Scribblings

Which Book Are You?

I hurt my thumb and wrist last week. I think it happened when I was trying to open a ring binder. Anyway, it hurt a lot and right now I'm wearing a splint with a thumb stabilizer. Thank goodness TB was able to find one for me. I don't see the hand doctor until next Friday but this splint helps a lot. I don't type so well at the moment though.

This was fun:

You're Catch-22!
by Joseph Heller
Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of people.
Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

Ha, it figures I would be a "Catch-22"!

A memory of having scarlet fever

Do you remember feeling really ill? As a child or perhaps more recently? Tell us the story. What keeps you going when you really feel Awful? What inspires you to find the road back to health?

I used to get sick a lot as a kid. I remember when I had scarlet fever. I don’t remember if that was before or after my tonsillectomy. Sometimes I felt like I was going to burn to a crisp and my mom would sponge rubbing alcohol all over me. She kept the shades drawn in my room. It was pretty lonely during the day because my brother would go to school and my mother couldn’t hear me if I tried to call to her. She’d come in to check on me every so often but I mostly had to keep myself company. I played with my toys. As I began to get better, my parents took my toys away and got rid of them. It was like what happened to the poor Velveteen Rabbit and I was very upset. My dad went out and bought new toys for me but they weren’t the same. Just before I was well enough to go back to school, my mom came in screaming at me that I was going to get her arrested or into some other kind of trouble. Apparently the truant officer came to the house wondering why I wasn’t in school. I don’t think the officer threatened my mom. The thing is, my mom would have a hard time understanding what was going on. Someone like a truant office would mean trouble and it scared her. I don’t know why she blamed me, though. It really makes no sense at all. I was afraid to tell my parents when I was sick after that. It certainly made an impression on me!

I would go to work even if I felt sick. I guess knowing I needed to bring in a paycheck kept me going. I don’t think I was doing myself any favors going in to work sick. I’d still have to come home, make dinner, and all that other stuff and I would feel really worn out. After the kids were born, I managed to convince myself that rest is a good thing. The inspiration back to health would be that I don’t want to feel sick. I want to be healthy and feel good so that I can enjoy myself, my husband and the kids!

More things about me:

1. RELATIONSHIP STATUS:

happily remarried, previously very sad widow

2. FAVORITE BOARD GAME:

Sorry!

3. FAVORITE MAGAZINE:

Writer’s Digest

4. FAVORITE SMELL:

TB's cologne

5. FAVORITE SOUND:

birds singing

6. HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE IN YOUR FAMILY:

here at the house, five

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD:

helplessness

8. FAVORITE COLOR:

dark red wine (burgundy?)

9. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER:

three, if I’m going to answer

10 FUTURE CHILDS NAME:

NA

11. PIERCING YOU HAVE and TATTOOS:

don’t have anyl

12. WHAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE:

my health & my family

13. FAVORITE FOOD:

prime rib

14. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA:

chocolate

15. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST:

Nope!

16. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL:

nope, just my Teddy-Bear

17. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY:

if I’m indoors: way cool!

18. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT IN THE FUTURE?

A punch buggy!!!!

19. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD, WHO WOULD IT BE:

If I’m supposed to pick a living person: Billy Joel
If it’s dead or alive: Helen Keller

20. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI:

if I have to

21. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

a columnist

22. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I wouldn’t even if I could

23. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

Oh yes

24. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?

Three

25. SAY ONE NICE THING TO THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS TO YOU: NA

26. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO SEND IT BACK: NA

27. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO SEND IT BACK: NA

28. FAVORITE PLACE IN THE USA:

Ocean City, Maryland or Long Island beaches

29. FAVORITE T. V. SHOW:

Survivor, Cold Case, and ER

30. DO YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE:

yup

31. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX:

after personality, it would be their eyes

32.WHAT TURNS YOU OFF ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX:

they keep stuff to themselves

33. AT WHAT AGE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MARRIED:

always!

34: WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU LIKE?

classic rock

35: WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE WITH YOU ON A DESERT(ed) ISLAND:

My hubby!

Reading

The last couple of days have been pretty mild. It's funny how I "feel" spring in the air when I walk outdoors. The breeze seems a little milder on my face. The sun seems warmer and lasts longer during the day. The weather forecaster says there is a change of snow in the middle of the week and the news doesn't sit right with me. I want winter to pack up and leave!

TB and I need new bookcases! We're being overrun by all of our books. We have books in just about every single room of our house, stacked and some hidden, some not. We filled up the bookcases we bought very quickly and have resorted to stacking books on top of books on top of more books. We just got 6 more books in the mail today.

I guess if we were going to throw our money away on something, new books would be a good thing. We are all bookworms. We all loved reading when we were little kids. I think early reading influences whether or not you read later in life. My brother, who was never a bookworm, doesn't read much more than the newspaper. I can't even begin to imagine life without a book!

