Scribblings

Bye Fall, Hello Holiday Season

I wish I could slow time again so that I could enjoy all the days that used to torture me when I was a kid.

It's funny, kid time is much longer than grown-up time. Holidays seemed to be almost years apart rather than months. On November 30 of, say, 1964 there was no use in trying to figure out how many days until Christmas vacation. It was just too many and that's that.

Now the months feel like minutes to me.

We're almost into 2004, and once I blink my eyes it'll be New Year's Eve already.

I know I can't slow time down and so I might as well just enjoy each day and try to remember everything that happens. If I sit and think about it too hard, I'll totally boggle my own mind ... it's like what happens when I think to myself that I am almost fifty years old! Wow! That seemed such a great and ancient age 30 years ago. Now, of course, it's a very young age. 80 is old! ;-)

I am so thrilled! TB found a clip of "Yingle Bells" by Yorgi Yorgesson. I heard the song again for the first time in ... what? 30 years? It's funny that I was so impressed by the lyrics and the humor that I remembered it after so long. It was wonderful to listen to it!

Sunday Brunch:

1. How many people and pets live in your home?

There are five people and three pets here in our happy home. :)

2. Do you rent, own or live at home?

When we pay off the mortgage, we'll own our home!

3. How many rooms are in your house?

Counting bathrooms, there are 11 rooms -- I think.

4. Is there enough room in your house to comfortably accommodate overnight guests?

Finally! Yes!!!

5. How close do your neighbors live? Do you know them well and are they welcome in your home?

We are in a suburb so while the houses aren’t on top of each other, we’re also not too far apart. I don’t know any of the neighbors very well but they are all welcome here … for now. One neighbor ... I wrote about these folks earlier ... is about to become disinvited because she's becoming a real pain in the hiney!

Unconscious Mutterings:

I say … and you think …

test yourself at fontlover.com!

Yingle Bells & Uncle Gilbert

Anne and I called him “Uncle Bone Squisher”. He would give us such a bear hug it would about leave us breathless. Uncle Gil used to work for the phone company. I have memories as a little kid of Uncle Gil in lineman getup. Grandma worried about him climbing the phone poles as he got older and heavier. I would see him often at Grandma’s house. He had a deep voice and bright blue eyes that twinkled when he teased.

He was married to a very odd woman, my Aunt Nancy. She didn’t like to be called Nancy, though. She was tiny and very slim and nervous as a rabbit on the run. She liked to listen to police calls on her CB radio. She was definitely what you’d call an eccentric. They had this bird, a parrot maybe, and when it died Nancy put it into the freezer. She wanted it to keep until Gilbert got home and then they and some friends would give the bird a funeral.

I didn’t know them very well. I wish I’d known them better.

In 1976 or early 1977, I was attending the church for the deaf in Baltimore. Rev. Joe was the associate pastor and we’d gotten to be friends. He was from Oklahoma originally. His mother, grandmother, and younger brother came to Maryland from OK for a visit. His mother and grandmother wanted to go to the ocean and to see a city and I thought immediately of New York.

I realize, looking back, where Billy gets his extreme generosity to sudden and most inconvenient visitors. I called several relatives in New York City and Long Island and explained I wanted to come to New York and needed to stay someplace for the weekend … oh and by the way, I was bringing an entire strange family (to the relatives) along. I honestly didn’t understand what the problem was. All we needed was a place to sleep.

I could hear the hesitation and apprehension in the voices of my relatives. Well, they said, we don’t know them. Wasn’t my voucher good enough? How dishonest could an old lady – two of them – be anyway? I was really disappointed that everyone said no. I was embarrassed. I was annoyed. Just as I was about to abandon staying with relatives, my cousin Anne called and suggested that I call my Uncle Gil. Part of the problem, I learned, was that no one felt comfortable boarding 6 people because of space limitations.

So I called my Uncle Gil. He had a big house in Bay Shore. He and Nancy hadn’t ever had any kids so there were a lot of empty rooms there. I was feeling doubtful after being turned away so many times but to my joy, he accepted! Now I had a place to stay and could board all those extra people for free. It never once crossed my mind that I was inconveniencing anyone.

Not only did Gil and Nancy put us up at their house, they also fed us. Rev. Joe and his family were falling all over themselves gratefully. We went into New York City one day and we visited all the touristy places like the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. We went out to Jones Beach one day with Anne and Edith and walked up and down the boardwalk. When we got home, I wrote Gil and Nancy a nice thank you note and then forgot about them.

Now fast forward to 1981 or 1982. I’d moved to Long Island by then and was sharing a place with my cousin Anne. The family I was closest to was Anne’s, Uncle Bob, Aunt Betty, Robert and Edith. I spent all my holidays celebrating with them. They’d invited me for Thanksgiving dinner and I accepted … and then Anne told me that plans changed. One of her relatives upstate had invited everyone to their house in White Plains. Well … almost everyone. I wasn’t invited.

I couldn’t believe it.

I was stranded!

I asked my cousin if she couldn’t explain to these relatives that I planned to have dinner with Betty & Bob’s family and now I had nowhere to go. Boy, that must have sounded pathetic! Anne got annoyed and said no, she couldn’t explain – that was rude.

Oh brother, my feelings were so hurt!

I’d never spent a major holiday like Thanksgiving alone. I considered other relatives … Uncle John and Uncle Bjorn … and they were all going out of town.

I talked to Tonie and whined to her about it. She said she was having dinner with Gil and Nancy and I should call him and explain I had no dinner to go to and he’d invite me. I was really embarrassed. There was no way I could bring myself to call and beg for an invitation. Now I realized how my cousin Anne felt – rightly or wrongly.

In the end, Gil called me. He was very cool about it too. He said, “I know it’s last minute but I wanted to invite you to our house for Thanksgiving. If you have other plans already, I understand.”

Well, I knew what really happened. Tonie talked to Nancy and Nancy must have mentioned it to Gil. He was giving me a way out without any embarrassment to me. Happily, I accepted.

I had the best time. Apparently, Gil and Nancy have all the strays to their house for Thanksgiving – people who didn’t have a place to go on Thanksgiving. Tonie was there and there were several other guests as well. They were strangers to me but it was very nice. Later, all the guests left except for Tonie and me. What I liked best of all was learning about how Gil and Nancy ticked. Yeah, they might be strange or eccentric but they had hearts of gold. They didn’t have to be so generous … but they wanted to.

Uncle Gil took out some of his older records. He had all kinds of parody songs, most particularly from Spike Jones. I’d never heard of him but I about split my sides listening. The songs were truly hilarious.

Even better was “Yingle Bells”. I am from Norwegian stock as well as Irish and all the others through my grandfather. Uncle Gil didn’t speak Norwegian that I knew of but I think he was in the Sons of Norway and was definitely proud of his heritage. I can’t remember for sure but I think the album was called “Stan & Doug Yust Go Nuts at Christmas.” It might have been Yogi Yorgesson. I wish I could remember.

"Jingle Bells" was one of the first songs I’d learned after “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” so I could sort of sing along after I figured out the parody words –

I wish I could remember the rest of it. I tried looking for the words online but didn’t have much luck. I did find the artists’ names though and so I can sort of credit them. I found out that it was released on December 9, 1949 and made it into the top 40! I also found that there is a Swedish website that offers these artists on a CD. If it’s offered in Sweden it’s just funny enough it might be on ebay or something too!

My Aunt Nancy died of lung cancer after I married my first husband and moved to Maryland. I don’t remember the year exactly. My Uncle Gil has lived on by himself in that large house in Bay Shore. He grieved a lot and didn’t want to marry again. He was seeing a very nice widow and right now they are maintaining separate homes. It seems a smart move for two people set in their ways. I haven’t seen him in so many years. I wonder if he’s still “Uncle Bone Squisher”. I should see him and find out.

Holiday Hangover

Thanksgiving was hectic but very nice. TB and I took Kristin to her school so she could take the bus with the other kids to Philadelphia. We were busy cleaning and cooking so I didn't get to watch the parade. TB had the forethought to set up a tape to record the parade. So we'll watch it sometime and hopefully we'll get a glimpse of Kristin. Heidi and I went to pick her up around 1.

Poor Heidi. She's still sick and she's breaking out all over either from the dog or mold or something. I gave her benedryl and some cortisone cream for her hands. They look like they are covered with chafe burns and she looks and sounds congested. We're going to try a few things to improve Heidi's environment...if we have to give the dog away to save her health then that's just what we're going to do.

There is one definite disadvantage to eating healthily most of the year -- low fat, low sodium and lower carbs -- splurging at the Thanksgiving table! And it's not so much the amount, it's that the body gets overloaded and tanked fast on all that food.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving. There were 14 of us in all and we had a feast before us. I didn't take much on my plate, a taste of this and a taste of that. There was turkey, ham (I didn't have any), mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, corn pudding, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mixed vegetables, and many pies. I had a plateful and that was it. I began to feel really full. I still felt full when the pies were dragged out.

Around the time everyone left, I began to crash. I felt like I had a hangover ... only this time it was from the food! I swallowed Tums like crazy last night but they didn't seem to help. I woke up this morning feeling hung over still. I haven't been able to eat anything yet and it's already about 10:30 in the morning. I've been drinking water since I got up and I sure hope I don't get sick from that!

Today is nicknamed "Black Friday" because it's the first Christmas shopping day of the season and it can be the experience from hell. It seems like everyone waits until today to converge on the malls and stores. Admittedly, the stores slash their prices to encourage shoppers to come in. They go one further: they open up really early, usually around 6 a.m. and the sale prices are very tempting.

I did this kind of shopping for a couple of years and managed to get everything in one day. The lines to get into the stores as they opened so early are really long considering the time of day ... or night if the sun's not up yet!
The shoppers are very determined, too. They go directly to what they want to buy. Sometimes it's like a stampede. I don't have the coping skills to deal with that anymore. Heh.

Past, Present & Future:

PAST: What were you thankful for when you were young?

As a child, my thanks for all pretty concrete and self-centered. I was thankful for all the food, for the "party" atmosphere, for the ability to play with my cousins, to be spoiled and flattered by my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and for all the goodies on the snack table.

PRESENT: What are you thankful for today?

I thank God for my health and my abilities. I am thankful that I have TB in my love to love and receive love from him. I'm thankful for my kids. I'm thankful for my extended family. I'm thankful I have a beautiful house. I am thankful I had Rich in my life for 18 years and that his love brought me to TB. I am thankful I have a computer and an active imagination. I'm thankful for everything that's come my way, even the bad stuff. It's led to good things and it's been a learning experience, building more of my character.

