbor and I swore I would never let any of my cats roam around outdoors again. Still, we knew that Mouse would enjoy being outdoors now and then so we got a leash for her. She was in her glory the day these pictures were taken.

"Wait a minute ... who invited you?"

Buddy obviously wants to know what's going on. "Go away!" Mouse hisses. "You weren't invited!"

"But I want to get on the table and get petted too, it looks like fun!"

"Thank you for saving me but you can let go now ... you can let go now ...oh come on, let go already!"

QOTD:

Today is the filing deadline for Americans to file their income taxes. If this applies to you, have you files yours? Did you have to pay or are you due a refund?

Our federal has been filed but I'm not sure TB's even finished filling out the state. We're getting a small refund, I think. We might have to pay on the state ... I'm not sure.

Are you a person who is usually ahead of deadlines or are you a person who stretches it to the last minute?

It depends on which benefits me more.

Friday Nine:

1. Word assocation--

I say "glue"; you say Elmer's.
I say "sherpa"; you say what?
I say "honey"; you say bee

2. Which is worse: dying young without falling in love or dying middle-aged with young children?

Well, my first husband died at 40 and we had young children so I would say that is, in my opinion, much worse than dying young without falling in love.

3. Fill in the blanks: in high school, I am/was a smart aleck.

4. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy the taste of peanut butter?

8

5. What program do you use to play music files?

Good question. I think I use Real Player but I'm not sure. :P

6. Do you prefer using mechanical or "retro" pencils?

I like the good ole retro #2.

7. Name the last dessert you ate.

chocolate chip cookies

8. Do you think it's fair that if a common person had a sex tape released his/her life would basically go down the crapper, but when a celebrity's tape pops up, he/she gains even more fame?

Of course, but a lot of what happens in life isn't fair. So it goes

9. Surprise! The Simple Life producers want your family to host Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie for The Simple Life 9. What do you do?

Scream and hide under the bed ... actually, I would just say "How much?"

Ireland

Scribblings been nominated as a weekly favorite in the Family & Parenting category of Blogs for Women! If you like Scribblings, please vote on the drop-down menu here. Scribblings is second on the list.

I finished reading Ireland by Frank Delaney the other day and overall, I am sad to say I felt let down. I expected to enjoy it very much, drawn to it by the plot description. A young boy is so entranced by an Irish storyteller he spends years trying to find the man. Interspersed throughout the book are the storyteller's tales. I love Irish folk talks so I was sure I'd love the book.

I did enjoy it at first but about half through, things didn't seem "right" and didn't always fit and I found myself becoming annoyed. By the time I got to the climax of the book, I just wanted to "get on with it" and hurry to the finish line. That is a real shame because Delaney has a wonderful storytelling ability. This could have been a great novel but ... it fell flat and it fell short of what I thought should have been its goal.

Meanwhile, I discovered Bookcrossing on another journal I like to read. What a concept! What a great idea, read a book, register it online at bookcrossing, label it and then leave it for someone else to pick up. It's sort of like that commercial for that car -- the one where the driver throws the keys to a total stranger who takes it for a spin and then throws the keys to another person. Well, this is the same thing -- except you give the book away to someone. It doesn't have to be face-to-face ... you can leave the book lying out in an accessible place somewhere. I've already registered a book I enjoyed reading and am going to leave it for someone to find.

QOTD:

What rules do you have for your life? (what you will/will not do)

I will love my family unconditionally, including all the inlaws and outlaws and steplaws
I will support TB and my kids and try not to put them down
I will love & support everyone else to the best of my ability WITHOUT enabling them
I will try to love myself as much as I can
I will not kill anyone
I will not cheat on TB
I will not shut anyone out of my life

What rules do you have for your home? These could be habits or procedures that are a given, or things that must take place or things that you will not tolerate.

Basically, the rules are:

If you make a mess, clean it up
Help keep the house neat and clean
Respect each other, which means no dissing and no yelling and no insults
Have civilized family discussions when needed
Don't buy snacks & sweets to keep in the house
Don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal
Be responsible for your commitments

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome:This--is pretty much the start of Spring (regardless of the snow in the east and midwest last week!); what's on your to-do list for the next few weeks to transition away from this long Winter we've been having?

