Scribblings

Triple A

My father-in-law came through his surgery well and is in intensive care right now. He'll probably be in the hospital for a week. My mother-in-law says when she finally got to go see him in his room, he was trying to watch the Mets on TV. Yeah, he's great!

First A is for allergies. I am more worried about Heidi. Her allergies have been bad all spring and so she's been feeling sick much of the time. She was missing so much school in her freshman year the attendance officer said we should get a 504 plan. For allergies? But there you go ... the school allows 15 days unexcused (?) absences per year. All of Heidi's absences are excused and they already are over 20 with some inexcused in there. I feel terrible that she suffers so much but the problem is that once she gets to be an adult in college or once she gets a job allergies just aren't a reason to stay home.

The second A is for attitude. Heidi maintains that she stays home only when she's really sick...and it's true she's pretty miserable. The other truth is that she's got to learn to manage that misery so she can function at school and at work...and not develop a Pollyanna attitude but one that is easier on the blood pressure not only for her but for those around her.

And that brings us to anger. I was driving Heidi back to school from our appt with Dr. R and all of a sudden I was startled by this hard THUMP! on my window. She'd hit the window with her fist! I said, what did you do that for? She said there was a bug on the window. Well, normally if Heidi sees a bug she screams and throws her hands over her face and cries out for someone to kill it, kill it. Naturally, I was very surprised that she killed the bug so thoroughly herself. She pointed out that she was in a very bad mood.

The intensity of her anger worries me. It worries me that she gets so mad so fast. Sometimes her rages remind me of my own when I was younger but they were very scary too -- to other people as well as to myself! It's very bad to carry around all that anger and hostility inside -- I know, I felt it. Why is she so angry? I'm not sure. But she's got to start channeling it out in a positive way so that she doesn't hurt herself.

Allergies, attitude and anger -- all wrapped up together.

When I was in school, I developed school phobia. I got sick almost every day, if not every day. I don't think it was allergies but the stomach aches and upsets I felt were intense and most real. I begged to stay home and my parents soon found themselves in the spot I am in now: realizing your child is missing way too much school. They used to have to put me in the car and drive me to school--both of them -- and I'd be crying and shaking and doubled over in pain. I was miserable at school. I was socially immature and so other kids were making fun of me and ostracizing me. I hated junior high with a passion. I carried a great deal of rage around with me and would hold onto it until it burned out of control and I'd explode. It scared me that I could get that angry. I struck out at another student once, knocking him to the floor and just about beating the crap out of him. It almost got me suspended. I never did that again but I could feel the anger bubbling up like that sometimes like a volcano. Where did it come from? Why was there so much of it?

I didn't get help until I was an adult. My parents were mortified at the idea of me seeing a shrink and they would never take me. I guess all the therapy eventually helped -- either that or I just mellowed out with age. I seem to have a lot more success managing my anger in the last 10 years ... or so I think.

Dr. R is having Heidi try out a new medication starting today. Please let it help her!

Ten on Tuesday

10 Best Performances in a Movie by a Child

I'm going to be showing my age with some of these! :)

1. Haley Joel Osment, The Sixth Sense
2. Tatum O'Neal, Paper Moon
3. Jodie Foster, Taxi Driver
4. River Phoenix, Stand by Me
5. Patty McCormack, The Bad Seed
6. Peggy Ann Garner, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
7. Leonardo DiCaprio, What's Eating Gilbert Grape
8. Dakota Fanning, Taken
9. Tyler Hoechlin, The Road to Perdition
10. Ricky Schroder, The Champ