FUTURE: What will you be thankful for next year?

I am sure the same things I'm grateful for this year. :)

Tomorrow and the snake in the grass

It's been a long day today. I went from cleaning to cooking to collapsing to collecting Kristin. Kristin is going to Philadelphia tomorrow. She is singing in the school chorus and they are participating in the Thanksgiving Parade. Yay!

TB will pick her up in the afternoon. We've got 14 people coming to dinner. It should be great!

Survivor is one of my don't-miss shows. Survivor 7 is taking place in the Pearl Islands, off the west coast of Panama. It's a lovely place!

My favorite's been voted off already. That was Rupert, a tall grizzly bear of a man who is surprisingly gentle and caring. He looks a lot like the actor who plays Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies. Rupert was voted off last week, to my deep sorrow.

I am really appalled by what happened on the show this evening. I've been hearing for weeks about "the grandmother of all lies", something outrageous that totally fools everyone. This evening, I saw what it was and saw who told it and it really turned my stomach.

This one castaway, Jon ... he calls himself Jonny Fairplay ... has been an obnoxious, devious SOB from the get-go. When he is not being nasty, he's stabbing someone in the back.

Tonight's reward challenge was the opportunity to spend 24 hours with a loved one from home. So everyone had fiances, boyfriends, husbands, and a mom ... and then Jonny Fairplay's loved one shows up. It's a guy, a good friend I guess. And Jon says, "Where's my grandmother?"

After a moment, his friend says, "I'm sorry, man, she's dead."

Everyone is shocked. Jon looks grieved and seems to cry.

I knew right away that was the big lie. That SOB! What a scum suck thing to do! First of all, his dear grandmother is not dead and it's a real jinxy thing to do, to lie and say she is. Okay, so my supersticiousness comes out.

As it turned out, the other castaways "threw" the challenge so that Jon could hear the sad details of grandma's passing.

I mean, did it not occur to anyone that IF grandma died, someone in the family would have called producer Mark Burnett? I guess not. So all these others passed up what could have been a wonderful visit with their loved ones so Jon could have a night with his friend.

Know what they did? Jon was laughing and snickering and saying his friend turned in a great performance. Grandma is alive and kicking and probably watching The Jerry Springer Show.

The host on the show, Jeff Probst, says the lie was "brilliant". So I guess that means they're not going to address the issue. The end justifies the means? Ugh.

I wouldn't be able to tell such a terrible lie, not even for a million dollars. I see rumors now that Jon's got a lot of regret for telling this lie. Wait until the other castaways find out (which they will, tonight). I'd also like to know what Grandma thinks of the whole thing.

A million dollars just isn't worth that much to me. Again, ugh ugh ugh!

New Neighbors III

Well, I am disappointed with the new family that lives three houses down from us.

I guess they are really taking "if you need help, call" very literally. They've been asking for all sorts of things, everything from money to books to tools.

Kristin came in after school and worriedly told me that Clarissa and her sibs might be coming over for us to watch while Terry, the mom, went to Philadelphia again for a test. I kind of groaned to myself. I might not have minded but geez, you think Terry could call first? Especially for a doctor's appointment! She had to have known about this appointment for a few hours at least.

Well, the kids never showed up thank goodness and I took a little catnap.

While I was napping, though, Clarissa came over with a note to me from her mom. She wanted to know if she and her brothers and sisters could come over here while Terry was in Philadelphia tonight getting a blood test.

A blood test in a doctor's office at night? Weird... Well, TB and I had a funny feeling about all of this. Terry hasn't paid back the $10 she borrowed last Friday. I wouldn't normally mind except for the fact they also asked for other stuff.

Anyway, TB explained that the girls and I weren't feeling very well and he didn't think it would be a good idea.

"I won't get it," Clarissa said.

TB said no.

Clarissa said, "Well, you did say if there was anything we could do ..."

Ugh.

So when I woke up, TB showed me the note Terry sent. She didn't mention watching the kids at all! She wanted to know if she could borrow another $10 for gas to get her to Philadelphia.

I didn't have $10 anyway and so I wrote her a short little note and explained that I was sorry I couldn't help this time. I sent Billy with the note. That was a sort of paybacks because she didn't call or come over to ask me, she sent her kid. That bothered TB too.

These new neighbors are going to get old soon, I can tell. :P

This is an online prompt at theWriter’s Digest website. This is just bare bones.

Write a plot outline in which a poor woman with nothing but her intelligence climbs out of ruin and poverty into great fortune.

A woman becomes widowed and she has small children. Her husband had no insurance.

She loses her job because the kids are sick and she misses a lot of time. She has unreliable daycare.

She tries several working-from-home ideas and just ends up getting ripped off

She goes to social services and endures the rude treatment of the social workers

She tells the kids bed time stories with a hero cat with super powers.

She begins to put the ideas down and write about them.

A publisher is interested in the story.

She makes a great fortune from the book.

Monday Mission:

1. What do you do to get warm when you are very cold?

It depends on where I am. I’ll put on a sweater or a coat. I’ll throw on an extra blanket. I’ll snuggle with TB. I’ll drink some coffee or tea or eat some soup.

2. What is the first thing you do in the morning after you get up?

If I am up first: feed the kitty kitties. If TB is up first, then I’ll get yogurt and spoons for us while he feeds the kitty kitties and makes coffee.

3. Do you remember the very first video game you ever played (arcade, handheld, console, etc.)? What do you remember about that experience?

That would have been Space Invaders at my friend’s house. The thing I remember the most about it was learning that I am uncoordinated when it comes to eye-hand control!

4. Do you have a good memory or do you find that you need to write things down to remember them?

Well, I used to have a good memory. Now I need to write things down.

5. What are some of your all-time favorite television commercials?

Any of the Alka Seltzer commercials, especially “No matter what shape your stomach is in”, “Plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is” and “I can’t believe I ate the whooooole thing!”

I also love the Coca-Cola Christmas commercial “I’d like to buy the world a Coke”.

Burger King’s “Where’s the beef?” campaign.

6. Do you have a favorite Thanksgiving food that is made by one person, and no one makes it better? If not, then what is your favorite food to eat at Thanksgiving?

Hmmmm … when I was a kid, I loved my mother’s candied yam casserole. No one else made it as good as she did. My favorite food at Thanksgiving has to be … everything!

7. Are you planning to switch cell phone companies as a result of this new law, or possibly pit two companies against each other for a better deal?

I wasn’t planning to … I guess it depends of what another company can come up with.

Christmas Song Memories ... Better Watch Out!

The first Christmas song I remember is “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”. My parents were pretty nice when I was little. They’re both profoundly deaf but they’d sing. Yes, sing. It’s hard to imagine a deaf person singing but there is definitely a precedent for composing: Beethoven.

Anyway, just as there are hearing people who are musically talented and who love listening to music there are also deaf people who are the same way. I was really surprised to learn my dad played the French horn and marched in a parade in New York City with other deaf classmates. There was a band at the school for the deaf! Pretty cool!

My parents are lovely dancers. They told me they feel the vibrations of the music through their feet. Of course, the volume’s got to be up loud enough for them to feel it. Instead of telling me to turn my music down when I was a kid, they’d be asking me to turn it up!

Anyway, getting back to Christmas …

I think in those days my parents enjoyed Christmas as much as us kids did. At least, they acted like it. There were years where Santa was not so generous, mostly because they’d gotten into a financial bind. My mom said they felt bad at my first Christmas because they had nothing to give me except a Campell’s soup doll. My mom told me I looked so sad because the other gifts were all little baby outfits. I think my mom just feels bad about that Christmas because at just a year old, I doubt I’d know from gifts.

The next year was a lot better. I got a rocking horse and I sure looked thrilled about it!

Santa was a magical entity to me. I would try very hard to be well behaved after being warned that “he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake!” Maybe that’s why I was afraid to pose with Santa? I was afraid he’d see through me maybe? To avoid him, I’d start bawling. No parent, deaf or not, wants to drag a hysterically crying little girl to see the store Santa!

Once I became a mother, I liked to sing that song to my kids. Billy and Kristin didn’t seem to mind but Heidi didn’t like to sit with Santa either. Recently, she told me that the Santa story just seemed scary to her. What kind of a pervert goes into people’s houses to leave presents and spy on the kids? I never thought of it like that!

When I was little, my father would sit me and my brother on his lap and read “The Night Before Christmas” to us. My father had a sort of monotonous tone to his voice but I found it very soothing when he would read the poem. It would put me in mind of getting to sleep so Santa would come.

I missed it when he stopped reading it. I’m not sure why he did, except maybe that was the year he was laid off and had to move to Baltimore. I asked him to read the poem and he seemed annoyed. He said I was too old. I think I was 8. I was so disappointed. That made him crabbier. For some reason, he thought I might make fun of his reading.

That surprised me. I don’t recall ever poking fun at my parents’ speech and so I wonder where he got that from. Maybe from other bad experiences? After that year, he didn’t read to us aloud ever again. Oh well. He would still sing sometimes though, especially “Let Me Call You Sweetheart” which he said was specifically for my mother.

Sometimes my brother and I would get so excited on Christmas Eve, we couldn’t sleep. Then we’d worry that Santa would skip over us because we were still awake. He never did, though. He always left us presents, even when we moved to Maryland.

In Love With a Movie ...

What was the last movie you fell in love with?

That would be Pirates of the Carribbean which starred Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom.

What was so appealing about it?

It's part drama, part comedy. Johnny Depp played a rather unscrupulous pirate. His makeup was outrageous! He was terrific in the role. I about split my sides laughing.

Orlano Bloom made an excellent young hero. He was dashing and skilled with his sword.

It was a basic tale of good vs. evil and "fate" to some extent. The hero and the heroine were on board the same ship when they were children. There was a storm and then a wreck. The boy (who turns out to be Orlando Bloom) became orphaned. Little did he know that his real father was a pirate himself! At any rate, by the end of the movie, the young hero and the heroine are in love and are going to spend the rest of their lives together in ... piracy?

I think there will be a sequel.

It was wonderful to sit and roar with laughter. I am eagerly waiting for it to come out on DVD!

Circle of Words:

1. What is it that you really want? At the end of each day what is it that you have hoped to have accomplished, felt, experienced, etc? Do you feel you are getting what you want out of life? If not, will you ever?

I want to enjoy life. I don’t want to be hassled with little petty problems. I want to sit in the backyard and relax, read when I want, write when I want, love and be loved, clean when I want or do nothing at all if that’s how I’m feeling at the time. At the end of the day, I want to feel relaxed and happy. Fortunately, I do feel I’m getting what I want out of life right now. It’s a wonderful feeling!

