Scribblings

Time to go on a vacation!!!

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"Never Such Devoted Sisters"

One of my favorite holiday movies is White Christmas. The two lead actresses play a singing sister act and they do a really cute number together called “Sisters”. I’ve been thinking about that song since yesterday because there’s been a lot of tension between Michelle and Linda.

My cousins Anne and Edith did a really adorable adaptation of the song. Anne was 12 when Edith was born and I think they didn’t have as much intensely negative feelings as many sisters do. I mean, yeah, it was a pain in the neck for them to share the room. They’re of totally different generations. Yet, they have remained close and loving friends as well as sisters. Anyway, I remember several times when the two of them would impulsively break into song:

They were fun to watch and there was still something very touching about the two of them. As they sang together, I found myself wishing that I had a sister, too.

It seems to me that having a sister can be wonderful if you’ve got a loving friend. I think it’s not so wonderful during rough times, when sisters are angry with each other. I don’t remember Anne and Edith ever being estranged but I remember when it happened to my mother and my aunt Betty.

My aunt and my mother are two years apart; Mom is the “baby” of the family. They also were the only deaf members of the family and so they had that in common too. They both went to the Lexington School for the Deaf, a boarding school that took them away from their parents and brothers. They had loneliness and fear of the unknown and of the strict teachers in common, too.

When I was really little, I thought that my aunt and uncle were my “other” parents. They were over visiting or we were over at their house visiting. My cousins, my brother and I grew up together, well, until we were 10.

But somewhere in there was a year long period of estrangement, when my mother was so angry with my aunt that she wouldn’t even stay in the same room with her.

It started when my Grandma fell at Fire Island and broke her leg. It was a compound fracture, a very scary thing for me to see. I’ve never forgotten it. I think, but am not sure, that I was 8 or 9 when it happened.

My grandfather, a truly scary man in his own way, wasn’t able to take care of my grandma … or he wouldn’t. His health had been declining rather quickly. He had diabetes and needed my grandma to give him shots of insulin. He was almost completely deaf. It was hard for him to get around. My mother and aunt decided my grandma couldn’t be left in his hands. They decided they would share taking care of grandma.

Now, I don’t know why the brothers didn’t help. Three of my 4 uncles lived within 20 minutes of my grandmother. My aunt decided it would be fair for her to give up Saturday and Sunday to take care of grandma. My mom should take the week. How did she figure this was a fair arrangement? Beats the heck out of me. I remember my mother saying that it was because my aunt felt that Anne and Robert needed her more than my brother and I needed my mother. Don’t ask me …

I think my mother also didn’t see the logic in my aunt’s reasoning but she didn’t complain openly. Later she told me that she didn’t argue because my aunt was stubborn and bossy and they’d still be arguing six months down the road. So my mother fumed quietly and took care of grandma during the week. My dad would take her over on Monday morning and we wouldn’t see her again until Friday evening. Other than missing my mother, the one memory I have of the first few weeks was that my dad made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for my brother and me every day! It was great at first but I soon got sick of it.

One Friday, my mom came home sick. It might have been when she’d had her awful experience, possibly an episode of Old Hag Syndrome (see January 12th entry). Anyway, my uncle came over with my cousins after he’d dropped my aunt off. My mom didn’t stay and chat as she usually did. She went to bed. My dad and my uncle were still visiting, so my cousins and my brother and I went into the living room looking for something to watch on television.

Anne decided she wanted to watch a scary movie called The House on Haunted Hill. I didn’t even like the sound of the title and said no. Anne insisted we watch. I insisted we not watch so Anne called for a vote. Robert and my brother, who didn’t want to be labeled a chicken, voted with Anne. I don’t remember a lot about the movie except that it gave me the heebie-jeebies.

At some point, my dad found out we were still up and told my brother and me to go to bed, it was late.

I told my dad I was scared to go to sleep because of the movie. My dad signed, “Don’t be silly.”

There was no way I wanted to go to bed. I think part of it was because I was scared but a stronger reason was because Anne and Robert were still there and I wanted to stay up. So my brother and I started out for bed and then I had an inspiration. I would tell mom and she would let us stay up. So the two of us went into my parents’ bedroom and I woke my mother.

It took a few minutes for her to understand what I was trying to tell her. When she did, she exploded out of the bed like a bomb going off. She took off running into the dining room and began signing furiously at my uncle. At that time, I didn’t know much signs but I could understand her main idea – that first my aunt and uncle ‘take advantage’ of my mother during the week and now they were stupid and let the kids watch scary movies because no one was watching and so on and so on.

I was terrified! I’d never seen my mother so angry. She began to scream with her voice and her hands. “Get out, get out, get out!” All of us kids were rooted to the spot. I think my father was frozen to his chair too. My uncle got up and told my cousins to come on. They left. I thought my mother would turn on Pete and me and kill us but instead she just burst into tears. That was even scarier.

I was hoping that things would be better over the weekend, but it just got worse. I didn’t see it but apparently my mother and aunt “had words” over at my grandmother’s at the changing of the shifts. After that, I just remember how much I missed my cousins. I remember my mother crying. I remember my grandma begging her to make peace with aunt Betty. My mother refused and then my grandma would cry. Then I would cry too because if grandma was crying things must be pretty bad.

I’m not sure what finally brought the reconciliation between my mom and my aunt. I just thank God something happened to bring them together. They have been close ever since, being very very careful not to ever get into such a heated dispute again.

Life is too short and you just never know what will happen tomorrow. I am praying that Michelle and Linda can work things out.

Not yet ...

Linda had some contractions this morning, enough so that she went to the hospital with Kennan. The doctor checked her and sent her home for a while, until her contractions are stronger and closer together. Ah, yes, I still remember ... Anyway, I'm thinking the baby will make his appearance over the weekend, maybe even Monday. I guessed Feb 2. The girls are really excited and TB is really looking forward to the baby's birth. Well, I guess Billy is excited, too ... boys don't say much about that stuff.

What a day! I am really disappointed that the school cop did not call me back. I'm not letting this go on a back burner. I'll have to call again on Monday.

I am online late and pretty much too fried to write anything intelligible so here is some fun stuff:

Past, Present & Future

PAST: I remember those pre-teen days when having a pocketful of change gave me a sense of financial independence. What did you first do for money?

My parents gave me an allowance so the first thing I did was chores around the house. It was more than just helping with a couple of things. Both my parents worked full time and so I did the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry and whatever else. When I was 14 or 15, I began babysitting too.

PRESENT: Understanding the current (lousy) state of the economy, I won't assume you're employed right now. So. What did you last do for money?

Ha, what a question! I would say I worked for money last time. I was an interpreter for the deaf for over 20 years.

FUTURE: If you suddenly came into a situation where you didn't need the income, would you still work some sort of job?

I would do what I’m doing now … writing, trying to write a novel, journaling, and that sort of thing.

I have issues with...

work trauma walls history anxiety

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Bringing in the Police

It's been a week since Terrible Tony hassled Heidi and sprayed cologne in her face. I'd spoken to Heidi's AP, Mr. White, on Tuesday and he'd told me he would hand over the information to Ms. White, the AP for the 11th grade. She would be able to get the last names of the two boys. Now, I did wonder why they just didn't go out to the bus and find the two guys but I said nothing then. There was a snow day yesterday. Today, a police detective from the town called me.

She was going to file the report but noticed that she didn't have the names of the two boys. She couldn't proceed without having the names. I didn't know this, but she told me that by law, the administrators in the school weren't supposed to give me the boys' names. That information would just go to the police ... until the court date. I had her name and number and so I decided to call the school again.

The kids have been having midterms this week and so they've been having half days as well. It was just after noon when I called Mr. White. School was about to dismiss and so I tried to leave a message with the secretary. She heard the word "police" and decided she'd better get someone to talk to me. I guess she must have located Mr. White because she came back on the phone and told me that the AP and the school cop were going to go to the bus and have Heidi identify the boys.

NO! I almost hollered. I absolutely did not want them meeting Heidi at the bus and identifying the boys right there. Yeesh! I wanted my kid to come home alive, for crying out loud!

The way they did it: apparently they had a list of names for the kids on the bus. They pulled off Tony and Dominick. Heidi was already in the bus, seated, and suspected what was going on but didn't know for sure until Mr. White made eye contact with her and nodded slightly toward the boys. And Heidi nodded back.

The officer didn't have all the information and although he talked sternly to the boys, they eventually got back onto the bus. He called me after the bus left and was still under the impression that it was nothing, a prank. But I told him that Tony sprayed Heidi in the face and the officer's demeanor changed. He wasn't aware of that. So I filled him in on everything, including the earlier incident with Paul.

Paul is a really nice kid in the neighborhood. He is in the same grade as Billy. Last November, this Tony got into some kind of verbal exchange with Paul. He got off at the kids' stop (he was supposed to get off several stops later) and threatened Paul. TB went out and there were other neighbors out as well, all telling Tony to get out of the neighborhood. The officer hadn't known about that either. He said he'd pull Tony into his office first thing tomorrow. He asked, "What do you want?"

I understood him to mean, how far did I want this to go? I said, "I want this kid scared. I want him scared enough not to bother any other kid again."

The officer said he'd gauge Tony's reaction. If Tony is NOT scared, then I want to press charges of assault and battery.

Well, then the bus pulled up. TB and I went to the door to make sure the kids would be okay. Tony didn't get off, thank heavens, but a kid I thought must be Dominick (and I found out I was right) grabbed Paul by the shoulder. The two of them began to have heated words. Then I saw Billy talking to this Dominick and next thing I know, Billy's thrown his coat and books down. Dominick left quickly.

It turns out that the bullies thought Paul was the one who'd set the cop on them! Ha! So they are in for a surprise tomorrow ... and they better not mess with our kids!

Blogger Seeds:

Who is your favorite author? Why?

I have had so many favorite authors at one time or another. I love to read! Through all the years that I’ve been reading, though, one author has been my favorite most often: Stephen King. I don’t think I’m drawn in by horror. I think I enjoy his books because he knows people’s fears and hang-ups so well. Not all of his books are horror. Some are psychological thrillers or fantasy adventures. I always felt that he was in the room, telling the story. His “voice” is like that of a friend or neighbor, talking in the kitchen. The thing is, this neighbor is telling me stuff that would get my hair standing on end. He is a very prolific writer and I don’t think I’ll tire of him. The very first book I read was ’Salem’s Lot and although I have a few I haven’t read yet I know I will enjoy them too!