I'd like to wash the windows and clean all the gunk out from around them because we'll be having them open regularly
The air conditioners need to be cleaned
All my furniture needs to be dusted off
The patio needs to be swept and the patio furniture cleaned off
The winter clothes need to go away and the spring/summer clothes need to come out of the hope chest

Twosome: Week's-- What is this week's reading assignment for you? Is there a new book on the night stand? (Students, we're not talking the Chem 104 book either !)

Well, I just finished reading Ireland and now I'm taking up The Night Room by Peter Straub

Threesome: Feature--What feature would you like to have on your web site that you currently don't have? ...or is there something you do have that you'd like dialed in just a little bit better? Just curious...

I'd like to have skins that readers could change when they come and read my blog. I'd like to be able to play little video clips. I'd like to do lots of other things that would probably use too much band width or cost too much money!

Our diner burned down!

Sticky: Scribblings been nominated as a weekly favorite in the Family & Parenting category of Blogs for Women! If you like Scribblings, please vote on the drop-down menu here. Scribblings is second on the list.

For a while, TB and I would go to a diner in town every Sunday for breakfast. I love diner breakfasts and it was a wonderful way to get back in touch with each other, away from other family members and other general noise. Well, I was really sad to read that the diner burned to the ground while the kids and I were visiting RPI! I don't know what happened but it was an older building and maybe it was for "the best" in that the owners are going to rebuild. I'm sure they had insurance. TB and I haven't been able to get away much lately because we've been tight on money. Hopefully when the new diner goes up we'll be able to go out on Sunday mornings again!

Here are a couple of pictures from Little T's visit the other day.

I was so happy to see the baby! He didn't seem quite himself, though. He was still coughing and I'm sure all of this is very confusing for the poor little guy. Looking back at the pictures later, I realized he didn't look all that happy although he did giggle with delight after letting Buddy sniff his fingers.

Linda was very evasive and wouldn't tell us where she and Tomas are staying. What else is new?

Here is the last of the How Linda Moved In Here story:

March 29, 2004

Tomorrow TB and I are meeting with Linda and her therapist. We talked about having goals for Linda and I typed them up this morning. It looks like this:

Our goals for Linda living with us for the first six months–1 year

Apply for social services assistance. If she’s accepted she would get some financial assistance each month & they’ll hopefully send her for vocational training. If she doesn’t qualify for assistance, she’ll need to think about what kind of job to go for when Tomas is around 6 months old.

Become healthier for her own and Tomas’ sakes – quit smoking (with assistance ie nicotine patch), eat more healthily, exercise

Determine what she’d like to do for a career. Hopefully she could qualify for Social Services and they could pay for the training in her interest area

Continue therapy

Clean up after herself and Tomas

Join the family chore schedule and rotate turns doing dishes. Once a week, dusting furniture

What Linda could expect from us: emotional support & encouragement
Help watching Tomas especially when she is interviewing for a job or goes into job training
Some transportation

Set up a checking/savings account with a budget & plan to save money. Kick in money for meals & expenses (like the phone)

Set a good example for Billy, Heidi & Kristin

1 yr – 2 yrs

Moving more toward independence. Linda would be already employed or finishing with training and about to go look for a job.

Savings should be accumulating to help her pay for a car, car insurance, a place to live.

TB added: honesty.

We'll see how it goes.

Mar 31, 2004 –

So yesterday we went with Linda to her therapist’s.
Linda did make a list of goals for herself, with and without Kennan. She is still pretty confused about the way she feels regarding Kennan. On one hand, she says she realizes that Kennan isn’t going to change, not without some counseling. It’s over, she says. He is like an addiction she’s got to break.

The therapist asked what if Kennan swears he’ll change and asks her to give him another chance. Maybe Kennan would even agree to come for counseling. Linda said well, she’d give him a chance. She still loves him. Therapist pointed out that Linda isn’t sure yet what she wants to do. Linda agreed but the bottom line is that she wants out of there.