Still, we do have a storage problem. I had an idea that I thought might work. As we finish our books, we could bring them to the library and donate them or maybe recycle at the used book stores. There's two problems with that, though. One is that many of these books are ones I love so much I don't want to part with them. Another is that I don't read as quickly as I used to. It would take a while to gather enough books together to make the trip worthwhile.

When I was a kid, I used to read 2 or more books a week. I practically lived at the library, pestering my parents to take me every weekend. Finally my mother got exasperated and told me to just check out 10 books so we could go just once a month. I did, but I felt library withdrawal! And so I began going to my school library or to the Enoch Pratt library in downtown Baltimore. It was easier to go there than to the county library out where I lived because there was a bus route right there. I couldn't drive yet.

Now maybe I read one book a month. I think it's because I have so many other distractions -- TV and computer. When I was much younger, there were no computers (imagine!) and I didn't watch TV as much as I do now.

Blogger Seeds:

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." ~Pablo Picasso.

Children can see so many more possibilities than adults can. With a child’s imagination, anything could be possible in any shape or in any color. When you are an adult, things tend to follow some sort of order, or some kind of symmetry. Everything is supposed to make sense. Kids don’t start out with that kind of thinking. It’s something they learn when they grow up. The challenge is to be able to shake off the belief that art has to make sense and follow a certain order. Not everyone can do that and so many people just stop drawing and painting when they grow up. Some artists are able to keep the imagination and vision they had as children.

Unconscious Mutterings:

I say … and you think …

1. Angel:: heaven

2. Birth:: life

3. Logic:: reason

4. Stars:: sky

5. Nursery:: babies

6. View:: see

7. Hart:: deer

8. Creation:: beginning

9. End:: done

10. Fortune:: rich
    

1. Identity:: me
   
2. Reveal:: show

3. Live:: die

4. Attitude:: feeling

5. Night:: day

6. Nevada:: Las Vegas

7. Weekend:: freedom

8. Write:: story

9. Friend:: close

10. Seventeen::eighteen
    

Widownet Message Board

I wanted to write about “culture” on the widow bereavement board I practically lived on for the year after Rich died.. I’d never thought of a culture being there before until the administrator brought it up. I thought about it last night and decided that we do have a culture on that board. The common denominator for us is the loss of our significant other. I’m using that clinical term because it applies to those married and not married, gay and straight, and all else.

We’re sort of set apart from other people. It doesn’t take long for us to realize we don’t really “fit” anymore. We make people feel uncomfortable because they look at us and see death … something they don’t want to face right now. They’re also hoping we won’t bring up our lost ones because then they’d have to think about it (death) again. We’re like a third wheel. Maybe a couple we’ve been friends with for years invites us out to dinner and the fourth chair at the table is glaringly empty. Lots of times widows are seen as threats by their female friends … it’s like they think we’re going to steal their husbands and boyfriends away! As for church, everyone always says what a great idea bereavement outreach would be … but they’re not prepared to do it.

Okay, so we gather at the widowed board and it “fits”. Here are others who understand us and can sympathize with all the phases of grief we’re going through. I remember feeling very safe, confident that no one would misunderstand what I was saying and get pissed. On Valentine’s Day two years ago, I was fed up with all the candy, hearts and flowers and vented my feelings on the board. People understood. Not only did they understand but they could make connections to possible messages from beyond … yes, I do mean beyond. There’s people who don’t believe and think that when we die that’s it. A lot of us believe there is something or someone out there.

We bond together as we comfort each other and listen to each other. We don’t say, “It’s been six months. You need to begin to get over it.” We support each other when we come into contact with people who just don’t get it because they’ve never lost their significant other. We ask questions. Do we need a bereavement group? When do we take the wedding ring off? Do “we” still have an anniversary? If we start to date again, is it better to date another widow/er or a divorcee?

We light candles, symbolic or real, on Friday/Saturday nights to honor the memory of our loved ones.

I would have thought that total understanding, tolerance and compassion would knit all us widow/ers together. It’s not like that, though. Sometimes someone will take things the wrong way and become hurt or angry. Sometimes someone is in the anger part of grief and looking to bulldozer anyone in the way, widow or not. Then the posts start flying and they get downright nasty. It usually doesn’t seem to get as ugly as in other boards … thank God. Widowed people have enough to contend with, nevermind getting into a flame war!

We can help each other out with tips and advice, and that’s why we have cooking and handyman boards at the site.

Some of us begin to think about dating and there is a relationships board. When I began to think about dating, I knew I wasn't going to go out with anyone other than a widower. It's pretty exclusive, I guess, but I knew that we would have 'issues' in common. I am glad, though, because I think my decision helped lead me to TB.

There is a new board now for remarried widow/ers, and that is where I gravitate to most of the time now. There is a board for those who have been widowed five years or more and not all of them date or remarry.

