Scribblings

Today's Family News

Today’s been a sort of mixed bag.

Billy didn’t pass his driver’s test. He failed three things trying to parallel park. I felt really bad for him when I saw him bump the cones behind him. The instructor (or whatever they are called) with him said Billy wasn’t paying attention. That pissed Billy off but actually, I can see the instructor’s point. If Billy had been looking in the rearview mirror the whole time he was backing up, he would have seen those cones. He so expected to pass that he didn’t bring any of his books to go to school. Maybe it’s better this way. Next time he’ll be more careful and more careful on the road too. One thing he does that still scares me is that he doesn’t look carefully while he’s backing up.

Now that we have money again, we’re fixing everything that’s been on hold for months. Yesterday, the water service people came out to move our salt tank from under the house to the shed outdoors. This might have been a project for next year except that it also needed to be repaired and so we just decided it would be easier to move the whole thing out of the crawl space. TB took his car to be fixed yesterday.

Today, we had the electrician come out to try and figure out what happened to the lights in the upstairs bathroom. We knew it had to have something to do with Joe Kline, that horrible contractor from hell. We’ve been in the house just a little over 2 years and all of his “art work” is coming undone.

It turns out that when they added on the bathroom and redid Heidi’s room they created a very dangerous situation for us. They cut through the original wirebox that was in Heidi’s closet instead of moving it. They made a new bundle of wires but it was all screwed up … and they put sheetrock over the box they cut through! We could have had a fire!

Also, while Ted was in the attic, he could see that the vent pipe they ran from the new bathroom through the roof was never properly sealed and that’s why we’ve been getting leaking downstairs. The electrician fixed the problem with the lights upstairs but now we have to get a roofer to seal that vent pipe. Thanks, Joe, you stupid SOB.

I’ve been worrying about my blood pressure and did some reading on the Internet. I decided I’d try to be more proactive so I signed up for a stress relaxtion newsletter from About.com They also sent the first of six ways to relax and I tried practicing that. TB bought a blood pressure gauge for me to use here and I was relieved to see that my BP was 130/78. I’ll take that!

No word on when Linda might start work.

10 On Tuesday:

Ten things you are thankful for:

1. My husband, kids, & grandkids, my extended family & my friends
2. My pets
3. God, Jesus & my faith
4. My computer
5. Music and that I can hear
6. Beauty in the world and that I can see
7. Books and that I can read
8. Holidays
9. My so-called health such as it is, :)
10. My precious memories of loved ones who’ve passed

Family News

Linda's going to work with Billy at the movie theater! She talked to one of the managers yesterday when she went to pick Billy up and then talked to another one today. She has to fill out some paperwork and then she'll get a schedule. That's certainly good news!

Kristin had some good news too. She got the part of Yenta in the school's production of Fiddler on the Roof. She's really good with voices. It's a sort of "tradition" because Heidi also played Yenta in the seventh grade. How cool is that? Kristin's two close friends are upset because they didn't get a big part. One tried out for Zeitel and the other for Hodl (I think that's how it's spelled). Anyway, there was a lot of competition for those parts and maybe the "directors" figured that the girls would have another chance next year. Most of the major roles went to 8th graders. This should be fun!

I'm a lot more impressed with Kennan. He's been coming over just about every night to spend time with Tomas. They've been playing ball with one of those big bouncing balls. Kennan pushes it to Tomas, who's learned to catch it and push it back. I watched Billy playing with T and the ball and I was really impressed. I remember trying to do that with my kids when they were babies and it didn't work out very well. I think Kennan's got a lot of patience.

I don't remember if I wrote about it but I'm taking Heidi when I go back to see Dr. Hymowitz. She's always tired and in pain and I figured she's way too young for that. Maybe she has fibromyalgia too! I hope not but it doesn't hurt to check it out.

I saw my own doctor today and my BP was 160/100. Dr. Beppel shook her head wondering what was going on. Stress? Anyway, now she's going to have me try Monopril. I sure hope that works.

You are Fresh Mint.
You are caring and friendly. You have a nurturing
personality and always help out a friend in
need. You are fairly outgoing, and always show
a friendly face. You truly care for other
people, and you show it. However, you may
neglect your own responsibilites or become over
involved in your friends' personal affairs.
Most Compatible With: Orange


Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Brainstorm:

1. Do you own a pet?

Yes, I have two cats and everyone else seems to have a dog …

2. If you own a pet/pets what kind of pets do you have and what are their names?

Mouse is a tuxedo type kitty and is around 4. Amber is a calico possible Maine coon cat type and is about 3. And Buddy is ARDD (a really dumb dog), a yellow Lab. He is 2.

3. What is your favorite type of pet?

A cat

4. If you were able to own any type of pet you wish what would it be?

A cat. Boring, huh? Maybe ... a mountain lion cat!

5. What would you name your unique pet?

I usually can’t prename a pet. They sort of name themselves, especially if they're wild!

Certain Realities

1. Although we are overjoyed to have that insurance check, that money won't last forever. Already we spent about a third of it getting caught up on past due bills!

2. Stress continues to plague TB and me. Getting the check helped alleviate a lot of that but not all of it.

3. In January, TB will probably be cleared to go back to work. Either there will be work for him or there won't. If there is no work for him, there won't be unemployment either because he's been disabled. Since he won't be disabled anymore, that money will stop. So we are praying for work. If not, TB will need to get another job outside of his union job -- like at Walmart or McDonald's or something.

4. We've been really concerned about Linda. A lot of the services she's been getting are just going to end -- it's a long story. Anyway, no assistance from social services means she will have to go out and get a job -- any job -- to help support herself. It's a touchy subject right now. It's necessary not just because we need the money but because she's got to be able to support herself and Little T. Life is hard and there's no free rides. There are openings at the movie theater with Billy -- not great but hey it's money, right? She might also be able to get her job at WalMart back.

5. The kids are amazing! All three of them have done exceptionally well in school this year! And Billy, well, what can I say? He may be absent minded but he is having one hell of a year: he's on the honor roll with his AP courses, still taking karate, still working in the same place and advancing steadily, still saving his money and still focused on the things he wants. I can see the girls will do very well with what they want too! I'm very proud!

6. Little T has progressed from da-da to ma-ma and even na-na (meaning banana, not me, sob). He's pulling himself to a standing position and absolutely wants to try to eat and drink everything we do at the dinner table. He'll be 10 months old in just a couple of days! Zoweeeeeee!!!!!

7. We miss Michele, David & the kids. Been almost a year since they moved to TN but sometimes seems longer.

8. We won't be able to afford to spend much on Christmas this year but it doesn't matter. We have each other.

9. Depression makes you sick too.

10. This, too, shall pass.

The Weekly Bit:

1. How do you celebrate this time of year? What traditions do you hold dear?

We start to decorate the house the day after Thanksgiving. Billy put the tree up all ready and now the kids just need to put the ornaments on it. There are two radio stations that play Christmas music 24/7 and so I listen to that. We watch Christmas movies. I make Irish soda bread and the girls make Christmas cookies. Being together as a family – that is what I hold most dear.

2. When do you do your gift shopping? Early or are you a last minute shopper?

I do my shopping as soon as I can, as soon as I have the money.

3. What is the one present you would love this year?

This year … I think I would love a nice warm bathrobe most this year.

4. Have you ever believed in Santa?

I used to believe in Santa. I think I believed in him until I was kinda old for a kid. I had my doubts for a couple of years but wasn’t “sure” until I found presents for him in a closet.