My day dreams really are constructive and if I would just take the time to write them down, I might go somewhere with them. I tend to dream either about story ideas I have or plot lines OR I daydream about pleasant places I’ve visited … like the beach. I’m not desiring things I don’t have so I’m not stuck in that trap. If I do daydream of “wouldn’t it be nice?” stuff, it’s all attainable.

I rarely remember any of my dreams. For a time, I kept a notepad by my bed and when I’d wake up with the remnants of a dream in my head, I’d hurriedly scribble down everything I could remember. That was the only way for me to remember much more than one or two details. As far as I know, I haven’t had any repetitive dreams. I don’t really know how to interpret my dreams. I mean, I know what some of the symbols are but I’ve read some sites about what dreams mean and I just found them confusing.

Life Is

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it. ~Mother Theresa

Life is many different things. Some people let life just pass them by and that is a waste. By that, I mean they stay in their own little world and don’t try to learn anything new or meet new people or try new things. I guess if I was going to sum in a different way, I’d say, don’t be afraid to live. If you’re afraid to live, how can you fulfill your dreams?

I have benefited from opportunities when I wasn’t afraid to take them.

I would not miss the beauty of a sunrise or sunset, the changing colors of the tree leaves in autumn, the wave crests on the ocean, the singing birds and the fresh green of spring.

I think it’s important to feel happy over small accomplishments and not to yearn for things that seem bigger and better. If you’re never satisfied with what you’ve got or what you can do, it’s really hard to enjoy your life.

I didn’t have too many dreams as a child or a young adult. I don’t think it was because I didn’t have dreams or an imagination. I think it was a wrongful conclusion I’d reached. Life is hard and so many things go wrong, it’s hard to imagine a time when things would go right enough to be able to realize a dream. I think differently now. I have a beautiful home and I’m writing. My children are healthy. My life didn’t end when Rich’s did. I found love again and that is a dream come true.

Life is definitely a challenge. Life is not easy. There are obstacles in the way, and the obstacles could be a lot of different things: financial disaster, major health problem, death of a loved one, war … But all of these things need a response. You can either face it or try to run away. Running away doesn’t solve anything though. You might put off dealing with it for a little while but not forever. I need to be strong enough not to let a problem or a tragedy stop me from living. It would be too easy to give up and hide. You can’t live if you are hiding. That’s why it’s so important to keep trying no matter how hard things get.

It’s weird to think of life as a “duty”. I think it means that life is a precious gift, don’t squander it. Don’t live under your potential. There are expectations from other people about our lives. Some of the expectations are to become parents and raise children well, to work hard, love other people, and work hard. Those are tasks to work on and at the end of your life, completed.

Life is a game … maybe this is why there’s a board game with that name, “Life”. The object of that game is to start at ‘go’ and travel around the board making critical life decisions. Okay, so this is a game but one of the first options is to go to college or go directly to a trade. There are decisions like that all through the game. One way or another, we all have to play this game.

Life can be tragedy or sorrow. It’s not easy to get away from that. People we love die. People we love struggle with health problems. It’s really easy to fall into despair and I have to fight against that. I just say to myself over and over either “This too shall pass” or “That which doesn’t destroy us only serves to make us stronger.”

To balance that, sometimes everything goes really well and we can celebrate (birthdays, weddings, new babies) and rejoice. It’s easy to worry when times go well for a long time. Then we start worrying about what disaster is around the corner. That’s a shame because it seems to me we should try to enjoy the good times as long as they last.

Life is precious and life is worth fighting for … I think what Mother Theresa meant is that we should not give up on ourselves until we’re about to draw our last breath.

Unconscious Mutterings:

1. Concert:: music

2. Sydney:: Australia

3. Shower:: wedding

4. Patterns::stripes
   
   
5. Market:: groceries

6. Chair:: rocking

7. London:: England

8. Reception:: party

9. Republican:: Democrat

10. Cough::cold
    

Forty Years Ago ...

The media has been full of stories and articles about President Kennedy’s assassination forty years ago today. I remember it. Before I see the memory in my mind, though, I am totally struck by “forty years ago”. I remember the last time I heard that phrase. In was in 1985, and the newspapers were commemorating D-Day. People were interviewed about their memories of the day and I thought to myself wow! How weird to be able to look back so long ago and bring this memory back to life!

And now here I am, looking back and remembering. Once I wrote a little short piece about where I was that day and what I thought about when the terrible news came over the loudspeaker. That little memoir follows this entry.

I think Kennedy’s assassination ended “the good guy always wins” belief I had in my 8 year old head. Sometimes the bad guy wins. Sometimes no one wins. It’s a hard realization when you think of it. What is the point of being a good guy if you’re not going to win? It isn’t fair … and that’s the beginning of learning that life isn’t always fair. Often, it’s not fair.

Why are there people without homes and enough food?
Why can some predators “get away” (not get caught) with sexually abusing children?
Why can politicians and government officials lie and then seem to get away with it?
Why does it seem like the good guys die young and the bad guys seem to live forever?

I wonder what our lives would be like if President Kennedy hadn’t been assassinated. Would we have had the same nasty mess in Viet Nam? Would all those civil rights laws have been passed? Would Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy have been assassinated? Would things be better or worse for us?

When I was younger, I used to wonder why God would take so many “good” people before they realized their full potential. I was demoralized by all the assassinations. How would we get along without so many idealistic minds? Well, now I don’t think God set out to take the Kennedys and Martin Luther King. It happened because there are people out there with a twisted sense of right and wrong and the victims were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

For better or worse, we have gotten along without the Kennedys and MLK.

I try not to think about Iraq and Afghanistan and other troubled spots in the world. If I think about our military personnel over there, I just get mad. I don’t think we should be in Iraq, period. We have not brought Osama bin Laden or Saddam Hussein to justice. The terrorists hate us and manage to kill more of our people every day. I’m frustrated because I feel helpless. That’s why I try not to think about what’s happening.

Getting back to 40 year old memories, from now on I’ll have my set in my mental data base. I don’t remember D-Day, of course, but there have been many movies and specials and books about it. I knew about it second hand. But I’ll have a more livid memory of the Viet Nam war. I’ll be able to flash back to 1969 on the 40th anniversary of Neil Armstrong’s walk on the moon. In the same way, I’ll flash back 4 years to the anniversary of President Nixon’s resignation, the hostages held in Iran for a year, Desert Storm (the first Iraqi war), the Berlin Wall coming down, and so many other events I’ve lived through.

I have a sense of awe about the memories, a sense of wow, this was a big deal and I actually remember it!

My first hero was Roy Rogers. He was known as the “singing cowboy” and he had this beautiful Palomino horse named Trigger, a German Shepherd dog named Bullet, a loyal wife named Dale, and a funny sidekick named Gabby Hayes. He was my first hero because he was the first one on television I know of who stopped the bad guys. He carried it out with such style, too. Those bad guys stayed down!

Roy Rogers had a series that was shown on Saturday mornings when I was a little kid. That would be ancient history -- the late 50s to early 60s!! All heroes, whether they are on TV or not, eventually let you down. Roy let me down in November 1963.

It was sometime after lunch time and I was back in my third grade classroom. I can almost see me at my desk, head bent and scribbling furiously. I was always writing some story.

The principal broke in with an announcement that shocked us. President Kennedy had been ambushed and shot in Dallas, Texas.

Almost immediately, I began to play a movie in my mind imagining how everything happened.

Dallas was an old cowboy and horse town way out in the middle of the desert. Some tumbleweed rolled by. The stagecoach driver flicked the reins rapidly, trying to get the horses to gallop harder. The President stuck his head out so he could see to aim his six-shooter.

The bad guys, wearing black hats of course, drew closer. Their thin cruel mouths shouted threats at the President. One of them began to fire a rifle – one that looked just like the Rifleman’s. Suddenly, the President gave a cry and fell back.

“Whoa, whoa!” the driver shouted, pulling back on the reins now.

“Heh heh!” one of the bad guys chuckled evilly. “Now we get the gold!”

Just then, Bullet came streaking over the hill. Right on his heels came Trigger, with Roy Rogers whooping and hollering.

“Let’s get out of here!” Suddenly, the rough tough bad guys had become sniveling crybabies. They beat their horses’ flanks with their hats and ran away as fast as they could.

Meanwhile, the driver jumped down and yanked open the door. Roy Rogers pulled up and jumped down from Trigger. “Mr. President? Are you all right?” he asked worriedly.

The driver had given the President a kerchief to hold against the little crease on his forehead. No one shot in the head ever had anything worse than those little creases.
“I’m fine,” the President said valiantly. “Go get them, Roy!”

My hero leaped agilely back onto Trigger’s back and off they went. He would chase the bad guys, catch them, rope and hog-tie them and drag them back for justice.

And at that moment, I heard my principal clear his throat to speak over the P.A. again. He announced very solemnly that the President was dead. My teacher gasped, jumped up and ran from the room. The rest of us looked at each other, scared.

Not only was I scared, I was also very confused. This was not supposed to happen! Roy Rogers was supposed to save the day. What happened? Had he gotten lost? Not ridden Trigger hard enough? How could the President die of a crease wound to the head?

The TV was not on at our house when I got home, shock and betrayal churning in my tummy. My mother was deaf and we only watched TV at night. I told her that the President was dead. She took one look at me and realized I wasn’t kidding. I told her to turn on the TV. I got my first look at what Dallas, Texas looked like on November 22, 1963.

Shoot. This wasn’t some dusty cow town. It was a city, with paved roads and grass and big buildings. There wasn’t a stagecoach, either, just a big long limo with its top down. And watching the clips from TV it was pretty obvious that it was no crease that killed the President.

Still, I felt like Roy Rogers had let us all down. The good guys don't always win after all. :(

The New Neighbors II

Clarissa came in with Kristin after school today. Her mom was in Philadelphia having tests to see why she's in so much pain. Apparently she donated a kidney four years ago ... to her uncle. Now the area under the scar is hurting her. Anyway, she wasn't home yet and so Clarissa left a note telling her mother she'd be here.

I was napping this afternoon. I have a tendency to do that now. Sometimes I am just so sleepy I've got to lie down and other times it's more a matter of getting away from it all and relaxing. When I got up, I heard Clarissa's mom talking in the living room.

TB looked like he was going to start vibrating in a minute. He was very red in the face and C's mom just kept chatting away merrily. I can see where Clarissa gets it. Well, I stepped into the conversation and TB looked like he was going to pass out, he was so relieved.