We have a jargon unique to this support site. People who don’t understand what we go through and are terribly insensitive are called “DGI’s” – the don’t-get-its. Then there are GTG’s, get-togethers. As we move from newly bereaved to other boards we begin to want to meet people we’ve become friends with. I've been to the diner with some of the widow/ers on Long Island. There's a connection, a bond between us that will always be there.

Blogger Seeds:

Michigan's Mega Millions Lottery is up to at least 220 million dollars! Imagine winning that much money! Do you ever play the lottery?

I used to play the lottery. My father played religiously and I guess I just learned from him. I used to play a couple of numbers every week for years. Sometimes I would hit for a small amount of money. The biggest winning I ever had was for $500. I stopped playing the numbers after I got married. I had less discretionary money after all the bills were paid and I also knew the odds were stacked against me. I decided to stop wasting my money.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." ~ Albert Einstein Please comment.

Who would think that Albert Einstein would say such a thing? The man was a genius especially because of that quote! You can be the smartest person on the earth but without an imagination or a vision, what good is it? With an imagination, you can think of a new invention maybe or a way to improve the things we have now. I’m remembering a project Billy worked on when he was in the 4th grade. We visited a recycling plant and were very surprised at the uses of recycled plastic. Beyond the expected cups, bottles and so forth, we learned that recycled plastic could be used for new bottles, parts of machines, carpets, and even for clothes (imagine!). Paper, cans and glass can be recycled for so many different things. Everyone knows it’s to our benefit to recycle – but someone had to have the imagination to wonder what we could do with all that stuff.

The end for Howard Dean in 2004

From the highest high, to the lowest low! I feel sorry for Howard Dean, who just dropped out of the Presidential race. I'd never heard of him a year ago and then someone forwarded the Dean blog link. I was intrigued with the man. He is the former governor of Vermont and a doctor as well!

When I checked his blog, he'd already developed a group of solid supporters online. People sent him money for his campaign ... lots of it. There was so much money, he decided against taking federal money. I think that if a candidate takes the money they have to ... um, I forget. Howard Dean didn't want it, obviously, and figured he'd do well on his own.

He really did in the beginning. When the competition in the primaries began, he was "the front runner". He was the one everyone was talking about now. He got a lot of coverage and all the other candidates ... well, they just weren't exciting I guess.

And then came the Iowa caucus.

He lost to Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts but still made a very impassioned speech to his supporters. He looked excited and happy to me as he practically shouted he was going to go to New Hampshire and Virginia and so on and so on. There was a lot of noise, clapping and cheering, in the room and I figured that's why his voice was loud. It was like he was at a pep rally.

Well, the media had a field day. All the news programs showed clips from the speech and implied he was imbalanced or too emotional. It wasn't dignified. How would he behave as the President? I really thought it all was much ado about not a single thing but even Jay Leno made fun of Governor Dean.

That was the beginning of the end. No one seemed to be taking him seriously any more and he dropped from front runner to almost at the end of the pack. He dropped out of the race after losing the Wisconsin primary.

Now it's just Sen. John Kerry and Sen. John Edwards.

Every once in a while I feel really paranoid and I think to myself, wonder if there's someone out there pulling the strings on elections and wars and stuff like that. And these shadowy people were not in favor of Howard Dean and so they had to do something to discredit him.

Yeah, I know. Too farfetched ... or is it?

Weight Loss Challenge

I haven't had a lot of success with Weight Watchers or the South Beach Diet. I've gained and lost a lot of weight over the years. When I went to WW, the leaders would say that people regained all their weight because they didn't stick around long enough to go through the Maintenance Program. I'm not so sure.

It might be that behaviors need to be changed, and so we bought Dr. Phil McGraw's book The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom. I've been reading it slowly since we bought it. It's not hard to understand and some of it seems to be so common sense it's like why wouldn't we be able to figure this out? But I want to give it a try anyway.

The book is a little interactive in that there are exercises to complete. I keep a weight journal at 3 Fat Chicks so I won't repeat all that here. Basically, though, my goal is to lose over 100 pounds in 2 years or less. I will eliminate junk food and exercise. Once I lose the weight, I want to stay within 5 pounds of goal. I expect to feel a lot better. I expect my blood pressure to go down and my energy level to go up.

There was another exercise there with a bunch of questions to answer and to see how ready I am for change. And I am. Now I'm reading the next chapter which has to do with figuring out thought patterns that influence behavior.

Everyone's got to follow the program for it to work effectively. Tonight we had soft tacos for dinner. We had no fat sour cream for the kids and me and regular sour cream for TB. Well, Heidi wanted regular sour cream too. It's very hard not to want something that's sitting right there on the table with you. But we'll work it out.

Tuesday Iffers:

If you were an astronaut would you rather discover life in outer space superior or inferior to ourselves and why?

Americans are the first in everything so of course any life in outer space would be inferior to us! ;) Okay, so that was written somewhat tongue-in-cheek.

I would rather that we were superior to the aliens for self defense reasons. If we found this new life and they ended up being hostile, we’d be SOL if they were superior to us.

