The Morning News - Transcripts of OnStar Service Conversations Not Selected for Commercials
18 August 2004 | STORIES
You?ve heard the spots, where the helpful voice of the OnStar satellite representative rushes to the aid of the panicked motorist. But have you heard them all? John Warner digs through the transcripts that didn?t make the final cut.
You?ve heard the spots, where the helpful voice of the OnStar satellite representative rushes to the aid of the panicked motorist. But have you heard them all? John Warner digs through the transcripts that didn?t make the final cut.
OnStar: Hello, OnStar.
Customer: My ice cream, it?s locked in the car, and it?s melting.
OnStar: Your ice cream is melting?
Customer: Yes, please hurry! It?s like 200 degrees in there!
OnStar: What kind of ice cream is it, ma?am?
Customer: Rocky road!
OnStar: I?m unlocking the vehicle now, ma?am.
Customer: Hurry! My three-year-old is in the car, too! I?m worried he?s going to eat the ice cream! I don?t want him to get fat! That would reflect poorly on my parenting skills!
OnStar: OK, the vehicle should be unlocked now, ma?am, and I?m just going to go ahead and notify child protective services right now, too.
Customer: Oh my God! Darn it! God please!
OnStar: Ma?am? Ma?am? Is everything all right? Should I dispatch an ambulance?
Customer: Ambulance? No, but I could use a Good Humor man, this stuff?s totally cashed.
* * *
OnStar: Hello, OnStar.
Customer: Hey, so, I got an important package in the trunk, but I think I locked my keys in with it when I was dispatching?er?loading it.
OnStar: Not a problem, sir, I?m unlocking the trunk now.
Customer: [sound of trunk opening] Whooo---man, that stinks!
OnStar: Are you OK, sir?
Customer: Yeah, yeah. I just got to get rid of this package as soon as possible. Say, can you give me directions to an abandoned quarry, or maybe some remote wooded spot where I could leave my package?
OnStar: Sure thing. I?m showing that there?s an empty shaft at an old silver mine three miles southwest of your location.
Customer: Perfect! That?s great, perfect. I?m going to need a car wash, too. Someplace discreet, if you know what I?m saying.
OnStar: Absolutely, sir. You and OnStar are speaking the same language.
* * *
OnStar: Hello, OnStar.
Customer: OnStar, let me explain the situation. I gotta truck filled with 400 cases of illegal Coors beer that I gotta have in Atlanta, Ga., in four hours, and I?m running solo with a smokey on my tail! What in the hell am I gonna do?
OnStar: Uh? Snowman?
Customer: You know it, Bandit good buddy! So are we gonna hit this thing or what?
OnStar: Yee-hah!
:rofl:
What a hoot Ted!
Thanks for sharing :)
:lol: Its very funny! LMAO :9:
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