TB still has a lot of reservations about it. We talked about some of our expectations for Linda. Number one on the list was that she quit smoking. I am of a softer heart. I think at this point it’d be really tough for Linda to just flat out quit with everything going on in her life. Therapist and TB don’t agree. Therapist said it would be a good faith effort on Linda’s part to quit today.

Linda looked a little ticked. Uh oh.

We also spent a lot of time talking about the other goals on the list – applying for social services, getting Kennan to provide support for Little T, getting some training, living more healthily (which includes eating better) and continuing to get counseling. TB kept emphasizing honesty, setting a good example, and helping out around the house. He said we keep regular bedtime schedules and cleaning schedules too.

Linda seemed agreeable to everything. She really wants to come and live with us. I sort of think she’d agree to anything to get out of that house. I think that’s what worries TB. He’s not so sure that she is sincere.

This morning we talked a little about it. I said, what are we going to do when Linda smokes away from home and comes in smelling of cigarettes?

TB wasn’t sure. He said it was tearing him apart to think of Linda repeating her “save me” pattern of behavior again.

I wondered if he wasn’t setting her up to fail because he expected her to fall back on past behavior. I think she just might do that because she hasn’t had a chance to internalize new behaviors yet. I wouldn’t want to throw her out for smoking away from home. I wouldn’t want Little T on the street.

TB said that’s why he is so torn. If it was just Linda by herself, he wouldn’t consider taking her in – period. The reason he’s agreeing is because of the baby.

Linda probably needs a boot in her ass at first to get her to learn how to take care of herself. She should go and apply for social services so I figure I’ll take her there and wait with her while she does that. She’s got to call her school district to find out if she can get her high school diploma without having to take the whole GED. Maybe that’s all she needs. It seems like before everyone told her “you should do this, you should do that” and she just never followed through … maybe because she didn’t want to go alone or because she didn’t have transportation. Who knows?

I am nervous about this too. What will it be like to have another adult here, one that smokes and one that caves in to tempting foods? Every time Linda’s come over she’s brought sweet stuff. Yesterday there was candy. The week before, she brought cookies and chocolate milk. We can’t have that in a house full of sweet addicts. Will she react the same way as she did to quitting smoking?

I think Linda resents having to give up cigarettes. I don’t think it’s an issue I would have pushed from the beginning but I’m standing with TB on it. I remember what it was like when I quit smoking. I wanted to eat candy all the time. I’m sure that will happen to Linda, too, and she’ll find out she’s not allowed to do that either.

And what happens if she does screw up? We’re not just talking about Linda anymore. We are also talking about Little T.

There is going to be an impact on all of us. Heidi has to share her room with Linda and T. What if she can’t sleep at night because the baby is crying? She might have to sleep in Kristin’s room … be spread out between two rooms. Heidi’s just begun to settle down this year. Will all of this set her off again? The ripple effect of all this will touch Billy and Kristin too.

As to the when of it, Linda is supposed to let us know when she wants to move out. She’s decided she doesn’t want to talk to Kennan first. She just wants to pack her stuff and go when no one is at home. I am pretty sure that Kennan won’t let go so easy. We’re in for some tense times. We’ll also have to talk about how we will handle
Kennan if he starts calling and coming over.

I am sure ::::: There is a reason....... for all of this. I believe it with all my heart. Maybe we are supposed to be the way Linda is finally able to shake off past ghosts and move on with her life. Maybe we are the end of the line for her. If this doesn’t work, what will become of her and of Tomas? We’ll have to do a lot more praying about it.

April 1, 2004

We went home and ate lunch. After we were finishing our meal, the phone rang. It was Linda. Her voice was very soft and she said she wanted us to pick her and T up now. Now? Well, we didn’t ask any questions. We put away the food and left.

Linda had most of her stuff packed already so we just had to load everything into the car. T was sleeping, a sweet little angel.

The rest of the day is like a blur.

I tell myself that we’ll take it one day at a time.

QOTD:

What personality characteristics do you find desirable in other people?

