Scribblings

Power of Prayer

We have been praying every day for the insurance check to come and we?ve been praying every day for relief from the increasing financial stress we?re under. After so many months, though, I was wondering what it was I was expecting to hear. Yes, the money is on its way, no, it?s not be patient and stop wondering? Sometimes I wondered if no answer is an answer.

This morning, on the way to the emergency room (that story in a minute) TB and I were wondering how much more we could bear. I said I?d like to say it can?t get any worse but we both know damn well it easily could get worse.

I said, I feel like saying to God what are you doing? And He would say but I?m not doing this to you and I?d say but where are you?

Tb understood how I felt.

My mother always felt there was a curse on my family because my father was an atheist. That?s ridiculous, of course, but I sure feel like I?m cursed sometimes, I said. And I felt my mother would say, well, you pray, but you don?t go to church.

TB understood that one too and could think of people he knew who would say the same thing.

This morning I?d prayed hard too, asking God to help us because we just couldn?t bear the stress anymore. My blood pressure at the emergency room was 154/110 and 170-something/78. I had to detach myself from what was going on, cutting myself off from feeling and from thinking. I don?t know if it helped my blood pressure but I had to do something. TB was very close to a breakdown, he believed. He was practically in tears.

TB had gone to Lowe?s while I was waiting to be called into the back. We had to have a new fridge and we hoped to put it on a credit card.

It was okay for him to go to the store because I was at the ER not for my BP but because I?d reinjured my ankle somehow. I don?t remember how it happened. I woke up this morning barely able to walk and my ankle was puffed up and misshapen.

Great, just great. We needed a new fridge, I knew that. Also on the list: I wanted to see the doctor about my blood pressure and there was a repairman who was supposed to come to the house for the washer. The middle part keeps spinning out with the clothes. I wasn?t expecting a swollen foot.

On top of that, the fridge was as dead as the freezer now.

Billy had brined the turkey overnight and it was still cool when he got up this morning at 5 a.m. so he popped the bird into the oven and began to roast it.

All of the rest of the food -- except for the vegetables -- was warm and mushy and would need to be thrown away.

Unbelievable.

Now I sat parked in a wheelchair, back in one of those little cubbies. TB got back from Lowe?s and I could see from the look on his face that it was bad. We didn?t have enough credit on the card to be able to get the fridge we needed. It would cost all of what we had left ? unless we borrowed the money from Billy, who?d offered to give us what he?s saved since he started working.

I had a sudden fear, though, that if we went and used that money then we?d have this brand new fridge and no food in it. TB and I talked about getting a compact unit instead. The check would come eventually, we knew that but we could not depend on when that would be. That?s about the point where I just had to detach and he was worried about a breakdown.

On the up side, my foot isn?t broken. They gave me a pair of crutches and an air cast to use. I?m supposed to go back and see an orthopedic doctor ? probably Dr. Farrell, TB?s surgeon ? or one of the other guys in the practice.

We drove to WaWa and TB bought some cold cuts, mayo, mustard and chips for lunch. Everything in our fridge was no good, too warm for us to feel comfortable eating. So we had to throw out eggs, cold cuts, butter, cheese ? it would make you sick. We?d just gone shopping.

We were not a happy group of people at the table ? well, all except for Little T who was happy and bouncy and we couldn?t help but smile or laugh at him. Thank God for little babies.

After lunch, Billy and Heidi came home from school. The turkey had been hot for hours but was now cool enough to carve up. TB needed to go back out to get that compact fridge so I asked Billy to do it and to put the pieces in a bag and into the cooler. Oh, yeah, TB had dragged out our cooler and washed it out. He?d bought ice and milk and we were going to keep the milk, new cold cuts, and turkey in the cooler. We would have to eat the turkey tonight.

For Thanksgiving? Well ? how about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?

TB decided to call the lawyer again before leaving for Lowe?s.

I was gimping down the hall to our bedroom on these new crutches when I heard TB gasp out. I stopped at the office. He?d hung up the phone and had covered his eyes. He was in tears. Oh God, now what? I wondered. He had to collect himself before he could answer me. It was good news ? the insurance company had authorized a partial first payment. We should be getting that check in the next few days.

TB just about collapsed and so did I. We were both totally overwhelmed. I was stunned, totally stunned. But I realized God heard, had probably been hearing and now we knew it too.

I mean, I know that non-believers could argue that this is not evidence of God and that?s okay. For me though, it was a very clear answer to my question ? I?m here, He?d answered.

Thank you, God.

And we ordered the fridge we needed