April 13, 2005
Our diner burned down!
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For a while, TB and I would go to a diner in town every Sunday for breakfast. I love diner breakfasts and it was a wonderful way to get back in touch with each other, away from other family members and other general noise. Well, I was really sad to read that the diner burned to the ground while the kids and I were visiting RPI! I don't know what happened but it was an older building and maybe it was for "the best" in that the owners are going to rebuild. I'm sure they had insurance. TB and I haven't been able to get away much lately because we've been tight on money. Hopefully when the new diner goes up we'll be able to go out on Sunday mornings again!
Here are a couple of pictures from Little T's visit the other day.
I was so happy to see the baby! He didn't seem quite himself, though. He was still coughing and I'm sure all of this is very confusing for the poor little guy. Looking back at the pictures later, I realized he didn't look all that happy although he did giggle with delight after letting Buddy sniff his fingers.
Linda was very evasive and wouldn't tell us where she and Tomas are staying. What else is new?
Here is the last of the How Linda Moved In Here story:
March 29, 2004Tomorrow TB and I are meeting with Linda and her therapist. We talked about having goals for Linda and I typed them up this morning. It looks like this:
Our goals for Linda living with us for the first six months–1 year
Apply for social services assistance. If she’s accepted she would get some financial assistance each month & they’ll hopefully send her for vocational training. If she doesn’t qualify for assistance, she’ll need to think about what kind of job to go for when Tomas is around 6 months old.
Become healthier for her own and Tomas’ sakes – quit smoking (with assistance ie nicotine patch), eat more healthily, exercise
Determine what she’d like to do for a career. Hopefully she could qualify for Social Services and they could pay for the training in her interest area
Continue therapy
Clean up after herself and Tomas
Join the family chore schedule and rotate turns doing dishes. Once a week, dusting furniture
What Linda could expect from us: emotional support & encouragement
Help watching Tomas especially when she is interviewing for a job or goes into job training
Some transportation
Set up a checking/savings account with a budget & plan to save money. Kick in money for meals & expenses (like the phone)Set a good example for Billy, Heidi & Kristin
1 yr – 2 yrs
Moving more toward independence. Linda would be already employed or finishing with training and about to go look for a job.
Savings should be accumulating to help her pay for a car, car insurance, a place to live.
TB added: honesty.We'll see how it goes.
Mar 31, 2004 –
So yesterday we went with Linda to her therapist’s.
Linda did make a list of goals for herself, with and without Kennan. She is still pretty confused about the way she feels regarding Kennan. On one hand, she says she realizes that Kennan isn’t going to change, not without some counseling. It’s over, she says. He is like an addiction she’s got to break.The therapist asked what if Kennan swears he’ll change and asks her to give him another chance. Maybe Kennan would even agree to come for counseling. Linda said well, she’d give him a chance. She still loves him. Therapist pointed out that Linda isn’t sure yet what she wants to do. Linda agreed but the bottom line is that she wants out of there.
TB still has a lot of reservations about it. We talked about some of our expectations for Linda. Number one on the list was that she quit smoking. I am of a softer heart. I think at this point it’d be really tough for Linda to just flat out quit with everything going on in her life. Therapist and TB don’t agree. Therapist said it would be a good faith effort on Linda’s part to quit today.
Linda looked a little ticked. Uh oh.
We also spent a lot of time talking about the other goals on the list – applying for social services, getting Kennan to provide support for Little T, getting some training, living more healthily (which includes eating better) and continuing to get counseling. TB kept emphasizing honesty, setting a good example, and helping out around the house. He said we keep regular bedtime schedules and cleaning schedules too.
Linda seemed agreeable to everything. She really wants to come and live with us. I sort of think she’d agree to anything to get out of that house. I think that’s what worries TB. He’s not so sure that she is sincere.
This morning we talked a little about it. I said, what are we going to do when Linda smokes away from home and comes in smelling of cigarettes?