Storms

We didn't get a whole lot of snow but there was enough so the schools were closed and there were car accidents all over the place. People in SUVs think they can drive as fast as they would on a dry road. I guess they figure because they have big cars with front wheel or all wheel drive they won't get into accidents. Yeah, right.

And there were tons of WMD in Iraq, too. :P

At this time last year, I remember I had all kinds of internal storms over the situation in Iraq. I remember that President Bush kept talking about all these hideous WMD Saddam was hiding and we had to go in there, depose him, and confiscate those weapons!

I didn't think we ought to be invading Iraq without knowing for sure they had these WMD ... at least not without the approval of the United Nations. Okay, so I realize that the UN doesn't act quickly on anything. Still, it would have been better for us in the long run to have support.

Because ... what's happened since we went in and "won" the war is that terrorists have been picking off our soldiers ever since. We've asked for help from other countries and most of them have been taking the it's-your-war position and they won't send their people to get killed.

The nerve.

Once the war was "over" everyone began looking for these WMD ... and no one found any.

There were all kinds of reasons we didn't find any, including:

The weapons are there, they're just hidden underground somewhere
The weapons were smuggled into Syria
There aren't any

What's that? NO WMD? Now, I wasn't so sure there were any to begin with. Or, I could see that they might have been hidden. But now there are experts coming forward and saying, well, looks like we made a boo-boo.

Blogger Seeds:

Who is your favorite comedian and why?

It’s hard for me to pick just one. The first one I thought of is Red Skelton. He had a true clown’s face in that his features were very “rubbery”. He had a way of expressing being sad, confused or happy without it looking forced. He could do that, makeup or no. He could use his body, too, and you’d think he really was a seagull! Most people are awkward about using their bodies – but not actors, clowns and those with deaf parents. It’s more natural, using your facial expression, arms and legs and all the space around you. He was terrific at using gesture and mime and lip reading. I loved watching him on Saturday nights years and years ago when I was little.

Books

I love to read and so when I found a meme (if that's what it is) at Measi's diary, I thought it would be fun to try it myself. It turns out that Measi borrowed it from someone else, too!

What you do is copy the whole list and then bold all the titles you've read.

I found the selection of titles and authors very interesting. I've never heard of some of these authors, like Terry Pratchett. I have new authors to look for at the library. Maybe I would really enjoy reading those books by unfamiliar names!

1984, George Orwell It was scary!
The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
Animal Farm, George Orwell
Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy – well, I tried to read it but became too confused with all the names and nicknames!
Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
The BFG, Roald Dahl -- I read this one to the kids
Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
Bleak House, Charles Dickens
Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
Catch 22, Joseph Heller
The Catcher In The Rye, JD Salinger
Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky
David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
Dune, Frank Herbert
Emma, Jane Austen
Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
The Godfather, Mario Puzo
Gone With The Wind, Margaret Mitchell
Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire, JK Rowling
Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
His Dark Materials trilogy, Philip Pullman
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, Douglas Adams (and the rest of the increasingly inaccurately-named trilogy)
The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
Holes, Louis Sachar
I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte
Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
Katherine, Anya Seton
The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, CS Lewis
Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
The Lord Of The Rings, JRR Tolkien
Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blighton
Magician, Raymond E Feist
The Magus, John Fowles
Matilda, Ronald Dahl
Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
Middlemarch, George Eliot
Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie
Mort, Terry Pratchett
Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
On The Road, Jack Kerouac
One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Perfume, Patrick Suskind
Persuasion, Jane Austen
The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
Pride And Prejudice, Jane Austen
The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
The Ragged Trousered Philantrhopists, Robert Tressell
Rebecca, Daphne Du Maurier
The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
The Secret History, Donna Tartt
The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
The Stand, Stephen King
The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
Tess Of The D'urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee
A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
The Twits, Roald Dahl
Ulysses, James Joyce
Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
War And Peace, Leo Tolstoy
Watership Down, Richard Adams
The Wind In The Willows, Kenneth Grahame
Winnie-the-Pooh, AA Milne
The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte

Memorizing

Blogger Seeds:

How well do you memorize stuff? You know, phone numbers and such?

I think I have a pretty good long term memory. Some bits of information I’ve needed over my lifetime has become stored in long term memory and I can usually access it easily: my social security number is a really good example of that. I used to know Rich’s SSN by heart because of how many times we needed it for doctors. On the other hand, I cannot remember the kids’ or TB’s SSNs. I might get the numbers into my short term memory but there is a very limited amount of space in that drawer and usually never gets near long term memory.

My short term memory used to be better when I was younger. I was able to cram all kinds of crazy things in short term memory. It either then went into the long term drawer (like memorizing that O Neg is my blood type) or to where the light goes when you turn the switch off. Anytime I’ve taken a test, the information I needed for the test was forgotten as soon as I turned it in to the proctor.

Sometimes I get annoyed with myself for forgetting something like a phone number. Then I always remind myself about Albert Einstein. He couldn’t be bothered memorizing phone numbers, not even his own. He said he could always look it up in a phone book … why should he clutter his mind?

That sounds good to me!

Tuesday Twosome:

Superbowl Week...

1. Patriots or Panthers?

I’d have to flip a coin. I don’t follow football anymore and I don’t care who wins.

2. If you could get in, name two celebrities you would want to run into at the Playboy Party.

Ack!! I wouldn’t want to go to the Playboy Party. If I happened to be there, though, I guess I’d like to meet Harrison Ford and Mel Gibson. Um, I guess they wouldn’t be there since they don’t play football?

3. Would you throw a party at your house or go to a bar to watch the game?

I’d rather have my own party. I used to have a party when I watched football

4. Which is more appealing, Beyonce singing the National anthem or Janet Jackson performing the halftime show?

Neither sounds entertaining to me.

5. Jake Delhomme or Tom Brady?

Who?

Snow and Stress

Snow and stress -- a very bad combination. I think we have cabin fever already and there is more snow on the way. That's all I have to say about that for now.

Blogger Seeds:

On this day in 1926, television is introduced to the public for the first time. Share some pros and cons of this invention.

I didn’t realize that television was available to the public for so long! I don’t remember having a TV set until my father came in with a black and white Zenith. Maybe there were color sets in 1960 but I don’t remember them. I know we had a TV in time for me to watch the Beatles debut (in the States) on The Ed Sullivan Show. I remember watching kids’ programs on weekends, mostly cartoons but also programs called Sky King, Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, and Roy Rogers.

One of the nice things about television was exposure to music, different cultures and people, and other educational information. I remember watching a lot of documentaries about animals and people in different countries, especially one program called Wild Kingdom. Walt Disney Presents was great for that. One week there would be a mini-dramatic series installment, another week there’d be cartoons and yet another week was devoted to nature. I loved to watch variety shows because there were so many different guests doing so many different things. Ed Sullivan was great for having a big variety of entertainment. There were singers and dancers and puppets. It was so cool! My favorite puppet was Topo Gigio.

When I was a kid, TV was fun to watch but if we had a choice we’d still rather be outside. One thing that saddens me about TV is that kids sit in front of the screen for hours and hours. They’re not getting much exercise and they’re not having much brain stimulation either. I don’t think kids are watching many documentaries. I think it’s all video games and anime cartoon programs. You don’t have to think very hard when you watch these cartoons.

I’ve read studies that say kids’ creativity dries up when they watch too much TV. TV has taught kids to think in 15 minute intervals. Attention span doesn’t last much longer than that. And kids are getting heavier and heavier. I can’t say for sure if TV is entirely to blame. A television set doesn’t keep itself turned on, after all.

My Candidate

I'm surprised! Not by the fact that President Bush was dead last on my Presidential Match quiz.
I knew that John Kerry was running but hadn't checked out his background yet because -- and I blush to admit this -- he didn't look like a president. Boy!

Talk about being prejudiced and not knowing it!

Now I will get rid of my bias and go check out Kerry's platform.

I found this site through TB's post.

Howard Dean

How is it that we let the media have so much say in what we think?

Ever since last Sunday, when the Iowa caucus took place, there’s been something about Howard Dean “losing control”. I’d never heard of this guy until late summer or early fall. It turns out that he is a doctor, the former governor of Vermont and he’s running for President. I’ve been to his online website several times and was interested in learning more about him.

When I first read the headlines about his speech in Iowa, I expected I’d see a cursing, ranting Dean in video clips. He would be insulting the voters and the other candidates. It must be something horrible, I thought, for the media to be saying that he might have sunk his campaign.

So imagine my surprise when I finally see the clips from the speech … and I wonder what on earth the media is talking about.

I saw a very upbeat Howard Dean speaking loudly to his supporters. He was smiling, not angry, and his voice was hoarse and maybe he shouted. So what? It was noisy in the room. I could hear his supporters cheering and yelling in the background. Anyway, there was no cursing nor name-calling. All he did was say he wasn’t going to give up, not in Iowa or South Carolina or this state or that state.

So what is the big hairy deal?

The media’s been making much out of all of this. Dean’s been backpedaling all over the place since the talk show comedians have been poking fun at him. It’s like once David Letterman or Jay Leno turn on ya, your career is over. If anything makes him look bad, it’s that – saying things like he’ll tone it down from now on. Why should he? For the media?

I think he is reacting because the numbers are beginning to show more support for John Kerry (who won the Iowa caucus). It sure looks like people are being swayed by the media and it makes me feel disgusted. What sheep! baaa-baaa, tell us who to vote for, baaa-baaa!

This is not the first time the media has come down on someone like a duck on a junebug. Senator Edmund Muskie had to drop out of the presidential race in 1972 because of some dirty trick the Nixon campaign played on him. He was defending his wife during a press conference and broke down in tears. The media made such a big deal out of it, Muskie was forced to quit his campaign. I think the implication was that Muskie was a “crybaby” and who wants someone like that for president?

I can think of a whole lot of other examples where the media influenced people’s opinions but I think I’d just be saying the same thing over and over. The sad thing about all this is that it seems to me that voters aren’t thinking with their brains. When a trend is established, it’s like no one thinks to break free. Oh, I might as well vote for him/her since it seems like that’s what everyone else is doing.

What a way for a candidate to win an election. :P

Today’s article about what happened, written by someone I finally agree with is here:

Dean, Lobotomized

Unconscious Mutterings:

I say … and you think … ?

1. Political:: governmental

2. Concentration:: focus

3. Fish:: Big

4. Lunacy:: crazy

5. Red:: color

6. Imply:: suggest

7. Recognize:: know

8. Sexist:: idiot

9. Commercial:: advertisement

10. Stricken:: sick
    

Birthday Girl and Baby Shower

What a busy day!