5. Do the holidays depress you or make you happy?

It depends on the circumstances. Even when times are bad, I hold on to how I’ve always felt about the Christmas season and I try to be happy

6. How do you decorate your home/apartment this time of year?

This year, TB and I bought a Christmas village from the dollar store. It’s really nice and we put it on top of the entertainment center. I have some other Christmas knick knacks that can go around the house once they’re unpacked. I’d like to get some greenery to hang up too.

What Decade Does Your Personality Live In?

what decade does your personality live in?

quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

Day After Turkey Hangover

Does anyone else still feel kind of sick today?

We didn’t do very much today. I slept in until 10 a.m. I took Billy to work early (around noon) so that he could catch a movie before his shift started. The girls came along with me and we stopped at the grocery store and then the dollar store. We picked up some more things to decorate the house. It wasn’t very crowded because everyone else must have gone for the “Black Friday” sales.

While I’ve never been too crazy about getting up so early or about the crowds, there is one thing I did like and miss about “Black Friday” and that is all those good deals. Maybe next year – although, as I get older it sure gets harder to get up and get moving around at 4 in the morning. Plus, if no one else is into it then I tend to become de-motivated very fast.

Hopefully tomorrow things will be more back to normal.

Four for Friday:

Q1: Yesterday was Thanksgiving. Would you say you over did it or kept it in check when it came to stuffing yourself with food?

I over did it a little bit but not as much as I have some years.

Q2: Earlier this week, Columbia Tri-Star Pictures released the first three seasons of Seinfeld on DVD. Have you ever purchased a season's worth of a particular television show on DVD for yourself? If not, which television show would you most likely buy if it were released on DVD?

I have an entire season's worth of episodes from 3 different shows: ER, Homicide, and CSI. I think it's a great idea. I just wish some of them weren't so darn expensive. I'd like to get others but which ones ... it depends on how much they cost.

Q3: If you could wake up tomorrow morning speaking any one language fluently--in addition to English--which language would you choose and why?

Spanish because so many people in this country speak it.

Q4: Do you feel there are any circumstances under which it's okay for a professional athlete to enter the stands, other than to celebrate a victory with loved ones or fans?

It's okay as long as there's no violence involved

Thanksgiving

I'm grateful for so much:

My husband, kids, Linda, Tomas, Michele, David, Brandon, Ryan, Taylor, Nikolas

My friends, on and off the Internet

My cats, who let me pet them when I'm really upset or sad!

My health ... and finding out that what's going on is manageable

My home

My extended family

Music

Turkeys

and for the check that finally finally finally arrived today!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Wednesday Whatevers

1. What is happiness?

It’s a state of mind … it could be feelings of joy. It could be feelings of optimism in spite of bad stuff going on. It’s contentment

2. Are commercials annoying or fun?

Very annoying!

3. In what instances can one be "too nice?"

When you’re being really insincere or condescending

Fibromyalgia?

When my shoulder began bothering me again a month ago I ws pretty fed up with being in pain. Bextra didn’t help and I would not take it again even if it did. Aspirin, tylenol, Motrin, and Advil have never worked completely. I’m thinking, geez, I’m only 49. I don’t want to limit my activities because I’m in pain almost all the time. So I asked Dr. Beppel for a referral to a rheumatologist. I wasn’t exactly sure what they did but I knew they worked with people who have arthritis.

Dr. Hymowitz came in and asked a lot of questions. Some of them puzzled me a little. Did I have frequent headaches? Did I have gastrointestinal problems? Just part of a thorough medical history, I figured. I was assuming he would send me for Xrays of all my joints. I told him about the pains in my joints and muscles, particularly in my arms, shoulders and back. He asked me about how well I sleep at night.

He went to check my arms. He pressed a little on the sides of my elbows. I yelped in surprise. It hurt. He hadn’t pressed hard. There were other places that I reacted to as well – the sides of my knees, behind my shoulders, on my chest just below the breastbone and on the sides of my hips. What was that all about?

He wanted to know how long my joints had been aching the way they were. I said at least five years. He also asked about my depression and how long I’d been fighting it.

When he was finished with his physical exam, he said that he didn’t think my pain was just coming from arthritis. The Bextra and other stuff should have taken care of the pain if that was the case. He says I have fibromyalgia.

I think I just sat and gawked at him. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’d heard of fibromyalgia of course but to be very honest, I thought it was a convenient condition to give people an excuse to lay back and complain. No, no, no, no, I thought, I don’t have this. I wasn’t sure it was real – from what I remembered, it was one of those elusive things. You don’t know what causes it and the symptoms seemed vague and general … and it just couldn’t be!

He was explaining the symptoms. Pain is always present. Yeah, I thought, I do have pain all the time but it’s not that bad! Next there are these tender points, the areas on my body that unexpectedly hurt when he pressed on them. The type of pain – well, it’s like what I have. Sometimes there’s stiffness and soreness but there’s also burning, stabbing, and throbbing pain. It varies.

There’s also sleep disturbance. I get up like every hour on the hour. I always go to the bathroom – which is another symptom (bladder spasms). Anyway, about the sleep … if you don’t get enough sleep, your muscles don’t get a chance to rest and heal themselves. Maybe that’s one of the causes of fibromyalgia. I have sleep apnea – it’s possible that the CPAP doesn’t make all the symptoms of that go away. Sometimes I’ll sleep all night but still feel exhausted in the morning or feel like I’m going to pass out in the afternoon if I don’t get a nap.

I always thought I must have diabetes because I’d go to the bathroom so much. When my blood’s been tested, though, it’s always been normal. Why do I pee so much? I figured it was inevitable that I’d come back positive one day. Why else would this be happening?

There’s also the persistant tingly feelings in my hands and feet. I was convinced that was diabetes. Dr. R thought it was withdrawal from the meds I was on. It’s been better but the weird feelings haven’t gone away totally.

Then there are the headaches, depression and anxiety. I have had those just about all my life and have been on various meds for them since I was 21.

Dr. Hymowitz prescribed ultracet for pain. He said I should just take it as needed. The Prozac and Ativan I’m taking hopefully would help me sleep (but not always). I’m supposed to go back and see him in 6 weeks.

He gave me a pamphlet that explained fibromyalgia and how to cope with it. I should lose weight (no kidding) and exercise. I need to find some way to relax to reduce my stress level. I need to learn more about what I have. Yeah, I do, especially considering I used to think it was one of those “convenience” syndromes.

I mean, I’ve had lots of medical tests over the years to try and figure out what was “wrong” with me and everything always came back normal – the EEGs, the EKGs, X-rays, blood tests and what have you. So I figured I must be exaggerating what I was feeling.

I don’t think I’ve had this all my life … or if I have, it hasn’t been this bad. It can come on because of an illness or emotional trauma (well, I’ve certainly had lots of that) or some hormonal changes. Maybe it’s caused by the sleep apnea.

Maybe it’s genetic. I can remember back to my mother’s complaints of fatigue and pain. Does she have it? And what about Heidi, who complains of feeling like she’s “40 years old”. I thought that she had to be exaggerating, she’s only 16 … but now I wonder.

On the downside, I called Dr. R and it turns out that I can’t take ultracet while I’m in the prozac study. Why? I wondered and he said it’s because it affects the central nervous system. Great. So … do I continue with the study or do I take the ultracet? What if that doesn’t work either?

It feels weird to be diagnosed. I don’t know if I feel relieved or not. I guess I better go learn more about it.

If Our Pets Were People ...