TB wasn’t sure. He said it was tearing him apart to think of Linda repeating her “save me” pattern of behavior again.
I wondered if he wasn’t setting her up to fail because he expected her to fall back on past behavior. I think she just might do that because she hasn’t had a chance to internalize new behaviors yet. I wouldn’t want to throw her out for smoking away from home. I wouldn’t want Little T on the street.
TB said that’s why he is so torn. If it was just Linda by herself, he wouldn’t consider taking her in – period. The reason he’s agreeing is because of the baby.
Linda probably needs a boot in her ass at first to get her to learn how to take care of herself. She should go and apply for social services so I figure I’ll take her there and wait with her while she does that. She’s got to call her school district to find out if she can get her high school diploma without having to take the whole GED. Maybe that’s all she needs. It seems like before everyone told her “you should do this, you should do that” and she just never followed through … maybe because she didn’t want to go alone or because she didn’t have transportation. Who knows?
I am nervous about this too. What will it be like to have another adult here, one that smokes and one that caves in to tempting foods? Every time Linda’s come over she’s brought sweet stuff. Yesterday there was candy. The week before, she brought cookies and chocolate milk. We can’t have that in a house full of sweet addicts. Will she react the same way as she did to quitting smoking?
I think Linda resents having to give up cigarettes. I don’t think it’s an issue I would have pushed from the beginning but I’m standing with TB on it. I remember what it was like when I quit smoking. I wanted to eat candy all the time. I’m sure that will happen to Linda, too, and she’ll find out she’s not allowed to do that either.
And what happens if she does screw up? We’re not just talking about Linda anymore. We are also talking about Little T.
There is going to be an impact on all of us. Heidi has to share her room with Linda and T. What if she can’t sleep at night because the baby is crying? She might have to sleep in Kristin’s room … be spread out between two rooms. Heidi’s just begun to settle down this year. Will all of this set her off again? The ripple effect of all this will touch Billy and Kristin too.
As to the when of it, Linda is supposed to let us know when she wants to move out. She’s decided she doesn’t want to talk to Kennan first. She just wants to pack her stuff and go when no one is at home. I am pretty sure that Kennan won’t let go so easy. We’re in for some tense times. We’ll also have to talk about how we will handle
Kennan if he starts calling and coming over.I am sure ::::: There is a reason....... for all of this. I believe it with all my heart. Maybe we are supposed to be the way Linda is finally able to shake off past ghosts and move on with her life. Maybe we are the end of the line for her. If this doesn’t work, what will become of her and of Tomas? We’ll have to do a lot more praying about it.
April 1, 2004
We went home and ate lunch. After we were finishing our meal, the phone rang. It was Linda. Her voice was very soft and she said she wanted us to pick her and T up now. Now? Well, we didn’t ask any questions. We put away the food and left.
Linda had most of her stuff packed already so we just had to load everything into the car. T was sleeping, a sweet little angel.
The rest of the day is like a blur.
I tell myself that we’ll take it one day at a time.
What personality characteristics do you find desirable in other people?
Honesty, compassion, and understanding
In a school setting, how should a principal be responsible for discipline? What about a teacher? What about a parent? Who is responsible for what, in your opinion?
The parent has the ultimate responsibility for discipline. The parents should back up the teacher so that the teacher can have control in the classroom and not have to worry about being cussed at, threatened or sassed. The teacher should be able to assign detention and the parents need to back it up. The principal should always back the teacher, too, and should get involved if the kid needs to be suspended or expelled.
1. Which search engine do you prefer and why?
I like google best because it seems to bring up the listings closest to what I'm actually looking for
2. Why is marriage such a significant institution?
Legally, it protects the two people involved in the relationship. Spiritually, it's sanctified by the church. It's the basic building block of a family
3. Can a soul be sold?
Figuratively, yes
Posted by Cassie at April 13, 2005 07:38 PM