As I wrote earlier, I belong to a support group for grandparents. The last couple of days, I've posted messages from other members. I am posting this one and hoping other grandparents will see it and step up. Grandparents need to support each other even if they can see their grandchildren freely.
From: "lynn ...> Date: Sat Oct 22, 2005 12:38 am Subject: I need names and phone#'s for the Dr. Phil showI need anyone that is willing to go to the dr Phil show and talk about what is happening to us. So we can make the worls aware of what these adult childern are doing to their very own childern to get back at us. Have already talked to a staff member and he would like to do a show on this. but so far it is just me. and the more names I get and the more people that they can talk to this just might happen. Even if it does not chage anthing for us dr.Phil just might be able to help us work threw our pain and get along with our lifes and maybe just maybe we can help other's that are going threw the same thing or maybe we can show
some of these adult childern how they are hurting their childern. hug's and pray's to all lynn
Please write to me if you would like to get in touch with Lynn or please leave feedback and I will forward it to her!
My email address is: storyteller@twhgrafx.com
The only way to make any changes for grandparents is for us to stick together across the country.
Here is another post from the lady in the grandparents' group I belong to:
To all interested in banding together to have our voices and concerns heard by ONE person who may help us. Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton has been involved in supporting legislation in regard to Child Welfare and so has her husband. If all of us send our letters and issues we would like her to address about our grandchildren, we may have success. The goal for us would be to get as many people as possible to write to her even if we are not her constituents. We have to go to other grandparent boards, and try to enlist all who are having problems with the laws that banish us from our grandchildren. On the AARP community board, a friend of mine tried to get AARP to do something, and has never heard back from them.It has to be all of us telling about our own situations and problems with visitation, and Kinship care, to make her aware of
how "dire" our situation is. All the laws are in favor of the "parents", which to some degree I can understand. But due to
many problems with these parents, drugs, anger, trying to get back at us, etc., we have no rights. She has a website on the internet, and that is a very viable way to get her to hear us. After researching "how to Lobby" it says letters are the most appropriate, and most read. It also says to be polite, and try not to "demean" the person you are writing about (ie:parents)We need to express our compassion about our grandchildren, so let her know how your grandchildren have loved being with you and you with them prior to being refused visitation or Kinship Care. So contact everyone you know to write to her even if they have no visitation problems. Also let her know you have written to your Congressmen, Representatives etc. and have gotten no help. Tell about everything you have done to try to get help. We have to stick together in this issue. Only
in "numbers" will we be heard.
About yesterday: we are both happy and relieved but have agreed not to discuss anything about it so that we can see our grandson.
I am still an advocate for grandparents' rights. There are so many with heartbreaking stories. I belong to a group of grandparents who want to be able to see their grandchildren. I'm reprinting this (with permission) post written by another list member:
Hi everyone! My ipetition is not coming up for some reason.Meanwhile in my search for more information about our Rights as Grandparents, I came accross Congress.org. They list all leaders and their e-mail addresses to send our complaints to. If everyone would go to the site and send personal letters concerning their own specific situation, it is more possible for us to get something done than petitions. Also wanted to let all of you know I have contacted Oprah, and CBS TV, and NBC TV networks, hoping to get them to help us in our plight. I am copying my letter to all the above here, so it will give you some ideas. Sorry about the ipetition, I tried.
GOd Bless all, and here's hoping our voices are heard.
October 14, 2005
I am writing regarding the rights of Grandparents as Kinship placement, and visitation. The Department of Family Services system is dysfunctional. Each office goes by their own rules. This problem is nation wide. Our grandchildren are placed in Foster care, even when there are grandparents or relatives that want to care for these children. Approximately only 19% of the thousands of children in Foster care, are in Kinship placement. Child abuse and Neglect is rampant throughout our entire United States. It is bad enough that these children suffer in their own homes, but then go through a dysfunctional Foster Care system, that could care less about these kids that need love, nurturing, therapy, and above all a feeling of safety. The love for these children by their grandparents and relatives, cannot be replaced. We have been with them all their lives, and a constant source of love and nurturing for them. Even though the rules of Family Services state that Kinship placement must be considered first and foremost, they are overlooked and denied. The reasons given for the denials, are they are not in the "best interest " of the child. But Foster care is?We are not even allowed to know why they think we are not in the best interest of the child for placement, due to onfidentiality!