In terms of culture, which would include art and music, I don’t think I’d be too upset if they were superior to us. I enjoy learning new things and I don’t think I would feel threatened by that.

President's Day

Blogger Seeds:

Happy President's Day! Please comment on this holiday.

I used to know the exact dates the two Presidents, Abraham Lincoln and George Washington, were born. I think it’s February 12 and February 22 respectively. It’s been so long since the two birthdates were put together and became President’s Day.

I vaguely remember the controversy over combining the two birthdays and honoring all Presidents. The argument was that people would forget why we were celebrating and they’d only be thinking about vacations and shopping sales.

I remember that law (or whatever it’s called) combining the two birthdays was supposed to make it easier for federal employees and other workers to go on vacations if they could count on having every third Monday in February. Everyone would benefit – the employees, the hotel industry, the food industry, the stores in malls.

As it happens, I am taking the kids to Walmart to take advantage of sales they are having today. Heidi needs new tops and I need a new pot for my shamrock plants which are going to take over my window otherwise. Both plants are just about bursting from the pots in which they’re planted.

But … getting back to Presidents’ Day, I’m wondering what the kids think about it. I wonder if the teachers make any big deal out of it? When I was in school, if we were about to have a holiday – like Washington or Lincoln’s birthdays or Veterans’ Day – we did worksheets and talked about why the day was special.

If teachers or parents didn’t make a point of talking to kids about why the day was special, it’d get lost in the ads. If I was a kid, I’d be thinking only one thing: day off! Maybe one other thing: shopping for stuff! My great grandchildren might be totally clueless about why they have a day off.

I just polled my kids and they tell me that no one says anything about the holiday.

Heidi said, “Well, I guess it’s to honor them.”

Billy said, “No one has ever said why we’re celebrating.”

Kristin, having heard these answers, agreed her teacher didn’t say anything and she knows it’s about honoring the Presidents.

Now I’m going back in my mind to the school years to try and remember about these two Presidents. George Washington was the general in charge of troops during the Revolution. He was very tall for the times. He was elected President, our very first one. And I remember reading in one history book that he had a set of dentures that didn’t fit well. I also read somewhere that some scientists think he may have had Klinefelter’s syndrome. On a more positive note, there’s a legend that when he was a child, he supposedly chopped down the cherry tree. Later, his father asked him about it and he said, “I cannot tell a lie” and admitted to it. Honesty.

Abraham Lincoln was our 16th President. While he was in office we had a dreadful civil war that lasted around 4 bloody years. We learned in school that the North wanted the South to stop slavery. I’m thinking it was a lot more involved than that. He was also a very ‘folksy’ man and liked to tell jokes and funny stores. He would poke fun at himself. Some scientists think he may have had Marfan syndrome, which is what Rich had. Lincoln was always one of my favorite Presidents because of the depth of feeling he had for people.

Presidents’ Day is supposed to honor all the others as well. Some are more memorable than others and some are more infamous. Even President Bush Jr is honored today. Hopefully next President’s day we can honor a totally new one!

A Special Valentine's Day

Today was mostly nice. I think I surprised TB. I'd managed to go shopping earlier in the week and I had a card, an adorable stuffed gorilla and a coffee cup with Hershey's kisses. I had a gift bag and had it in the closet. I felt pretty good because most of the time I'm scrambling at the last minute to get a gift, sign the card and all that.

TB gave me the most beautiful roses I've seen, a box of chocolates and a "bouquet" of mylar balloons!

Valentine's Day may be overhyped but I sure enjoyed it today!

TB and I went out to breakfast and dinner together and I have to say the meals were the tastiest!

Can you tell how much I like Valentine's Day this year? ;-)

There was one sore spot. I had a piece of candy from my giftbox and then took a nap. I didn't think to hide the candy, I guess I didn't think I needed to. We bought a single rose for each of the girls and a bag of M&Ms and we got Billy his beef jerky. So it didn't occur to me that I should put the candy out of sight.

Is this foreshadowing or what?

When I woke up I thought I'd have another piece of candy ... and half of it was gone!

I was shocked. The kids all seemed to be shocked and, of course, none of them had taken it. Must have been 'Not Me' and 'Ida Know' again. Bil Keene was a genius (he's the cartoonist for 'Family Circus' which is where I first encountered 'Not Me' and 'Ida Know').

Anyway, it wasn't that someone ate the candy. If they'd said, oh well, we each had a couple and thought you wouldn't mind ... then everything might have been fine. I would have shared if asked.

But 'no one' did it. And that meant that at least one person was fibbing. And because I don't know who is fibbing and who is not, then all of them did it. Does that make sense?

I haven't ever had to hide money or some of my other things before. But I did have to hide food before and it's very discouraging. I don't like having to hide stuff because I don't trust the kids.

It's not fair to the kid or kids who really did not take anything.