Question of the Week:

If your pets were to turn into people (either someone famous or an archetype/stereotype), who would they be or be like? *OR* If your kids were to suddenly become pets, what kind of animal would they be?

If my pets were to turn into people …

Buddy would be tall and gangling like Jeff Goldblum. He’d be all twitchy and probably have ADD, unable to sit down and focus for very long on anything.

Amber would be seem to be very sweet and shy. She would be tall but not slim. She’d be built more like a football player yet she’d also be graceful and feminine. Appearances can be deceiving, though. She may seem timid and quiet but don’t try to touch any of her stuff!

Mouse would have a bit of a Napoleon complex, not very tall, somewhat arrogant and very jealous of anyone else getting attention or affection. She would have a lot of love inside her to give but not always willing to show it.

Power of Prayer

We have been praying every day for the insurance check to come and we’ve been praying every day for relief from the increasing financial stress we’re under. After so many months, though, I was wondering what it was I was expecting to hear. Yes, the money is on its way, no, it’s not be patient and stop wondering? Sometimes I wondered if no answer is an answer.

This morning, on the way to the emergency room (that story in a minute) TB and I were wondering how much more we could bear. I said I’d like to say it can’t get any worse but we both know damn well it easily could get worse.

I said, I feel like saying to God what are you doing? And He would say but I’m not doing this to you and I’d say but where are you?

Tb understood how I felt.

My mother always felt there was a curse on my family because my father was an atheist. That’s ridiculous, of course, but I sure feel like I’m cursed sometimes, I said. And I felt my mother would say, well, you pray, but you don’t go to church.

TB understood that one too and could think of people he knew who would say the same thing.

This morning I’d prayed hard too, asking God to help us because we just couldn’t bear the stress anymore. My blood pressure at the emergency room was 154/110 and 170-something/78. I had to detach myself from what was going on, cutting myself off from feeling and from thinking. I don’t know if it helped my blood pressure but I had to do something. TB was very close to a breakdown, he believed. He was practically in tears.

TB had gone to Lowe’s while I was waiting to be called into the back. We had to have a new fridge and we hoped to put it on a credit card.

It was okay for him to go to the store because I was at the ER not for my BP but because I’d reinjured my ankle somehow. I don’t remember how it happened. I woke up this morning barely able to walk and my ankle was puffed up and misshapen.

Great, just great. We needed a new fridge, I knew that. Also on the list: I wanted to see the doctor about my blood pressure and there was a repairman who was supposed to come to the house for the washer. The middle part keeps spinning out with the clothes. I wasn’t expecting a swollen foot.

On top of that, the fridge was as dead as the freezer now.

Billy had brined the turkey overnight and it was still cool when he got up this morning at 5 a.m. so he popped the bird into the oven and began to roast it.

All of the rest of the food -- except for the vegetables -- was warm and mushy and would need to be thrown away.

Unbelievable.

Now I sat parked in a wheelchair, back in one of those little cubbies. TB got back from Lowe’s and I could see from the look on his face that it was bad. We didn’t have enough credit on the card to be able to get the fridge we needed. It would cost all of what we had left … unless we borrowed the money from Billy, who’d offered to give us what he’s saved since he started working.

I had a sudden fear, though, that if we went and used that money then we’d have this brand new fridge and no food in it. TB and I talked about getting a compact unit instead. The check would come eventually, we knew that but we could not depend on when that would be. That’s about the point where I just had to detach and he was worried about a breakdown.

On the up side, my foot isn’t broken. They gave me a pair of crutches and an air cast to use. I’m supposed to go back and see an orthopedic doctor … probably Dr. Farrell, TB’s surgeon – or one of the other guys in the practice.

We drove to WaWa and TB bought some cold cuts, mayo, mustard and chips for lunch. Everything in our fridge was no good, too warm for us to feel comfortable eating. So we had to throw out eggs, cold cuts, butter, cheese – it would make you sick. We’d just gone shopping.

We were not a happy group of people at the table – well, all except for Little T who was happy and bouncy and we couldn’t help but smile or laugh at him. Thank God for little babies.

After lunch, Billy and Heidi came home from school. The turkey had been hot for hours but was now cool enough to carve up. TB needed to go back out to get that compact fridge so I asked Billy to do it and to put the pieces in a bag and into the cooler. Oh, yeah, TB had dragged out our cooler and washed it out. He’d bought ice and milk and we were going to keep the milk, new cold cuts, and turkey in the cooler. We would have to eat the turkey tonight.

For Thanksgiving? Well … how about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?

TB decided to call the lawyer again before leaving for Lowe’s.

I was gimping down the hall to our bedroom on these new crutches when I heard TB gasp out. I stopped at the office. He’d hung up the phone and had covered his eyes. He was in tears. Oh God, now what? I wondered. He had to collect himself before he could answer me. It was good news … the insurance company had authorized a partial first payment. We should be getting that check in the next few days.

TB just about collapsed and so did I. We were both totally overwhelmed. I was stunned, totally stunned. But I realized God heard, had probably been hearing and now we knew it too.

I mean, I know that non-believers could argue that this is not evidence of God and that’s okay. For me though, it was a very clear answer to my question – I’m here, He’d answered.

Thank you, God.

And we ordered the fridge we needed

Why why why?

Our freezer and refrigerator are shot.

The turkey is almost totally thawed so I’ll need to cook it tomorrow if we’re going to be able to save it.

The money we have left in the savings account that was supposed to help us squeeze by the next few weeks has to go to a new fridge. We can’t not have a fridge. I don't even want to think about that damn insurance check. It's tempting but I don't want to. It's not going to come anyway. Thinking about it makes me understand why people go postal.

My head aches so much it feels like it’s going to explode.

I hope Sears has some good sales.

Unconscious Mutterings:

I say … and you think …

How Much Do You Match Your Zodiac Sign?

You are 73% Sagittarius

Singing T

The baby is really developing quickly! Of course, that's the way it is with babies but it's truly amazing how quickly Tomas is changing and growing up. Yesterday, he pulled himself up to stand at the coffee table and he's tried it by the sofa a couple of times now. He's going to be cruising very soon all right!

Tomas has begun making "dadada" and similar sounds. Another thing he does is some really loud "singing" -- I'm not sure what else to call it. This will sound funny but if you've ever seen 2001 he sort of sounds like the big obelisk, the one that was singing to outer space: "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...." Tomas is singing out more of an 'ehh' sound.

If you sing to him, though, he'll stop and smile or laugh. I usually sing him vowels, aaaaaaa, eeeeeee, iiiiii, oooooooh, youuuuuuuuuuuuu. I hear TB singing the alphabet to him and do re mi. Now they are singing together!

Study Visit 5

Today was my fifth visit to Dr. R but technically we’re only on “visit 4”. I think that’s because I was still on the other medications when I came back the second time. Dr. R is definitely a weird doctor, very eccentric. He starts to say something or he’ll start to ask a question and then he stops and goes on an entirely different track. Sometimes it’s really hard for me not to bust out laughing in his face.

We met with Lisa first. She’s the research counselor – or something. Dr. R oversees the whole thing and so I’m actually assigned to her. So I told Lisa about the trouble I was having sleeping. The Prozac is helping reduce the catastrophic circular thinking I was doing, I told her, and I’ve lost another pound (YAY!!!!) but … I’m also crankier because I’m not sleeping right.
Lisa said she thought it would be fine for me to take the Prozac in the morning because they do that for other people. Whew.
Part of this study involves me getting on the phone to the pharmaceutical company and answering a computerized survey. It’s the same questions week after week. Zzzz.