Honesty, compassion, and understanding

In a school setting, how should a principal be responsible for discipline? What about a teacher? What about a parent? Who is responsible for what, in your opinion?

The parent has the ultimate responsibility for discipline. The parents should back up the teacher so that the teacher can have control in the classroom and not have to worry about being cussed at, threatened or sassed. The teacher should be able to assign detention and the parents need to back it up. The principal should always back the teacher, too, and should get involved if the kid needs to be suspended or expelled.

Wednesday Whatevers

1. Which search engine do you prefer and why?

I like google best because it seems to bring up the listings closest to what I'm actually looking for

2. Why is marriage such a significant institution?

Legally, it protects the two people involved in the relationship. Spiritually, it's sanctified by the church. It's the basic building block of a family

3. Can a soul be sold?

Figuratively, yes

A Day of Surprises!

Sticky: Scribblings been nominated as a weekly favorite in the Family & Parenting category of Blogs for Women! If you like Scribblings, please vote on the drop-down menu here. Scribblings is second on the list.

Today I took Heidi to see Dr. R. The whole family's been upset and out of sorts since little Tomas was taken away and Heidi wrote quite a bit about it (he asks us to write down what's been happening since we last saw him). Anyway, he thinks there has to be some emotional stuff not being addressed and asked us if Lin would go see him. Ha. I told him I have NO idea where she is and she would probably rather drop dead than hear any suggestion I had to make. Heidi decided to try talking to her. Heidi was pretty upset so Dr. R gave her a note to stay home and get some rest. Good thing, too, because just after we got home who showed up at the door but Linda and Tomas!

It was so good to see the baby and to hold him. He reached his arms out to me and I knew he'd missed me too. Heidi and I played with Little T while Linda roamed around and collected more of their stuff. The one time I tried to have a conversation with Lin we had to stop after just a couple of sentences. I don't know what is wrong with that girl. I asked her if she ever planned to tell us where she was staying or when we could see Tomas and she said, "I don't want to talk about that right now." Heidi told Lin about Dr. R, that he was doing research and could do an evaluation and if she needed, supply her with meds she'd need and they even PAY participants but -- as I suspected -- Linda didn't seem interested. Whatever.

I focused the rest of my attention and energy on Tomas, who was full of energy and curious. I wonder what he thinks of all this? I was glad that he remembered Heidi & me -- I mean, I figured he would but it's been so long. A week is a long time in the life of a baby. I also grabbed TB's camera and I think we must have taken 2 or 3 dozen pictures. It was just wonderful to be able to hold him, sing to him, and play with him.

When they left, I couldn't even look at her, I felt so angry.

And, by strange coincidence, all of a sudden the phone was ringing off the hook with people looking for her: the court, DYFS, other places people etc. And what could I say? Sorry, don't know where she went, obviously she didn't want us to know.

Hope they didn't have anything "important" to tell her. :P

Pictures and RPI a little later!

Ten on Tuesday:

10 Favorite Foods:

Diner breakfasts: eggs, bacon, French toast, muffins
grilled steak
baked potato
Green bean salad
yams
corned beef & cabbage
carrots
grapes
cheddar cheese
Shrimp & broccoli (Chinese dish)

Scribblings has been nominated as ...

weekly favorite in the Family & Parenting category of Blogs for Women. Wow!!! I feel honored and very surprised, especially since my posts have been so sad lately.

If you like Scribblings, please vote on the drop-down menu here. Scribblings is second on the list.

To view links for all of the nominated blogs, click here.