No, I don't want the bag of M&Ms. The girls both offered their shares like maybe that would make it all right. It's not about the candy, though. It's about honesty and not lying.

Oh well.

Michele called while TB and I were out. She and the family have gotten to West Virginia. They still have a ways to go! I wonder if they'll get there tonight or tomorrow?

It's hard to say goodbye...

Michele, David & the kids are moving to Tennessee. They're leaving tomorrow. They came over for a little while to spend some time with us. TB's mom came over, too, and poor Michele was having a really rough time. It's hard to leave your family to move so far away. You go from weekly visits to every so often during the year. It's not like she can pick up the phone and just call, either. We're going to miss them very much. Michele says they'll be back for a visit in June and it would be nice if we could go visit too. We'll see how the money goes.

Blogger Seeds:

Today is the dreaded Friday the 13th! Or is it? Are you a superstitious person? Why or why not?

I’m not a very superstitious person. I don’t avoid black cats, ladders, or cracks in the sidewalk. If I spill salt, I’ll take a few grains and toss it over my shoulder. I’m not sure why I do that.

Sometimes something bad has happened on a Friday the 13th. I think there was one time where I linked it to the date.

On December 13, 1972 I was 17, a senior in high school. My first class of the day was Psychology. Usually my best friend, Daina, sat next to me but she hadn’t arrived yet. I think she had to see our guitar teacher about something.

Well, so we’re sitting there ready to start the day and we heard a scream. We all looked out the window and saw other students running from the cafeteria. Our window was right across the quad from the cafeteria. One of them ran toward us, yelling that he has a knife.

Who?

Another one said the custodian pulled a knife and was trying to stab people.

Our teacher told us to sit down again and she went out to see what was happening. This all happened within a few minutes. We heard pounding feet and more screaming. The music classrooms were right above the cafeteria and I suddenly worried about Daina. I went to the door, intending to go and find her to warn her. Other kids yelled at me to sit down.

Our teacher came back in – fast – and locked the front door. Then she went to the back and locked that door too. The vice principal’s voice came over the PA: “Teachers, lock all doors, lock all doors! This is an emergency!”

I heard more screaming and more pounding. A door slammed loudly nearby and I could hear a man yelling and a girl screaming for help. There was a custodian’s office around the corner from the psychology classroom and we realized that the man was in there, with a hostage.

The police and SWAT team arrived quickly. The officer in charge walked across the quad to our window and asked our teacher to tell us to get down on the floor in case there was gunfire. Boy, that was scary!

I remember how cold the floor was. My fingernails turned blue. I was so cold, my body went into tremors that started from my head and went down to my toes. I tried to keep my attention on a book I was reading. Other students held hands and prayed.

Next door, the girl screamed in terror, “Get the knife away from my throat! Help me, God!” And we’d hear the man laugh like he was insane and say, “There’s no God and I’m going to kill you!”

One of the girls in my class began to sob hysterically. The teacher went to her and hugged her and said, “If we can hear him, he can hear you. I know you’re scared, but you have to keep quiet.” The girl put her hands over her mouth and tried to stifle herself.

I don’t remember how long we were lying there. It seemed like forever. Then we heard a commotion and those of us in the back sat up to look into the hall. I saw people moving fast with a stretcher. A girl was lying on it and they were rushing her away. We all began to get up, thinking it was over.

Then there was a hail of bullets. Actually, I thought there was only one shot but there were much more. They all just went off together. Anyway, we all screamed and threw ourselves onto the floor.

After it was over, we found out what happened. The custodian was mentally unbalanced and had gotten fed up with being teased. He brought a machete to work with him and when the teasing began, he pulled the knife. The kids ran from the cafeteria, screaming. He ran out, too, chasing some of the kids (the ones who hadn’t run outside). He went up the stairs toward the music classrooms and a security guard tried to stop him. He slashed her with the knife and ran back downstairs.

There was another security guard and the man stabbed him in the chest. Then he grabbed a 15 year old sophomore and dragged her into his little office next to my psychology class. He held the knife to her throat most of the morning. At some point he began moaning and said he felt sick.

Maybe an angel whispered into that terrified girl’s ear. She offered to go with him to the hospital to make sure he was okay. He was stunned that she would do that … and he let her go. After she was taken away on a stretcher, he rushed the officers waiting outside. He held the knife like he was going to attack them … and they all shot him. I guess he was hit over 20 times.

Daina was okay. She’d heard the commotion but the teacher locked the door before the man could get in. Apparently he was trying several doors before the first security guard came upon him.

I wrote pages and pages in my journal that night, trying to get all the sickening feelings out. I was upset that I’d almost gotten out of the classroom. I might have been grabbed instead of that girl. I was upset for the girl and frightened by the efficiency of the SWAT team and by the fact that something like this happened in my school. I remembered it was Friday the 13th and wondered if that had been a factor.

I’m not so sure of that now. I think the man was a string wound too tight and would have snapped at any point. It just happened on Friday the 13th …

Emotional Color

Blogger Seeds:

Imagine changing colors every time your emotions changed. What colors would some of your emotions be?