After I did that, the nurse came in to take my blood pressure and that was not good. The first reading was like 138/100. Great. A few minutes later, the reading was 141/100. Argh. The nurse tried my right arm. That was like 154/114. Even worse!

It must be stress because I have cut out nearly all caffeine. I don’t even drink a whole cup of coffee anymore and I drink only decaffeinated diet soda. Most of the time I drink water. I don’t cook with salt and hardly ever add it. I don’t eat junk food. I don’t even crave candy anymore! So what else could it be?

Then Dr. R comes in to talk to us. I told him that Lisa said it should be okay for me to take the Prozac in the morning because other people did. He raised his brows and smiled a little and said oh really? I’ll be right back. He said he had to call the company to make sure it would be okay.

After that TB and I began to read. We were there for a good fifteen or twenty minutes. The nurse came back and decided to try my blood pressure again. This time it was 154/94. Geesh. Lisa popped her head in and wondered what happened to Dr. R so I explained to her what was happening and she looked puzzled.

It was supposed to be a short visit.

When Dr. R came back, he began scribbling a bunch of stuff and then said, “There are alternative treatments for depression, like electro-shock therapy…”

Where had that come from? He looked up and saw the look on my face and sort of broke off. He was scribbling again and asked if Lisa talked to us about the dosage.

No, I said. Now I was really confused. I thought that’s why he was calling the manufacturer!

Anyway, to cut the story short, I’m taking the medicine earlier. They can’t come out and tell me that. Oh. They didn’t say that but I think that’s what they meant, Lisa and Dr. R. “Just take it as early in the evening as you can until we hear back from the manufacturer.” Raised eyebrows. Okay, I think I get it. :P

I had an idea that TB agrees with – that we should make plans as if there will be NO income. Our credit is going to be ruined, damned Selective! To me, the most important things to stay on top of is the mortgage, the cars, car insurance and heat/electric. If we fall behind with the cars then we’ll lose the house because no one will be able to get to work. And we need both cars because we’ll need us all working. There’s nothing around here but CVS and fast food places so the jobs we get won’t pay much. Even Heidi is looking for a job.

Ho ho ho.

Work Hard and This is What You Get

TB got a letter from SSA today. He was turned down for temporary disability benefits and both of us are now in a deep funk. It was a big shock to us and when we read the denial letter again, we realized that SSA was basing their decision on the erroneous information of that robotic doctor of Selective’s, Kenneth Peacock of Moorestown, NJ.

I think that if you live in NJ and you get hurt and your company's vampiric third party carrier sends you to this man, you’re in for trouble. I think he tells the insurance company what they want to hear and to hell with you. And if you get hurt and your company’s carrier is Selective Insurance out of Branchville, NJ I say hurry and get an attorney because you are already screwed. Do a Google on Dr. Kenneth Peacock, Moorestown, NJ and you’ll get a whole bunch of workman’s comp reports in which he is the third party carrier’s “expert”.

I urged TB to call his attorney to see if he should file an appeal. Dr. Peacock claimed that there was nothing else Selective could do for TB and that he had a 15% permanent partial disability. Meanwhile, Dr. Farrell and TB went forward with the third surgery, which TB is recovering nicely from now. TB will be able to work again, but probably not in the shop.
Anyway, SSA has no information about the third surgery or the second opinion Selective was forced to seek. The second opinion, Dr. Falconiero, was in total agreement with Dr. Farrell and totally contradicted Peacock. Now, Dr. Falconiero – in Cherry Hill, NJ – is a great doctor. He was totally fair and he acted human. If your carrier sends you to this doctor, you have a better chance of being treated fairly.

SSA’s reason for turning TB down was that he could do “substantive work” … but they don’t realize he was recovering from surgery again. They think, thanks to Dr. Peacock, that TB has this 15% permanent disability. Is the decision worth appealing? I might have thought so once but I have totally lost faith in everything. That’s why I suggested TB talk to the attorney. That guy will be honest – he has a “stake” in it. If he thinks he won’t get his percentage, he’ll say so.

Folks, it’s nice to know that if you work real hard all your life and then you get hurt and you can’t work that you can count on the contributions you were forced to make to SSA, right? That you can get a little help when you need it?
Think again.

Don’t get hurt at work, folks. If that means you have to play slacker, then I say lay back and be lazy. Because when you work hard, you think you’re appreciated … and you are as long as you can output. If you get hurt doing your best for your company, don’t think they’ll be grateful for all the hard work you did or feel bad that you got hurt. The bottom line to them is profit, guys, that’s it. Period.

Taking Prozac

I have to talk to Dr. R Thursday about when I have to take this med. I couldn't sleep again last night and I was up until 2. I had to get up at 6 to make sure the kids got off all right. Only Billy ended up going to school because the girls still felt sick. Linda needed to go to social services and then job hunting so I watched Tomas until she got back. I was so sleepy. I had Little T in the saucer and was watching Shrek 2 with Heidi. I wanted to try and take a nap when Lin got back. Anyway, this isn't any good -- I don't like being up so late at night and it just seems so counter-productive. Dr. R kept saying that I'm supposed to take the prozac at night and the ativan isn't helping me sleep.

This is what happened when I first took prozac in 1988. I had a bout with post-partum depression and the doctor gave me prozac. It was all new then, supposedly a wonder drug. I don't remember how long I took it, but I do remember I wasn't able to sleep at night. Even when I switched to mornings I didn't sleep and it started making me crazy. I came off the prozac then and began taking something else.

The big problem is that I do seem to feel better emotionally. I haven't had any of those obsessive I'm-sick-I'm-going-to-die type of thoughts.

Nothing is ever easy.

10 on Tuesday:

Ten bad foods that you love to eat:

1. candy
2. cake
3. ice cream
4. cheeseburgers
5. French fries
6. hot dogs
7. baked beans
8. potato chips
9. bacon
10. home fries

Better Today

Today was better although I didn’t get much sleep. I took the two girls to the dr. Both of them had sinus infections and Heidi had an ear infection too. This was pretty fast moving … they told me on Friday they didn’t feel well and by the end of the weekend they sounded like their very own TB ward.

Most accidents happen at home! I’m not sure how this happened but Kristin grabbed the handle of the frying pan, not realizing it had been hanging over a very recently glowing burner. She says that Billy had just been cooking with the frying pan and apparently when he moved it to the cool burner, the handle was over the one that had just been on. She didn’t realize it until too late.

She burned her hand pretty good, first degree burns on her palm and fingers. Thank God I haven’t seen any blisters and the dr showed me how to dress it.

It brought back a memory of something my mom told me once: when you are cooking on the stove, make sure the handles of the pans are turned away from the front of the stove. It’s too easy for a little one to grab on and turn the pan over onto themselves. When I was really little, I reached up to the table and accidentally pulled a bowl of very hot soup onto myself. No bowls too close to the edge of the table either, warned Mom. I remembered and I thought I’d taught it to my kids but apparently not well enough.

If that wasn’t enough, I burned my thumb making pea soup. Oh well, “tomorrow is another day.”

Colin Powell resigned as Secretary of State today. It's really too bad because I liked him a lot. I thought he had a lot of integrity. Bush is replacing him with Dr. Condoleeza Rice and I'm just not as impressed with her. One thing I noticed about her is that she won't let anyone (reporters especially) get a word in edgewise when she wants to say something. I like that quality about her, even if I don't particularly believe what she is saying.