Baker's Dozen:

1. It was such a relief to get away for the weekend!
2. Sometimes I get anxiety attacks driving in the mountains but I don't know why
3. Upstate New York is beautiful!
4. It is such a relief that Billy can drive and we can spell each other on long trips
5. It feels "right" that Billy should go to RPI
6. I missed TB terribly even though I also enjoyed visiting the campus and seeing my dear friends Jim & Dawn
7. It was wonderful to be able to sit & talk face to face with my friends for the first time in too long!
8. RPI has a wonderful educational and friendly air about it!
9. Staying in a room where the previous person smoked really "stinks"! Never again!
10. There are some majorly steep hills in Troy!
11. I tried very hard not to dwell on T's whereabouts or well being
12. It is truly a relief to have Linda OUT OF HERE although I miss the baby terribly

Unconscious Mutterings:

1. Horrendous:: horrible
   
2. Home video:: DVD
   
3. What a girl wants:: Mel Gibson
   
4. Grounded:: punished
   
5. Trusting:: gullible (when it comes to trusting Linda)
   
6. Simplistic:: easy
   
7. Buzz:: bee
   
8. Balcony:: scene
   
9. Roar:: lion
   
10. Hooker:: hoo-er
    

Feline Friday ... a break from stress

Wonder what this thing is supposed to be for? The human pets walk on it and never go anywhere. Maybe there's a better use for it.

It could be a king sized super deluxe kitty perch!

Okay, she likes it and claims it by rubbing her head all over it.

Guess us human pets have to find another place to walk. ;-)

So the kids and I are going up to RPI in Troy and taking a break from all the bad stress. Billy was accepted into RPI and there's an open house for students tomorrow. We really can't afford to go but we got to get out of here!

QOTD:

When was the last time that you put loose change into a donation box? What was it for?

The last time was probably about a week ago and it was for muscular dystrophy research

What is your favorite Girl Scout cookie?

thin mints!

What is the truth? II

I'm still having a lot of trouble with sleep, worrying about and missing Little T. I was thinking, gee, if we'd never taken Linda in the first place we'd still be able to see the baby. I am so angry with myself for ever listening to her crap. She lies. I wonder what lies she is telling about us where ever she is?

Last year, on March 27, 2004 I wrote another journal entry that I didn't post here but now I am, what the heck? Why should everyone think, poor Linda look how mean everyone is to her when it's not the case?

On that day, Linda told me she had a fever the day before but Kennan left her to go out partying with his friends. She said Kennan's mom helped her take care of the baby for a little while. She told me that when Kennan came in, he decided to go off to Maryland and just leave her again with no help. She told me that Kennan ignores the baby when he cries AND she told me that Kennan was losing patience and she was afraid he'd shake the baby. She made him sound like a real brute!

She hasn’t written goals for herself yet because she’s intimidated by Kennan’s presence. She did begin working on it last night when he left to go partying. She plans to work more on it tonight. TB told her she had to have something ready for Tuesday.

We are going with her to her therapy appointment. TB wants to see that she is serious about making changes in her life. He doesn’t want her to just throw her hands up and say, “Take care of me”. That’s what she’s done so many times before – and taken money and gotten into trouble online. I told TB that we needed to talk about goals we have for the time Linda is with us (if that’s what we decide to do and I really think it’s important we do it at this point. She has to get out of there).

Here are other things Linda told me about her relationship with Kennan: She said that he won't let her talk to Michele or her friends and doesn't want her to come and see us. He says get a job but won't give her any transportation. She told me she has to practically beg him to buy the things she & the baby need and that he doesn't seem to care. She said he insults her and makes derogatory comments and treats her like a dog, then says he is kidding. She said he doesn't trust her and always thinks she is up to something.

I have to admit to being very worried about having Linda move in here, especially after what TB told me. I worry about my kids. How will Linda influence them? I worry about the financial strain. I worry about the additional stress on TB and me. I wonder about the impact she will have on our private times? Will she follow through and get a job and do the other things necessary to take care of herself and the baby?

What if she doesn’t?

That’s why I suggested to TB that we have goals for Linda while she lives with us. I know she can’t find a job and a place to live so quick. We have to have a timeline and we have to have a way to measure progress. TB and I were too exhausted to discuss it today. We’ll have a plan ready before Tuesday though.

I am very worried, not only for Linda and T but also for the rest of us. Having Linda move in is going to have a major impact on our lives.

I am so angry about how it all turned out. Over and over I castigate myself for ever falling for her sob story and having her move in. It was one of the worst, stupidest things I've ever done! :P

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Blue...Blue birds singing...what kind of birds say "Spring" to you?