I had to laugh, imagining my color changing to so many different colors so often! Okay, I think I would have at least these colors on my palette:

Yellow for a happy, sunny mood

Red for desire

Green is for feeling relaxed (like sitting outside enjoying nature)

Blue for when I am feeling sad

White is for rage and black is just feeling angry or in a foul mood

I have lots of other colors too but I have a sore muscle in my back and need to stop typing. Orange is for pain I guess, like fire.

Worried

We were expecting Linda this morning. She had a WIC appointment and said she would stop by to see us around 11:30. We were looking forward to seeing her and the baby. Wed' invited her for lunch. TB asked her to stay until he got back from PT and she said she would. TB was home before 11:30.

When Linda hadn't appeared by noon, I figured: this happens a lot with newborns. There are last minute messes and delays to make you late. No big deal.

TB tried to call her but there was no answer.

Around 12:30 we were feeling hungry so we had some lunch. Kristin came in soon after and wanted to know if I could take her to buy some pants today. I'd told her I would, figuring Linda would be on her way off to her next appointment. I didn't want to disappoint Kristin so we left around 1.

Kristin and I took a little longer than I thought so I figured I'd miss Linda's visit. We got home at 3:30 and TB said he hadn't heard from Linda. No visit, no call. He was upset. He'd tried calling a couple more times and there was no answer.

We're both disappointed but more than that, we're worried. What could have happened? If it was anything really bad surely by now someone would have thought to call here. There's not a whole lot else we can do except wait 'cuz no one answers at Linda's number.

Blogger Seeds:

What would you do first if you found yourself stranded on a deserted island?

Now that I’ve seen several seasons of Survivor, the first thing I’d start doing is building a shelter. After that – or at the same time – I’d look for hard and soft wood to start a fire. While I’m out looking for stuff to build a shelter and a fire, I’d also look for clean water.

How Dextrous Are You?

This is fun:

I did it in 37 seconds.
I deserved a C+!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!

The Benefits of Laughter

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
--Michael Pritchard

People have told me I don’t look my age. I have lines in the corners of my eyes and around my mouth. I call them my “laugh lines”. I think having a sense of humor has helped me feel younger and so I look younger.

I have lived through a lot of bad events. I’m not that different from other people. I’m sure that everyone’s had bouts of financial trouble, problems with their adolescent children, tragedies to cope with, dealing with nasty people and so on.

I used to have a “gloom and doom” attitude about the ‘curse’ on my family and I felt angry about it. I kept the anger buried and vented only in my journal. My parents would drink too much and they’d fight. My brother got into trouble. I didn’t want to bring friends home because I never knew if everyone would be sober. We had tons of bad luck with money, the car, and family relationships. We’d have company and I’d pretend everything was fine but inwardly, I’d think nothing ever would be fine.

As I got older and then married, I was realized that even though bad things happened, life went on. I developed something of a ghoulish sense of humor about bad stuff. I would tell myself, “Oh well, they say what doesn’t kill you always makes you wish it had” or “it builds character and boy are we some characters!” Or I’d say kiddingly, “Here we are again, the Job family!” That probably doesn’t sound funny at all but it helped get me through some really awful periods in my life.

If I learned one thing about having a sense of humor, it’s this: smiling and laughing triggers the brain to release feel-good sensations from the brain. I don’t remember the exact name of it; I just know that it works. I think it’s what kept me sane throughout all those hard or sad times. I also think it’s kept me young.

My body aches and creaks a lot now but I’m not ready for a rocking chair. I might not get up and boogie physically but my mind does. I think that’s why some people continue to flourish healthily and do some many different things during retirement. It’s an opportunity for a new life, not a reason to slow down and wither.

I won’t lament getting older. I’m looking forward to new experiences and new reasons to laugh.

Monday Madness:

1. On Sunday afternoon, I like to just...
relax and read a book or write in my journal.

2. I'm behind someone at a traffic light, the light turns green and they just sit there, I...
give them a chance to wake up from a day dream or realize they’ve broken down. Then I’d tap the horn and if they shrug or something, I’ll try to get around them when the coast is clear

3. My immediate reaction to someone making a nasty remark to me is...
feel angry but try to ignore it

4. If I had to live in a state/country where it was cold most of the year, I would...
wear lots of warm sweaters or coats and vacation in warm places!

5. When the weather outside is hot and humid, I prefer to...
wear as little as possible

6. My favorite 'comfy' clothes to wear around the house is...
one of TB’s old shirts and a pair of jeans

7. If given a deadline at work/school to finish a project, I usually...
finish at the last minute!

8. If someone gave me a pet for my birthday, I would...
be happy, well, depending on which kind of pet it is!

9. As far as watching the clock on weekends, I...
try to avoid looking at it

10. I usually wash my car about every...
time TB feels like it or we can convince the kids to do it.

About Carlie Brucia

We have an Amber Alert ticker on our homepage. It's a great idea and most of the time the results are positive. A missing child is found within hours. The Amber Alert can spread across the Internet in a flash. The alert is flashed on signs along many highways. This time, though, the end wasn't a happy one.