I also see that there is an investigation beginning into whether a U.S. soldier shot a wounded Iraqi prisoner in the head and killed him. Apparently he didn't know the prisoner was wounded. He thought the guy was faking.

I felt really sick after what happened at Abu Ghraib. This sounds like it could be very bad too if it's true. How can you go up to an unarmed, wounded man and just shoot him in the head like that?

Nooooooooooooooooooo!

I was reading the news online, a truly scary thing to be doing lately. And I saw this, which really and truly scared me!

Come on, do people reallywant to elect "The Terminator" as president? It's not just that ... It does seem an actor can be an effective president. But I don't want to see our Constitution amended like this! I am not comfortable with the idea of someone born and raised in another country becoming the leader of our country. Sorry ... this is nothing against people from foreign countries except for the fact they were not born here!

I don't believe we need an amendment defining marriage either, but that's a whole other post!

The Weekly Bit:

lets play this or that for the week of Nov15
choose one:

chocolate or vanilla?

Chocolate

coke or pepsi?

Pepsi

is the glass half full or half empty?

It’s half right now. Just … half

summer or winter?

winter
--------------------------------------

now lets do some good old word association,
I say, you think:

cup: coffee
blue: yellow
eat: drink
garage: park
tree: leaves
milk: drink
laugh: happy
bunny: wabbit
towel: bath
snow: Christmas

Unconscious Mutterings:

“I say … and you think …”

1. Childhood:: carefree
2. Ransom:: hostage
3. Melissa:: Agretti
4. Trust me:: salesman
5. Report:: tell
6. Give up:: depressed
7. Nightgown:: sleep dress
8. Smokes:: cigarettes
9. Cookies & cream:: ice cream
10. Gameshow:: Jeopardy

You know it's bad when ...

... both of you are in the pits and one can't cheer the other up because we're both down too deep.

I saw Polar Express with the kids today and it was good. Tom Hanks is really excellent in any movie he's ever been in!

Selective Insurance Sucks!

They are THE third party carrier that's been driving us into financial ruin. It's been almost 2 weeks since TB's lawyer sent a letter to the Workman's Comp Board asking not only that Selective be forced to pay what they owe us but to also add in a 25% extra for doing what they are doing. So we get a check ... and it's still for the pissy $680 they decided they were going to pay from now on.

I am nearly foaming at the mouth I am so damn mad. I wish I could call them up and tell them exactly what I think of them. I hope every single one of them has a workman's comp related injury in their family and has the very same thing happen to them!

And where in heck is workman's comp?

Even in NY there would have been a hearing scheduled already.

Ho ho ho.

Up all night

For some reason I'm supposed to take the Prozac in the evening. The first time I took it, in 1988, I took it at night and it ended up keeping me up all night, which was not good since I had to work. The doctor told me I should take it in the morning. I told Dr. R and he said the thing is, with this study I have to take it at night. So ... last night I was up almost all night. I can take ativan to help me sleep but it didn't help last night. Since I started taking the prozac I noticed it's been harder and harder for me to fall asleep. I am going to try and take a nap but I don't want this to become a habit, up all night and sleep away the day. Blah.

Drug Study

I don't remember if I've written about this or not but I have gotten into a drug study about depression. How did it happen? Well, I've been feeling more depressed and anxious the last couple of months. I asked Linda for Drenk's number, which is where she goes for help. I called and they didn't seem to want to help me, though, because of insurance issues. But they did give me a number for a doctor who was doing a drug study on anxiety.

I called him and made an appointment to go in. The anxiety study seemed more about worry than it was about panic attacks so I wasn't sure how I'd fit. As it turned out, this Dr. R has more than one study running. My first hubby Rich was in a drug study at Johns Hopkins so I'm familiar with them. You get free medical care and medicine all the while you are in the study. Definitely a plus for us. Anyway, Dr. R has a study on depression and based on my answers and stuff he says I have severe depression. No surprise.

The study involves taking Prozac so that meant I had to get off all the meds I'd been taking for years. They weren't working for me anymore anyway and although I wasn't enthusiastic about Prozac I figured it couldn't hurt. The beginning was really rough. I had a hard time getting off my meds especially now when everything is so stressful. My blood pressure was out of control and that was scaring me.

Today was the third visit back. It was the best visit so far. My blood pressure if finally normal. I've been taking two meds to try and control it but then this week I decided to cut back severely on my caffeine intake. I also found out the tingling I have in my hands and feet are normal, a result of withdrawing from my meds. The Prozac hasn't been working miraculously but I'm holding my own I guess.

I will be in this study for at least 6 months.

Hee Hee

Okay, now I feel a bit better.

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Ten on Tuesday:

"Ten Things You Want to Do Before the End of the Year".

1. Feel better
2. Lose weight
3. Lower my blood pressure
4. Finish a story
5. Exercise regularly
6. Stop drinking caffeinated coffee
7. Stop eating too much candy & ice cream
8. Get a haircut
9. do some holiday shopping
10. Visit my parents

This is Scary 2

I saw this yesterday and it upset me very much. This is the third lawsuit I’ve heard of in which a veteran who believed they’d served his country and retired was shocked to learn the military wanted to drag them back into service. I’ve seen it called a “back door draft”. I’m upset because not only is it unfair, I bet it will cause the draft to be reinstated.

David Miyasato joined the Army in 1987. He was in the first Persian Gulf War. He was discharged from active service in 1991 and then served in the Reserves for another 5 years after that. In 1996, he resigned from the Reserves and figured he’d done his duty to our country.

Wrong.

What people don’t realize is that when you volunteer to join the service there’s this “small print” that they don’t see or understand. Once a soldier resigns from the service, from the reserve, the National Guard and so on and so forth they are transferred to what is called the Individual Ready Reserve. I never heard of this thing until the discussion first came up on Widownet. I don’t know if it’s ever been done before but apparently the military can go into this reserve and call people back to active service.

There is David Miyasato, 13 years out of the service and thinking he is done, and now he gets a letter from the army to report to active duty. Surprise! So he filed a lawsuit. I don’t blame him. It’s not fair to drag him back when he’s already done so much for this country.

The other thing that upsets me is that President Bush says there will be no draft. But what happens when a volunteer realizes what could happen years down the road? In Iraq there are already soldiers who were supposed to come back home and were supposed to get out of the service – but that’s all been deferred. Indefinitely. Who wants to live (or die) like that?

I will be very surprised if the draft is NOT reinstated. Once it is, then all of my kids might get drafted – and that upsets me to no end.

I saw this on another blog I enjoy:

QOTW

If a new medicine were developed that would cure the disease of your choice, but would cause a fatal reaction in 1% of the people who took it… would you want the medicine released?

That’s a hard question to answer. There are risks with any kind of medicine or surgery but I hate to think about the people who would die from it. One percent is a small number but it still represents someone’s spouse, significant other, parent, sibling, or child. I’m kind of superstitious too, thinking if I said yes then it would be my loved one who dies. I hate questions like this.

BONUS: what disease would you want the medicine to cure? (Stupidity, as much as I would love that cured, doesn’t count as a disease.)

Diabetes

Baker’s Dozen

1. Why do I worry so much?
2. Iraq is beginning to remind me of Vietnam in so many ways
3. I hate feeling the way I do
4. Tomas is so cute!
5. Sunday was so beautiful – the weather, I mean
6. I need more chocolate
7. I shouldn’t eat so much chocolate
8. My blood pressure isn’t under control
9. Why do I feel this way?
10. Thank goodness Billy works for the movie theater!

