Little T has been so grouchy this week! I wonder what?s up with him? He doesn?t seem to be sick. Maybe he?s teething. He?s very clinging and whiny and hasn?t slept well. Linda was pretty miserable this morning because Tomas was up most of the night. He would whine and complain every time she left the room or put him down. I suggested that Linda get the playpen out and set T in it, right where he could see her. She did and he fussed and cried but then settled down as long as he could see us.
It?s been a difficult week for all of us. I don?t know what I did to my right shoulder but it ached really bad for the last couple of days. Today it?s not bad unless I try to lift my arm. I was going to see the doctor about it today but she wasn?t in. I have an appointment with a rheumatologist but it?s not until the end of November. If my shoulder begins to hurt more again then I?ll go see my family doctor next week.
I also got into a study being run to test some medications. I?m not sure how much I can say about it. A lot of times the studies are supposed to be confidential. The procedures are similar to the one Rich participated in like 10 years ago. Anyway, TB took me for the evaluation and it ended up being a 4 hour ordeal!
First the doctor asked me a long list of questions to see if I qualified. Some of the questions were very intense and upsetting and at one point, I was broke down and was crying. I guess it?s okay to say what the question was. It had to do with guilt and yes, I feel guilty about a lot. I started crying when I recalled the night Rich died. It doesn?t matter that his cardiologist didn?t think Rich was having a life threatening episode of atrial fibrillation. It doesn?t matter that Rich told me I should go back to bed and get some rest. I keep thinking, I should have stayed with him or dragged him to the hospital.
Once they determined that I did qualify, someone else came in to take my pulse and blood pressure. My pulse was good but the first pressure reading was something like 138/102. The tech waited a few minutes, tried again and it was 130/100 which was a little better. But the third time she tried it was higher again. She did an EKG and that was normal. Then we had to move to another room.
There was a teeny little conference room ? actually, it used to be part of a hallway ? in the back. The office was very busy and everyone was playing musical rooms. I guess they were taking in several participants that day. Anyway, I was tired and warm (why are doctors? offices so darn hot?) and so was TB. The coordinator came in and said there was a concern about me qualifying because of my blood pressure. I didn?t mind that too much because I was already worrying about becoming a participant and side effects and stuff like that. Her idea was that I should come back the following week when I?d had a chance to de-stress. They could re-do the blood pressure check and finish up the evaluation.
The doctor who asked me all the questions in the beginning apparently wasn?t enthusiastic about it because he came in and gave me a crash course on transcendental meditation. So I closed my eyes, thought ?one? on the exhalating breath and my BP went down to 130/90 and then 130/80. So back we went to another room so that a tech could weigh me and draw my blood. The very last thing we had to do was go through another series of questions by another doc who was filling out forms.
That?s when I felt a little slimy. A couple of times I?d answer a question and the doc?s eyebrows would shoot up. He?d go hmmm and then suggest another possible answer ? I had the distinct impression it was to get me to fit a certain profile or something. But I thought, whatever, let me just get through this so we can get out of here and go home.
The coordinator wants me to go back on Monday so I can do yet another blood pressure reading. Then I go back Thursday to answer questions about how I?m feeling. I wonder how I will be feeling considering I?m being weaned off some of the meds I?m taking now.
I can back out anytime I want to.
Things I learned this week:
The media really has set a panic on people about this flu vaccine. Not only are people crossing the border into Canada, they are now going into Mexico hoping to get vaccinated. To their credit, President Bush, John Kerry and running mate John Edwards have all declined to have a flu shot. But prisoners in jails and football players got them. Meanwhile, people over 65 and babies haven?t been able to get vaccinated. What the hell? I worry about little T. The doctor told Linda he didn?t need a shot because he is ?healthy?. Yeah, but he is still in that ?high risk? 6-23 month old stage. Hopefully we won?t have a bad flu season although new cases are cropping up already.