Carlie Brucia was 11 years old. She was on her way home from her friend's house and took a shortcut behind a car wash. That is when she was taken by a man and the only good thing about it was that there was a surveillance camera. The images were shown everywhere and it wasn't too long after that a man was arrested. But it was already too late for Carlie.

When I was 11 years old, I would walk around the neighborhood to a friend's house without thinking twice about it. I walked through alleys and through partially wooded areas. I would walk 2 miles to junior high and part of the way was through another wooded area. That's all ancient history.

There's no way my kids would do that alone. Times have changed so much that a parent would be foolish to allow that. So, yeah, I guess that means our kids need to be driven to their friends' house. I don't fault Carlie's parents. You want to think that your neighborhood is safe. You want to think a pervert killer wouldn't show up and grab your kid. I'm sure there are still some places where it's safe for kids to walk home alone. But those places are becoming fewer and more far between.

Saturday 8:

since i live in FL, i've been inundated with the coverage this week of the missing (now murdered) girl, carlie brucia.

1. have you ever been kidnapped/held against your will, or know someone who has?

Thank God, no … the closest I came to being held against my will was when I was in high school and one of our custodians had a breakdown. He ran through the school with a machete and grabbed a sophomore, holding her in an office right next door to my psychology class. There was a lockdown that lasted for hours. It was very scary!

2. the guy (joseph p. smith) who allegedly murdered carlie, in addition to a loooooooong rap sheet, was acquitted of kidnapping in the past. the parties who were responsible for supervising this criminal are now pointing fingers at each other ... what do you think should happen to them, if anything?

The killer should be put to death or kept in prison for the rest of his life without parole. As for the other idiots … they should all be fired. There’s not a whole lot else that can be done to them. Hopefully they’ll all think about Carlie the rest of their lives.

3. many of my friends, especially mothers, are complaining that carlie's parents should have been more aware of where she was. she was 11 years old - what do you think?

It’s really sad to think that a kid can’t walk home from a friend’s house alone … but this is the way the world is today. I would not let my kid walk home alone, not in this day and age. But I don’t fault the parents. Maybe this is a good neighborhood … it’s easy to be lulled by thinking your area is safe.

4. carlie's abduction was caught on surveillance tape, leading to the capture of the man responsible. do you think that more areas should have survelliance cameras, or do you think that is too 'big brother?'

It is very ‘big brother-ish’ but ya know what? If there’d been no camera no one would have seen the man take off with Carlie. I would say, yes, more areas should have surveillance cameras.

5. even though carlie was 11 yrs. old, pictures - and the survelliance tape - show her to look around 15. do you think if she truly looked like a pre-teen, she would have been abducted? (PLEASE NOTE: the sat-8 is NOT suggesting that carlie's looks, clothing style or actions contributed to her murder in ANY WAY)

I think that man would have grabbed her regardless. She was alone and in what he probably thought was a ‘safe’ place for him to take her. He wouldn’t figure there’d be a camera in back of the car wash.

6. there has been talk of joseph p. smith getting the death penalty. do you believe in the death penalty, especially if it's due to the murder of a child?

Absolutely!

7. if you are a parent, what have you warned your children about when it comes to strangers or abductions? if you're not a parent, do you think there should be a mandatory school/community workshop about 'stranger danger?'

Well, they haven’t been able to go walking around on their own. When we’ve talked about it, I’ve stressed that they shouldn’t walk anywhere alone. If they’re approached by a stranger, they should run. If they are pursued or grabbed, they should begin screaming, “This isn’t my father! (or mother)”. They should also fight, scream, claw and try anything to get away.

8. on an unrelated note - a dominican baby born with a 2nd head fused to the top of her own cranium (a result of a parasitic twin) died after an attempt to separate the 2nd head from her body. do you feel that the 2nd head should have been just 'left alone,' or should the surgery been performed despite the risk of death?

This is very sad. The news says that the second head was growing faster than the first and that there was a risk of the child becoming brain damaged from the stress. I would say yes, the surgery should have been performed.

A funeral today

David's father was a decorated veteran of the Viet Nam and Korean conflicts. He was laid to rest today.

We didn't go to the cemetery but we did go to the funeral home for the wake and service.

We brought the grandkiddies home with us after the service. We thought it would be better that way because going to the graveside can be pretty rough on kids. I remember my grandfather died when I was about Brandon's age. I remember going in and looking at him. I thought he was starting to breathe again and so it scared me to think he was going in the ground. Anyway, the two boys played video games and I played with Taylor until the kids got home from school.

