Scribblings

Some Days Are Very Hard

Some days are harder than others when I'm taking care of Tomas. I knew this morning would be rough because he's had a spring break and so he'd be transitioning back into a schedule of eat, get dressed, get on the bus, go to school after more than a week off. The Nor'easter we had yesterday closed the schools and threw everyone off too. I'm not even sure T understood why he wasn't going to school last week.

Anyway, everything was fine until it was time to get dressed. Tomas wanted me to raise and lower the blinds in my bedroom. This is a game we've played for several months now with variations on the language: the blinds go up, the blinds go down, open the blinds, close the blinds, pull the cord, etc. He was still in his jammies and needed to have a diaper change. Again, I'm not sure how much of the behavior is related to PDD and how much is related to just wanting to get his own way. I can't think of any 2 or 3 year old that responds well to "not now" or "later".

Tomas took it very badly. He would not allow me to change him and when he does not want something to happen, it usually can't because he fights like his life was in danger. I stayed calm and said we couldn't play until he got dressed. It takes him a while to process things and so I let him alone for about 10 minutes before broaching again "Let's get dressed." I added that when he got dressed, we would be able to open and close the blinds. He didn't like it.

Now, Tomas slept in this morning. Normally he's up and around by 6:45, just when Linda leaves for work. Today he'd slept until 7:30 so I was working with less time than usual to get him ready. On the other days, he'd be ready so fast we'd have an hour to kill before the bus came. It was still rotten outside so I couldn't use "let's go for a walk" to coax him.

I thought, okay, well, let's at least get him out of my room so he won't be tempted by the blinds. He did not want to go and kicked me several times as I carried him into the hall. I closed the door and right away he began fighting me to re-open it. "Tomas, stop" and "we can go back in when you get dressed" didn't penetrate. Heidi heard the commotion and came down to help.

He's learned to open the door by turning the knob and so he was trying to twist my hand and fingers so that he could get to the knob. I had Heidi go into my room and lock the door from the inside. That stopped that skirmish but then came the diaper battle which left my nerves raw and rattled. He's got to have one particular type of diaper and if it's not there he becomes very angry. Of course, the diaper he wanted wasn't there. He didn't want the diaper or the pants...I was thinking I ought to just send him in his PJs and dirty diaper but I just couldn't. He'd been in that thing all night and needed to be changed.

I called Kennan to see if he had some good ideas to calm T and it was right about then everything seemed to go through the baby's brain. It was like flipping a light switch on. All of a sudden, he was all smiles, cooperating with the diaper change, trying to put on his pants...???? Is it the processing time? Was it that I called his dad? I am not sure he was even aware I'd called.

Well, I won't go on and on about it except to say that I really need to learn how to cope with all of these behaviors. I am okay with sending him to school in his PJs if he won't get dressed but not in a dirty diaper. How do you get through to a child with the issues Tomas has? That's what I need to know...