The Incredibles

Actually, I wanted to see Ray today but it's a pretty long movie and by the time we all got our acts in gear, there wasn't enough time for Billy to see it or The Incredibles before his shift started. So I figured, everyone else also wanted to see TI? As it turns out, I think Billy was late for his shift anyway but oh well.

I didn't like TI at first. It's a Walt Disney/Pixar movie and already I didn't like the look of the hero, Bob Parr/Mr. Incredible. It's not just that he was fat and bulky. His head didn't look right. Sometimes I think Disney does a great job with animation and other times I wonder if the artists on the film are meat cutters.

I don't want to give away too many details of the movie but very soon we got into the "normal" life of the Incredible family trying to blend in with society. The kids bickered at the dinner table, taking pot shots at each other. The mom was trying to get the dad to pay attention. He had this crap paper pusher type job for an insurance company (of all things). The kick in the head came when the boss began to dress down Mr. I/dad/Bob because the insurance company was "losing" money paying out on claims they ought to pay without making a fuss.

Did this feel too familiar?

Already I was not feeling so good today and as I'm watching this, I'm thinking, oh, please, let's not spend a lot of time here or I'll scream.

At that point, the story took another direction and went far, far away from the bloodsucking insurance company. Then I enjoyed it a little more.

I might be jaded or something but it didn't really seem like a kid's movie. I mean ... a young kid movie. We had scenes of the older super heroes confronting their flabby selves and I don't know, it was just depressing. It's not like Thumper and the Genie and Tamon and Pumbaa. I'm not saying Disney films don't have sad or depressing themes. I don't know how to explain it any better. It's an older kid movie at best.

But there are other movies I'm looking forward to seeing:

Ray
Alfie
Christmas with the Kranks
The Polar Express
Finding Neverland
National Treasure
Lemony Snicket & A Series of Unfortunate Events
The Aviator
Ocean's 12
Flight of the Phoenix
Meet the Fockers

Thank goodness Billy workings at the movie theater!

Now this is scary ...

This is scary. I’m sitting here wondering just why we need to screen Americans for mental illness. Does anyone else sense anything sinister about this, or is it just me? Right now I am in a severe depression episode. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety almost my whole life. But I don’t think I want the government knowing or messing in my business!

Here is what my paranoid self fears:

1. I (or one of my kids or grandkids) am screened and labeled
2. There’s a file opened somewhere that states the disability and an assignation of some kind of file manager at a drug company
3. The manager is supposed to coordinate the conditions and the recommended drugs
4. We’re strongly encouraged to have a mental health chip implanted under the skin and then…
5. We can all be tracked by the government

It seems to me a way of medicating rambunctious kids in school that sorta get in the way of achieving the goals of the “No Child Left Behind” act. After all, teachers don’t want to be blamed for the kids’ behavior. The parents sure don’t want to be held responsible. So let the government screen the kids for mental illness, make their diagnosis and let the drug companies start dispensing pills.

Here’s another thing: this could be the reason given for my own “aberrant” behavior … like disagreeing with the president! It’s because I’m mentally ill … see, here are the results of my screening and here are the drugs I’m supposed to take to make me better. If I don’t start agreeing, does that make me certifiable?

Okay, so maybe I am paranoid.

Or maybe I’m not so paranoid.

The whole article follows if you don’t feel like clicking the link.

Bush plans to screen whole US population for mental illness Jeanne Lenzer New York

A sweeping mental health initiative will be unveiled by President George W Bush in July. The plan promises to integrate mentally ill patients fully into the community by providing "services in the community, rather than institutions," according to a March 2004 progress report entitled New Freedom Initiative (www.whitehouse.gov/infocus/newfreedom/toc-2004.html). While some praise the plan's goals, others say it protects the profits of drug companies at the expense of the public.

Bush established the New Freedom Commission on Mental Health in April 2002 to conduct a "comprehensive study of the United States mental health service delivery system." The commission issued its recommendations in July 2003. Bush instructed more than 25 federal agencies to develop an implementation plan based on those recommendations.

The president's commission found that "despite their prevalence, mental disorders often go undiagnosed" and recommended comprehensive mental health screening for "consumers of all ages," including preschool children. According to the commission, "Each year, young children are expelled from preschools and childcare facilities for severely disruptive behaviours and emotional disorders." Schools, wrote the commission, are in a "key position" to screen the 52 million students and 6 million adults who work at the schools.

The commission also recommended "Linkage [of screening] with treatment and supports" including "state-of-the-art treatments" using "specific medications for specific conditions." The commission commended the Texas Medication Algorithm Project (TMAP) as a "model" medication treatment plan that "illustrates an evidence-based practice that results in better consumer outcomes."

Dr Darrel Regier, director of research at the American Psychiatric Association (APA), lauded the president's initiative and the Texas project model saying, "What's nice about TMAP is that this is a logical plan based on efficacy data from clinical trials."

He said the association has called for increased funding for implementation of the overall plan.

But the Texas project, which promotes the use of newer, more expensive antidepressants and antipsychotic drugs, sparked off controversy when Allen Jones, an employee of the Pennsylvania Office of the Inspector General, revealed that key officials with influence over the medication plan in his state received money and perks from drug companies with a stake in the medication algorithm (15 May, p1153). He was sacked this week for speaking to the BMJ and the New York Times.

The Texas project started in 1995 as an alliance of individuals from the pharmaceutical industry, the University of Texas, and the mental health and corrections systems of Texas. The project was funded by a Robert Wood Johnson grant—and by several drug companies.

Mr Jones told the BMJ that the same "political/pharmaceutical alliance" that generated the Texas project was behind the recommendations of the New Freedom Commission, which, according to his whistleblower report, were "poised to consolidate the TMAP effort into a comprehensive national policy to treat mental illness with expensive, patented medications of questionable benefit and deadly side effects, and to force private insurers to pick up more of the tab" (http://psychrights.org/Drugs/AllenJonesTMAPJanuary20.pdf).

Larry D Sasich, research associate with Public Citizen in Washington, DC, told the BMJ that studies in both the United States and Great Britain suggest that "using the older drugs first makes sense. There's nothing in the labeling of the newer atypical antipsychotic drugs that suggests they are superior in efficacy to haloperidol [an older "typical" antipsychotic]. There has to be an enormous amount of unnecessary expenditures for the newer drugs."

Drug companies have contributed three times more to the campaign of George Bush, seen here campaigning in Florida, than to that of his rival John Kerry
Credit: GERALD HERBERT/AP

Olanzapine (trade name Zyprexa), one of the atypical antipsychotic drugs recommended as a first line drug in the Texas algorithm, grossed $4.28bn (£2.35bn; 3.56bn) worldwide in 2003 and is Eli Lilly's top selling drug. A 2003 New York Times article by Gardiner Harris reported that 70% of olanzapine sales are paid for by government agencies, such as Medicare and Medicaid.

Eli Lilly, manufacturer of olanzapine, has multiple ties to the Bush administration. George Bush Sr was a member of Lilly's board of directors and Bush Jr appointed Lilly's chief executive officer, Sidney Taurel, to a seat on the Homeland Security Council. Lilly made $1.6m in political contributions in 2000—82% of which went to Bush and the Republican Party.

Jones points out that the companies that helped to start up the Texas project have been, and still are, big contributors to the election funds of George W Bush. In addition, some members of the New Freedom Commission have served on advisory boards for these same companies, while others have direct ties to the Texas Medication Algorithm Project.