Margaret Hassan,the head of CARE in Iraq, has been kidnapped by those xxxxx (think of the worst curse word you possibly can) terrorists. She is married to an Iraqi, born in Ireland and also has British citizenship and has spent half her life (she?s 59 or 60) delivering food and medicine to Iraqis. Now a tape has been released of this poor woman, weeping and begging for her life. I?d be scared out of my mind, too, considering the track record for ?compassion? those xxxx terrorists have shown.
There is something else I know too. Long before now, if I?d been in Iraq I?d have gotten my butt out of there after Nicholas Berg was butchered. People like Margaret Hassan and other civilian employees (the engineers, the truck drivers and so on) are unprotected. They can be kidnapped easily ? as we?ve seen over the last few weeks. I think any foreigner in Iraq now must be totally insane to stay there. Obviously these terrorists do not care about the Iraqi civilians and are going to continue grabbing hostages even if it?s someone doing humanitarian work.
I hate them, those miserable cowardly terrorists.
In the land of the unreal, I just have to quote this before it disappears off the net forever. I noticed that all my yahoo linked news goes bye-bye after some period of time. Here goes:
Robertson: Bush Said No Deaths in Iraq
Wed Oct 20, 5:22 PM ET
By DOUGLASS K. DANIEL, Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON - Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson says he warned President Bush (news - web sites) before U.S. troops invaded Iraq (news - web sites) that the United States would sustain casualties but that Bush responded, "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties."
White House and campaign advisers denied that Bush made the comment, with Karen Hughes saying, "I don't believe that happened. He must have misunderstood or misheard it."
Robertson, in an interview with CNN that aired Tuesday night, said God had told him that the war would be messy and a disaster. When he met with Bush in Nashville before the war Bush did not listen to his advice, Robertson said, and believed Saddam Hussein (news - web sites) was an evil tyrant who needed to be removed.
"He was just sitting there, like, 'I'm on top of the world,' and I warned him about this war," Robertson said.
"I had deep misgivings about this war, deep misgivings. And I was trying to say, 'Mr. President, you better prepare the American people for casualties.' 'Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties.' 'Well,' I said, 'it's the way it's going to be.' And so, it was messy. The lord told me it was going to be, A, a disaster and, B, messy."
Traveling with Bush in the Midwest, Hughes said political adviser Karl Rove was in the Feb. 10, 2003 meeting with the president and Robertson in Nashville, Tenn., but Bush never said there wouldn't be casualties in Iraq.
"Obviously, we already had casualties in Afghanistan (news - web sites) at the time. If you look at that, that (the comment) was not consistent with what was going on," she said.
White House spokesman Scott McClellan said, "Of course, the president never made such a comment."
Robertson released a statement about Bush late Wednesday in which he said, "I emphatically stated that I believe 'the blessing of heaven is upon him' and I am persuaded that he will win this election and prevail on the war against terror in order to keep America safe from her avowed enemies."
Earlier in the day, Mike McCurry, adviser to the Kerry campaign, said: "We believe President Bush should get the benefit of the doubt here, but he needs to come forward and answer a very simple question ? was Pat Robertson telling the truth when he said he didn't think there'd be any casualties or is Pat Robertson lying?"
Robertson, the founder of the Christian Coalition and a candidate for the Republican nomination for president in 1988, said he supports Bush's re-election and believes the president is blessed by God.
"I think God's blessing him, and I think it's one of those things that, even if he stumbles and messes up ? and he's had his share of goofs and gaffes ? I just think God's blessing is on him," Robertson said. "And you remember, I think the Chinese used to say, you know, it's the blessing of heaven on the emperor. And I think the blessing of heaven is on Bush. It's just the way it is."
In January, Robertson told viewers during his "700 Club" television program that God had told him Bush would win re-election in a blowout." In the CNN interview, Robertson said he believes Bush will win by a "razor-thin" margin but a substantial Electoral College (news - web sites) victory.
Oh yeah? Heaven help us all and deliver us from this man!