C's mom stood and talked to me for over a half hour. I asked her if she'd like to sit and have something to drink. "No thanks, I'm fine, I've got to get going," she'd answer but then she didn't. Get going, I mean. She is a very friendly person and I'd like her except she is a bit like Mr. & Mrs. NN ... yak yak yak.

Finally she left and went home. Clarissa stayed to play with Kristin. She has the attention span of a small puppy. She'd be interested in one thing and five seconds later she'd want to do something else. And then she got bored and wanted to play with our computers! Kristin deftly sidetracked her from that.

The next oldest, brother Alex, came over to collect Clarissa about an hour later. Not too long after that, he came back and said he needed to borrow a tool for his mom. She needed to make a screw or something. TB wisely said he doesn't lend tools out to anyone.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," said TB.

I do, too. It's sort of the way I felt when one shelter family was staying in the church and asked for help in a bunch of ways. Not a problem ... except then they stole from the church.

That's why I felt guilty about my feelings yesterday. I felt like I was being too suspicious and maybe I am. Then again, maybe I'm not!

Weekly Wrap-up:

1. Define the ideal characteristics of good role model. Why did you pick these characteristics?

A good role model is honest, courageous, tenacious, patient, and a good mentor. I picked those characteristics mostly because these are traits I’d like to have. Not only that, a good role model should be someone people could look up to. I know I could not admire a liar or a bitter person. I would think you’d need courage and tenacity to be able to get over some of life’s hurdles. And to be patient and a good mentor – well, how else would you pass the traits on to someone else?

2. Who was your role model when you were a child? Why? Does this person still have role model appeal to you? Why or why not?

Unfortunately, I don’t think I had any female role models as a child. When I was a teenager, I admired Senator Margaret Chase Smith and Rachel Carson. I admired them because they stood up for what they believed, even if the causes were unpopular. As a child, I admired actor John Wayne. He was tall and strong and despite a gruff exterior, he was a very caring person underneath it all. All three have role model appeal to me. All were good people and there's been no skeletons in their closets that I'm aware of!

3. Which celebrity is a good role model? Why? Who isn't and why?

If James Stewart was alive, I’d choose him. Here was a man who stayed married to his wife in decadent Hollywood, was a gentle and kind person who served in the armed forces during the second world war. He was a wonderful actor.

I will choose Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. They’re another long time married couple in Hollywood. They’ve had successful careers and they do good works. Paul Newman has a line of food products and he donates the profits to charities. Joanne Woodward has been very active in environmental issues. They give of themselves, they don’t just keep the money they earn and snort cocaine or something.

Who is not a good role model is Michael Jackson. He’s been in the news this week. He’s been arrested on charges of child molestation. He is a terrific entertainer and has a beautiful voice but … something is not right there. He admits to sleeping in bed with boys. He says it’s not sexual but come on, he’s 45 years old. I think he is twisted but I feel sorry for him. I saw a movie about his life years ago and it seems like he was abused as well.

4. Have you ever been told that you were someone's role model? What happened? If this hasn't happened to you, how would you feel if you found out that it was so for a friend, family member, colleague, etc.?

Yes, when I was a certified interpreter a lot of the younger people in interpreter training programs said I was their role model. I was flattered but also embarrassed. I didn’t think what I did was any big deal. I enjoyed mentoring very much.

5. Who is your role model now? Why?

Oma, Rich’s grandmother. She is one strong lady. She’s been through so much and yet she perseveres and doesn’t give up. She has lost her husband, daughter, oldest grandchild, brothers, infant sister and her mother. She still has faith in God and she is still a gentle woman. She takes everything that comes her way saying "This too shall pass." She's never become bitter about anything that's happened to her.

The New Neighbors

I have a tendency to keep to myself so lots of times I might be the last to know what's going on in a neighborhood. I am a "hi and bye" neighbor. If i see one of the neighbors outside when I'm going somewhere, I'll be friendly and wave and smile. I don't actively seek out neighbors' company.

One older couple has made a few overtures and I'll take the time to talk to them. TB has more patience than I do. They're really nice and folksy but they tend to go on too much and stay too long. I start getting the fidgits. I think that's because I really prefer short visits, short conversations. Oh well.

Well, there is a house on the other side of Mr. & Mrs. Friendly Neighbor. It was empty for the longest time but now there is a family there ... a big one. Mr. FN told TB that the house is a sort of shelter, or low income housing... something like that. I think it's nice to know that some effort is made in communities to help people with limited income.

One day Kristin came home with a kid I'd never seen before. This kid rides the same bus as Kristin and the very first thing I noticed is that she talks like she's got the power of the Energizer Bunny ... she doesn't stop. She seems a nice, friendly girl but whoa! I can hardly follow her when she gets going.

I get the impression that she's lonely, maybe, because she has all these ideas about getting together and visiting us (Kristin) when she's older, on holidays, and on just about every occasion you can think of. Kristin was definitely taken aback by all that. I sort of felt sorry for the little girl. Maybe they've moved a lot and so she doesn't feel a strong connection with friends and neighbors. I advised Kristin to take a "sounds nice, let's see what happens" attitude toward her new friend's dreams of the future. My idea is ... why let the kid down all the time? I mean, I'm not saying make promises but hey, we don't know what's in our future.

TB and I met the mom the other day and she seemed pretty nice. She has five kids all together. There are two younger boys and younger girl twins. There is also a boyfriend. I don't know their circumstances but they are friendly, polite, and just seem like good neighbors. The boyfriend was out raking the yard the other day and the family seems to interact frequently with Mr & Mrs F.N.

Today, I got a phone call from the mom. I'd heard earlier on from the kids that she wasn't in great condition. She has a problem with her kidney. I'm not sure if the kidney is a transplant or if she has a condition. The oldest girl, Kristin's friend Clarissa, told me that her mom donated a kidney and it got infected.

Anyway, she sounded nervous and apologetic and said she had a "strange favor". She needed to borrow $10 to get gas for her car to get her to a hospital in Philadelphia. She needs tests done because her doctor feels that something is wrong with the kidney. I loaned the $10 and felt a little bad doing it. The reason I felt bad is because I wondered if she really needed gas or if this was just a story. I wondered if I would have this same feeling against another woman, like Mrs. F.N.

It's a terrible thing to skate the edges of disaster. I've been there and I remember how it felt to ask for help. I was very grateful but I remember the looks on the faces of people who helped. They were probably wondering if we were going to use the money for the things we needed. We did and I remember thinking that we did not screw things up for the next needy family that asked.

The church I used to attend in Maryland put a shelter in a room upstairs. There was a lot of NIMBY fighting going back and forth. I stood up one day and said most needy people were like me, honest, and that if the shelter idea was rejected then people like me wouldn't get help. When the vote came in, it was in favor of the shelter.

Some of the residents took advantage and I guess that's just to be expected. Most of the time, though, the shelter seemed to help people get back on their feet.

I'm hoping that the woman in the shelter house was on the up and up with me. I'm not sure I know why I suspect she might not be. I tend to have a positive view of people. I think it will be all right.

Three for Thursday:

If you could do ANYTHING you wanted (let's say you had magical powers or something)...

1. What would be the first 3 things you'd do for other people?

I’d make sure everyone had a home and food to eat
I’d make sure everyone has health insurance
I’d make sure everyone got to go on a fun vacation once a year

2. What would be the first 3 things you'd do for yourself?

I would get rid of the extra weight
I would go on a luxury vacation with TB and the kids … they could have separate quarters!
I would remove the iron from our well so we could drink the water!

3. What would be the first 3 things you'd do to your enemies?

I would make sure they had the same stuff as everyone else. Maybe they would be happy and they’d stop making trouble.

The Movie I Belong In?

Heh heh I can just see this ...

Grease!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

"Weighty Issues"

Years ago, Randy Newman came out with a song that totally flipped people out. It was called “Short People”. The lyrics were outrageous and people became really offended. Randy Newman said he wasn’t being serious; he was making a parody out of the way we all seem to want people to be a certain way. Well, I think he could have written a song and called it “Fat People” to reflect how well us BBP (big beautiful people) fit into the perfect world. So I changed the words to Newman’s song a little:

I’m not saying we should be fat. I’m not saying we should blame fast food restaurants. What I am saying is, don’t judge us! Where does that happen? In schools … kids are so cruel to each other. It happens in families where well-meaning family members make cutting remarks. It happens in some doctors’ offices where some of these professionals say, “Look, just drink Slim Fast.” It happens on Widownet where posters write ugly things about us hefty people. It happens in the work place.

Have you ever been discriminated against because of your weight? What opportunities have you missed out on because of your size?

Luckily, I didn’t suffer much discrimination. I think, though, that is because the need with someone fluent in ASL was greater than the need for a small body. But I have not ever gotten a management position I applied for (interpreter coordinator in 3 or 4 different places) and I’m thinking it’s because of my weight. I can’t say how many times interviewers told me that I was highly qualified and “up high” on the list of candidates. I was always passed over, though, for a smaller more “professional” looking person. What really galled me was that in some cases, the new coordinator couldn’t sign very well. So it goes.

Weigh-In Wednesday:

Where do you stand on weight related surgery? Are you in favor of it? Why or why not? Do you agree with it in certain circumstances and what are those circumstances? Would do you it if you had to?

I know that there are health risks to being morbidly obese. I know that I am not happy when I look in the mirror. Still, I would not consider gastric bypass surgery. It’s too extreme and way too dangerous for me to want to risk it. Other people are having the surgery. It’s going to become the surgery du jour at this rate.

The surgery involves taking out a part of the stomach and intestines … or at the very least, clamping it so that it can only hold one ounce of food. Is that ridiculous or what? One ounce is very little and it’s incredibly inadequate if you ask me. I think that might be way people struggle with it so. There’s foods you can’t eat any more.

The weight people lose after having the surgery is about the same as a person would lose following a weight control program so one could keep on Weight Watchers or Atkins or South Beach. I wouldn’t risk my health; I’d stay on Weight Watchers.

Another reason I don’t think the surgery is any good is because the operation won’t change me. It won’t change my cravings. It won’t change the thinking patterns that caused me to be heavy in the first place.

And the biggest reason of all: a friend of mine died after having the surgery. He had a lot of back pain but the surgeon wouldn’t operate it while he was so heavy. So he decided to have the bypass so he could lose the weight and then have surgery on his back. He was young, less than 40. He and I were co-writers on an online soap. He and my other friends from A New Vintage were so supportive after Rich died. When he told me he was having the surgery, I felt really scared.

