Scribblings

Frustrated

Heidi's really been on a rampage the last few days and I am just so frustrated! Dr. R recently upped her dosage of stratera and I'm not sure it's helping her. She says it is but ... where are these rages coming from?

Yesterday she was mad because it was her dish night and she didn't care for the chicken chili & hominy I'd made (everyone else liked it, it's really delicious!). She thought the hominy had a weird texture. Well, I don't remember how we got there but there was a scene at the dinner table and it got so out of hand that TB went and put headphones over his ears to block out all the yelling. Oh -- I just remembered a little bit of it. T was cranky and fussy himself and apparently it was just driving Heidi up the wall.

Heidi got really mad at us for being rude and hurting her feelings. Not that this makes any sense, but she botched up the dishes because she was so po'd. Later on she came to me and said we should leave her alone when she's in a bad mood because she's so easily provoked. Yeesh! What are we supposed to do, not talk to her? Just suffer in silence while she rants or complains about stuff?

This morning TB called her downstairs to redo the dishes. She made remarks to him and he got mad and said she'd f*cked up his dinner last night, he wasn't going to let her f*ck up his life too. A few minutes later, Heidi came into our bedroom, crying and angry because I hadn't come out to stop TB from hurting her feelings. She accused me of not caring about her and that I must agree with TB because I didn't try to defend her.

I told I do care but that yes, her behavior at the table had upset me, too. What was I supposed to do? Run out and tell TB not to talk to Heidi that way? But Heidi was rude to TB first and she frequently causes scenes ... so are we supposed to put up with that in order to not hurt her feelings? I don't think so ... that's not the way the world turns. I said I'm sure that TB said what he did in anger and that I have said things like that in anger too. I reminded her that she often yelled at Rich that way and it caused us a lot of stress.

She wants to shift the blame. She says that this is the way she is and that she's like me. Well, we do have the same temperament but I had a lot more self control at 16 than she does. She's got to change the way she responds to people or she's going to have tumult and conflicts all her life. And I can't stick up for her and protect her when I know that the behavior is dysfunctional.

I can't win, no matter what I do.

QOTDII

What is your favorite way to exercise?

I love to walk on the boardwalk! If not there, walking anywhere is my exercise of choice.

How often do you exercise?

Not nearly enough!