Robins, of course!

Twosome: ...bonnet-- ...what causes get a real "bee" in your bonnet

Homelessness, under insurance/no health insurance, and bigotry

Threesome: days-- ...and what do Spring Days bring and mean to you?

Sunnier days, brighter moods because there's more sun, milder days, and lots of sneezing

Wednesday Whatevers

1. Why are curse words used?
I think they're used in cases of extreme duress or frustration -- like what happened here yesterday. When people use them as part of their everyday speech, I tend to think it's because they are showing off and can't think up a better word.

2. Do you prefer coins or bills?
Bills ... lots of them!

3. How do you cross off dates on your calendar?
Usually I line through them

What is the truth?

As I listened to the way Kennan was speaking to TB, I realized that he might think it was us that wanted Linda to move in here with us. He was really resentful about TB telling him that Linda would be better off with us ... and we remembered that TB sat down and talked to Kennan about that because Linda was afraid he would do something vindictive against her.

After she came here without warning (and she was supposed to sit down and discuss leaving with Kennan last year but never did) I wondered about Kennan's parents. Didn't they miss Tomas? Linda gave me the impression that no, they didn't and wouldn't miss him because they just didn't care. Huh, that's strange, I thought.

I remember all the bad stuff Linda told us about Kennan and his parents last year. Now I wonder, what lies has she told them about us?

Kennan maybe thinks we talked Linda into leaving him and it's not true. Here is what really happened, I wrote about this but didn't post it here. Now I guess I will. What the hell.

March 24, 2004

TB and I have been thinking about Linda and Little T. We were supposed to go with Linda to her counselor last Wednesday, the crazy day. We ended up having to cancel and told Linda we’d go with her “next time”. Next time ended up being yesterday at 9.

I had a feeling I knew why Linda wanted us to come in. There was something she needed to say but couldn’t bring herself to do it without support. Secretly, I think both of us knew what is was – she wants to move in with us. TB has been refusing to consider it because, in the past, when Linda lived in his home there was trouble. She would get into fixes on the internet chat rooms. She would take TB’s money. She wouldn’t help around the house. The list goes on. I think the thing TB was most worried about was the stealing and the lying, that it would set a bad example for Billy, Heidi and Kristin if Linda was to move back in.

TB picked Linda & T up early in the morning. I asked her how things were going with Kennan and his parents and she rolled her eyes with frustration. Kennan’s mother is still hassling her about her mothering skills. Kennan takes his mother’s side. Then there is his sister and her husband and three kids. Number 4 is due any time now and she doesn’t clean up after herself or her kids. Her husband smokes in the house. It just sounds like a terrible atmosphere in which to try and raise a baby.

Last year, she left Kennan. I think she wanted to move in with us then but TB gave a resounding NO and put a kibosh on that idea. Linda stayed with Michele for a little while before going back to Kennan. I think she felt she had no other choice. She’s been very unhappy since. She is seeing a counselor to treat her depression and issues with lying and stealing.

She doesn’t trust Kennan or his parents to take good care of Tomas. More, Vicki gave Linda some Xeroxed articles about control in a relationship. Linda recognized a lot of Kennan in what she read and it scared her. She feels like she has no control at all.

We didn’t talk to much about the session at lunch. TB just said they’d had a good meeting and that we all needed to deal with some issues first before getting Linda out of there.

“And into here?” I asked.

Linda nodded and TB said yes and then added, “But there are some issues with Kennan that Linda needs to deal with first. We need to get Kennan over here for dinner so we can talk to him.”

TB wants Linda to write out goals for herself with and without Kennan in her life. Where does she want to be next year, in 5 years, in 10 years? Then she is supposed to compare notes with Kennan. If he wants to be with her, he needs to work on changing himself. If he isn’t willing to change, then Linda wants to move out but she needs a place to go.

Linda tried to get Kennan to go into a session with her and the therapist. Kennan refused. One day, the counselor walked out into the parking lot to talk to Kennan, who was furious with Linda for allowing it to happen. The therapist is concerned because Kennan’s attitude and the atmosphere at home are contributing to Linda’s depression. She can’t get better living in that environment.