I don’t know why I had such a bad feeling about it. Maybe it’s because I’ve heard other people suffered complications. My friend came through surgery all right and I was so relieved. I sent him a get well ecard anticipating he’d see if when he was discharged and went home. The day he was supposed to leave the hospital, he died.

I’ve never forgotten how I felt. I don’t forget the feeling of horror I get when I hear this one or that one is considering the surgery.

I would only consider the surgery if I was at death’s door. While I’m still strong enough to exercise and eat healthily I’m going to get as much weight off the “old fashioned” way as possible!

A break from it all ...

TB's shoulder still bothers him and he's having some pain in his neck, maybe a gland. I'm still driving all over the place but I'm taking a break from that stuff and not writing about it.

What are your five rules for living happy?

1. The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

Even if all people don’t reciprocate, there are enough that do to make the effort worthwhile. It’s not going to make me happy if I am nasty to people, even to car salesmen. Negative energy just brings on more negative energy. It just doesn’t feel good.

Meanwhile, if I’m nice even to someone who’s nasty to me I can get double satisfaction. When you’re nice to someone nasty it unsettles them. Good energy brings about more good energy. I'm not the one with all the agita then.

Maybe people can learn. If I treat them the way I’d like to be treated hopefully they’ll come around.

2. Don’t worry about the Joneses

I notice that some people feel like they have to compete with family members or neighbors. They’re not happy if they feel like someone is “one up” on them. So maybe they convince themselves they need a new car too. Well, what if they can’t afford the same kind of car? Or what if the neighbor goes out and trades up to a new, better one?

I think we’re a lot happier if we can be satisfied with what we’ve got. Sure, it would be great to have that sailboat but I don’t have the money for it. It’s nice when the neighbor’s got the money to get a good sailboat. But I don’t want to run out and spend money I don’t have just to buy a sailboat too.

3. Stick together

I’m not just thinking parenthood here although that is a big part of it. I’m thinking that sticking together with loved ones makes you happy because you aren’t all alone dealing with something. The first thing I can think of, of course, is parenting. Kids like to play one parent against the other. If they divide and conquer then not only are the two parents battling separately alone they are also battling each other. That is totally not good. Once you turn on each other, the battle is sort of lost.

But what about the family outside the house? It seems to me if the family members stick together and stand up for each other no one worries about being picked on or made sport of. It’s nice to know that someoneis in your corner against the outside world … even if it’s just a brother or a sister.

4. Laugh everyday

This rule is all about mental health too. Sometimes so many bad things happen at one time you just feel like you’re going to go under. It’s all too overwhelming. That’s why we need to laugh … and probably cry, too. It’s very therapeutic. Your brain and body releases all sorts of toxins and natural tranquilizers to soothe us … but that doesn’t kick in until you laugh … and maybe cry.

5. Don’t take yourself too seriously

This is totally the best. As soon as the expectations come down, you can relax and have a lot more fun. We tend to be too hard on ourselves and too unforgiving. I know I was that way. Now I just want to lighten up! So what if I don’t get to 50,000 words. It’s not the end of the world! And then I can laugh.

Two for Tuesday:

1. Do you believe that there was one single shooter (Lee Harvey Oswald) or do you lean more towards the conspiracy theories? What is your view and thoughts?

I find it hard to believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I think he was set up to take all the blame but I think he was part of a plot. I’m not sure who the others were, but they seemed to have a lot of money. I have to admit I was convinced about a plot when I read about that “magic” bullet – the one that supposedly passed through both President Kennedy’s and Governor’s Connolly’s bodies and was found in pristine condition on the stretcher. I thought there might be two shooters because of the trajectory of the bullets and the wounds.

I read a lot of the details and theories in different books, most especially the one written by Jim Garrison. I’m not sure if Garrison’s book is the one I read and learned that X-rays or part of the autopsy was missing. There was a section dealing with the deaths of all or almost all the witnesses around the assassination. I remember I was reading so many different books I was having nightmares about the whole thing. I decided I was becoming too obsessed and I stopped reading any of the books. I was only 15 years old at the time, too young to be thinking of all that stuff.

There’s several websites that has more information about Jim Garrison. One is here: The Jim Garrison Investigation

2. Do you believe in any other theories or conspiracies? (ie Aliens, Etc)

I don’t think our government officials have been as honest as we might like to think. I think there are issues and events that have been “covered up” for one reason or another.

Stephen Spielberg had a miniseries on that is being re-run on the Sci-Fi channel right now. It’s called Taken and it’s about three generations of families affected by “the visitors” (aliens). I could see something like that happening.

So while I think that there might be other things out there being covered up, I’m not having specific feelings about who or what it might involve.

Too Much Pain

I'm worried about TB.

His shoulder began to hurt a lot around the middle of last week. It's not getting better. It might even be getting worse.

He has a PT appointment today and said he would talk to therapist.

He should not be more uncomfortable now than he was a month ago.

Praying for TB, that the pain resolves itself, isn't anything ominous and that he can feel relief from it today...

And So This Is Christmas...

"Happy Christmas" is playing on the radio right now as I sit here remembering when I first heard it.

The song is by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. I heard it first around Christmas in 1971. I was a junior in high school and the carnage in Viet Nam was on the nightly news every darn evening. What I remember most from the war coverage was all the body bags. I thought it was sickening, so much that I deliberately turned off my feelings about it. What was the use? I thought. I couldn’t change it. If I couldn’t change it, then it was better not to feel it. This is a strategy I learned when I tried to cope with my dysfunctional family.

The country was being torn apart. On the one hand, young people were marching and demonstrating against the war. On the other, you had people who may not have agreed with the war but they loved and supported the country. I wouldn’t say that the young protestors didn’t love the country, they just wanted the war to stop. Sometimes the protests would become ultraviolent and people would start attacking each other. I would watch that news and I’d have very ambivalent feelings. I wanted the war to end, too, but just wasn’t sure what the best strategy would be to end it.

I know that John Lennon and Yoko Ono didn’t support the war. They wanted it to end, too, but they didn’t advocate violence. They’d have these love-ins and they just looked like a couple of very laid back hippies. When I heard the song, I thought, yeah, right as if this song is going to make a difference…the war isn’t going to end this year. It wasn’t quite over the next, either.

Over the years, I’ve heard this verse most often: “War is over if you want it.” We have a choice. I guess we can still pass-the-buck by saying, well, I want peace but I have nothing to say about it … it’s those government people in power. Well, there is something we can do about it on Election Day.

I’m worried, though, that by then Iraq will become another mess like Viet Nam. There just got to a point where we seemed to be going round and round in circles. More of our people got killed and we didn’t seem to be making any ground. More of our people have died since the “end” of the war, killed by Al-Quaida and other terrorists.

We didn’t belong in Iraq in the first place. President Bush should have been patient and waited for UN support. We haven’t found Osama bin Laden, who was behind 9/11 and leads Al-Quaida. We haven’t found Saddam Hussein. We haven’t found any weapons of mass destruction, although that supposedly was the reason we went to war without waiting for UN approval.

Now that we’re not finding anything, the tune changed. There was an implied tie between Saddam Hussein and Al-Quaida … and then that was proven false. So what are we doing there? We cannot win the war on terrorism in Iraq. The terrorists are not going to wake up one day, slap themselves on their foreheads and say, "What were we thinking? The Americans are not leaving! We should stop sending suicide trucks and cars and ambulances because we are not going to change their minds!"

It's not going to happen on our end either. I don't think anyone up top is going to say, "You know, these terrorists are not going to give up. We need to get out of there and find a different way to fight them."

So ... we're going to have a war of attrition or something. Some of us get killed, we hit some of them. They hit us again. We hit them. They hit us ...

I don't want to give up and give in to terrorists. But I think we should have picked our battle more carefully.

“War is over … IF you want it.”

Unconscious Mutterings:

I say … and you think …

ol>

who says it's not easy being green?

Dining at Burger King ...

is not something I like to do. If I am going to spend $40 on a meal I'd rather have something other than burgers and fries. Today, though, we went to Burger King because they were having a fundraiser for the family of a boy killed recently in an accident.

I didn't know the boy. The circumstances around the accident sounds like every parent's nightmare. Apparently the boy was driving too fast, lost control of the car and smashed into something. What an awful tragedy. The parents and the family are going through hell. No one ever thinks that a bad car accident will happen to them.

Accidents are terrifying. I was driving with Billy and we were in an accident. It was a sickening few seconds that seemed to stretch out into hours in slow motion. The car spun around and I realized I had to get control of the wheel. Meanwhile, I could see the oncoming cars trying to stop and I'd seen Billy's head go through the passenger side window. We were both all right but the car was totalled.

Not too long ago, David and the kids were in an accident that totalled their car. Thankfully, none of them were seriously injured. I imagine they all went through their own kind of sickening time warp where you just feel like everything is totally out of control and you have just enough time to wonder if you're going to be killed.

People I've known have been killed in accidents. It was 20 years ago this month that my to-be mother-in-law was killed in an accident. It was Saturday morning and she was running errands. She was on her way to a dry cleaner and was in her own neighborhood, maybe a couple of blocks from home. The other car was speeding and ran a stop sign, plowing into her car. She died enroute to the hospital.

Many more years before, the teenage foster son of a friend was killed when he hit a bridge abutment. He might have been drinking. It was raining and the roads were slick, and any combination of those things was just deadly.

Here's the thing ... you never anticipate getting news like that.

I remember Christmas Day in 1980. My parents came up to LI to visit for the holidays. We were all at my aunt's house when the phone rang. It was my uncle, and he sounded very shaken. My brother had been seriously injured the night before and had been taken to shock trauma. His best friends went to my parents' place with my brother's keys and let themselves in to find the phone book. They had no idea where we might be and so they began calling everyone who had a NY address. That's how they reached my uncle.

My brother was in shock trauma!

He survived, thank God, but it was very difficult for all of us. They don't call it shock trauma for nothing.

Three years later, there I am making dinner in my apartment. It was Saturday and I was having company ... my then boyfriend Rich, my cousin Anne, and Scott and Carolyn, friends of mine. The phone rang and Rich answered it. Puzzled, he turned the phone over to me. "It's Linda," he said, "but she wants to talk to you."

She couldn't tell her brother that his mother was dead. She asked me to do it.

I'd met the lady only one week before. Never in a million years would I ever expect to hear Rich's mother was in a car accident, never mind killed in one.

I'm sure that Rich never expected to get a call from other church members that Billy and I were in a car accident. I can't even begin to imagine what he must have felt as he drove to the shelter restaurant with our daughters.

