Recently, I finished reading a truly excellent book about survival, The Glass House by Jeannette Walls. She recounts some hair-raising experiences growing up with her sisters and brother. Her parents were totally dysfunctional even if they did love their kids...and it was hard to tell at times. I was amazed that the three older kids did so well, managing to support themselves and make good lives for themselves. The youngest sibling, though, always seemed to depend on others to be able to make it. To me, she was a sponge. She needed other people to take care of her.
This is what the three older siblings did: they worked and saved and scraped the money together to get the oldest to New York City. Then they worked and saved and scraped some more to help each other out. Eventually, they even got the money together to bring the youngest sib to the city. She was 12 years old then and I guess it was already too late for her. She'd spent her whole life already mooching off other people to get food and clothing.
I have a lot of admiration for what Jeannette Walls and her brother and sister were able to accomplish. Although my circumstances weren't nearly so dire, I got off on my own and learned early how to support myself and not sponge off anyone else.
That brought to mind someone no longer near or dear. We hear about her now and then from others because she's never called us herself. Although she said she'd never keep the baby from us that is exactly what she is doing ... well, that's because she can't get anything more from us, I suppose.
It seems that her way of coping is to find people who will help her and she's lived in quite a number of homes. Eventually, she's been asked to leave. She'd leave her boyfriend flat if she had somewhere to go and that happened a couple of times. Not once has she moved into her own place and become self-sufficient.
One of the things I heard was that she might be getting an apartment through a charity. That would have been a very good thing for her because then she would have had to take care of things herself ... even if it meant carrying 2 jobs. But I guess that didn't work out, maybe because of her credit. She can't get a bank account and if you don't have that and you have a history of not paying your bills I don't see how you can get your own place. She'd already antagonized the friend she meant to go in with as roommates. I don't know that if it's possible for her to get an apartment in a complex ... don't they all do credit checks?
When she left here, she stayed with her boyfriend a short period of time and then moved in with that friend who became fed up after a month and told her to go. The friend was tired of her bed being slept in, the food being eaten, having to babysit even after working a full time job, and on and on and on. For a few days, we had no idea what might have happened to her -- was she still with her friend, with her boyfriend, or out on the street somewhere?
Now she is living with another relative. The baby will be safe, I think, because I am sure those relatives will look out for him. I kind of wonder how long this will last before they begin to feel themselves being drained? Maybe a year? Less? Will she keep her job? Will she contribute anything to support herself and her child?
Not if she doesn't have to.
That's the thing with people who are always being saved by someone else. They don't ever have to take full responsibility for themselves because there's always someone catching them when they fall.
Well...at least I know that the baby is safe for now.
As a PS: that youngest sibling in the book eventually burned all her bridges with her family too and moved out to California where, I guess, she either learned to support herself or found someone else to live off of. At the very end of the book, Jeannette Walls wrote that she was going to see this sister for the first time in years. I hope that youngest sibling got her act together and turned herself around...that would make for a very happy ending!
Posted by TB at May 25, 2005 12:05 PM