As I listened to the way Kennan was speaking to TB, I realized that he might think it was us that wanted Linda to move in here with us. He was really resentful about TB telling him that Linda would be better off with us ... and we remembered that TB sat down and talked to Kennan about that because Linda was afraid he would do something vindictive against her.
After she came here without warning (and she was supposed to sit down and discuss leaving with Kennan last year but never did) I wondered about Kennan's parents. Didn't they miss Tomas? Linda gave me the impression that no, they didn't and wouldn't miss him because they just didn't care. Huh, that's strange, I thought.
I remember all the bad stuff Linda told us about Kennan and his parents last year. Now I wonder, what lies has she told them about us?
Kennan maybe thinks we talked Linda into leaving him and it's not true. Here is what really happened, I wrote about this but didn't post it here. Now I guess I will. What the hell.
March 24, 2004
TB and I have been thinking about Linda and Little T. We were supposed to go with Linda to her counselor last Wednesday, the crazy day. We ended up having to cancel and told Linda we?d go with her ?next time?. Next time ended up being yesterday at 9.
I had a feeling I knew why Linda wanted us to come in. There was something she needed to say but couldn?t bring herself to do it without support. Secretly, I think both of us knew what is was ? she wants to move in with us. TB has been refusing to consider it because, in the past, when Linda lived in his home there was trouble. She would get into fixes on the internet chat rooms. She would take TB?s money. She wouldn?t help around the house. The list goes on. I think the thing TB was most worried about was the stealing and the lying, that it would set a bad example for Billy, Heidi and Kristin if Linda was to move back in.
TB picked Linda & T up early in the morning. I asked her how things were going with Kennan and his parents and she rolled her eyes with frustration. Kennan?s mother is still hassling her about her mothering skills. Kennan takes his mother?s side. Then there is his sister and her husband and three kids. Number 4 is due any time now and she doesn?t clean up after herself or her kids. Her husband smokes in the house. It just sounds like a terrible atmosphere in which to try and raise a baby.
Last year, she left Kennan. I think she wanted to move in with us then but TB gave a resounding NO and put a kibosh on that idea. Linda stayed with Michele for a little while before going back to Kennan. I think she felt she had no other choice. She?s been very unhappy since. She is seeing a counselor to treat her depression and issues with lying and stealing.
She doesn?t trust Kennan or his parents to take good care of Tomas. More, Vicki gave Linda some Xeroxed articles about control in a relationship. Linda recognized a lot of Kennan in what she read and it scared her. She feels like she has no control at all.
We didn?t talk to much about the session at lunch. TB just said they?d had a good meeting and that we all needed to deal with some issues first before getting Linda out of there.
?And into here?? I asked.
Linda nodded and TB said yes and then added, ?But there are some issues with Kennan that Linda needs to deal with first. We need to get Kennan over here for dinner so we can talk to him.?
TB wants Linda to write out goals for herself with and without Kennan in her life. Where does she want to be next year, in 5 years, in 10 years? Then she is supposed to compare notes with Kennan. If he wants to be with her, he needs to work on changing himself. If he isn?t willing to change, then Linda wants to move out but she needs a place to go.
Linda tried to get Kennan to go into a session with her and the therapist. Kennan refused. One day, the counselor walked out into the parking lot to talk to Kennan, who was furious with Linda for allowing it to happen. The therapist is concerned because Kennan?s attitude and the atmosphere at home are contributing to Linda?s depression. She can?t get better living in that environment.
I think Linda feels secure that she will be able to move in with us. TB is very nervous about that. He told me we?d have to keep our change and other money hidden, put password protection on the computers, and endure more financial strain because there would be 2 mouths to feed. He worries that Linda won?t try to find a job or help out with expenses.
I don?t know what to think.
But there?s that little baby, an innocent in all of this ?
TB told me this morning he thinks Linda?s been planning this for a long time. When I think about it and think about how she tried to leave Kennan last year and how she kvetched about him all during the pregnancy, I can see that TB is right.
?She?s using little T as leverage,? I said.
?Yes,? TB agreed.
Both of us understood exactly. Linda on her own is an adult. TB is of the ?make your own bed, you sleep in it? school. I think that way too except that Linda is so far down in the well it would be very hard to climb out without a rope to cling to. TB worried about her but wasn?t inclined to help her by giving her a place to live. But now, there is Little T to consider. Of course Linda knows that TB and I don?t want to see T mistreated or neglected or in a bad environment.
Of course we will help.
There is a baby at stake now. More later?