I'm feeling really really sleepy now but I couldn't let the day pass without noting Kristin's 12th birthday. My baby is almost a teenager! She is growing into a really considerate and loving young woman.

And I couldn't let the day pass without noting we had Linda's baby shower today. I think it went off really well!

Well, that's about all I have the energy to type.

Investigation

Lots of things have happened today.

One of the first things was that Heidi and I met with the Assistant Principal for the 10th grade. Heidi told him what happened on the bus, about that rotten kid who grabbed her knee and sprayed her in the face with cologne.

It turns out that boy, Anthony, also hassled and fought with one of Billy's friends, a junior named Paul. He followed Paul and the others off the bus one day last fall and began threatening to fight Paul. He was so loud and so profane some neighbors came and opened their doors. TB went out there and told Anthony to get away.

Billy told me that Anthony cornered Paul a couple of times at the school and then Paul finally got fed up and they fought. They were both suspended.

I know from the school records the AP can figure out who Anthony is. It's just a matter of time.

And yes, I am pressing charges. This kid has got to stop it.

Brotherly Love

Uncle Walter (Kristin's great great uncle) sent a birthday card for her. He usually sends a check and a letter too. Most of his letters are pretty upbeat and generally has something in there about long ago friends or relatives and the New York Mets. This time, though, he had mostly sad news. He figured (correctly) that we'd want to know. Oma, his sister, had a small stroke on Jan 6. She wasn't able to call for help and laid on the bedroom floor until someone discovered she was in trouble the next morning. At that point, Oma was living in a room (with a private bathroom) in the Deutschplatte Residence. Oma likes to call it "the old folks' home".

Oma was taken to the emergency room at the hospital ... and was stuck there overnight because when Uncle Walter and a friend got to the hospital, it was January 8. Oma was still confused at that point. Uncle Walter said that she was imagining "all kinds of weird things." It gave me a big lump in my throat to imagine Oma in that condition. It was a spooky reminder of what happened to my grandma when she was hospitalized. Oma is 93 and so I know her time is coming sooner than I'd like but I'm not ready for this.

There was other news of concern but I wanted to reflect on Oma and Uncle Walter, the oldest and the youngest of all the siblings. Oma was born in 1910 and I've heard many stories about how she helped to raise her younger brothers, George, Fred and Walter. There was a baby sister, too, but she died not long after birth. Oma and Uncle Walter have always seemed very close and I used to wonder if they had the usual sibling battles like I had with my brother and like the kids have with each other.

All the years I've known them, Uncle Walter has always visited Oma on Sundays. He is 83 now and lives in Queens. He used to drive his car over for his weekly visit. He would tease Oma and I could tell he loved her very much. He'd show up on other days as well, especially if Oma needed a ride somewhere. When he gave up driving, he began to take a bus from Queens to Franklin Square. Later, a friend of his would drive him to Oma's and that was easier for him when the weather was bad. Now this friend is moving to Germany and Uncle Walter is going to ride the bus again.

To me, that is real devotion. Uncle Walter is pretty healthy for being 83 but standing out there in the cold waiting for a bus is rough on him. He wants to see Oma and she looks forward to his visits.

Neither one of them is too much into TV and so they'd just chat. Oma always had dinner ready for her brother. Sometimes the visit was turned into a family Uncle Walter (Rich's great uncle and so Kristin's great great uncle) sent a birthday card to Kristin. He always sends a check and always sends a letter with the card. Kristin must have forgotten to tell us about the letter and check because TB found them on the table.

Anyway, Uncle Walter sent along some difficult news he occasion and the rest of us would come for dinner and cake. There were always stories about "Uncle Fred who's dead" and Uncle George who had a "drinking problem".

It warms my heart to see a brother and sister care that much for each other and they are both alone. Uncle Walter never married and lives by himself. I asked them once why they didn't just share a home together and they laughed and said they were too old and set in their ways to move. But what will happen to Uncle Walter if Oma dies? Okay, that's enough ... I don't want to think about that now.

Some more about Oma.

Just to relax...

... I thought I would answer some prompts!

Blogger Seeds:

Do you know what your name means, or why you received the name you did? Please share.

I always wondered about my name. It wasn't one of the "popular" ones of my time like Anne or Susan or Patricia. I wondered how my parents, both deaf, came across that name, Cassandra May.

I finally asked my mother. It turns out that Cassandra was one of my maternal greataunts who visited my mom's family once when she was little. My mom just fell in love with that name. May is my grandmother's middle name. I was satisfied with that.

It turns out that my dad can't say Cassandra and so they agreed to use my nickname, Cassie.

When I had braces on my teeth, I went to see an orthodontist who would tease me about my name. Cassandra is of Greek origin and it means prophet but that's not the whole story. The way the legend goes, Apollo gave Cassandra this gift of prophecy because he'd fallen in love with her and wanted to teach her how to use her power. She wasn't interested in him so he got pissed off and set a kind of curse on her. She could prophesy all she wanted but no one would believe her even though she'd be telling the truth. She tried to warn the Trojans not to accept the gift of a huge wooden horse (it was filled with enemy soldiers) but no one believed her and so Troy fell. Well, this dentist would ask me if any cities had fallen around me lately. Ha ha.

When I got to Maryland, none of the teachers called me Cassie. They all insisted on calling me Cassandra. Sometimes they'd say Ca-sawn-dra or some other silly thing and I would feel aggravated. Sometimes they'd decide to give me a nickname they came up with, like Casey or Sandy. I wouldn't answer when they called me by those names. They weren't my name.

My best friend in high school was surprised that I had a nickname. By that time I was so used to being called Cassandra by hearing people that it was almost like a cultural split. In the hearing world, I was Cassandra. In the deaf world, I was Cassie.

But now I am Cassie all the time. Hooray. I am me again, heh heh.

Lay Off My Kids!

I have had it with nasty, troublesome bully types!

Heidi and Billy came in around 2:30 as usual. I heard them going back and forth about what happened on the bus and realized there’d been a problem. I asked Heidi to tell me about it and I just decided I’d had enough.

There was some bully on the bus who’s hassled kids before. He’d subsided (or at least I didn’t hear about him) for the last few weeks but there was a substitute driver this afternoon so he (his name might be Tony or Tommy) and another kid named Dom began verbally abusing Heidi and some other girls.

Verbal abuse … of a kind that Heidi didn’t want to tell me what those boys said even though she was clearly upset. Heidi tried to ignore these guys but it just seemed to inspire them to make more comments and suggestions. That kid, Tony, grabbed Heidi’s knee and also began spritzing her with cologne he’d gotten from Dom.

I could smell it from across the room, a real heavy perfumy kind of smell for a guy. It was nauseating. Heidi is sensitive to smells like that and her face was a bright red. I had her go shower while I got on the phone to “fix” things.

I talked to the supervisor of transportation and he told me that the sub was a new driver. I didn’t think that mattered. Why would she put up with that abuse? According to Heidi and Billy, this Tony character yelled at her to “turn the fucking music up!” I wish she’d pulled alongside the road and shut the bus off. That’ll shut those troublemakers up.

The supervisor took the information and apologized and said I should call the principal. I spent the next hour trying to speak to someone about what happened. I must have called at the staff’s end of the day because absolutely no one was around except for the unfortunate coop student stuck answering the phones.

TB, who’d been napping, came in and when we told him the story he was pretty ticked. Since I wasn’t able to get through to an administrator, he thought it would be good to call the police.

I hesitated for just a second or two, thinking these bad-ass boys hadn’t threatened Heidi … but they didn’t feel an ounce of guilt about what they did. I am sure of it. That same Troublemaker Tony harassed one of the kids’ classmates. Paul got fed up and he and Tony fought at school. Both got suspended. According to Billy and Heidi, this jerk has caused all kinds of other problems with other kids.

Okay, so enough is too much already!

Why do people get the idea they can say and do whatever they want, where ever they want? Why do some kids totally diss the cops and any other grown up in authority? The policeman who came to take the information said it’s because parents of those kids don’t care enough to get involved. When you make an issue, the parents shrug it all off. Their darlings wouldn’t do anything wrong.

Tomorrow I’m taking Heidi to school and we’re going to talk to that principal and identify those kids. I want these little punks to know that they can’t mess with my kids and then there’s no consequences. We’re not sitting by and letting that happen, no way!

Kids & Grandkids

Blogger Seeds:

Do you have kids? Grandchildren? How many?

I’m in a blending family now and I love it!

Rich and I had 3 kids together. Billy is 16, Heidi 15, and Kristin will be 12 on Saturday.

TB and Audrey had 2 daughters together, Michelle and Linda. Michelle and her husband David have 3 kids too, Brandon, Ryan and Taylor. Linda’s due to have her baby boy soon – maybe sooner than I think!

Out of great tragedy sometimes comes a great gift and that is what happened to TB and me.

You grow up and sort of expect to lose your parents at some later time in your life … when they are in their 70s or 80s and have had full, happy lives. You sort of expect to lose your aunts and uncles under the same circumstances. It’s the same with grandparents … if you are lucky enough to have them to your adult hood. My last surviving grandparent, my mom’s mom and my beloved Grandma, died when I was 24.

What you don’t ever expect is to lose your spouse or your own child. I mean, your spouse is probably around your age. If you’ve got a good marriage, your spouse is your best friend as well as lover. I think that even when you grow older together, the idea doesn’t seem possible. Even when your spouse is very ill … there’s always that part of you that doesn’t want to think about that.

Rich and Audrey both died too young. I like to think that they got together in heaven and plotted a way to get TB and me together and our families together. I think that they didn’t want TB and me to be sad and lonely all the rest of our lives. TB and I feel greatly blessed with a wonderful gift. We have such a love for each other!

So if someone asks me how many kids I’ve got, I’ll say 5. TB would answer the same way. How could we not love all the kids? There is a great deal of ourselves living in them.

Michelle and David’s kids are loveable, totally huggable and kissable … well, Ryan doesn’t seem to go for that so much but he is anyway!

I feel really sad that Michelle and David and the kids are moving to Tennessee. The cost of living is so terribly high on the east coast, especially this tri-state area (PA-NY-NJ) and people have to live, they’ve got to have happiness and some stability. I understand how it is … it was why Rich and I left LI for MD way back when we married. We knew we couldn’t afford to live in NY and so we had to leave family behind. It’s hard.