We're watching Survivor every week when it's on. This time around, the survivors are "all stars" -- all of them have been winners or participants in previous 'seasons'. This evening, my favorite team voted off one of my favorite people, Rudy. Rudy is 75 and he is a war hero too. He's been through 6 days with little or no water and food and he didn't complain. One of my other favorites, Rupert, was in tears the day of the vote. He really believed that Rudy deserved to stay. He was the only one who wouldn't vote for Rudy so I'm glad he had integrity.

I keep thinking it's Friday. There's more snow and ice on the way. :P

A Big Improvement

The school cop called me this morning. They are taking action! Anthony is off the bus and who knows what else. Heidi said he opened a switchblade. The officer said it's a lighter with a switchblade in it. The officer also told me that they had other trouble with kids in the last few days, drugs and whatnot.

There was a news report on CBS yesterday that talked about safety in suburban schools. Kids are more likely to get into trouble in the suburban schools than they would be in urban areas. Surprising? Maybe not. There's not a lot to do out here in the sticks. You have to have a car and everything's quite a ways off.

Anyway, the good news is that the authorities are finally taking action on this kid. TB and I decided we would press charges after all.

Linda called this morning. She and Tomas are at home now and are doing well. She's been resting when the baby sleeps, good for her! She sounds so happy! And Kennan and his father have both fallen in love with the little guy, especially Kennan.

What’s On … Right Now?

What's On your "I'll Never Do That Again" list Right Now?

I’ll never let another school administrator sweet talk me into waiting to act on a really important issue as happened with the incidents that occurred in the last couple of weeks!

Frustrated & Angry

One thing about life -- there is plenty of bad stuff to go with the good. I'm hoping that Linda went home today with her precious son Tomas before the nasty deluge started.

Every day I'd open the door watching to see what happened when my kids got off the bus from high school. That's why I saw an almost-fight between Dominic and Paul. Although I hadn't heard from that school cop, since it was quiet yesterday I thought it would be okay today ... and I heard Heidi outside screaming.

The bus was already pulling away as I opened the door. Heidi was in a fury. I knew something had happened.

It seems that Anthony pulled out a switch blade and began carving on the bus seat in front of him. His assigned seat is right in front of Heidi's. She saw what he was doing and it scared her. It seemed to be a "message" for her. She didn't call out or get the bus driver's attention. She thought he might stick her if she did.

Once she got off the bus, she was enraged because this boy tormented her again and no one seems to be doing anything about it!

I got on the phone to talk to Officer Culligan, the school cop. He'd "just left". How convenient. So I asked for Mr. White. I was still on hold as Heidi furiously said no one from school would do anything, she wanted Anthony expelled or suspended, why should she have to walk around in fear, wondering if he is going to jump her, her family or friends? She wants to take karate so she can learn to defend herself.

I hung up without speaking to Mr. White (I am sure he would have been "out" too) and called Detective W and told her what happened. Fortunately, she was able to catch Officer Culligan who said Mr. White has the names. But they are going to write out complaints and reports and what have you.

I am driving Heidi to and from school tomorrow. Detective W suggested I call bus transportation and try to get them to do something about it. Well, I'd done that the first time and the supervisor at the bus depot told me to tell school administration.

Everyone loves to pass the buck, pass the buck.

And I am frustrated and angry. When something like this happens, you expect to get help and protection from the police and the school administrators.

I am bitterly disappointed, too, in this school district. Yeah, they have a cop on campus but so what?

Circle of Life

One life begins, one ends.

I talked to Linda and baby Tomas is doing great. While I was talking to her, Michele was calling. David's father died.

I've just brought the grandkids here and will write more later.

IT'S A BOY!!!

And he was born around 4 p.m. and weighed around 6lbs 1oz.

Loosening up for love

My body can betray me at the most inconvenient times! For me, I get spasms in my shoulders, neck and back. I think it’s from the weight of my boobs or from an old repetitive motion injury or both. My joints creak and snap, crackle & pop too. Most embarrassing of all, I seem to toot at will whether I’ve had beans or not. :P Similar stuff happens to TB.

It’s not fair. Now we are both at an age where we can enjoy loving each other up. We’re not going to have any more babies. We don’t have any babies to chase after so our time together isn’t interrupted.

Neither one of us wants to say, “Okay, we’re just not going to do it anymore.”

So we’ll have to make accommodations for each other, that’s all.

TB said it looks like we’ll have to do warm-ups and stretches before we start to fool around. I suggested a nice massage for my back and neck.

The upside of this is that we can keep our sense of humor and keep things light and fun.

Update: Linda’s made some progress during her labor. It’s taken a whole lot of hours for her to dilate to between 3-4 cm. She’s got a ways to go, poor kid.

Unconscious Mutterings:

1. Ignore:: neglect

2. Death:: ending this life

3. Missy:: name for a kitty

4. Ballet:: dance

5. Guest:: visitor

6. Campus:: college

7. Lonely:: sad

8. Company:: visitors

9. Helicopter::plane
   
   
10. Sterile:: very clean