Today is Oma's birthday. This amazing woman is 94 years old today. She seems to be very happy and is doing well in her new assisted care center. She had a mild stroke earlier which necessitated her move from the Plattdeutsche Seniors' residence, where she had her own room, to a rehab hospital for several weeks. She thought she wanted to go to a nursing home until her daughter-in-law Terri warned her that she'd have to wear a jogging suit everyday. Then she didn't want anything more to do with it!
For a little more information about Oma, click here.
I thought this story was really hilarious when I first heard it. Originally I had a lot of sympathy for those parents. I knew where they're coming from, I thought, and TB knows, too.
In my case, my kids are great most of the time. They are intelligent and have great company manners. They don't fight any more than other normal siblings. But ... get them to keep the rooms clean? It was a chore! When they were younger, Rich and I tried everything that the couple in the story tried. We used charts. We used rewards. We used punishments. Nothing seemed to help. They didn't seem to miss Nintendo if we took that away.
The psychologist (yes, we got one too) said that if they didn't miss those things, obviously they had too much. She said we should take everything away and then have the kids earn things back. It seemed too cruel to contemplate. We must have been crazy! And so, it didn't get any better. Rich and I would shout ourselves hoarse, throw things away, and clean up the house on our own.
We moved into a brand new townhouse on LI when we moved from MD to NY. In MD, I could use the excuse, well, we don't have much space and the house was so old and we had no money to really fix it up. This townhouse was much larger and it had a brand new look and feel to it. Still, within 2 years, it was a near-hopeless mess. Even before Rich died, I was very embarrassed about the way the house looked and I'd cringe when anyone came to visit.
After I married TB, though, things changed quite a bit. The kids have gotten much better about helping around the house and keeping their rooms clean. I think the big difference is enforcement. One day we bagged all of Heidi's stuff and put it away for a couple of weeks. We grounded Kristin and Billy from TV for a week. We've thrown things away and confiscated stuff we found lying around.
One day TB spent almost all day cleaning Kristin's room. That room was a real mess. What was really infuriating was that a week later, it was a mess again. What we should have done was taken everything and thrown it out but I guess we still couldn't bring ourselves to do that.
And that's where I realized that I didn't agree with these parents at all even though I could understand their frustration. They abdicated by moving onto the front lawn. Even if the kids aren't cooking, they're still getting meals. They still live in the house and they can still watch TV, use the computer, and the phone. And the parents? They're living outside -- what's wrong with this picture? I'm not saying the kids should be thrown out, though, not at all!
I think these parents ought to take away all privileges until their kids straighten up. I think that's the only way they are going to regain any order. Besides, if they've been out on the lawn this long, they're just not going to win. How fun can it be living in a tent outside? And what are the kids learning as they watch mom and dad moan and groan outside? They may not like the negative power they have but hey, power is power.
I think this family needs Dr. Phil!
FQ TOPIC: Routine.
FQ1: Describe your morning routine on work/school days, from the time you wake up until you leave.
The alarm goes off just before 6. I stumble out of bed, take my medicine, make coffee, feed the cats, wake the kids and sit down to watch the news. I help Linda with the baby if she needs it. After the kids go to school, I'll go check my email. Sometimes I'll do laundry or some other chore. TB usually fixes breakfast and we eat together. After that, either he goes out or we both go out.
FQ2: Now describe your morning routine on NON-work/school days (weekends, holidays, etc.).
Wake up, stumble out of bed, take my meds, grab or make coffee, watch the news and play with the baby or go on the computer.
FQ3: And finally, describe your night-time routine before you go to bed.
I finish up what I'm doing on the computer, emails, journal entries, blog surfing, etc., and then I read for an hour or so
FQ Fantasy: You've won 100 million dollars in the lottery! Re-write your morning routine one month from now!
Sleep in! I have a maid wake the kids. Yeah, right!