It’s hard and we’ll miss them but it’s not like we’re not ever going to see each other again. I used to go back and forth from MD to NY a couple of times a year. It’s not as great as being 15 minutes away but you have to do what you have to do to get by.

And soon there will be another baby in the family to go nuts over!

An "Early" Delivery?

TB got a call from Linda a little while ago. Nikolas (that's his name!!!) is just growing and growing. Linda's doctor is sending her for another ultrasound to see just how far along she really is. I imagine if she's further along than they thought then the baby may be on the way soon. If he's not, the doctor is thinking of inducing her. I was puzzled by that but I guess it's because the dr wants to try and prevent a Caesarian section. I'm hoping that Linda's further along than they thought.

TB got an email from Michelle and I am so glad that both the dogs, Sheba and Jake, have been adopted. Young dogs don't have big problems being adopted but I was a little worried about Sheba, who is 7. The Move is fast approaching now!

Billy's been working with Buddy more and giving him more attention. TB and I told him that Buddy is like a toddler. He needs to be watched all the time and if there's a time where he can't (like if one of us has to go to the bathroom) then he goes on a leash or into the crate. So Billy has been a little better about shutting off the TV/video games to play with Buddy and watch him.

Right now Billy is at rehearsal and I have Buddy on a leash. I am not able to run around the house after him.

The SBD is still going along well. I had extra chili today because it was delicious but I probably should have stopped with one serving. It's easier for me to track what I'm eating using a new website I saw at 3 Fat Chicks: Fit Day. I like the pie chart, which breaks down what I'm eating into 3 categories: protein, fat, and carbohydrates. It gives me a better picture of how well I'm eating and whether I'm successfully restricting my carbs.

In Other Words:

There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'
--Frederick L Collins

I am the one who comes into a room and says, “Ah, there you are!” Most of the time I am looking for a familiar face because I’m usually pretty ‘shy’ in a crowd or a group. If I don’t know anyone, I tend to hang at the fringes of the room. I’ll listen in but not speak up. When I went to my very first Jonathan Frid (he was Barnabas in Dark Shadows One Man Show, I was invited to the rehearsal. The room was full of people I really didn’t know … and with Jonathan Frid, who is almost larger than life. He’s nice but intimidating and while I sat at his table, I only listened.

The following year, I went again and was also invited to the rehearsal. This time, I knew people and was more comfortable. I sort of “glommed” on to the ones I knew best. I also managed to put a few sentences together and talk to Jonathan Frid.

There’s another interpretation to that quote. One type of person walks into a room. This person tends to strut his or her stuff out in public and they become the center of attention. Maybe they’re funny and can get people to laugh. Maybe they’re braggarts and annoy people. Maybe they’re so self-centered, they can’t talk about anything but themselves. If I don’t know anyone in the room, that’s the sort of person I gravitate to so I can just stand, listen, hopefully be entertained, and not feel like a mummified jerk.

The other type of person is more other-centered. When they come into a room and recognize someone, they are genuinely glad. They’ll ask all about you, what have you been up to, what’re you going to be doing, how’s the family, and it sure is great to see you again!

The first type is probably too involved in self to realize that other people might like to say something or contribute something. Sometimes the first “type” can be so needy it’s overwhelming. Two people popped right into my head: Clarissa and her mom, Terri.

I think the more positive person would be the second type. They are a pleasure to have as guests because they don’t try to run the whole show or try to turn al the attention to them.

Tuesday Twosome:

Childhood memories...

1. Goofy or Pluto?

Goofy

2. Flinstones or Jetsons?

Flintstones

3. Mulan or Pocahontas?

Pocahontas

4. Lady and the Tramp or 101 Dalmations?

Lady & the Tramp

5. Donald Duck or Daffy Duck?

Oh brother, that is such a hard decision! Eenie meenie miny moe…

Donald Duck!

Favorite Pizza

Bloggerseeds:

This week is pizza week! What's your favorite?

I love mozzarella cheese and so my number one favorite has always been “extra cheese”. The pizza sauce has to be just so or I won’t order a pie or slice from a particular pizzeria again. I like the sauce New York style: if there isn’t a drop of oil running down my arm as I eat the slice, it’s not real sauce.

I moved from Long Island to Maryland in 1985. It was a challenge to find the right pizza place.

Several places were just too awful and I never went back. One was called the Irish Pizza Pub and, no lie, the pie crust seemed to be made of saltine crackers!

Another was in a shopping center just down the street from my apartment. I called one day to order an extra cheese pie. There was a long silence and then a confused voice responded, “We don’t have no pie here, lady. Just pizzas.”

I walked into yet another pizza place near my parents’ trailer and everyone behind the counter was Asian! I knew I was in trouble.

My brother advised me to try Pizza Hut for the best pizza in Maryland. That’s not saying much. I’m not going to knock their pizza but it’s just not the same.

There was a pizza place at the mall in Columbia, Maryland, and at last I’d found the place! The owner and some of the guys working there were from the Bronx, NY. It figures.

Here in NJ, I expected there would be lots of good pizzerias. New Jersey is just a hop, skip and a jump from New York so how could they go wrong? My personal favorite is Soprano’s in Browns Mills. There are other pizza places near by, lots of them in fact. So far I haven’t tasted a slice that was as good as Soprano’s although everyone has their own favorite.

Now if I could just find a decent bagel shop!

23 little factoids

From one of the email lists I belong to:

What you're supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire email and paste it onto a new email that you'll send. Change all of the answers so they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know *INCLUDING* the person who sent it to you. The theory is that getting to know your friends. you'll learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. It's fun and easy. You might be surprised with some of the things you learn about people you think you know...

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

On a beach, near enough to see the ocean but not so close I’d get wiped out by a hurricane

2. YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?

My jeans

3. FAVORITE FEATURE OF OPPOSITE SEX?

his eyes

4. WHAT'S The LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT

A Christmas CD by the Chieftains, a Celtic band


5. WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?

relaxing on the beach

6. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?

At any DMV in New Jersey. I think I’m scarred for life by that place!

7. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?

My shoulders, which often have muscle spasms

8. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG BODY?

I’d rather have a strong mind. I don’t need to be a body builder to have a strong body. I’d like to be fit and healthy

9. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?

6:00-6:30 AM

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?

Coffee maker

11. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?

Bigotry, bullying, lying, and injustice

12. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

A saxophone!

13. FAVORITE COLOR?

Burgandy

14. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?

Neither. I’m not into the sporty look and I don’t think SUVs are especially safe. They can roll. I prefer my Toyota Sienna van

15. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?

Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss

16. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?

Fall!

17. WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?

cleaning the bathroom

18. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER WHAT WOULD IT BE?

super sharp hearing so if my kids are about to get into mischief I’ll hear it and stop it before it happens. As if. Heh

19. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?

don’t have one, don’t want one

20. CAN YOU JUGGLE?

All the time … responsibilities, money, pleasure, pain … ;)

21. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO TALK TO?

My grandma

22. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?

Sunday

23. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?

a spare donut, bag of clothes to be donated to Amvets … something the kids left behind I’m sure

Unconscious Mutterings:

I say … and you think …”

1. Berry:: strawberry

2. Fiendish:: evil

3. Bar:: drink

4. Frank:: Sinatra

5. Bend:: curve

6. Fanatic:: too involved

7. Belch:: burp

8. Flagrant:: obvious

9. Burden:: responsibility

10. Flimsy:: weak
    

Poor Baby Deer

This was another day of running, running, running. I didn't do much writing at all today.

Billy had a karate class this morning. He said it was at 10:30. Normally his classes last an hour so I thought it would be nice to take the girls and then after the class, we could go to Sears. The kids still had their gift cards. TB couldn't join us because we were expecting a serviceman for our well.

Well, the first thing we realized was that the class was already in progress so it must've started earlier than 10:30! Sure enough, one of the class members who wasn't participating that day said the class began at 10.

We hung out awhile because Heidi had shown some interest in taking karate and we figured it would be good for her to watch and see if it's right for her. So all these guys are going through their routines and shouting and sweating and Heidi turned to me and said, "I don't think I'd be good at this."

I said, "Well, not at first but if you practiced ..."

And she gave me this look and said, "You know I don't follow orders very well."

I had nothing to say to that. ;-)

We figured the class would end at 11 but it didn't. We decided to go across the street to Wendy's for some soda.

When TB and I take Billy to karate, we drop him off and then hang at Wendy's until he comes across the street after class. We sat and talked, finished our sodas, wondered what time it was and got restless. I checked the time and realized it was about quarter to 12.

So we drove back across the street and Heidi went in to find out what was going on. It turns out that the Saturday class goes from 10 to 12. It figures. Nothing is ever easy.

We grabbed a bite to eat and went to the mall to shop at Sears. The kids picked up some gifts for Linda's baby, already nicknamed "Nick". It'll be confusing if the baby's name ends up being something other than Nicholas.

TB and I needed to go to BJ's for some food and stuff so I was home about 10 minutes.

It was almost dinner time when we finished and started on our way home. We were almost into our development when all of a sudden, two deer were in the street in front of us.

Where did they come from? I couldn't say. One minute they weren't there, the next minute they were in front of us. I screamed. TB breaked but it was too late, there was nothing he could do to avoid hitting them. I had a thought that these deer were going to fly up and crash into the windshield.

TB pulled over. I hadn't seen what happened. I must have closed my eyes when I screamed. One had gone running off into the woods but the other fell on the other side of the room. TB was upset cuz he likes animals and normally would not want to hurt them.

I looked out and saw that the deer was almost on the shoulder, struggling to get up. It was so little ... a baby. TB thought it might have broken its leg. He got out and went across the street, looking at the poor llittle animal. He patted it, pulled it clear of the road, patted it again and then used his cell phone to call the police.

Maybe they'd be able to help the poor thing? It was terrified and still trying to stand up. TB said that its leg was pretty badly broken.

Another car pulled over to see if we needed help. The other driver walked into the woods a ways to see if he could find the other deer. He saw some tracks but then they disappeared.

As we were standing there waiting for the police, the little deer died. I felt so sad for it and for the mother deer, who might be dying as well.

The police came and took an incident report. There wasn't any damage to TB's van, just a bent license plate.

We were very very lucky! We weren't hurt and the car wasn't damaged. I remembered that someone in Delaware hit two deer and she was killed. The car was totalled. The injured deer were thrown through her windshield.

