The man's side of it!

The other day, after coming home from a stressful day at work, Cassie informed me that Billy was missing six dollars of candy (Billy is doing a fund raiser, to raise money for his robotics club at school). This isn't the first time money or something in the house has been taken from Billy with out permission. (the last time was $60.00) Cassie said she would confront the girls (Heidi and Kristin) right after dinner that night.

Six dollars isn't a lot of money but there is a moral issue that needed to be addressed. So the inquisition began. Cassie and Heidi had talked before dinner about how Heidi didn't take the candy but she said she would split the cost of the candy between herself and Kristin to pay Billy back so no one had to take the blame and the problem would get resolved. Duh! Heidi, the problem is dishonesty not missing candy or assigning blame! You can't buy your way out of that kind of trouble. Oh but wait, too many people do these days The kids see it every day on TV. But it's not gonna happen in our house!

When I confronted the girls after dinner that night neither one would admit to taking the candy, I then proceeded to try to explain to the girls why stealing was wrong, why lying was wrong and as soon as I opened my mouth to speak I could see from their faces that their ears shut down. (I remember the lectures from my dad when I was a kid. I would plead with dad, "Beat me! Don't talk to me!" But that didn't work, and sometimes I'd get both!)So as usually is the case the "discussion" turned into an argument. Heidi and I seem to get into some good ones and there is no way to reason with her. She gets the "victim" mentality screams leave me alone, "I'm tired" and so on. It all boiled down to, neither one will admit to stealing or lying and the punishment is a month with no TV, video games, or Internet. Which means they'll be spending a lot of time in their rooms. That night, Kristin gave Billy the six dollars for the candy but still maintained her claim of innocence.

Yesterday I got home from work after a very stressful ride home and sat on the couch with Cassie for a bit. Heidi comes up to us and asks if she can watch TV. So the whole argument began again. Heidi was under the impression that the problem went away with Kristin giving Billy the money for the candy. "WHAT! NO WAY!" I said. There is still the matter of the stealing and the lying. That has to stop and until the person confesses and apologizes the punishment continues.

After some screaming by Heidi I tell her to go to her room. As she's picking up her school books she dropped a pencil. I asked her to pick it up and she screamed it wasn't hers I told her I didn't care whose it was just pick it up. Heidi screamed at me something I didn't catch and told me to pick it up my self! I jumped off the couch and grabbed her by the back of the neck and pushed her to the floor and said no, you pick it up. Heidi then went to her room crying.

After Heidi left the room, Cassie said she will always back me up but then asked me to never do that again. I looked at her in disbelief, thinking, (how can you have let that girl get like this, and now ask that of me). I am not going to take that crap from any kid. I was a mess for the rest of the day. Cassie made corned beef and cabbage for dinner, I didn't even taste it, just wolfed it down.

Heidi thinks that it's ok to do or say what ever pops into her mind, that there will be no consequences. I have heard her say she can't help how she is, she's a product of her environment, of her peers, she takes after her mother etc. etc. etc. It's everyone else's fault and she bears no responsibility.

I don't know how to deal with this problem except that the methods used by my parents worked on me and so I'll pass it on to my children. If they don't like it, I will be glad to emancipate them and set them free. I'm tired of this s__t, you can fill in "hi" for me! What scares me is that Heidi or Kristin or both are lying and they are very good at it, usually I can tell. They seem to have no feelings of guilt or remorse about what they did. (of course not, they don't think stealing or lying is wrong, why would they feel guilt)

The really sad part of this is; Billy is so generous, if they had asked him for some he'd have gladly given it to them. They didn't have to steal.

When I was a kid if one of my brothers did something and lied which caused me to get punished, I would drag them to the golf course across the street and beat the snot out of them until they told the truth. Heidi and Kristin are sticking together even though it means they both get punished. Hmmmm could they both be guilty?

I sure could use some suggestions as to what to do in this situation.

Dad,
I think that you handled the situation good. There isn't much you can do because they aren't me or Linda. Don't let them come between you and Cassie. Just think before you loose your temper with the way that Heidi treats you. You are a great father and they need to learn RESPECT. Does Heidi talk to Cassie the way she talks to you? Simply point that out to her and tell them that if they continue to act the way they do they will find their selves in Linda's shoes. She is a "Grownup" and she has no place to live because she chose to lie and steal. Hmmm I wonder where all this knowledge is coming from?
Love ya,
Shells