I think Linda feels secure that she will be able to move in with us. TB is very nervous about that. He told me we’d have to keep our change and other money hidden, put password protection on the computers, and endure more financial strain because there would be 2 mouths to feed. He worries that Linda won’t try to find a job or help out with expenses.

I don’t know what to think.

But there’s that little baby, an innocent in all of this …

TB told me this morning he thinks Linda’s been planning this for a long time. When I think about it and think about how she tried to leave Kennan last year and how she kvetched about him all during the pregnancy, I can see that TB is right.

“She’s using little T as leverage,” I said.

“Yes,” TB agreed.

Both of us understood exactly. Linda on her own is an adult. TB is of the “make your own bed, you sleep in it” school. I think that way too except that Linda is so far down in the well it would be very hard to climb out without a rope to cling to. TB worried about her but wasn’t inclined to help her by giving her a place to live. But now, there is Little T to consider. Of course Linda knows that TB and I don’t want to see T mistreated or neglected or in a bad environment.

Of course we will help.

There is a baby at stake now. More later…

Can't sleep

What happened keeps rolling around and around in my mind. I've written down stuff that has happened but haven't put it all on this journal because some of it was just too personal. Right now I don't care very much. I keep seeing sweet Little T's face and wondering if we'll see him again or will Linda & Kennan just be vindictive? I feel a kind of hatred toward Linda for what she has done to us.

We had an ugly scene today and now Little T is gone. We'd totally been pushed to the wall by Linda, totally betrayed and taken in by her. She has made absolutely no attempt to better herself, breaking every single agreement she made to living here. She's become snottier and more obnoxious and flaunting of the fact that she realizes Tomas is -- or was -- her trump card. It all happened so damn quickly it's hard to say how it started exactly. TB asked her again about the money she owes us and Heidi and she had this attitude and said, well, I don't have any. So TB said, well, you're going to have to find another place to live. From there, it suddenly developed into she was leaving NOW and not coming back. Kennan was there to take Linda and the baby to the doctor. It seems he knows that Linda is charged with providing alcohol to minors. He was upset with us because we've written about him online. He also made snide comments about TB's injury and also said that he'd been supporting Tomas all along. Well, that's news to me. He didn't provide money for the crib -- TB and I loaned Linda the money for that. We bought milk, baby food and diapers for the baby a lot almost every time we went shopping. Maybe he gave Linda some money to help out but I sure as hell wouldn't say he'd been supporting his baby. Why was he like $1200 in arrears then? Well, that is neither here nor there now. I asked him if he would take Linda in and give her & the baby a safe place to stay and he just shrugged. So then I said the baby should stay here and Linda yelled no. I said to Kennan if I couldn't be sure that the baby would be safe I would call DYFS (Division of Youth & Family Services) and he said, "Do what you have to do."

Two women came from DYFS and went over to Kennan's to make sure Tomas is safe. His brother-in-law smokes in that house and it's bad for the baby.

It's just been horrible. I can't stop crying. I can't get T out of my head.

For Kennan

Check this entry: Circle of Friends

I'm heartbroken ...

For all my days, I will regret my role in convincing TB to let Linda move in here. I really thought we could help her. I really believed her sob stories about being manipulated and controlled by Kennan. I thought by giving her a safe haven here she could get into a training program, get her high school diploma and better herself. When she broke all her agreements, I should have supported TB and booted her. I wouldn't do it because of Tomas and that is the only reason she was here past Christmas. By then, she was back to smoking, lying, keeping secrets and doing everything she could to undermine herself. So now we have had an ugly scene and she is gone, taking Tomas with her. I haven't been able to stop crying.