Bush was the governor of Texas during the development of the Texas project, and, during his 2000 presidential campaign, he boasted of his support for the project and the fact that the legislation he passed expanded Medicaid coverage of psychotropic drugs.

Bush is the clear front runner when it comes to drug company contributions. According to the Center for Responsive Politics (CRP), manufacturers of drugs and health products have contributed $764 274 to the 2004 Bush campaign through their political action committees and employees—far outstripping the $149 400 given to his chief rival, John Kerry, by 26 April.

Drug companies have fared exceedingly well under the Bush administration, according to the centre's spokesperson, Steven Weiss.

The commission's recommendation for increased screening has also been questioned. Robert Whitaker, journalist and author of Mad in America, says that while increased screening "may seem defensible," it could also be seen as "fishing for customers," and that exorbitant spending on new drugs "robs from other forms of care such as job training and shelter programmes."

But Dr Graham Emslie, who helped develop the Texas project, defends screening: "There are good data showing that if you identify kids at an earlier age who are aggressive, you can intervene... and change their trajectory."

Oh dear ....

I wasn't one of them.

25 Years Ago

It’s been 25 years (today) since terrorists invaded the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran and took over 60 hostages. I remember watching the news on television and feeling horrified. This stuff didn’t happen to us. It wasn’t the first acts of terrorism I’d heard of – it was the first time I can remember that we were attacked. Eventually, the terrorists released the women but kept the 55 male hostages in captivity for over a year.

I felt so frustrated. Why didn’t we do something? Diplomacy certainly didn’t seem to work. In fact, some of the people trying to negotiate the release of the U.S. hostages were, in fact, taken themselves. I remember this guy named Terry something. He seemed well respected but I thought he was crazy. He’d go deep into the country and negotiate and I remember thinking, they’re going to grab this guy too and sure enough, they did.

The Iranians held the hostages 444 days.

Nightline on ABC started during the crisis. It was a half hour program with Ted Koeppel and it would start at 11:30 p.m. Each night it would open with “Day …” whichever. Day 100, Day 212, Day 339 and so on. It began to make me crazy. Why didn’t we do something?

President Carter tried to apply some pressure by freezing Iranian assets. It didn’t work. He tried sending a rescue team to free the hostages – like the Israelis did to rescue their hostages at Entebbe Airport. The Israeli operation was a success; ours was a total disaster. All the helicopters crashed and the soldiers all died. It was horrible.

Then Ronald Reagan arranged for the release of the hostages. Part of the deal included dissolving the sanctions. There was other stuff involved but I can’t remember specifically all the details. Anyway, the hostages were finally released after Mr. Reagan was sworn in as president.

Now, a lot of the hostages feel that the war on terrorism should have started then. I am putting this article here because as yahoo gets more news, the links tend to stop working.

"The day they took us is the day they should have started the war on terrorism," said Rodney "Rocky" Sickmann, 47, of St. Louis County, Mo., an embassy security guard.

Many agree that terrorists were emboldened by their success in the Iran hostage crisis — none of the hostages were killed, but the U.S. government agreed to release $8 billion in frozen Iranian assets — and see the kidnappings and beheadings in Iraq as a consequence.

"Given the terrorist modus operandi nowadays, we probably wouldn't come out alive. They weren't as bold then. They had a latent fear of the United States," said Chuck Scott, 72, of Jonesboro, Ga., a former Green Beret in Vietnam who was an Army colonel when he was taken hostage.

Steven Kirtley, 47, of McLean, who was a Marine security guard at the embassy, said that while he's grateful everybody survived, he's also angry about what he sees as America's largely ineffectual response to the hostage-takers. He called the episode "a stepping stone to get that terrorist movement going. It was such a terrible loss of face ... such a show of weakness that I still don't think we've recovered."

Fifty-two of the hostages were held for the entire 444 days. Of those, 11 have since died.

Among the rest, memories of that time have resurfaced with the kidnappings and beheadings of Americans in Iraq.

"When I saw them there blindfolded with the guys with the ski masks on — I had gone through those things in Iran," said Rick Kupke, 57, of Rensselaer, Ind. "I can tell exactly what they felt and the fear that's going through them."

William Blackburn Royer Jr., 73, of Katy, Texas, remembers being jolted awake by the screams of his captors, "herded like cattle" into another room, stripped naked and forced up against a wall in front of a firing squad.

"The whole thing was a shock to the system — my legs were shaking from the insecurity of the situation," he said. "It was intended as a good psychological upheaval."

Still, he was not sure if he would be killed.

"I knew this was a political thing," he said. "Ultimately, I think I thought that we were too valuable to be disposed of completely. So I kept the faith in that respect. (But) I had my doubts at a couple points."

Paul Needham said he remembers reciting the 23rd Psalm as he was lined up for a firing squad. He said he reflects on his captivity every day.

"It definitely changed me," said Needham, 53, of Oakton, Va., a professor at the National Defense University. "I took a look at getting my priorities in life in order — God and family and country, rather than work, work and work."

While nearly all the hostages said they feared for their lives at some point, many said their memories center on the tedium. Most hostages were largely isolated, and many said they were allowed outside for exercise less than once a month.

During a six-week stint in solitary confinement, Gary Earl Lee said he "made friends" with ants and a salamander that inhabited his room. He would tease the ants with a pistachio nut, letting them almost reach it before nudging it farther away.

"At least they were something better than the guards," said Lee, a retiree living in south Texas.

L. Bruce Laingen, of Bethesda, the embassy's charge d'affaires, was the highest ranking American taken hostage. He said it doesn't make sense that 25 years later the United States has little dialogue with Iran, considering the large American stake in the Middle East.

He mainly faulted Iranian leaders for pursuing hostile policies such as developing nuclear technology and continuing to threaten Israel. He has lingering bitterness for the men and women who took him hostage.

But he doesn't blame the Iranian people, who he said were welcoming.

"We need to understand Iran, and Iran needs to seek to understand us," he said.

Scott said he's still frustrated that the U.S. government has never held Iran accountable for taking the hostages.

"I agree with the war on terrorism, but the war on terror by the current administration has been a very selective war. So far we've gone after the really easy targets," said Scott, who opposed going into Iraq but says America must now remain committed to finishing the job there.

Kirtley, on the other hand, believes America is on the right track with the war in Iraq and Afghanistan (news - web sites).
"It's the right approach," he said. "That culture responds more to strength than to a negotiated response."

As for the anniversary, many said they prefer to remember another day.

"We celebrate Jan. 20, the anniversary of our release," Laingen said. "That's a good day. Nov. 4 is the day the roof fell in."

And now the Iranians have nuclear weapons. President Bush seems to want to use diplomacy to try and get them to unarm. Huh????

3X Thursday:

1.Do you have a favorite season? Which is it? Why?

My favorite season is fall. I love the cool weather and I love the colors of the leaves when they change.

2. Mood and mind changes come along with seasonal changes. Why do you think that is?

I think it’s because we don’t get as much sun as we did in spring and summer.

3. Which seasons are your highlights? Which ones are 'the blahs'?

I feel the happiest in the spring, mid-fall, and during the holiday season. The blahs occur for me after the leaves fall and after the holiday is over.

Bonus Question for Comments: If you had to choose one season that would last all year, which one would it be? Why?

Fall or spring because the weather is so mild! In the fall the changing leaves are beautiful; in the spring the new flowers are lovely.

From a couple weeks ago:

1.Are you generally a paranoid person? How so/how not?

Nope. I don’t think people are out to “get” me

2. Are you one of those people that's afraid of always loosing your job? If so, do you have just cause to think this way? Why/why not?