So I'm upset about the baby deer but I'm also grateful to God. It could have been a lot worse.

I had an email in my inbox from the publisher of an online magazine called Seven Seas. One of my essays is in their January issue. It's the third essay and the link is:

January 2004

More Cravings

I got through last night! There is a really terrific weight loss support board, 3 Fat Chicks and you can find help for just about anything you can think of. There's boards for all the food plans: Atkins, South Beach, Sugar Busters, Weight Watchers, and so on. There's a board for people with diabetes and one for people with depression (like me). There's a board for people considering weight loss surgery (the dreaded gastro-intestinal bypass), people in different age groups, and so on and so on. It's really cool!

I did pretty well throughout the day ... until Kristin mentioned that it's Friday.

Friday has become a traditional "treat" night. The only thing is, instead of getting some small one serving size treat it's turned into the "super-sized" desserts. That's part of the problem with this addiction. I cannot eat one potato chip and I can't eat just 1 scoop of ice cream either.

If I was talking about booze, I'd just resolve to not drink again. I haven't had an alcoholic drink in almost 25 years.

If I was talking about cigarettes, I'd never light one up again. I haven't smoked a cigarette in almost 20 years.

Well, I can't give up eating. What I could do is totally swear off chocolate/peanut butter/candy/ice cream. As if.

It continues to be a struggle.

Past, Present & Future:

PAST: Been crazy once?

Well, as Norman Bates said once: “we all go a little mad sometimes”!

PRESENT: What drives you absolutely crazy?

Every sadistic moron in NJ seems to work at the DMV.

Saying the same thing over and over and expecting something different to happen. Like:

“The garbage needs to go out.” “Give me a minute” instead of “Right away!” OR

“Don’t forget to take your medicine”. “I’m not stupid!” instead of “Okay”. I have to admit, though, that this last doesn’t happen anymore.

What else? Chocolate and peanut butter cravings.

FUTURE: Figure you'll go crazy someday?

Hmmm, maybe all us crazy folk are the sane ones!

Cravings

I don’t feel hungry like I did when I was trying to follow the Weight Watchers program. That’s good because sometimes I’d feel so hungry I would just tear into food and eat like I didn’t expect to have a meal again in weeks. The really good thing about the South Beach diet is that I don’t feel hungry.

The bad thing is the cravings.

The doctor explained that people really can crave chocolate or chips. She said it was like fighting off cravings after you quit smoking. Well, I remember how awful that felt and I was skeptical. I figured that cravings for certain foods are more psychological than physical.

So why do I feel like I want a cigarette?

I was doing well until just after dinner and then all of a sudden it hit. My body feels all wound up tight, my head aches and if there wasn’t snow on the road, I would have been to WaWa already for M&Ms.

And it doesn’t help that I’m smelling this popcorn TB made. I don’t want any popcorn because I’m not craving salty stuff but it’s fueling the craving for chocolate. It’s almost like I can’t think about anything else. I sure can’t write anything intelligent at the moment so I am thinking the best thing to do is just shut myself up in the bedroom and read.

Thursday Three:

1. What is your favourite font?

I like a lot of fonts but I’d say my favorite is Verdana

2. Which font do you use for essays and set type?

Courier or Times New Roman, not because I like them but because that seems to be the “standard”.

3. Which font do you hate?

I don’t hate any font. There are some I dislike because they are too small and hard to read, or they are too flowery and “busy” to read

Another Test

I am the Entertainer, I know just where I stand ...

ESFP - "Entertainer". Radiates attractive warmth and optimism. Smooth, witty, charming, clever. Fun to be with. Very generous. 8.5% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

Early Morning News

Blogger Seeds:

What is your favorite morning news program?

Almost every morning, I turn on the CBS affiliate station in Philadelphia. I don’t remember the station call letters and I’m not even sure I can remember the names of the broadcasters – just Kathy Orr, the meteorologist. I’m not sure why I remember her unless it’s because she’s become the official meteorologist of the Eagles football team and there is a funny commercial with the guys pouring some icy drink over her.

Anyway, after a few weeks I noticed that if I switch on another station by mistake, I feel discombobulated and I grab the remote to search for the right station. I can’t say what it is about those other news programs. Somehow, it just seems they’re not as “good” as the channel I watch regularly.

One reason I enjoy the news in the morning is because TB and I have a little habit there when we both are up that early. One of us feeds the cats, one makes coffee, one turns on the station, one brings in yogurt for both of us. Then we sort of sit and veg, holding hands and watching the news.

Eventually, though, the news begins to recycle and we get board. Usually that is about the time the Morning Show is coming on. I don’t like the Morning Show. It seems to be more of a variety show or something and not a news program. So TB and I get up, turn off the TVs and go to our computers.

I like to read 'Net news as well. Many times, reading the news provides me with much more information than the TV program does. Sometimes I get too much information, or maybe it's just the slant that's leaning toward the negative.

We're supposed to get snow tonight.

Former Secretary of the Treasury Paul O'Neill says he didn't lift confidential, secret memos. He did give 19,000 pieces of mail, memos and what have you to the man who wrote the book for Mr. O'Neill. Apparently, Mr. Bush has had a plan to oust Mr. Hussein since way before 9/11. Well ... given the nature of Mr. Hussein's reign, I'm not surprised.

A truck driver talking on his cell phone became distracted and plowed into a school bus. There was a little girl just getting on the bus and she was killed. Her mother was injured. The bus was pushed like another 400 feet up the road.

Another herd of cows has been quarantined in Washington. One of the cows had some contact from a cow in a different herd that had Mad Cow disease. So who do I believe? Experts say the meat supply is safe; the disease is spread in brain and spinal products from the animal and it's hard for Mad Cow to pass along to a human anyway. So ... then why all the panic?

President Bush would like us to have another man-on-the-moon mission by 2015. I'm glad to see the importance of the space program being revived but ... we've already been to the moon. There's a probe right now rolling all over Mars. Why don't we go there?

There was a song from the movie/TV program M*A*S*H (which was about crazy doctors on the frontlines of Korea during that war) and one of the lines went "Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes ..." And now that's what is happening to our soldiers in Iraq. More and more of them are committing suicide and now the Army's got to send over a special team to help everyone deal with the massive stress.

Helllooo, something is wrong over there! Why are they killing themselves more now than ever before?

Wednesday Whatevers

1. Given the chance, would you like to live in outer space? Explain.

I think I might enjoy a vacation in outer space but I’m not sure if I’d enjoy living there. Earth is my home. Living in space would mean I’d have to adapt to just about everything and I’m not so sure I’d want to go through all the trouble. Of course, if Earth wasn’t habitable anymore I would do it out of necessity.

2. Are prenuptials a good idea, or pessmistic?

I think I understand the need for them in some cases but it does seem pretty pessimistic to me. It’s almost like saying the marriage is doomed before it begins. I realize that it doesn’t, not really, it’s supposed to be a “just in case” kind of thing. But if you need something like that, it means you accept the idea that the marriage might not work out. Not everyone thinks like that, in spite of the lousy statistics about US marriages.

3. What is your favorite type of weather?

I would say my favorite is fall-like weather. Temperatures are in the mid-sixties during the day and falls into the fifties at night. It’s not terribly humid nor rainy. It’s cool and pleasant. It’s Nirvana, heh heh.

Old Hag Syndrome

It’s been over 25 years since I had a series of frightening dreams. I was so scared about them, I consulted a doctor and a psychologist to see if I was losing my mind. I would wake up in the middle of the night, my eyes just suddenly popping open. I couldn’t move even though I had this terrifying sensation of danger. I couldn’t turn my head nor lift my hand nor my legs. I couldn’t scream. All of a sudden, I’d feel what I thought to be hands holding my shoulders down. Sometimes it felt like someone sat on my chest. Almost all the time, I began to panic because I knew if I didn’t start moving, that thing was going to kill me.

Just as suddenly as it would start, it would stop. I didn’t feel a gradually return of movement. One moment it wasn’t there and the next it was and I would pop out of the bed, shaking. Of course, no one else was in the room. Nothing else was there either, although I felt like it must be some kind of malevolent spirit.

I had about a half dozen of these dreams and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I went to the doctor, and he said it was probably a manifestation of panic attack in the night. He said I should see a psychologist for an evaluation. So I did and the psychologist agreed with the doctor. I was probably dreaming something that was bringing on panic attacks. He prescribed a sleeping pill for me to take temporarily and suggested I go to bed with a clear mind. If I was worried about anything, I should write it down. This way my mind wouldn’t try to deal with it in a dream.

After I saw the doctors, the strange phenomena stopped happening to me and I totally forgot about them until today. Somewhere on the ‘Net I saw a link to a story about “sleep paralysis.” I saw those words and immediately flashed back. I wondered if that was what happened to me all those years ago. This is the link:

Sleep Paralysis

It was so wild! It sounded exactly what had happened to me, and then I remembered something else.

My mother had her own terrifying experience even more years ago.

My grandmother had broken her leg and needed round-the-clock care for several weeks. My grandfather was sick with diabetes and wasn’t the most supportive person in the world. The responsibility fell on my mother and my aunt, the two daughters. My aunt said she’d take the weekends if my mother would take the weekdays. It wasn’t a fair division of responsibility and my mom knew it. She’d sleep on the sofa in the living room of my grandparents’ cottage. If my grandma needed to go potty, my mom would bring the bedpan. If my grandma was hungry or thirsty, my mom would bring refreshments.

One night, she woke up around 2 or 3 in the morning. She couldn’t move. She could see a light moving outside the window of the kitchen. It was drawing closer and closer, and she felt she needed to get up and tell my grandparents … but she couldn’t move. Well, the light came in the kitchen window and slowly approached my mom. She was totally scared, knowing this was an evil thing and that she had to get away from it.

As it came into the living room, the light turned into a detached arm—nothing else, just a shoulder, arm and hand. Mom said that it was a man’s arm and he was wearing a flannel shirt, rolled up to the midarm. The arm was bent at the elbow and the fingers curled into a fist. It moved closer and closer to her, and she knew it was going to kill her.

When it was almost too late, Mom said she felt an exploding sensation as something shot out of her chest and flew up to do battle with the arm. The force and the arm collided, disappeared, and then my mom could move again.

Mom told my grandparents the next morning and they said she’d just had a nightmare. So did everyone else she talked to and so she gave up. She didn’t think it was a nightmare though. I found out about it because as a young adult, I happened on a yellowed, folded piece of paper. I opened it and read it. My mother had been writing to Jeanne Dixon, the psychic, and she’d recounted everything. She said she believed what popped out of her chest was her soul and that it did battle with a devil.