You never expect anything like this to happen.

That's why I wanted to go to Burger King. If there was some small way to help that family, I'd want to do it. There's really nothing you can say to make it any less painful or shocking but you can try to help a little. I hope we did.

A Badger???

These quizzes are fun to take. Sometimes they are dead-on. Other times, I just wonder ...

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

Windy

The last couple of days have been a bit hair raising quite literally. We've had some strong sustained winds and gusts in the last 48 hours. The meteorolgists have explained the strong winds are caused by a low front moving out with a high front hot on its tail. Okay ... I'll take their word for it. I do know that I said a little prayer that our house wouldn't take off in the wind like Dorothy Gale's from The Wizard of Oz. We were lucky though. We didn't get near the damage other places did.

I'm sure I've seen the movie at least a dozen times since I was a little kid. It scared me the first time I saw it. We didn't have a color TV so I didn't appreciate the dramatic effect of black-and-white Kansas becoming the very colorful land of Oz.

Those bright ruby red slippers on the feet of the mashed Wicked Witch of the East was spooky enough without having the evil twin sister threatening to get Dorothy and her "little dog too!" I was so relieved when she got on her broomstick and flew out of sight.

The monkey creatures serving the Wicked Witch of the West scared me too. When they came swooping down on Dorothy and her friends I couldn't stand to watch and covered my eyes.

As I got older, I wasn't afraid of any of the characters anymore. I felt almost smug as a teenager, nyah, nyah you can't scare me now! After that, I began to appreciate all the humor in the movie and the silly but sweet characters -- the well meaning but scatterbrained (or maybe no-brained?) scarecrow, the tin man in search of a heart for his hollow insides, and the outrageously hilarious cowardly lion, hoping to find some courage some where.

There are some simple but very true messages in the movie and you're hardly aware of them until you sit and think about it:

There's no place like home.

You can have a brain, a heart and courage even if you can't see them.

Good over evil.

Great movie. I'm glad we own it.

Past, Present & Future:

PAST: Did you and your family do the "big summer vacation" thing when you were a kid? You know, long hours on the road (or at the airport), "Are we there yet?", "Don't make me come back there!", and all that fun? Do tell...

We didn't go on summer vacation and drive for hours and hours BUT we did go up to see relatives in New York. It took about 6 hours to get there from Maryland. We didn't really have any National Lampoon Family Vacation scenes mainly because my parents couldn't hear. So in order to ask "are we there yet?" we'd have to lean forward and tap my mother on the shoulder. That just was too much effort. We did get into the "stay on your side of the car" stuff but again my parents didn't get involved because they couldn't hear. :P

PRESENT: When was the last time you took deliberate, premeditated time off from work for the sole purpose of goofing off? And what did you end up doing?

I drove the kids and me to Orlando, Florida. We took 2 or 3 days to get there and stayed in these little motel chains. We went to Disneyland and Universal Studios, went on rides, toured exhibits and just had a great time. It was like our big escape from all the bad stuff that happened.

And, best of all, I met TB on the way down to Florida and then stopped in to visit again when we got back.

FUTURE: You have the means, motive, opportunity, blah blah blah. Where do you go, who do you bring, what do you do on your no-holds-barred vacation?

TB and I would go on this luxury cruise to the Bahamas. We'd swim and go sightseeing, fool around, eat as much as we want and not gain weight (ha), dance, play shuffleboard, take pictures, have our pictures taken and have the best vacation ever!

The dreaded dentist's office

I never liked going to the dentist. I especially detest having my teeth cleaned. I can't remember when I did not feel this way. It hasn't so much to do with pain as it does with discomfort. It hasn't so much to do with the dentist's "drill side" manner although doctors with attitude make me nervous. I don't like all the picking, sucking and blasting. That's the bottom line.

I can't stand the noise. There's a high pitched whine that sounds almost like angry bees. The hygienist uses it when she sandblasts ... I mean, cleans ... teeth. It's the same sound the drill makes which is equally unnerving, novocaine or not. There's another gizmo that also makes an obnoxious whiny noise when the hygienist polishes my teeth.

I can't stand the sensations of the hook probe going between my teeth and up around my gums. I keep wanting to ask, "Didn't you find the gold yet?" It sort of feels like someone's mining in my mouth.

Then there's that obnoxious rubber tube they stick in my mouth that's supposed to suck up all the extra debris and saliva and what have you ... only it never works right. I hear this gargly zurrrrk! sound as my mouth fills up and I try not to swallow only I have to and it's a mess! There is this new tube for that and it's the one thing I don't detest. You swish your mouth out with water and instead of having to aim your spit in this tiny little bowl below and to the left of the chair, you can now stick this tube in your mouth and it slurps everything out.

The whole ordeal took an hour today. Actually, things went better than they have in the past. I don't like it any better.

I guess I never will. I have to get three cavities filled and I need a crown on one of my upper teeth. I am going back on December 22 to take care of the cavities. Yo ho ho ... I mean, ho ho ho! :P

My friend Elfie called. She's not been well for the last six months or so. We used to talk on the phone every week and I miss her. I haven't called her since she's been in the hospital because she'd rather call me. That's because she's on a schedule of treatment and she can't always talk. Sometimes she doesn't feel well enough to call and she hasn't felt up to being on the computer. Well, poor Elfie's tried three times to call her in the last month and we've been out all three times! :(

My MeMe's

Wednesday Whatevers

1. What's your favorite winter activity?

Playing in the snow!

2. What is your favorite season and why?

I love fall because of the temperate weather and the beautiful colors of the leaves. I like spring, too, because of the promise of new life … all the buds and new flowers and leaves and baby animals. The weather used to be nicer though.

3. Would you still go to school if you didn't have to?

I don’t so I don’t!
What’s On … Right Now?

What's On your bedroom dresser Right Now?

There are some stray orphaned socks, a TV, a CD player/radio, and framed pictures of my kids when they were younger.

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Envision-- How much television do you watch each week? Are you one of those who can you call up the nightly program schedules for the major networks (and a cable channel or two) in your head? ...or do you have to search the paper to find out when the Thanksgiving Day parade is? (Hint: It's on a Thursday.)

There’s no way I’d be able to call up a television schedule! I have to use the channel guide to find out what station my favorite shows are on! I really don’t remember from week to week. The only thing I remember is which day my favorites are on. That 70s Show airs on Wednesdays at 8. The earlier seasons run from 5:00 to 6:00 evenings but I don’t remember which channel. Today, Survivor airs at 8 and then ER is on at 10. The only thing I know for sure is that they are not on the same channel! On Fridays at 8, I like watching Joan of Arcadia. That’s about it, unless I see a special I want to watch.

Twosome: whirled-- Oh, my! That holiday stuff is coming up soon! Are you ready for Thanksgiving? ...or are you going to be whirling around at the last minute?

I’m not ready for Thanksgiving yet. We have one turkey in the freezer. I’d like to get another one, or maybe a ham. I need a nice Thanksgiving-sy tablecloth. Beyond that, everyone is bringing a dish and I just see Thanksgiving dinner as last minute coming together happening! Kristin also tells me she’s singing in a school chorus that is supposed to participate in a parade in Philadelphia Thanksgiving morning!

Actually, I’m looking forward to all this.

Threesome: peas-- Shine on the the healthy stuff; we really don't care if you eat your vegetables (okay, the mom's here on the Porch do ): what are you looking forward to eating on Thanksgiving that you just cannot get the rest of the year?

Pumpkin pie!!! With lots of whipped cream! And it’s not that I couldn’t get pumpkin pie any other time of the year … it just wouldn’t seem “right” any other time but Thanksgiving!

A Circle of Words

Circle of Words:

1. Children grow up, parents pass on, siblings move far away. Friends are always there no matter how near or far. Who are your best friends? What role do your friends play in your life? In what ways do you think you add to your friends lives?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our friends were always there! I’ve left many of my friends in other places. I think that happens a lot … or I’d like to think that. When you move away, you can stay in touch with your friends for years and years. As you make new friends, though, in the new places I’ve found that some friendships dissolve. That’s been a pattern for me, anyway. I think that deep down, these people are still my friends. We just don’t know each other very well anymore and that’s sad.

Right now, my best friend is my dh, TB. I love him and trust him. We think on almost the same level, share the same interests and values so it’s very easy to talk with him. I feel that I could trust him with my life and all of my secrets. That says a lot.

I have other good friends too. There’s Robin on Long Island. I’ve “known” her for oh, maybe almost 10 years? Maybe not that long, I’m not sure. I “met” Robin online. Both of us were on the same Dark Shadows lists and our friendly exchanges soon became friendlier and closer. When we moved to Long Island, I was so thrilled because Robin would be just a few minutes away.

There is Dawn, another dear friend I “met” online. Who would drive from Rensselaer, NY (waaaaay upstate) all the way to Long Island for the funeral of a friend’s husband … one she’d never met! Well, she and her husband did just that after my first husband, Rich, died suddenly.

Elfie in Austria is my sister of choice. I don’t really have a sister, but we get along just like we really are. I met her online too. We had so many interests in common that our friendship grew way beyond the limits of Falcon Crest. Elfie flew to the States to visit me after Rich died. She was to have come this year, too, to met TB and stay with us. At the last minute, though, she had to have surgery and had to cancel her trip. She has been in and out of the hospital and I’ve been worrying about her.

Nancy in Pittsburgh is a close friend. We were writing on the same online fanfiction continuation of the old classic soap Falcon Crest. She and her husband Jeff were wonderful after Rich died. She and Elfie both called me frequently. I would call Jeff whenever my computer balked and he’d spend a long time patiently trying to help me fix it. When I met Ted, they were so supportive! Jeff, Nancy and their little daughter Emily drove from Pittsburgh to New Jersey for our wedding … and we’d never met face-to-face before.

My friends, online and off, are my “family of choice”. They give me support and encouragement, they give me themselves, their wisdom, their love, their compassion and my life is richer because of them. I think I would not have gotten through that terrible year after Rich died if it hadn’t been for my friends.
I would like to think that I give back to my friends a piece of myself. I would like to think that I am supportive and loving too. Love is the gift that goes on giving. That is a well that never runs dry while someone is there to refill it. So my friends refill my well of love … and I am able to share mine and help fill their wells too.

2. How do you treat strangers? Are you kind and courteous to cashiers, store attendants, or waiters and waitresses? How do you think you come across to people who don't know you? How do strangers generally treat you?