I am not working now but when I did, I always worried about losing my job. I worry about everything, regardless of whether there’s cause or not. I imagine that there is cause to worry.

3. Name 3 things that you are paranoid about.

My health
The health of my loved ones
Airplane rides

Bonus Question for Comments: What's your favorite song about paranoia?

“Who Can It Be Now?” by the Police

Thursday Threesome:

::Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day::

Onesome: Winnie the Pooh-- What was your favorite book series as a kid? Was there one you tried to find the complete set to read? ...or maybe just one book you remember well?

The only series I can remember is the Mrs. Pickerill series. There are two books I remember well from childhood: It’s Like This, Cat and All Aboard for Freedom

Twosome: and the-- holidays are just around the corner? Are you ready for things? ...or are you too immersed in life to even think about it?

Right now I am just too immersed in what’s going on to think about the holidays.

Threesome: Blustery Day-- Hey, what do you like to do on a stormy day when you're not working or in school? Do you curl up with a book? Watch TV? Bake? How do you pass the time when you don't feel like going "out in it"?

I like to write on the computer, read a book, or watch a good movie!

From a couple weeks ago:

Onesome: Lights!- What do you think of the trend to light up houses for *every* holiday? It used to be just Christmas and maybe Halloween, but lately the stores have been full of Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day lights. Oh, and Thanksgiving/Autumn and...

I think it’s overkill. I love the lights for the Christmas holidays but looking at them year round gets boring

Twosome: Camera!- What's your preference? Digital or film, black and white or color, portraits, candids, or just whatever catches your eye?

I like to take pictures with electronic cameras. I like candids best because the people in the pictures are more genuine.

Threesome: Action!- Do you have a favorite sport? Do you follow the local high school or college team, trek to the kids' games each weekend or are you all about the pros?

I used to follow pro football and pro baseball but not anymore. My kids don’t play for the school teams and so I don’t follow them either.

John Kerry Conceded :(

John Kerry conceded to George Bush about an hour ago. I am so depressed. George-I-never-made-a-mistake-Bush will not see that he just barely won. All he will know is, he won. He has a Republican congress and will be able to get anything he damn well wants.

Say goodbye to more personal freedom if the Patriot Act is expanded.

All I can hope and pray for is that he doesn't run us too deeply into the ground.

I can see us wasting more money and resources in Iraq, ignoring our own people's needs. Homeland Security and No Child Left Behind will continue to be under funded.

Foreign policy and foreign relations will be SOSDD.

Domestic policy? We'll have more working poor and more working uninsured. I think domestic issues will get the same attention they've gotten the last 4 years ... little to none.

The only up side to this is that there isn't going to be the same long drawn out agony we had in 2000. Bush got to steal that election.

This time around, the election was very close too. It came down to Ohio and no one would say for sure which way it would go. The anchor people said they'd have to go to provisional votes and absentee ballots and that could take weeks.

But I think that John Kerry realized it would divide an already split country and that it would just cause more harm and bitterness. So he conceded. He's a good man.

I also agree with what my friend Nancy said here.

In Your Own Words...

In Other Words:

If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day.
 John A. Wheeler

Normal days aren’t remarkable because nothing much happens on a regular day. You just go about and do the things you always do. When something strange happens, you remember. The day sticks out in your mind because of the odd thing. It’s more interesting and you can tell others about it. What can you say of a regular day? SOSDD ... that means same old sh*t, different day.

Here is an SOSDD: the kids sniping at each other. TB and I were sitting and talking together when Billy came to the door. Heidi reminded him he hadn't vacuumed yet. He's supposed to vacuum everyday. So he was annoyed because what about the girls? They didn't vacuum on Sunday, the one day of the week he didn't have to do it. And they don't dust either.

TB had more patience than me. He asked, "Why didn't you remind us about this on Sunday?"

And Billy said it was because he didn't think of it.

Well, guess what? TB and I have so many things on a list of stressors that we didn't think of it either!

I think this picky stuff is just petty.

Still, TB went out and told the girls they'd been slacking on the dusting so he had them split rooms and get to work. The two girls had several choice words for Billy.

Yeesh.

I went to look at the election results and so far Mr. Bush is ahead, God help us.

Election Day

TB, Linda and I just got back from voting. Que sera sera and no more campaign commercials for a couple of years!

Could not resist posting this:

Bush is my shepherd, I shall be in want.
He maketh me to lie down on park benches,
He leadeth me beside the still factories.
He restoreth my doubts about the Republican Party.
He leadeth me into the paths of unemployment for his cronies' sake.
Yea, though no weapons of mass destruction have been found, he maketh me continue to fear Evil.
His tax cuts for the rich and his deficit spending discomfort me.
He anointeth me with never-ending debt.
Verily my days of savings and assets are kaput.
Surely poverty and hard living shall follow me all the days of his administration,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever

Please vote! Make a difference!

Third party carriers suck our blood

On October 6, we were overjoyed to learn that the bloodsucking workman's compensation insurance carrier for TB's employer agreed to pick up his salary (well, 70% of it again) plus backpay to May 17. We were supposed to get a check as soon as they figured out how much they owed TB. To date, we've gotten ... zip. Today we received a copy of paperwork filed by TB's attorney against the vampires asking that they pay what they owe plus an additional 25% to penalize them for bringing us into financial ruin.

Third party carriers (insurance companies) don't care that we can't pay our bills anymore. They don't care that we don't have gas or food money. They don't care that we have to max out all our credit cards ... and be unable to pay those bills when they start coming in. All they care about is hanging onto every penny they can until forced by law to give it up.

There should be a Halloween costume for these kinds of monsters, especially the ones at Selective. I wish for all of their employees a devastating experience like ours and I hope they all have insurance companies that screw them over like we've been.

As for us, I'm not sure how much longer we'll have to wait. I'm not sure what we'll do. We just have to hope for the best but expect the worst and try to come up with Plans D, E, and F now that we've run through the first three...

Baker’s Dozen

12 thoughts & 1 picture describing the weekend

1. Saturday was a totally gloomy, humid day
2. I wanted to see Ray but going to the movies didn’t work out :P
3. Sunday was totally gorgeous
4. I’m glad that the girls got to do fun things with their friends to celebrate Hallowe’en
5. The kids’ costumes were very cute and original!
6. We didn’t get a lot of kids coming to our door for treats
7. Pencils are not a popular item to give out as a “goodie”
8. It was totally hectic on Sunday, chauffeuring kids to jobs & parties
9. I’m glad the Chinese place takes credit cards!
10. Tomas was totally the most adorable costumed kid anywhere!

QOTW:

If you could spend one year living in complete happiness and total harmony, but after one year you would have no memory of it, would you still choose to do it? Why or why not?

At first I was going to say no and then I thought about it. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a year of complete happiness and total harmony? Even if I couldn’t remember the year, surely my body would! Wouldn’t I feel more relaxed after such a year? Surely I wouldn’t be suffering muscle spasms and headaches caused by tension. My blood pressure might not be so high. Most important, there’s no stipulation that this year of perfection would be spent alone. I’m assuming I’d be with TB and my kids and little grandson. So even if I couldn’t remember the year, they could tell me about it. I would remember the years prior to and then after this harmonious year. So under those circumstances, I’d joyfully do it!

What Kind of Cat are you?

You are a Siamese! You are fun-loving, playful,
energetic, talkative, and exotic. You are the
center of attention and you love every minute
of it.


What breed of cat are you?
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