What happened to our rights to know what we are accused of? There are also those of us who ask for visitation, and are denied. We are forced to hire attorneys on our limited "fixed" incomes, and even then our chances are not even 50/50. If TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) occurs, we no longer are allowed any connection to our grandchildren. If Adoption occurs, we no longer are allowed any connection to our grandchildren. All the while, DFS receives money from our government for these Foster care placements and adoptions. Our children are not to blame, and they are the ones who suffer most. They are afraid, suicidal, confused, and angry. They have no say so in where they are sent. When they do speak up and ask to be placed with a grandparent or relative, they are denied.Grandparents and relatives, have so much to add to these childrens lives, their heritage, love and care that has been denied them, and most of all their best interest at heart to help them become happy as normal as can be and well rounded adults. We are treated as criminals as are our grandchildren. Is it so hard to understand a childs fears because no one in the system cares. Do their GAL's care? Only some, most of them want to get on with their own high paying cases. Do their social workers care? Not many, again they want to get them off their case loads. Does the Judge Care? They are only told what the GAL's and social workers feel about the case, which most of the time is NOT in the best interest of the child. We are not even allowed on the "Support Teams" for these children, because the criminal parents have the right to say who can and cannot be on these teams. Yes criminal parents, those who abuse and allow abuse to their own children. The children are basically "locked" into these Foster homes, and facilities, while the abusive and neglectful parents go about their daily routine uninhibited. Their attorneys find as many ways a possible to have the hearings continued on a regular basis. We and these children do
not have of the rights that prisoners do. They are allowed visitation! We are not! Take a look at the statistics on how many
children are abused and die in foster and facility care. It is astounding. Our children have no rights! We as loving, caring
grandparents and relatives, have no rights! Help us to help our grandchildren. If you look into the many community boards on the internet, you will find heartbreaking stories written by we the grandparents, yet no one will help us. We are placated by
Representatives, heads of Social Services etc. All the while our grandchildren are suffering, due to inadequate and antiquated laws enforced by our so called Government by the people FOR the people.We want answers and RESULTS to keep these children safe and loved,as all Government officals provide the same for their families andare not concerned because it is not happening to them.
I agree with "reunification" of the family which is the "goal" of child welfare systems, but it is not always possible. I feel if
these abusive parents are honest in their desire to "reunify" withthe children they have abused or neglected, there should be no question of grandparents being on the Family Support Team. It is only when they have something to hide that we are told we are not "allowed," by the abusive parents!I of course would agree that a relative or grandparent with a "criminal background" is not a good placement. But that is the
rare case. As a CASA, I have seen and heard some horrible situations in which these children are placed. I have also seen and
know what the children go through in the Court systems. NO ONE ISGOD EXCEPT GOD. Playing GOD with these children MUST BE STOPPED!Just because it is not happening in your respective families, is no reason to close your EYES AND EARS to the cries for help from we the Grandparents and those of our grandchildren. This would not happen to you because you have CLOUT! We have NO RIGHTS NOR DO OUR GRANDCHILDREN! Our children in Foster Care and Facilities go from one abusive situation to another and NONE OF YOU CARE, BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT YOURS.
I am asking not only for myself but for all grandparents in this disgusting situation that you DO SOMETHING TO GET THE NECESSARY CHANGES MADE IN ORDER TO KEEP THESE CHILDREN SAFE AND SECURE, AND KNOW THEY ARE LOVED, WHICH IS WHAT GRANDPARENTS ARE ALL ABOUT! My 15 year old grandson has asked everyone involved in his case to let
him come and live with me. This is the same young man that his GAL told the judge at the first hearing "was a very articulate young man." Now he is not allowed to have calls nor can I get a visit with him. When he was told the previous, he told them "you have killed 2 people, my Nana and myself, I have nothing to live for."At this statement he was placed in a Psychiatric Hospital for 1 week, and is now on PROZAC! This would not have happened if theState had followed the rules of placing him with me, his Biological grandmother.WHAT WILL YOU DO?
Respectfully,
Florence "Bitzi" Stachowski
For all Grandparents in these sickning situations
The hearing to determine whether we get to see Tomas is this morning at 11:30. I am very tense and I'm sure TB is too. What will happen? Will the judge be supportive since Little T lived with us for a year? It could go either way.