Well, that made my hair stand up on end.

I asked her about it. Her mood turned grim. She said she’d finally realized what the “dream” was all about. She always it was a calling down of a curse on my family. . She said that after she had the dream, we’d had nothing but bad luck since. We were cursed, she said, because my dad didn’t believe in God.

That sounded pretty wild to me so I asked her what made her think so. She recognized the flannel shirt, she told me. It belonged to my dad and it must be that his was the disembodied arm that threatened her. My father was the evil demon trying to destroy her life and it was the spirit within her that saved her.

Wild, huh?

But now I think my mother experienced this “old hag syndrome”. I wonder if she ever thinks about it anymore? Maybe I should print the article and send it to her …

Random Question of the Day:

Today is "National Handwriting Day" in honor of John Hancock's birthday. How is your handwriting?

I used to have really nice handwriting. When I was a kid, I felt really proud when I began using cursive and people would compliment me. When we moved from NY to Maryland, I’d write long letters to my Grandma and she said it was easy to write them because my handwriting was so clear.

All that changed after I developed repetitive motion injuries in my right hand. I have to move very slowly and methodically to make sure my handwriting is legible, and my thumb and wrist begins hurting within just a few minutes. I don’t like writing messily so now I just type 99% of the time.

Surprise Suprise Suprise

Well, we tried to make it a surprise anyway.

Some birthdays are just too special to ignore. I love birthday parties anyway, doesn't matter which year. TB is 50 this year and that is one of those special birthdays that needs a party. When I asked him about it (a loooong time ago!) he said he didn't want a party. I figured if he doesn't want one, then why make him miserable?

Then I thought: yeah, but maybe he is only saying he doesn't want one and so I approached Linda around the beginning of December. I thought it would be nice to have a surprise party and invite his mom, brothers, sister, nieces and nephews and all other outlaws and inlaws. I thought it would be really cool to have a big party at Prospector's or something.

It was a grand idea but not meant to happen this time around. We had a combination of financial busts and physical ailments and so the big restaurant deal was out but still, we could have a really nice party here at the house. We'd just need to get TB out of the way for a while.

I didn't want to have it right on his birthday ... too obvious. He was already suspicious anyway with the mystery calls from Linda to me. So we figured we'd make it the weekend or so after and as it turned out the best day ended up being today. Linda had to do most of the work because with TB out of work it was kind of hard to get on the phone and call his brothers and sister. I couldn't exactly order a cake either.

Then, right before, we got Michelle, Heidi, & Kristin in on the "secret". They helped make stuff, bought sodas and other stuff and just generally directed traffic once people arrived. Kristin had Taylor sitting on her lap while TB opened the presents and Billy had charge of Buddy, ADD for sure, who was barking his silly head off.

Well, in spite of it, TB still figured it all out but we had a great time anyway. Three brothers & families couldn't make it ... one is out of state so no surprise but his mom, brother Tim, sister Pam and their spouses/significant other/kids, David & grandkiddies came and it was great!

So next time, in 10 years, no surprise I will just tell TB where he needs to be and what time. ;-)

Why Can't You Be Like ...

Ampersand Project:

Topic: why can't you be more like your sister/brother? (This can be interpreted any way you like.)

It’s so unfair to make this comparison to brothers and sisters! Both get hurt in different ways. In my case, my parents would say to my brother, “Why can’t you be like your sister?” There is no way Pete could live up to that because there’s no way he can be like me. It’s not just a matter of being girl/boy either.

We have totally different temperaments. I’ve always been more withdrawn, especially when I was growing up. My brother, on the other hand, was always out with his buddies. So who would be more likely to get into mischief? There’s not a lot of bad stuff you can do from your bedroom, I know that for sure!

It’s not like I didn’t get into mischief myself. I just never got caught. I remember my parents freaking out because Pete was caught cutting school. Not only did he do that, he and his friends also boosted a keg of beer from a neighbor’s house. My parents were sure my brother was a juvenile delinquent.

Why couldn’t he be a “good” kid like me?

I was cutting classes several times a week and even when I got caught, I was slick enough to talk my way out of it without my parents getting involved. It was easy, which is why I got into it so often. I would deliberately miss homeroom by hanging out in a bathroom. As soon as the bell rang, I’d go to the office and get a late pass. After that, I’d simply skip the classes I didn’t want to go to. The teachers would see my name show up on the absentee list; there wasn’t a list of the kids with late passes.

Granted, when I did cut class I did nerdy stuff. I would take the bus to downtown Baltimore and go into the very large Enoch Pratt Free Library. I could spend hours and hours there and did. The worst thing I did there was to develop “sticky fingers” and leave the building with a book or two.

Another thing I’d do – especially if a friend cut with me – was sightsee in the city. We’d walk all over, enjoying the sights and buying stuff to eat and drink. I never got into drinking or drugging like other kids might. BOR-ing!

How did I get caught? Well, the other thing I’d do was go visit another class. I loved the drama class I was taking and learned a lot from the teacher. Drama was only a half-year course, though and so I ended up with something else during the spring semester. I found out that drama was offered at the end of the day. That was the time I’d normally be in this totally dull history class. I’d feel my head nodding off there. So, yes, I would cut history and go to drama instead. And one day my history teacher was walking down the hall. As she passed the classroom, she looked in … and right into my eyes. Busted!

Okay, so this stuff wasn’t as serious as the stuff my brother was getting into. Still, I wasn’t perfect and I felt awful when my parents would compare my brother to me.

He has a lot of trouble writing and I wonder now if he didn’t have some form of dysgraphia. Maybe he had other learning disabilities, too, and they just weren’t detected. He had to repeat fifth grade. I’m not sure what happened to him exactly but I do remember my parents had a fit. After all, I’d never been left behind. If anything, people wanted to ‘accelerate’ me.

I was the kid my parents could depend on. They are deaf and needed to have a lot of stuff interpreted or explained to them. Of course, they never bothered to ask my brother for assistance if I was around. He never learned any signs except for the very basic ones. No wonder he felt like no one cared very much about him!

I don’t remember any overt signs of sibling rivalry. I might have tried to lord my “goodness” over him at some point but I can’t say when or what. Most of the time, I tried to stay invisible when my parents started that crap.

So what happened? My brother dropped out of school when he was 16. For almost a year, he didn’t do much of anything except drink with his friends and fight with his gang against other gangs. Sometimes he’d work as an ay-rab (that’s in Baltimore and it’s what everyone called the horse pulled vegetable/fruit vendors) but there was nothing steady about it. My parents got sick of that and tossed him out when he was 17.

He joined the Navy. It didn’t last long. He made it through boot camp and then was going to be assigned navigational training in Italy. He didn’t want to be so far from his girlfriend and so he deserted. When the Navy caught up with him, everyone agreed he was just a confused kid and he was discharged because his knees were shot. The Navy said they hadn’t realized his knees were in such bad shape when he first enlisted.

I wonder.

He ended up marrying his young girlfriend. No one was especially happy about that. Both families were against the wedding because he and Mary were so young, 19 and 18. He still didn’t have a steady job and was still into fighting and drinking but he did manage to pass his GED.

Now? My brother is two-times divorced. He is 46 years old and has been the produce manager of a grocery store for the last, I don’t know … 20 odd years? He’s always had to struggle for money to pay doctor bills and what have you. The jobs he worked at didn’t afford any health insurance. He has a daughter, my niece Tricia, who is going to be 17 in April--the same age Pete was when my parents tossed him out. That won't happen to her.

I talked to my brother on New Year’s Eve. He’s made a lot of changes in the last 10 years and he’s like a totally different person. He felt a lot of anger toward my parents, particularly my father. He thought they didn’t care about him … not until I left the area and they began to depend on him instead. He compared his relationship to them like Harry Chapin’s song called “Cats in the Cradle”. Recently, though, he’s begun to let go of his anger.

We both realize that my parents are who they are and will never be any different.

As for me, the “good” one: I graduated in the 4/5 of my high school class. I was a real underachiever. I didn’t go to college after high school. I’m not sure why. I told myself it was because my parents convinced me that they had no money to help me. I started working clerical jobs. Maybe I was afraid of becoming too “successful”.

I didn’t have a healthy relationship with a guy until I was almost 30 years old. Until then, I was going out with guys who were possessive or drank too much or were very self-centered. All the years I was growing up, I put off what I wanted and deferred to my parents’ wishes because that’s what a “good” girl does. It took that long for me to realize that I was important and I had needs too.

Now I am happier than I ever thought I could be. I love a man who treats me like a queen and I know that he loves me back because he tells or shows me in so many ways. I feel really good about myself at last and feel like I’m a competent parent. And I’ve gotten so much encouragement for my writing!

And my brother seems happy -- as happy as can be expected I suppose.

“Why can’t you be like your sister?”

Parents don’t realize what they are doing when they say that stuff. How much different would things have been for my brother and me if they’d never said it? It might be interesting to wonder but not dwell on it. There’s no changing it now so why worry about it!

Unconscious Mutterings:

The dreaded fundraisers

I hate fundraisers.

One thing I really don’t like about back-to-school is that the kids come home with these packets with catalogs and order sheets for crap they are supposed to sell. Usually it’s wrapping paper. Kids are instructed not to sell door-to-door and that’s good. It’s just not safe anymore. Well, the issue becomes how many friends and family do we have so that the kid doesn’t look bad? Other parents take the stuff to work with them and do all the selling. Well…not everyone is working any more. :P

I wish they’d just tell us how much they need for the PTA or the playground fund or whatever. I’d much rather just write a check than try to coerce family into buying something they wouldn’t normally otherwise except that it’ll get points and a prize for the kid.

It’s bad enough the schools do this.

The Girl Scouts not only have the kids sell cookies, now they are apparently teaching hard sell tactics!