I learned to treat other people the way I’d want to be treated. Most of the time, I would like to think that I’m kind and courteous to people I don’t know. Once in a while, though, something pushes one of my hot buttons and then I’m not nice. I don’t like it when that happens because I feel frustrated and angry not only about the problem that sparked it but because I become rude. I don’t like that.
Luckily, that sort of thing happens only when I go to the NJ Department of Motor Vehicles. There’s not many other strangers who can freak me out like the DMV can.

So … except for the sadistic and/or moronic employees at DMV, I would like to think that I come across as a nice person to strangers. It’s nice to get positive feedback. When I used to be a certified sign language interpreter for the deaf I found out that student interpreters would ask to work with me because my feedback was presented in a positive way. Other experienced interpreters just totally crushed their spirits by saying things like, “You can never be an interpreter.” And I always wanted to find something positive in what the student signed, even if they were just a niche above terrible. The thing is, if you don’t crush someone, if you put “you need more work” in a positive frame then they are encouraged and will keep trying and learning.

Strangers are usually pretty nice to me. That’s another reason to be nice … smiles really are contagious!

3. The holidays tend to bring many distant friends or family members together.. Do you have friends/family members that you don't see all that often until the holidays come? Do you have family/friends that visit from out of town? Do you travel out of town for the holidays? Do you enjoy the family gatherings that the holidays bring or do you dread them every year?

When I was a child, I loved family gatherings for the holidays. We all got together at my grandmother’s house. She’s pull all the leaves out on the table so that all of us could fit around it. When I was really little, everyone fit nicely. As we got older and the family grew and grew, we realized everyone wouldn’t fit in Grandma’s house anymore and so we split up.

My mom and my Aunt Betty were the only two deaf members of the family and so they began to have dinner at my aunt’s house. Grandma would take turns visiting three uncles and my aunt. I remember the adults would sit around the big table and us kids would sit at a card table. It was wonderful to have a whole table to ourselves!

When we moved to Maryland, holiday dinners weren’t much fun anymore. One year we traveled up to the city (New York, I mean) to visit my dad’s side of the family and also, hopefully, to see the show at Rockefeller Center. Unfortunately, my mother started running a fever almost as soon as we checked in. We tried to visit some of my cousins but ended up going home to Baltimore when my mom started puking. No Christmas gathering, no Rockefeller Center, no church service, no Christmas tree, no special dinner, no cousins. I don’t blame my mother at all but Christmas just sucked that year.

I had a few cousins scattered around Maryland and we’d go visit them from time to time on Thanksgiving. I can’t remember any other time we went up to NY for Thanksgiving or Christmas, and I can’t remember a time when family came to us. Sometimes my parents’ friends would come over for a holiday dinner. One Thanksgiving, it was Frank, one of my parents best friends. He’d come to Maryland alone to find work as a printer and his wife hadn’t joined him yet.
We should have had a great time but I remember that my parents were drinking heavily and had this knock down, drag out fight. When Frank arrived, though, they went through this miraculous change. It was like nothing happened. I sat there pretending everything was fine too, but inside I was just a writhing mass of feelings.

Unfortunately, drinking spoiled a lot of holiday dinners. My dad’s side of the family was especially renown for fights during holiday gatherings. Husbands would try to punch out wives, brother vs. brother, and parent v. child. It could get quite messy!

Once I married, though, I began to see and enjoy the type of family gatherings I’d experienced as a child. We’d travel up to Long Island for the holidays and it was always wonderful to see family-in-law relatives. Unfortunately we were able to gather there for just a few years. Then the heavy traffic kept us from going and we developed our own little holiday traditions … just the five of us.

2001 was the year from hell. I thought I could manage that first Christmas after losing Rich but I plummeted into depression. Before I went completely under, I drove the kids and me to his father’s house. It was a bittersweet holiday gathering there. Alberta’s grown daughter and her husband came to visit. We did some Christmas caroling too and so it was a very nice holiday but … difficult emotionally.

Last year, I totally enjoyed our family gatherings. We hosted Thanksgiving here and we had almost 20 people. It didn’t seem crowded and the food and the company were superb. For Christmas, we had the grandkids come over for their presents. Before or after Christmas, we all went to Tim and Anna’s. TB’s family is warm and loving and I felt like “home”, back when I was little and at Grandma’s house.

It’s a wonderful way to feel and I cherish that.

Art Carney

I just saw the sad news that Art Carney passed this week and was buried today. He was 85 years old.

That man could crack me up! I remember him, first of all, from the old Honeymooners series. When I began watching, the series was in syndication and aired around 11:30 at night. What a way to go to sleep, after laughing almost non-stop for a half hour.

Art Carney and Jackie Gleason were absolutely hysterical together. My favorite episode was Ralph (Gleason) was trying to learn how to play golf and Norton (Carney) was trying to explain it to him. He put a ball on a tee in the middle of the flat and said to "address" the ball. Ralph didn't know what that meant so Norton saluted the ball and sang out, "Hel-l ooooo ball!"

I've seen Art Carney in other movies and specials. I had a lot of admiration for that man. God bless him.

Fill In Fun

Fill-Ins:

Now, Mr.Hobbs walked through the tulips. There, he met Mrs.Perrywinkle. She had bright ribbons on her head, while she danced with a yellow-polka-dotted purple pickle. This delighted him and, together, they beamed with a smile ten miles wide. Unfortunately, this resulted in the creation of rainbow clouds, which rolled across the skies the rest of their lives.

And, on a more serious note,

The Listening Post"

If you had the ability to enter other people's dreams, would you? What would you do there? Would you let that person know?

Would I want to be able to enter other people’s dreams? Dreams can be scary. I don’t think I’d want to be in a nightmare dreamscape, that’s for sure!

If I was able to enter other people’s dreams, I might if I could be of some kind of help. Maybe they are troubled by something in their lives and it comes out in their dreams. Well, if I could I’d want to help resolve those issues. Maybe I’d want to pass on advice to those who need it. Maybe I’d want to give reassurances to those who are really worried.

On the other hand, I have a feeling I’d be tempted to “get even” with people by invading their dreams. I think it would have been especially tempting if I’d had this ability as a teenager. There are too many people who have hurt me and others that I love and I think I could cause a lot of damage trying to get back.

I’m glad I don’t have that power. There is too much responsibility. Not only would I have to be very careful of my motives, I’d also have to watch “help-everyone-syndrome”. I guess I’d feel something like a doctor is supposed to feel … wanting to help everyone but it doesn’t always work that way. You have to be able to deal with the failures and the oversights. That’s way too much responsibility for one who’s had too much already!

Veterans' Day II

I was wondering if kids knew the significance of Veterans' Day ... well they do
here!

Veterans' Day

Today is Veterans’ day.

I think that this day of rememberance has gone the way of Presidents’ Day. There are some pretty good sales out there! I wonder, though, if the meaning of the day has been lost amongst all the mattress sales and whatnot.

Veterans’ Day was originally called Remberance Day and the purpose was to honor the veterans of WWI. During the 1950s, President Eisenhower renamed it to Veterans’ Day so that we could also remember those who served in WWII and Korea. Since then, we’ve added on Viet Nam, the first war w/Iraq and now the second one.

I remember when I was a kid, we had parades on Veterans' Day. Everything closed: the schools, the banks, the post office, and all the stores. You could see veterans all over, wearing their uniforms. When the flag went by during the parade, we put our hands over our hearts. I learned in school that Veterans' Day was a day to say "thanks" to everyone in the military.

Members of my family have served in the armed forces, in the Navy and in the Coast Guard. They went voluntarily because they love our country and wanted to help protect and preserve it. That was during WWII when everyone respected the service.

It all started to come unglued with the Viet Nam war. Young people were protesting everywhere. Forget about respecting the flag ... I saw lots of flags aflame or flown upside down. Some people spit on returning soldiers. I wonder if they thought about the fact that they were able to do that because of our military. If there was no one to protect democracy in our country, heaven only knows what kind of government we would have had. I bet there wouldn't be free speech and demonstrations.

I don’t like the war in Iraq and I hate it that we are there now. I totally support our servicemen and women. It may sound contradictory but it’s not. Our military is there whether they like it or not. No one is throwing down their weapons and running away just because they didn’t want this war either. I think they’re very brave to make such sacrifices for our country. I honor them and all of the other men and women who served in the military during war and peace.

I took a moment of silence to pray for everyone who is now or once served in the military.

Christmas Displays

Blogger Seeds:

Remember when Christmas stuff didn't come out in the stores until after Thanksgiving? Now the stuff is out at Halloween time! What do you think about that?

I was beginning to think that I wasn’t remembering my childhood as clearly as I thought! Much to my relief, yes I do remember when Christmas trimmings didn’t come out until after Thanksgiving! It’s not my imagination. I also think that might be way it seemed such a long time until Christmas. But, oh, the anticipation!

I used to love to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Us kids loved the floats and balloons but we all waited for one thing: to see Santa Claus! I used to thank that Mr. Macy brought Santa down from the North Pole. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade heralded the arrival of Santa Claus.

The towns would decorate the street lamps, traffic lights, and poles with lovely Christmas trimmings. Most of the decorations involved bells and wreaths and they were just so lovely, especially at night! I’d listen for Christmas carols on the radio. As it got closer to Christmas, the music was played more often.

The rest of us folks got busy with our own decorations and trimmings. I remember that we didn’t go and get our tree until December 19th – a sort of birthday present for me. I loved to help trim the tree! It was so much fun putting the ornaments on. I never had to do lights or icicles – my father always put up the lights and my mother would wait until all the ornaments were up on the tree before putting the tinsel on.

In Sunday school, we’d get busy learning our scripture verses. Every year we put on a Christmas pageant which involved telling the story of Jesus’ birth. That was the reason we had Christmas. Santa and presents were just the icing on the cake.

When I got older, I loved watching the Christmas movies and specials as we got into December: A Charlie Brown Christmas, Frosty, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Red Skelton, Bing Crosby, Perry Como, Jim Nabors, Glen Campbell, and so many others had Christmas variety shows. There were the classics in movies: Miracle on 34th Street, It’s a Wonderful Life and – the one that scared me the most – A Christmas Carol (the Alistair Sim version!). When I got into high school, there were more TV-Movie-Christmas specials like The Waltons and The House Without a Christmas Tree.

Going out at night was a treat because everyone had their lights up and they were just so beautiful.

I think that was around the time that Christmas began to arrive in the stores earlier and earlier. I didn't mind, but I remember hearing people complaining about it. "We haven't even had Thanksgiving yet!"

This weekend, one of the radio stations (Sunny-104) in Philadelphia played Christmas music round the clock.

All the stores have all the their Christmas displays up.