Ten on Tuesday

10 News Stories You Are Sick Of
1) The Michael Jackson Trial
2) the bitterness between Michael Schiavo & the Schindlers
3) Who will be the next Pope? Geez, John Paul II isn't even buried yet!
4) President Bush's campaign to reform social security
5) Jane Fonda's regret about her traitorous pose
6) Britney Spears wedding ... who cares?
7) Charles & Camilla
8) War in Iraq ... just sick of the terrorism and all the death
9) What's up with Martha Stewart
10) March madness (basketball)

Blue Monday

Well, I feel totally bummed out and unable to think of anything to say about what's going on here now. Just these facts then:

Linda came back late last night, after 11 p.m. and after we figured she wasn't coming back at all. I was so happy to see T who smelled like cigarette smoke and was rather grubby looking. Apparently they were playing pool or they went somewhere where people were playing pool? I don't know. Wherever, must be a great place for a baby with an ear infection. I couldn't really bring myself to talk to her and that's why I'm lying low now.

I called our homeowners' insurance company about what is happening in the family room. We had heavy downpours over the weekend and now the roof is leaking all over. We have a $500 deductible that we would have to pay first but we need to get it fixed before everything is ruined. It's depressing.

Baker's Dozen:

These are all song lyrics, parts of rhymes, Shakespearean quotes & other miscellaneous sayings. No picture of our leaky roof available so here's a flood picture instead.

1. The rain in Spain falls mainly in the Delaware River
2. I want to know, have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day?
3. The eensy weensy spider went up the water spout; down came the rain and washed the spider out
4. Raindrops keep falling on my head ...
5. Can you hear that rainy day song? It’s such a lost and lonely sound
6. Rainy days and Mondays always make me cry
7. Rain rain go away!
8. How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child! Away, away!
9. Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive!
10. You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.
11. Liar, liar pants on fire
12. When in doubt, tell the truth.

QOTD:

4/4/05
What are your thoughts about a sex education program that only teaches abstinence?

I don't think much of any of the programs even when they include information about birth control because the teachers are not allowed to discuss issues of morality.

What has given you the most satisfaction in your life?

My husband & kids

4/3/05
In your opinion, what one drug has made the most positive and profound impact on humans?

Penicillin

Coffee or Hot Chocolate? Doctored or plain?

Coffee with cream or milk

4/2/05

What do you like the most about your best friend?

He listens & understands so well without judging

Corporal Punishment: For or against?

I don't think it works so I'm against it

Unconscious Mutterings:

I say ... and you think ...

1. Renewal:: recreation
2. Someone to talk to:: TB
3. Count:: add
4. Expiration:: ceases
5. Upload:: programs
6. Publish:: books
7. Holy:: sacred
8. Change in the air:: spring
9. Titillating:: exciting
10. Glorious:: magnificent

Nothing else to say ...

This says it all ...

The Man's Side of It

Feline Friday

Spring has sprung ... almost. This is how I wish it was today, so sunny and bright that we can open the door and Mouse can sleep in the sunshine like she did when TB took this picture last week. Like all cats, Mouse likes to find a warm patch of sunshine in which to curl up and snooze. The only thing that bugs her is Little T who is quite mobile and crawls very fast. I hope to get a picture of the 2 of them together before Mouse takes off!

It hasn't started to rain yet but my joints feel the bad weather approaching. We're supposed to get pouring rain all weekend. April showers bring May flowers ... they better!

QOTD:

What is the craziest, most funny April Fool's joke that you have ever played or been a part of?

This is the last one that I can remember: In 2002, the kids and I went on a trip to Orlando, Florida. On the morning of April 1, we were about 2-3 hours away and we were just leaving the motel to get under way. I thunked my head really hard as I was getting into the car and the kids all asked, "Are you okay?" And I had an inspiration and sort of half collapsed in the driver's seat and moaned, no, I wasn't okay. The kids said, "Do you want to go to the doctor or the ER?" and I said no, I just wanted to go home. Shocked silence. I said I didn't think I could make the rest of the trip. More silence. I thought they would have got it almost right away ... I would drive back home 12 hours but couldn't drive 3 to Orlando? They didn't get it until I started laughing and then they all laughed like maniacs. That's the way my sense of humor works most of the time.

On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most, how would you rate your sense of humor or ability to laugh at yourself and take a joke?

Usually it's pretty good, like a 7 or 8. On some days, though, I'm feeling really blue and I would be more like a 4.