TB forwarded this article to me. It was online at Grand Forks Herald Online :

"BUSINESS: One sweet sales strategy
Girl Scouts prepare hard sell for cookie season

MINNEAPOLIS - Cookie season is only a few weeks away and some Girl Scouts are being trained not to take no for an answer this year.
To prepare for the two-month season, which begins Jan. 17, a few dozen scouts gathered Sunday at a church in Plymouth for the second annual cookie-sale workshop.
Sales, marketing advice
It was a full day of marketing and sales advice for the young salespeople.
"You're going to hear a lot of 'no's,'" warned workshop lecturer Bre-Anna Petrowske. "I would just keep on truckin'."
Petrowske, of Forest Lake, is a senior at the Center for Sales Innovation at the College of St. Catherine in St. Paul.
The scouts, mostly teenagers, learned about "the surly customer," the one who just won't say yes, and the best response to the customers who say they've already bought.
Cookie sellers were coached to appeal to people's patriotism: You don't have to eat the cookies, you can donate them to troops overseas.
And they covered the easy ones, too, such as those who say they don't have enough money.
The scouts need all the help they can get. Long gone are the days when the cookies sold for 25 cents a box. That was back in the early years of the cookie sale, which has been a mostly annual event since 1917. This year's price bump to $3.50 a box is the first increase in five years.
The cookie sales cover Girl Scout programs (about 55 percent to 60 percent of proceeds), the baker (23 percent), the troop (13 percent to 17 percent) and awards (5 percent), according to the Girl Scout Council of Greater Minneapolis.
The sales are limited to a couple of months to keep the cookies popular, said Susan George, product sales director for the Girl Scout Council. "If people could get them all the time, they wouldn't," she said.
The top seller for the Minneapolis Girl Scout Council last year sold 2,050 boxes. That's more than $6,000 worth of cookies. The seller, identified only as Danielle, still found time to encourage others.
"She wrote a letter to the other girls to not give up hope," said Rosi Hewitt of Coon Rapids, whose daughter is a Girl Scout.
Sweets for soldiers
The program last year offered customers a twist: They could buy cookies for members of the armed forces serving overseas. The purchase is tax deductible, and last year it was wildly popular, George said.
This year the Girl Scouts will take orders for the troops, the Children's Home Society of Minneapolis, Sharing & Caring Hands and Second Harvest Heartland food bank, she said.
"The troops were like, overwhelmed," she said.”

This just pisses me off to no end. The Boy Scouts don’t run around selling in order to raise money to pay the salaries and whatnot of staff. I think the Boy Scouts is an all volunteer organization.

The troops don’t make much from the boxes of cookies they’re forced to sell. Yes, forced. The troops have to take a specified minimum amount based on how many kids are in the troop. The girls have been really ambivalent about joining the Scouts and every time they have an event or need volunteers, the leaders call me and ask if the girls want to come for the meetings. The most recent call was because the troop would have to take extra cookies for Heidi and Kristin and if they girls weren’t going to join the troop then they’d be saddled with all these extra cookies.

Lovely.

So I told the troop leader to just take the girls’ names off the roster. I don’t want to deal with cookies, especially if the girls aren’t sure they want to stay with scouting.

I remember the competition during cookie sale drives when the girls were active in troops in New York and Maryland. What a pain! There’s always at least one girl whose parents know a million people who place a million orders on her form. The girl wins all these prizes and the other girls are left feeling … let down. Terrific way for Girl Scouts to feel, eh?

I think all of these organizations are a rip-off waste of time. What you have to pay back far exceeds the pittance you get for the troop or the school.

Why don’t they just ask us for straight out donations? That would be tax deductible too.

And the idea of teenage Girl Scouts appealing to the patriotism of customers just stinks! I guess it’s okay if they put it on a sign to their booth so that people going into a store can make that choice themselves. But if I’m saying “no” to cookies, I don’t want to be chased down and asked to donate the cookies to the troops.

Last year, I was walking into Acme and there was a booth with Girl Scouts – they looked to be about middle school age. Anyway, when they asked if I wanted cookies I answered politely that I was trying to lose weight … and they went digging around for the lower fat/sugar cookies!

I don’t like that.

But then, I never did have much patience for sales people.

Saturday 8:

1. when was the last time you purchased a piece of furniture for your home/apartment/room?

I think that would be the new entertainment center for our living room, bought within the last 10 days

2. what was it?

Um, see #1 heh heh

3. in the past 8 years, i've not had to buy any furniture myself ... relatives have died or moved and i've acquired pieces for birthdays. do you have a lot of 'other people's furniture' at your place?

Not anymore. I used to have a lot of other people’s stuff but when I married TB we both thought it would be good to just start over with all our own stuff.

4. when looking at furniture, do you go for the look, or for the deal?

It’s a little of both. We know what style and color we like so it’s also a matter of it being on sale. If it’s not on sale and we have the money and we need it, we just go ahead and buy it.

5. do you have a bad furniture shopping experience to relate? if not, do you have a good one?

The only “bad” experience was being ignored by the sales people at Ashley Furniture. It was almost closing time when we went in and it was pretty obvious that the sales people wanted us to just get out. We just looked around and left quickly.

On the other hand, we had a great experience with House of Furniture. We arrived right at closing time. It’s not that we are habitually late or anything, it just so happened on these two occasions we stopped on spur-of-the-moment impulse and didn’t know it was closing time at either place. Well, the man there greeted us, asked what we were interested in, showed us several pieces and then told us to browse as long as we like.

We were really impressed with that as well as the quality of the furniture and so we ordered half the stuff we wanted from House of Furniture.

The people at Gordon Furniture were also helpful and we ordered from them too.

On the other hand again, we did not buy anything from Ashley Furniture.

6. if money was no object, what decorating style would you put up?

I always liked the traditional or colonial style. For the kitchen/family room I’ve always loved the country styel.

7. are you naturally a decorator, or would you rather pay someone to come in and decide everything for you (given you have the cash on hand to hire them)?

I am no natural decorator but I do know what I like so TB and I can choose for ourselves. We have pretty good taste.

8. do you watch any redecorating shows ... surprise by design, trading spaces/family, changing rooms, while you were out, clean sweep? why or why not?

No, I'm not into that and would be bored.

In the new year ...

Circle of Words:

There are years that ask questions and years that answer.
-Zora Neale Hurston

The New Year brings upon many resolutions that will go unmet. Instead of a resolution...how about an aspiration. What are your hopes for this new year?

~~~

My hopes for the New Year:

I want to lower my blood pressure. Slowly, I’ve been eliminating caffeine from my diet. I’ve been trying to walk on the treadmill every day. I know that caffeine elevates blood pressure. Exercise lowers it. Right now my blood pressure is in the high normal range. When I go back to the doctor in two months, I’d like to see it fall into the normal range.

I want to be healthier. The doctor suggested I try the South Beach Diet (SBD). I’ve got the book and it’s easy to understand. It should be easy to follow except for the cravings. There are no portion sizes – and that is a good thing. It gets so old to be weighing food and wondering how many points or calories it has. Even though there aren’t portion sizes, there are foods to avoid or eat sparingly.

The first two weeks, I shouldn’t eat any bread or fruit, cereal or grains or the veggies I love best (like carrots and beets). I should have lean beef and pork, light or no-fat cheeses and milk, most vegetables and many condiments as long as there’s no added sugar. I think the hard part for me will be giving up fruit, cereals, and carrots. I love carrots and fruit! As for cereals, I just have to get used to the idea of eating meat or tomatoes or broccoli or something like that in the morning. I could do it. It’s just not that easy.

One more hope for the new year: finish a story I’ve started. There doesn’t have to be any pressure here because I’ve started quite a few. I’m thinking I can work a bit on each until one “inspires” me and then go with that one until I finish it. I’ve started working toward that by starting with 30 minutes of writing a day. It doesn’t sound like much but, with the holidays, it was the most realistic thing I could do. As things quiet down, I should be able to devote more time to it. I would be very happy with that!

Random Question of the Day:

On this day in 1935, Elvis Presley was born. Do you like rock-n-roll? What is your favorite kind of music?

I love rock and roll!

I enjoy listening to all kinds of music. It just depends on the mood I’m in.

If I am feeling mellow, I like to listen to soft jazz, classical, or soft/lite rock. If I’m feeling tense or wound up, I like to listen to hard rock. I enjoy just about all kinds except for most country and almost all hip-hop. I’ve just never gotten into those sounds.

Space

Random Question of the Day:

On this day in 1610, Galileo discovered the moons of Jupiter. Now we have a robot on Mars! What do you think about the space program?

I’ve always been in favor of the space program. I remember when John Glenn went around the earth in the Mercury space capsule and I thought it was very exciting! There were Bugs Bunny cartoons I watched as a child and some were about going to another planet. It all seemed possible to me, it could happen. I also clearly remember when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon July, 1969. It was awesome!

I think everyone's looked up at the sky at night and wondered what was out there and if anyone lives on the stars we see. I’ve thought about how big the universe is and about the galaxies and I thought it’s very probable that God would have created inhabitants for other planets in other solar systems. Why would God create the vastness of space and then leave it empty? I don’t think it’s possible and maybe there are Bibles on other planets. We don’t know about them because we haven’t gotten beyond our own solar system.

Space probes are sent out to gather information. I think that is crucial to our understanding of what (or even who) is out there. I can’t remember the name of it, but one probe was sent out sometime in the early seventies. I remember the class discussion. It was mind boggling! This probe was going to visit Saturn and Jupiter and then it was going to go right out of the galaxy. If I’m not crazy and I’m remembering correctly, we saw pictures from that probe just a few weeks ago.

At the time it went up, we were talking about all of the cultural things placed in the probe. The intent was to show what we are like to any alien intelligences out there. How cool is that? Someday we might be contacted by another planet. It might be happening already in that people have sited unidentified flying objects (UFOs) and there are instances where they’ve claimed that they were “taken”. I tend to think the positive of things. I imagine the aliens being more like E.T. and less like the hungry aliens of “To serve man”.

When NASA introduced the space shuttles, I was excited. The shuttle could go to a space lab and then on its return, it could land on the ground like a plane. I thought maybe I'd be able to ride in a shuttle some day. That would be so cool! If we progressed to the place where regular citizens could ride in the shuttle, then maybe the space lab could become a "transfer station" for further travel into space. Wouldn't that be something? Take the shuttle to the space lab and from there another deep space ship going to some other planet!

I'm not sure that'll happen now. I’m sad that we aren’t funding NASA well anymore. I understand about budgets needing cuts but why NASA? I think that space exploration is highly valuable in terms of understanding. If you want to look at it from a “benefits” point of view, perhaps we could find another home to pollute once Earth becomes too toxic for humans. I think the reason there hasn’t been any innovations to the space shuttle or lab in so many years is because there isn’t enough money for it. Everything is getting older and overused and nothing’s being replaced. And that is why we have accidents and tragedies like the loss of the Columbia last year.

My uncle John was an engineer for Fairchild Republic. He helped design the Lunar Excursion Module (LEM). The space program was so exciting for years and I felt so proud that my uncle was a part of that. I still feel proud.

I wish that NASA and space exploration would become a priority again.

Happy Birthday Teddy Bear!!!!

and many happy returns of the day to you so there are many happy returns of the day to me!!

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infinity...

Which Author's Fiction?

Flannery O'Connor wrote your book. Not much escapes
your notice.


Which Author's Fiction are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Cartoons & Slang

What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Do you still watch cartoons? What about your favorite; is it still around?

My favorite cartoon featured Road Runner and the Coyote. Sometimes I’ll still sit down to watch a cartoon. Recently I watched Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol” for auld lang syne and that was pretty cute. Most of the time I do not watch cartoons anymore because I’m in the middle of doing other things. Cartooning has changed a lot since I was a kid. I don’t think Merrie Melodies or Looney Tunes are all that popular anymore. Now almost everyone is watching anime … except for me, I just don’t care for it!

I think that the Road Runner is always going to be chased by Wile E. Coyote. I don't think any new cartoons have been drawn, but there are enough of the old cartoons to enjoy. I don't think any of the old time cartoons will disappear completely. I think it'll just be harder to find them as cartooning and animation becomes more and more sophisticated.

Monday Madness:

Slang.........this week's questions are all about slang.

1. Do you use any slang words on a regular basis?

Probably, but the words I may have been accepted as regular words and are in the dictionary now…like “cool” or “outta site!”. When I was younger I used a lot more of the time period words, like “groovy”, “bread”, “far out”, “right on” and “jive turkey!”

2. Is there any one slang word that really bothers you when you hear others use it?

The nasty derogatory ones all bother me

3. Do you have a favorite slang word?

Right on, man!

4. What are your thoughts on adding slang words to the dictionary?

There are so many different dictionaries available, especially online. I don’t think it’s so great to mix slang with real words in, say, the Webster’s dictionary. Slang becomes colloquialisms becomes a regular word. I don’t think that’s such a great idea. I’ve seen online sites with slang dictionaries and that seems cool to me.

Kindness

Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness. -- George Sand

True kindness really is a treasure given without thought of reward. Sometimes people will do something nice but it’s just to make a favorable impression. Sometimes people want to fit into a “good neighbor” kind of role that they made up in their minds. So maybe they teach Sunday school or they volunteer on a committee serving their community or maybe they volunteer to help teachers in school. Then there are others that help out just because they want to and they’re not thinking about an image they project.

I have a friend, Jean, in Maryland. Jean is one of the people I’m thinking about who is truly kind. She pitches in and volunteers to help out and she always follows through. She and her husband Bob have gone out of their way sometimes to drive us places when the car kept breaking down and to watch the kids last minute because of emergencies. You can tell when people who do nice things are fishing for a “thank you” or for a feeling of “you owe me, you know you do.” I have never ever felt that from Jean. I can think of other people, too but it would just be repeating the idea that they act without hesitation based on just wanting to, not needing to just so they look better.

I think acting in true kindness is following in the steps of Jesus. He performed so many miracles to help people and not so they would say what a wonderful man he was and how grateful they were to him. They said it anyway but that's not why He did it. He did it out of love and because it was the right thing to do at the time.

Sometimes we are kind to people and they take advantage or don’t follow through. So you’ve put out this effort and for … what? The thing is, with true kindness you don’t dwell on the negative aspect. The most you feel is sad because the person you helped wasn’t able to succeed. Sometimes people will take advantage of your kindness and keep asking for help. Sometimes it’s kinder not to help anymore.

I can’t imagine anyone acquiring much of anything with meanness … except for power, maybe. You can have power and wealth, though, and still be a kind person. Sometimes people look down on others who have less power and money. I’m thinking maybe a rich person looking down on someone on welfare or something. The rich person figures he was able to get where he was by hard work, so why can’t this person on welfare? If you can’t see it from another’s point of view and knowing the person’s life experience, how can you made a judgment on someone? That’s mean to categorize people based on where they fall in the social scale. I don’t think it’s possible to be really kind with judgments like that in place.

People are helped out when they aren’t made to feel that they are lacking or to blame for what’s happened to them. I’m not talking about people in a jam because they’ve broken a law. I’m talking about people who fall into some problem because of something that happened to them, like becoming injured or losing a job and then having trouble paying the bills.

Helping for whatever reason is a good thing to do. It’s just that it means more to you if you already feel good about yourself and you help out just because.

Unconscious Mutterings:

1. Vintage:: old

2. Longing:: wanting

3. Specimen:: experiment

4. Mock:: make fun of

5. Shit:: nasty

6. Friday:: Saturday

7. Cruel:: mean

8. Insufficient:: not enough

9. Pessimistic:: gloomy

10. Grin:: big smile
    

ABCs of Me

I saw these questions on another journal and I thought it looked kind of cool so I decided to answer them too!

A - Act your age? Not really. I act the way I feel and it varies from day to day.

B - Born on what day of the week? Sunday

C - Chore you hate? Cleaning the bathroom

D - Drive (what type of car)? 2001 Toyota Sienna

E - Essential makeup item? Am I supposed to be wearing make-up??????

F - Favourite director? Lately, Peter Jackson. The Lord of the Rings trilogy is just absolutely magnificent!

G - Gold or silver? Gold

H - Hometown? Bay Shore, NY

I - Instruments you play? Guitar

J - Jelly Flavor (favorite)? Strawberry jam

K - Kids? Three

L - Living arrangements? With my family, my dh TB and kids and pets in a beautiful home we bought in 2002

M - Most favorite band? Only one? Bummer! I would say … the Steve Miller Band. In five minutes my choice will change and that’s because I don’t have just one favorite!

N - Number of pets you have? I have 2 kitty-kitties, Mouse and Amber. My son has a wayward juvenile delinquent puppy named Buddy

O - Overnight hospital stays? A couple … tonsillectomy, suspected appendicitis (it wasn’t … then), childbirth, and the real ruptured appendicitis

P - Phobia? High places like bridges

Q - Quote you like? “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Dr. Seuss

R - Relax (favorite way to)? Listening to music and reading a book

S - Strongest subjects in school? English & Psychology.

T - Time you wake up? Usually around 6 on weekdays and 7 or later on weekends

U - Unique habit? Well, I have some weird habits but I’m not sure they’d be called ‘unique’

V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? Brussels sprouts!

W - Worst habit? Chewing my fingers

X - X-rays you've had? Oh all kinds. Chest, back, leg, arm, shoulder …

Y - Yummy food you make? Irish soda bread

Z - Zodiac Sign? Sagittarius

Dancing Family Skeletons

Toasted Writing Prompts:

Set three writing goals for the new year.

1. continue journaling on a regular basis

2. Write creatively for at least 30 minutes every day, with the goal of finishing another story!

3. keep developing story ideas, plots and characters

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. -- George Bernard Shaw

I started laughing when I saw this quote. I know I am not going to be rid of my family skeletons and when I think about it, I wouldn’t want to be! There are so many ideas for stories in the family closet, and all those skeletons could do one heck of a dance! If I could get myself organized enough, I could actually write the steps to the skeletons' dance.

Drinking runs all through my dad’s side of the family. It’s not something to be proud of but there are stories there. I loved A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and one reason I did is because the father’s battle with alcoholism was so real and close to home. So were the observations of the book’s heroine, Francie. She kept a journal and kept accounts of her father being “drunk” only she wrote that he was “sick” again.

I had a great-grandfather who was a lighthouse keeper for years on Long Island. I found out, though, that he used an alias when he was at the Fire Island Lighthouse. I wondered why he would do that and my uncle speculated it might be because he wanted to have a woman out there with him who wasn’t my great-grandmother. Ooops. Switch the time periods around a little and that would make a very interesting story.

There’s only a couple of books that I know of that have deaf characters. Just one focuses on the hearing child. It’s called In This Sign. There are some similarities between kids that grow up with deaf parents, no matter what the era is. Some experiences are very unique.

So I guess I ought to start airing out that closet.

Past, Present & Future:

PAST: Share with us one good and one bad thing about this past year.

One good: spending a lot of quality time with TB

One bad: TB got hurt and had to have surgery … twice!

PRESENT: Which direction are you headed as the new year begins?

Hopefully in a healthier, more fit direction! I also hope I’ll be able to use my creativity much more productively!

FUTURE: What will you have accomplished by this time next year?

I certainly hope I would have lost weight! Even if not, I would hope to be in shape physically … low blood pressure and able to walk an hour without getting tired.

A New Beginning

One of the things I like about the new year is that it's like throwing out my old worn clothes and putting on a new wardrobe. Some stuff looks used but it's still comfortable to wear. My attempt to lose weight last year didn't go so well and so I'm throwing it out and forgetting it. My plan to eat healthily was sound. I just got side tracked a lot. So I'm going to hang on to that.

I have got a big carbohydrate hangover. TB and I went out to BJ's to pick up some things we needed. We went to the frozen hors d'oerves section and flipped out. We were probably hungry at the time. Anyway, we picked up several different kinds of goodies. We planned to have all of that for dinner and for snack on New Year's.

Not a very sound idea.

Next year, I hope we remember that a nice thick juicy steak, fried onions, and a baked potato would be better for us.

Last night, I talked to my brother for the first time in almost 10 years. Another day when I'm feeling more chatty I'll want to remember what happened to drive us apart for so long. The short version is that it had to do with parents and alcohol and hurt feelings and a screwy sense of priorities. I am at the point in life where it feels totally useless to focus on old wrongs and old hurts. There is not a thing that can be done to change any of that history. All I can do is learn from it and move on.

It was just good to hear his voice.

Thursday Three:

1. Name three new year resolutions.

Lose 10% of my total body weight by 7/31/04

Exercise on the treadmill at least 4 times a week for 50 minutes

Be more vigilant about sticking to healthy food choices

2. How will you go about following them?

I have a treadmill here and plan to walk on it in the mornings. To prevent boredom, I’ll watch an episode of ER or Homicide as I walk.

I’m going to be more aware of which foods I’m eating and I will make the right choices most of the time, 7 out of 10 times.

I’m going to talk to the doctor about trying xenacal. I just read about it and it’s a drug that prevents the body from absorbing all the fat consumed.

If I follow through with these ideas, I’m hoping the weight will come off.

3. Do you think you will accomplish them? Why or why not?

Ever the optimist, I will say yes because I want to lower my blood pressure significantly and live longer and healthier.