In a way, it’s depressing. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Christmas season. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to begin celebrating so far in advance. Why? The decorations and the music becomes old and boring. Not only that, but it seems like everyone's lost sight of Jesus' birthday. I mean, who ever heard of a 2 month long birthday party?

I would like to enjoy the fall a little longer. I like the harvest decorations of Thanksgiving. I don’t think I’ve seen much of that anywhere except in craft stores. It seems the more variety, the more fun the season becomes. I used to have such anticipation of seeing the decorations change from pumpkins to turkeys and horns of plenty to silver bells and wreaths. Now you pass the same holiday stuff for weeks and it becomes so ... ho-ho-hum.

Does anyone know why we’re celebrating Christmas anymore?

I love one of the newer movies, A Christmas Story. It’s about this mischievous little kid that wants a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas. So he spends his time plotting a way to convince his parents to buy this thing for him. There's no spiritual meaning to Christmas in this movie at all. It’s all about getting presents, presents, presents. I love the movie because it’s funny and it really does reflect how a kid thinks. The only difference is that when I was little, I realized that getting presents was not the reason we were supposed to celebrate Christmas.

Do kids understand that anymore?

Current News

Go to a news website (or your local newspaper). Read an article and write your opinion of the topic.

We may have “won” the war in Iraq but we sure are losing the occupation. It seems like every time I turn on the news, more Americans have been killed by terrorist attack. It doesn’t matter to me who are committing the attacks, what matters is that our people are being killed. I never thought we belonged there in the first place. Now we are mired in a mess that could drag on and on and on, like Viet Nam.

Last year around this time, we were still at peace sort of. Saddam Hussein was yanking our chains about the UN inspection team. Sometimes he’d say he’d cooperate in full and then he’d go back on his word and bar them from going into some plant. It was very frustrating.

In there, all of a sudden, President Bush began to talk about these weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. As the months went on, it sounded more and more like war was inevitable. I thought it was scary to be talking of war when there was no real evidence of these weapons. The United Nations wanted us to wait; to give the UN inspection team time to verify whether or not there were weapons.

But President Bush and Britain’s Prime Minister Tony Blair seemed bound and determined that this war would happen. The reason they gave is that Iraq would certainly us weapons of mass destruction against us and against many other countries.

And so we went into Iraq and pretty much squashed and flattened them.

No one found the weapons of mass destruction.

But that’s okay, we “liberated” the Iraqi people and that’s really why we invaded, said President Bush.

Does this remind me of 1984 by George Orwell? It sure does! All of a sudden it seemed like we were supposed to forget about those terrible weapons of mass destruction and focus on the idea that we’d freed Iraqis from an oppressive government.

When that idea didn’t go over too well, government administrators began talking about a tie between Iraq/Hussein and Al-Quaida/bin Laden.

Please.

There was no love lost between those two leaders. In fact, during the war Osama bin Laden kept urging Iraqis to rise up against Hussein.

Eventually, administrators admitted that, oops, nope there’s no connection after all.

So why are we there? Why don’t we just go home?

Apparently, we are committed to helping the Iraqis because we basically went in and blew up their government. It would be one thing if everyone was cooperating. Since the war, though, more Americans have been killed by terrorist actions than were killed during the actual fighting.

And we’re supposed to keep sending our people there? What the hell? Well, it’s because no one else wants to put their people in harm’s way. Can I blame them? No. Great Britain and the U.S. were so hot for this war, so fine, they can deal with the outcome.

I feel sick and angry when I hear about the casualties. One soldier was going home for his mother’s funeral. A woman about to get married lost her fiancé to a terrorist attack. And there are hundreds more.

The article I read today, Occupational Hazards, said we have lost so many people because the Pentagon failed to plan for an outcome that would be other than total cooperation.

What, has the Pentagon forgotten Viet Nam so quickly?

If we are going to war with another country, why wouldn’t defense come up with Plans A-Z? I have a feeling that they didn’t have many plans for after the war, none at all. I think that’s why we see our soldiers being killed. I think it’s appalling.

And why didn’t they anticipate that this would be so costly, in terms of our money and our soldiers?

Maybe their was no plan because when you make plans and you cover all the bases, sometimes you see it would cost so much it’s better just to drop it.

We should have dropped it. We didn’t need to invade Iraq. There weren’t any weapons of mass destruction. Maybe Saddam Hussein would have continued yanking our chains. Eventually the UN would have wearied of the whole thing. A UN backed force would have been much better because as they’re mowed down one by one, the casualties are spread out among the countries of the world. We’re losing our people because the other countries are rightly saying, “Sorry, we didn’t approve of this and we don’t want our people dying because the U.S. couldn’t wait for a UN resolution.”

So we are stuck and we are screwed.

I know this isn't Friday but I just got way behind yesterday. :P

Friday Five

1. What food do you like that most people hate?

I’ve been trying to come up with something that most people ‘hate’ and I guess I would have to say broccoli. I think broccoli is delicious, not to mention the fact that it’s a good source for calcium, iron, fiber, folate, Vitamin C, potassium, vitamin K and it’s full of stuff to help reduce the risk of cancer and stroke.

President Bush Sr. and Oma both hate broccoli. If they hate broccoli, I’m sure others do too.

2. What food do you hate that most people love?

Hmmm… I think it would have to be New England clam chowder. Everyone else I know likes it.

3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you?

Okay, there is a series on TV now called That 70s Show and the breakout star is a guy named Ashton Kutcher. He is handsome and in this one episode he was made up as a girl. He looked really pretty! But he’s just “too” cute and he’s cast in these ridiculous movies so I find him very unappealing.

4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find attractive?

I’m really thinking hard here and I’m not sure who to say. Anyone I think of would be attractive to some people. I can’t think of anyone who would be so widely unappealing unless it was because of their politics or something.

5. What popular trend baffles you?

Popular? This may sound insignificant but my answer is I’m baffled by the heavier and heavier book bags school kids have to drag around. Apparently they’re not given enough time to go to the locker or something because I am seeing lots of kids with bowed shoulders, walking almost doubled over with these huge packs on their backs. Billy is packed tight and he still carries books in his hands as well! Maybe textbooks need to be on the computer. No wonder there’s a trend toward kids having back trouble!

The other one that baffles me that would be considered "popular" are those jelly bracelets with different colors. They're supposed to indicate the type of sexual acts the wearer is willing to perform? I don't understand why girls would feel they need to advertise that stuff and more importantly, why are they going to expose themselves to psychological, spiritual and physical hurts?

People Are What?

I was amazed at how much I forgot about 80s music!

Emotional Climate

A Circle of Words:

It's terribly amusing how many different climates of feeling one can go through in a day.
-- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

What is your usual emotional climate like? Is it consistent throughout the day, or does it change by the hour? What type of weather do you consider your typical good day? Typical bad day?

I would like to think that I have a nice, pleasant and consistent “emotional climate” throughout the day and maybe throughout the week. A smile on my face for everyone and nothing that bothers me, makes me sad or makes me mad. Somehow, I don’t think so but it’s always harder to see in yourself things that others can see clearly.

I was a very moody kid. I could plunge into the depths of despair without warning. My mother said I was “sensitive”. I cried for the nurses Richard Speck murdered and I cried for the little girl who was lured away by a stranger and killed and I cried for actor Pete Duel after he committed suicide. My mother didn’t know what to make of it. After all, I didn’t know any of these people. I liked to think it was “the Irish” in me. I wasn’t too sure what that meant but I sure heard people say it often enough.

My dad was (or is) moody, too, and I can see in many ways I’m like him. Oh, the horror! I’m hoping that I turn some of that stuff around. He would keep things to himself – it’s called “stuffing feelings” now – until the raging feelings got to be too much and then he’d explode in an act of violence. One time he choked my brother because the floor wasn’t mopped right and Pete invited my dad to “do it yourself.” That didn’t go over too well. Most of the times, he’d strike out against my mother.

After that, he’d subside and become withdrawn. I mean, really withdrawn to the point of almost catatonia. He wouldn’t talk to anyone voluntarily, not even to Pete and me. One time, he didn’t talk to anyone for three weeks. They were the most uncomfortable, unnerving three weeks I’d ever experienced. I don’t want to be like that.

On the other hand, I don’t like to be like my mom either. She gets mad and goes off like a firecracker and she says some pretty mean things. That’s how I learned that she really didn’t want to have children after she married my dad. Oh, nice. It was probably something she spouted in a fury and she didn’t really mean it (maybe) but it still hurt.

My good and bad weather days would be pretty much as anyone would guess. A sunny, dry day with a light breeze … that is my good day. No surprise. And a bad day would be rainy and damp … it would match my sad mood. A cloudy day would represent worrying. Partly cloudy and breezy ... sometimes I'm not angry about something but I want to pop off and vent. To me, I'm just making noise but I guess it bothers other people. My kids will say, "Mom, calm down!" The clouds cover the sun -- I feel misunderstood.

And snowy days represent those days when I'm just in wonder or awe of everything.

It's rainy and damp outside today but not inside. I guess it's more partly cloudy inside. ;)

Three for Thursday:

If you won a million dollars...

1. What are the first 3 things you'd buy?

the kids’ college education, a beach house, and a top of the line entertainment system

2. What are 3 things you'd do?

TB and I would travel … places I’d like to see: Ireland, the Bahamas, Germany, Cancun …

3. What are 3 charities or people you'd give some of the money to?

Church, the Marfan Foundation & the Diabetes Association

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Keep- What’s your favourite keepsake? Do you have something that has so much sentiment attached you’ll keep it forever? Tell us!

I’m sure I have more than a few. For now I’ll say my Christmas ornaments. Many of them I made myself. The others all have memories around each one – baby’s first ornaments, mother-to-be ornaments, personality/character ornaments, and so on. I was totally devastated when I thought I’d lost them. The ornaments wouldn’t mean anything to anyone except for me and they’ll make the perfect keepsake. They won’t take up a lot of room either!

Twosome: The Back Porch- We’re named for Deb’s back porch, a place where people go to relax and wind down. Where’s your relax and unwind spot?

I have two places. One is on the sofa next to TB. There are a few programs we enjoy watching together and I find it very relaxing. The other place is in my room. I have this wonderful sliding rocking chair and I love to sit there and read at night. Lately, all my stuffed animals have been perched there so I’ve been reading on my bed! :P

Threesome: Donate! Got a cause you donate to regularly?

I’m guessing this is other than church? I have a couple of old favorites and one new one: Long Island Cares (this is an organization serving homeless and hungry people on Long Island, founded by the late Harry Chapin)

National Marfan Foundation