I am a fluffy person and so is TB. Both of us have lots of family members who are also fluffy, including our kids. We really don't want to see the grandkids become heavy like us. What to do? The concern starts young. Like with Tomas, I used to caution Linda about some of the foods she was giving him to try. I was dismayed by her attitude that it's all "genetic" anyway--it's like she was resigning herself to have a big child and well, there was nothiing to be done about it anyway.
Well, I guess I'm not the best role model in the world but I know that's not true. You can be predisposed to being heavy,yes, and it can mean a harder battle but it's one worth fighting. I lost a lot of weight when I was 17 and kept it off until my first baby was born--a good 15 years. During those 15 years, I looked and felt great. I know it can be done; it just takes work and commitment.
When I was a kid, my grandma used to make all kinds of delicious treats: cake, cookies, pies and other sweets...but it was in moderation. I remember those treats most of all but when I really think about it, I realize that most of what she served to me was nutritious--soup and a sandwich for lunch, a smaller portions of each food group for dinner or supper. I remember the treats so well because they were special, rare and delicious.
Read on for the article I read which sparked this post.
Doctors Warn About Toddlers' DietsBy JAMIE STENGLE
The Associated PressDALLAS - As toddlers begin eating "grown-up" food, they may also develop grown-up eating habits - like too much junk food and too few vegetables, warn doctors who want parents to change their ways.
Within the childhood obesity outbreak is an increasing number of overweight 2-year-olds, according to pediatrics experts. In an effort to address the problem, the American Heart Association is offering this advice to parents: Children 2 and older should eat mostly fruits and vegetables, whole grains, low-fat and non-fat dairy products, beans, fish and lean meat.
"These guidelines are not that different from what you as a parent should be following," said Lona Sandon, a dietitian and assistant professor at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas. "Kids will follow the example of their parents if the example is there."
Of course, in a nation where dinner often comes from a takeout window, keeping kids healthy may require a change by adults.
"We've gotten away from preparing foods at home," Sandon said. "We are eating foods that are much higher in fat and calories and larger portion sizes. We've gotten away from physical activity."
The new recommendations for infants, children and adolescents revise the heart association's 1982 statement. Since then, more and more children have been falling into the overweight or obese category. The updated guidelines, which are endorsed by the American Academy of Pediatrics, also recommend children 2 and older get an hour of exercise a day.
Dr. Barbara Dennison, who helped draw up the guidelines and is associate professor of clinical pediatrics at Columbia University, said that 10 percent of 2-year-olds are overweight, doubling the rate from the mid-1970s."The whole idea of a nutritionally balanced diet has been compromised," said Dr. Samuel S. Gidding, another adviser on the AHA recommendations and professor of pediatric cardiology at Jefferson Medical College in Philadelphia. "I think that fast foods have become - rather than being discretionary choices - the main stop for meals."
He said that 30 to 50 years ago, foods that were nutritional were considered "kids' foods." Now, he said, kids' foods are viewed as sweets, snacks or so-called comfort foods.
The heart association notes that by the time kids are 19 to 24 months, french fries are the most commonly eaten vegetable. Experts say that as jars of baby food packed with fruits and vegetables give way to solid foods, nutritious food is often bypassed for whatever is easiest.
The heart association guidelines urge parents not to give up if their kids at first reject healthy food. Experts say it can take up to 10 tries for a child to accept a new food.
Said Dr. Nancy Krebs, co-chair of the task force on obesity for the America Academy of Pediatrics: "It takes a bit of persistence."
The hearing's been postponed until October 17. Good. That'll give our attorney more time to prepare to go before the judge.
Meantime, I got these in my email the other day and thought they were cute enough to share!
Grandmas & Grandkids
An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.
"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head.
His grandmother knelt down next to him "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles, she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!"
The boy looked up, "Really?"
"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles."
The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."
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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he said.
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When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied "I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four."
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A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,
"Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."
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Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his friend about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed.
In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?"
With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"
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A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said. "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied ed the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add "es."
(Why wouldn't an English teacher love that one?)
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" Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
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A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green Army men in the cup. She said "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV, "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"
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I know you are not all grandmas yet, however these are cute. A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck"
A third child brought the argument to a close..."They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."